Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
"What's with you tonight?" I asked my best friend of fifteen years as we watched his sister and new husband spin around gracefully on the dance floor. Edward and I met when we were ten years old when I came to Forks over the summers to visit my dad, Charlie.
"Nothing," he stated as if this attitude was a natural occurrence.
"Don't give me that bullshit, Cullen," I glared. We'd been friends long enough that it didn't take much to figure out when something was bothering us. And we weren't afraid to call each other out on it. He did it to me frequently while we were in school and I would show up at his house looking like someone had just run over my dog. I would tell him that I was fine, but he knew better. By the time I was through the door and his hand was on the small of my back I was spilling my guts like a stopped up toilet.
"Damn it Bella, can you just butt out of my life for once?" Edward spat before getting up and charging out of the reception hall. I sat there stunned. I had no idea what had gotten into him. He hadn't exactly been himself since his sister, Alice, and boyfriend, Jasper, had announced their engagement. He would always snap at me for small things, but eventually apologize for them later. I got up and chased him down. I quickly set my feet free from the death traps Alice called 'heels' and caught up to him.
"Hey," I said placing a hand on his arm. "I didn't mean to pry. I'm just worried about you." Edward stopped as soon as I placed my hand on his arm and I heard him take a deep breath before running his hand through his hair. God that hair!
"What did I say, Bella? I meant it, just leave me the hell alone!" Edward scowled as he turned to face me. When we argued it was nothing like this. He never cussed at me, he hardly ever raised his voice. But, there was something in his eyes that frightened me. Was this the end of us? Was I about to lose my best friend, the love of my life?
I had been in love with Edward since we were fourteen and was afraid that telling him would ruin our friendship. And I wasn't about to risk losing him over something so complicated as that.
"Don't yell at me," I whimpered. I tried to sound a bit more demanding, but I was trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over.
"What do you want me to do? I'm sick and tired of you always badgering me!" I didn't think that's what I had been doing. I thought I was being a good friend. Trying to help him deal with whatever it was that was bothering him.
"I'm not badgering you! I'm just worried about you." A single tear rolled down my cheek as I saw him slipping away.
"Well you can stop worrying. I'm fine, just leave me alone!"
Say something! Say something before he leaves you for good! "No! You're not fine. You haven't been fine for the past few months and I want to know why."
"It's none of your business!" Edward had leaned back against the wall pinching the bridge of his nose as he did when he was frustrated.
"Bullshit! You don't get to interrogate me when you know something is wrong and then bitch at me when I know damn well there's something going on in that stubborn little head of yours!"
"Fine! You want to know what's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong! You're what's wrong!" He yelled, his face just inches from mine.
'SLAP' right in my fucking face!
"Everywhere I go, there you are! Everything thing I do, there you are! Every thought that goes through my head, there you are! I can't take it anymore! It's like having my mother following me around everywhere!"
'PUNCH' right in my fucking stomach!
"Just get out of my life!" Edward threw up his hands, as I stood there dumbfounded and furious beyond belief.
"NO! You don't get to yell at me, after all your shit I've had to put up with for the last year!" I was done being his verbal punching bag. If he was going to punch, I was going to punch right back, just as hard! The look on his face was priceless, and it fueled my fire. "I've sat back and let you snap at me without saying a word. I've taken your rude remarks and blew them off as your now reoccurring mood swings. But, I'm done! I deserve more respect and if you're too busy being a fucktard to realize that then maybe I will get out of you life! But believe me, Cullen, when I tell you this is the biggest fucking mistake you'll ever make!"
"Fine by me!" Edward yelled without thought as he walked out into the parking lot, got into his Volvo and drove away.
Through the whole exchange I hadn't realized we had obtained an audience. I was too angry and broken hearted to notice what was happening around us.
As much as his words broke my heart I couldn't bring myself to cry. As much as I wanted to go running out of this place with a Louisville Slugger and bash that stupid shiny Volvo into pieces, I couldn't put one foot in front of the other. As much as I wanted to scream 'FUCK YOU EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN,' I couldn't find my voice.
Was God punishing me? Falling in love with my best friend. Did he find it amusing to watch me trying not to make a fool of myself in front of her every day? To watch my jealousy rise as other men took her out on dates when he no doubt knew my feelings for her. To see the look on my face when Bella asked me to stay the night with her in her bed when she got lonely. I even think that he was conspiring with Alice when she chose to put Bella in a blue strapless dress that fell just above her knees. Those legs were on display for everyone to see…those fucking silky legs that go on for days. Fuck me!
