Twilight Fanfiction: "Blue Skies & Wilted Daffodils"
This story begins from a part is a New Moon AU. Which, I know, you've heard it all before... but just try it. :) It starts at the end of the two weeks where Jake was avoiding Bella in New Moon (right before she learned he was a werewolf).
Note: Omit the portion of New Moon where Bella goes to the meadow and Laurent attempts to kill her, and then the pack chases him down and kills him. In my story, Laurent never came to Forks; he stayed with the Denali's.
Bella loved Edward, and he broke her heart. She couldn't blame him; he deserved better. She was finally taken somewhat out of her disarray by family friend Jacob Black, but then she leads him on and he doesn't want to see her anymore. Or, is that the reason? How will Bella cope when Jacob, too, leaves her? One things for certain: she's not about to sit around wallowing in self pity. Bella is going to find a way to ease the pain.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is amazing. I wish I had dreams about vampires (I only get daydreams). She created this amazing universe of mythical creatures, I'm only messing with her ideas. You rock the world Stephenie. =]
After Bella goes through the shock and pain of Edward leaving, she is in unbearable agony. What will she do to numb the pain? She finds refuge in Jacob Black, but it's been two weeks since she's been with him, and the two people she had trusted with her life really doesn't care about her anymore. She can't blame them; what's so special about her? She now has to figure out how to deal with her new depression. Will she be able to find a solution to her problems?
Part 1: Bella's POV
I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I don't know how long I lay there; I didn't pay attention to time anymore. Time doesn't matter. Everything is just empty ever since...since...since he left. I can't think about that. The pain is so vivid, not numbed as it once was. I can't ever think of him.
The only way to tell that time has passed is from the bright light outside the window slowly fading darker and darker into the pitch black of night. Charlie's out fishing with Harry Clearwater; no need to make supper tonight. It's not like I could eat anyways, even if I tried to make myself something to eat.
I had been getting better, or at least, surviving. Jacob was my sun, he overshadowed the gloom and made everything, or almost everything, appear good. Positive. Now he's gone, too. My sun is gone, and I'm left in the suffocating gloom.
Why is Jacob avoiding me? Well, I guess it's not that hard to figure out. I led him on. I never meant to, I only had wanted him to help me fix those bikes, so I could be reckless—not the only bearer of an empty contract. Why can't I just give him what he wants? It's not like, like he's coming back. He's gone. I never was good enough for him. I've always known that. It's not just because he's absurdly handsome, blindingly fast, and amazingly beautiful smelling, but because he was agonizingly perfect and selfless in every way.
So, if he's gone, then why can't I just make Jake happy? I like holding hands with him, I like our carefree laughs and easygoing conversation. He makes me happy, so why does it feel so wrong to be with him the way he wants me to be with him?
I don't love him. Not in that way. He's like my brother, he's there to support me in everything I do. He takes away the pain and makes me feel whole. I can't survive without him. But I don't feel anything towards him like I had for...for...him. I still dream of him, I still have nightmares, I still feel the never ending emptiness of living without him. I can never feel for Jake the way I felt and still feel for him.
Maybe that's not the only reason Jake has stopped talking to me. I mean, there's nothing really special about me. He left me, so why wouldn't Jacob? Besides, I don't blame him for it. I am in need of repairs everywhere; I'm not in proper working condition. Maybe Jake has decided it's just too hard for him to try to fix me, or live with me and all my damage.
I heard the key in the lock then, and knew Charlie was home. I should get ready for bed; I don't want to worry Charlie any more about me not taking care of myself.
Suddenly, a new idea came into my mind. He left me, so did Jacob. Life isn't just black and white, but gray. Here's a new plan of action, one I hadn't considered before. I could find a vampire—Laurent is out there somewhere, and Victoria too. I heard the..the...the Cullens mention Aro, Cauis, and Marcus before. I know what they smell like, the way their pale, granite skin sparkles in the sun, the melodious rhythm of their voices, the fast way they can run, their unbelievable strength and the golden or crimson colors of their eyes. I could be one of them.
Part 2: Jake's POV
It's been almost two weeks since I've seen her face. I miss her, need her even more than I did before my change; before I started avoiding her. I miss her sweet phrases, her cute jokes and adorable teasing. I miss her big, brown, chocolate eyes and long chestnut hair. I miss her hand in mine and the careless way we would talk. I miss everything about her. I feel like my whole world is coming apart without her. I can barely breathe without her near me.
Sam won't let me see her. Though, I still run around her house every night to make sure she's safe, and I know she's there from the screams of her nightmares. I wish I wasn't the one now causing her pain. She trusted me to always be there for her, and now I've let her down.
Not that she'd love me anyways. I'm a werewolf. She'd be repulsed by me, frightened even. I know it. Yet somehow she managed to fall in love with a vampire. A repulsive, disgusting, sickly sweet smelling vampire. I hate Edward Cullen. I hate him for being near her, for constantly putting her in the path of death. Even more, I hate him for hurting her like he has, for breaking her into pieces and taking the life away from her eyes. If I ever see him again...
She loved Cullen. Why wouldn't she love me? But then again, why would she love me?
My hands then started trembling, and I felt my whole frame to my core being to shake. What if she didn't accept me? What if she refuses to be near me? How could I handle being away from her? How could I live with her dislike? She is the center of my universe, how can I even try to live without her?
BAM! There goes my last pair of shoes. My body quivered and burst into a large four legged creature—a wolf. I can't control my fury anymore, and I can't keep my thoughts to myself either. I can't be myself anymore. Sam is in control. Not that I don't like him, he's pretty cool, but I hate being ordered around. At least he doesn't abuse his powers, even though he is the alpha and could if he wanted to.
He does, however, enforce that we cannot tell anyone what we are, and also that I cannot see Bella. Isabella Swan; the love of my life. I will never love anyone but her; see anyone but her. I have to find a way to tell her...some way.
"Jacob! Stop thinking about that! You know it's dangerous for all of us if you let her know what we