And then what do I do. I turn into Satan himself by telling her to get the hell out of my life. I don't know what I was thinking. Why shit like that would come out of my mouth. Maybe knowing that I was hurting her caused me to act that way in order for her to have a way out. Give her a chance to get out before I hurt her even more. But what I said to her three days ago probably hurt me more than it did her. I didn't mean it…any of it. I wanted her with me every day for the rest of my life. I needed her with me. Seeing her upset with me for my preemptive mood swings was enough to tear my heart from my chest. I did that to her. I put that look on her face. On that beautiful face that I loved to have in my hands. When she smiled at me my heart would stop. When she laughed I couldn't help but join in.
There was nothing more that I wanted to do than to tell her how I felt and then make sweet love to her for the rest of my life. But, my fucking mouth and me had to go and ruin everything. She would never speak to me again. She probably wouldn't ever want to see me again. I don't blame her. I hurt her pretty bad. She deserves so much better. I just wish I could have been that guy for her. I could be that guy for her, if she would let me. I would take care of her every need. I would make sure she always had that gorgeous smile on her face. I would love her with every part of my existence. I owed her everything. And I would do whatever it took to make up for it for the rest of our lives.
Alas, she has no idea that I would give my life for her for as long as I live. She has no idea that I would do anything and everything to make sure she was happy. All I want is for her to be happy. It tears at my heart knowing that I'm the one that causes her pain. That I'm the one that caused tears to well up in those beautiful brown eyes. That I'm the one who, instead of the smile that I love, put a frown on her face.
Without her I am nothing. Without her I am incomplete. Without her I am just some sorry excuse for a man. She helped me become the man I am today. She makes me want to be a better man.
I have to tell her. I have to be honest with her. I have to be honest with myself. Having her in my life knowing that I could only be friends with her and dealing with the agony of that realization was better than not having her in my life at all. Call me a masochist, but I can't live without her. She's my everything. She my best friend. She's the reason I get up in the morning. She's the reason for the air I breathe. She's the reason I'm still on this earth. I need her.
I hadn't slept or eaten anything in three days. I barely had the strength to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. My best friend and the love of my life, Edward Cullen, shattered my heart. What was the point in living? What was the point in breathing? When the reason for both no longer wanted me. My doorbell and phone had been ringing for the past three days, but I was in no mood to deal with whoever was on the other end.
I felt content with just staying indoors for the rest of my life and becoming the old lady with all the cats. At least they would look to me for survival. They would need me. Fuck me! Cats?? I fucking hate cats!
Forth day in a row that the doorbell rang. It was inevitable, I had to answer it knowing it was probably someone wanting to make sure my body wasn't rotting in the kitchen or something. I threw on a pair of jeans to go along with the oversized t-shirt I had stolen from Edward's closet when we were still in high school. I took my time walking toward the door as I heard the bell for the fifth time in the last three minutes.
"Barely breathing here," I answered as I swung the door open. There he stood my Adonis. Dark circles had formed under his eyes. His hair splayed out in every direction. A five o'clock shadow that looked like it had started three days ago resided on his face. He looked no better than I did, but the look was far sexier on him than it was on me. Say something! Don't forget he ripped your heart to shreds! You're pissed at him!
"What?" I glared. He was dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt. I almost forgot that he had ripped out my heart and chopped it up into little pieces and then threw them in my face. He just stood there his eyes fixated on mine not saying a word. "What the hell do you want, Cullen? Did you come here to make sure I hadn't forgotten that I was no longer welcome in your pathetic excuse of a life anymore?" He closed his eyes and tilted his head down.
He stood there like that for what seemed like hours. Was he here to torture me? If so he was doing a damn good job. "Well? God damn it Cullen! Answer me when I'm talking to you! What do you want?" Tears were starting to form in my eyes once more. I couldn't handle this again. Handle his rejection.
"You," Edward said barely audible. My heart stopped at the word. Did I hear him correctly? Did he say he wanted me? Me as what? His best friend again? His girlfriend? What?
"Excuse me?" I asked hoping he would give me more of an answer. My heart was pounding and I wasn't sure what he meant.
"You," he said again. Fuck! I heard you say that already! Use your words! "You…I want you." I just stood there not able to move or speak. He stepped toward me as I just stood there like a statue. He grabbed my left hand in his and placed them over my heart as he spoke again. "I want all of you."
"Cullen?" I whispered as I stood there searching his gorgeous green eyes for, I'm not sure what.
"I'm in love with you, Isabella Marie," Edward said. What?! He only calls me that in serious conversations. "I have been since we were twelve and I've been too much of a pussy to tell you until now. I know I've been such an asshole to you for the past few months, but I've just been trying to figure out if I should tell you or not, with the risk of losing you forever. And then the things I said to you at Alice and Jasper's wedding…I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any of it. I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry and will do anything and everything you ask me to to try to make it up to you."
He was in love with me like I was in love with him. Praise baby Jesus!!!
"Ever since Alice told us that her and Jasper were getting married all I could think about was how I wished it was us getting married. How I wanted to be the man that you spend the rest of your life with. How I wanted to be the man that you make love to. How I wanted to be the father to your children. I want you, Isabella. I always have and I always will."
Before my walls came down and I threw myself at him, my pent up anger reared it's ugly head and I punched him straight in the stomach causing him to double over with an agonizing look on his pretty face. I couldn't well punch him in the face and mess that up.
"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" I asked in totally shock of his admission.
It took him a few minutes before he caught his breath to speak. "Would it have mattered? I know you hate me after what I said to you at Alice's wedding, but I just…I've been losing my mind for the past thirteen years knowing that being in love with my best friend could make me lose her and I didn't want that. But, not telling you how I really feel is screwing me up even more. I'm sorry for putting you through hell these past few months and I know you don't feel the same way, I will understand that you wouldn't want anything to do with me after this. But, I had to tell you."
He thought I would kick him out of my life because he was in love with me? How much of an idiot could he be? After all that we'd been through, did he not have faith in me?
"Fuck you, Cullen!" I was furious that he thought I wouldn't want anything to do with him after he confessed his love for me! "Do you think I would have just sat around and let you treat me like that if I wasn't in love with you? Do you think I would have taken everything you threw at me in stride if I didn't NEED you in my life? Are you that fucking dense? Do you not have any faith in me?" My finger had been poking him in the chest with every sentence, with added pressure the angrier I got.
"I…You're in love with me?" Edward asked looking like he just saw a ghost.
"That's what I said didn't I?" Did I need to repeat myself? Did I need to explain to him that I've been in love with him since we were teenagers? Did I need to explain to him that I would love him until the day that I die?
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked running a hand through his hair knowing full well the answer to his own stupid question.
"For the risk of losing you, you idiot!" I yelled. What more did he want from me? He stood there looking conflicted before he flew at me placing his hands on either side of my face crashing his lips to mine. I stood there for a moment unable to react. Was this really happening? Was he kissing me? I finally reacted to his kisses finding his taste to be the most exquisite thing that has ever touched my lips.
Edward walked me backwards further into my apartment and closed the door behind him and carefully spun us around so I was pushed against it his lips never leaving mine. My arms wrapped around his neck pulling him closer. He tasted even better than I had every imagined. The way his body felt against mine caused me to melt against him. Every inch of my being craved him. His left hand wrapped around my waist as his right slid down to cup the back of my thigh. He hiked my left leg up around his hip grinding his now prominent erection against my heated core. I moaned at the friction our clothing caused.
"God, Bella" Edward moaned into my mouth, sending me into a tailspin. I hungrily slipped my tongue into his warm mouth sliding my tongue along his. My hands tugged at his hair causing him to grind against me harder. I wrapped my other leg around his waist as he cupped my ass lifting me off the ground. His hands left a trail of fire wherever they went. Pulling back in order to breathe Edward found his way down my neck leaving a trail of open mouth kisses causing my head to fall back against the door. He knew just what to do to make my body succumb to his every request.
"I love you, Edward," I breathed. Edward made his way back to my mouth taking my tongue into his.
"I love you, Bella. With everything that I have," Edward said pulling back to look me in the eyes. We stayed like that, staring into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity. I could see he meant every word with the utmost sincerity and honesty he could conjure up.
"Bed…" I gasped as his mouth came back down on mine. One of Edward's hands left my ass to push us away from the door. He somehow gracefully walked us to my bedroom closing the door behind him.
Edward sat me down gently on the bed his eyes never leaving mine. He knelt down in front of me between my legs. Started to work the button and zipper of my jeans and slowly pulled them off. He placed a trail of kisses from my big toe to the middle of my knee. He repeated the same motions with the other leg before sliding his calloused hands up my thighs, resting his fingers on the hem of my panties. The t-shirt I was wearing still covered my bottom half. He tugged at the hem of the t-shirt lifting it up over my head revealing my matching blue lace bra and boy shorts. "God," I heard Edward growl as he stared at the shorts, causing me to smile.
"Really?" Edward asked as he held up a pair of blue lace boy shorts his sister Alice had gotten Bella on one of her many shopping sprees.
"What, haven't you ever seen women's panties before?" Bella rolled her eyes as she grabbed them quickly from his hands. "They're a little much though, don't you think?" Bella asked holding them up in front of her. Edward just stood there staring at them. The thought of her in those panties was enough to make him hard.
"Well, I mean…I think they'll look good on you," Edward said. And then realized what he said when he saw the shocked look on Bella's face.
"It's not like anyone else is going to see me in them," Bella sighed. Alice thought it would be a good idea to have at least a couple pairs of sexy underwear just in case, but the only person she cared to see her in them was sitting in front of her complaining about them.
"Well, if you want…you can model them for me," Edward suggested. He wasn't sure how she would take the suggestion, but he thought he would at least try.
"Really? You wouldn't…it wouldn't make you uncomfortable?" Bella asked. It's not like he's never seen her in much less. It would be as if she was wearing bikini bottoms. But, this was Edward that was offering. The man she would do anything for. The man she would strip down naked for, if he asked her to.
"I mean, not unless it would make you uncomfortable," Edward hurried. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable by any means, but he definitely wouldn't mind seeing her in her underwear, if this is the only way he would get that chance.
"OK, but you can't laugh," Bella said as she walked into her closet to change. She had no idea why she was doing this. And what possessed Edward to even suggest it. Maybe he thought he was just doing her a favor.
"I wouldn't dream of it," Edward shouted. He sat down on her bed fidgeting with whatever he could get his hands on. An old t-shirt that Bella had taken from his house when they were in high school. She had a bunch of his old t-shirts, saying that they were more comfortable than hers. He didn't mind at all, they looked a hell of a lot better on her than they did on him.
"I want the honest truth," Bella said coming out of the closet with the hem of her shirt knotted in the back so it hung just above her waist.
"Um…uh…good," Edward stuttered. They hugged her hips perfectly and made her long milky legs glow with radiance. All he wanted to do was reach out and run his hands over her silky skin. He quickly grabbed a pillow placing it over his lap.
"Remind me to thank Alice later," Bella snickered as she walked back into the closet to put her jeans back on.
"Right…thank Alice," Edward whispered as he sat there stunned beyond belief. He had never been so aroused in his entire life than he was when Bella walked out of the bathroom in those boy shorts. It took every ounce of strength to stay seated on the bed and not grab her and rip those shorts from her luscious hips.
End of Flashback
I reached for his shirt tugging it over his head. He was perfect. It's not like I'd never seen him without a shirt on before, but this was different. I had finally expressed my love for him and he to me. It was so much more personal and intimate. I ran my fingers over his chiseled chest feeling him shutter under my touch.
I bucked my hips toward him hoping he would realize just how much I needed him. He trailed his hands back down my thighs toward my knees, then kissing each knee cap. I fell back onto my bed gripping the comforter for dear life.
"Edward, please," I begged needing him…wanting him to touch me. I had waited long enough and I ached for him.
"What do you want?" Edward asked as he leaned down I felt his nose graze my inner thigh. I swore I felt him smiling below me.
"Please…" I choked out. His teasing was doing nothing for my self-control.
"You have to tell me what you want, Isabella. I'm not a mind reader," Edward teased as I felt the tip of his tongue run along the same path his nose made.
"Please…I need you to touch me," I begged with half-lidded eyes.
"As you wish, love," Edward cooed. He slipped two fingers under the waistband of my shorts and slowly pulled them down tossing them to the floor. "You're so wet for me."
"Always, Edward. It's all for you," I whimpered as I felt his fingers press into my wet sex. I arched my back to give him better access.
"You have no idea how long I've waited for this," Edward said into my stomach. He placed open mouth kisses on every inch of my stomach he could. Soon I felt one of his long fingers enter me causing a moan to escape my lips. Another finger entered me and he began a slow steady rhythm pumping in and out of me. I had never felt this amount of pleasure in my twenty-five years of existence. Nothing can compare to the reactions of my body because of Edward. My Edward.
"Oh God, Edward," I moan as I felt myself clench around his fingers. I couldn't help but tangle my hands in his bronze mane as he was bringing me to the most earth shattering orgasm I have ever experienced.
"Edward, faster…I'm almost…" I panted.
"Come for me, Bella," Edward urged as he continued pumping his fingers, using the thumb of his other hand to rub circles around my clit adding to the pressure building up inside my stomach.
I screamed his name once more as my body shook and I fell over the edge coming all over his hand. He placed his free hand on my stomach as my body calmed down, licking my juices from his other. He crawled up my body keeping most of his weight off of me as he kissed my lips. He snaked a hand around my back to unclasp my bra adding it to the pile of clothes on the floor. He pushed himself up straddling my waist taking all of me in. Having this be the first time he's seen me completely naked I felt so self-conscious. What if he didn't like what he saw? I started to place my arms across my chest to cover myself but was stopped by his strong hands.
"Don't," Edward smiled lifting my hand up to his lips and kissing it. "You're beautiful." His eyes told me exactly what his lips just did. He thought I was beautiful. I couldn't help but bite my lip as I felt my face start to burn. "I love you. Every part of you." He leaned down and kissed every part of my skin that he could reach. I ran my fingers through his hair as I felt the moisture building up between my legs once more. He ran his hands up and down the sides of my torso as he whispered 'I love you' after each touch of his lips.
"To many clothes," I whispered as he continued to worship my naked body with his mouth and hands. I heard him chuckle and then felt the cold air hit my body. He had stood up to remove his jeans. I sat up quickly stopping his hands from continuing work on the button. "Let me." I knelt in front of him and let his hands fall to his side as I freed the button from his hole. I slowly pulled the zipper down hearing a hiss from above. I leaned up placing open mouth kisses along his abdomen.
"Mmmm…" I heard him moan as his hands found their way into my hair. I pushed his jeans and boxers down to the floor together and he stepped out of them. He was finally revealed to me and he didn't disappoint. I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and touching it. I stroked him gently as I heard my name roll of his lips. I had countless dreams of him moaning my name, but it doesn't compare to the real thing.
I kissed the head of his throbbing erection causing him to tighten his grip in my hair. I then took him into my mouth until he hit the back of my throat and the pulled back and increased suction. "Bella," Edward moaned once again as he started to move himself in and out of my mouth. He tasted better than any gourmet meal, any dessert, any type of candy. This was Edward…my Edward. I continued tasting him and stroking what couldn't fit in my mouth. I felt him twitch in my mouth and was soon pulled up off my knees and was met by two gorgeous green eyes.
"I want to be inside you when I cum," he panted as he placed a kiss on the side of my neck. He picked me up bridal style and placed me in the middle of the bed. His eyes never leaving mine he lowered his body down to mine, keeping most his weight off of me with his forearms. I reached up with my right hand to caress his cheek. He closed his eyes as I felt his erection press into my abdomen.
"Make love to me, Edward," I whispered as I pushed the hair out of his eyes. He didn't have to be told twice. As our bodies connected in the most intimate way I found myself crying softly into his shoulder. Not due to pain, no due to sadness or regret, but the fact that I had the love of my life in my arms. I couldn't help the wave of emotions he evokes. His kisses, his caresses, his sweet whispers, they all made this moment that much more unbelievable. As I felt myself close to reaching my climax I brought Edward's lips down on mine.
Feeling him thrust into me one more time sent an orgasm coursing through my body. As I started to come down from mine I felt Edward's body stiffen as he shot his load into me, filling me completely. He collapsed, exhausted onto my naked body, panting with his head on my chest. He wrapped his tired arms around my body hugging me tightly.
"I love you, Isabella," Edward whispered. I smiled as I ran my fingers through his wet hair kissing the top of his head.
"I love you, Edward Cullen," I said as he looked up at me with the crooked smile that melted my heart.
A/N: I think this is my favorite story I've done so far. It took me a week to write, but it was a week well spent. lol
Please let me know what you think!!!!!!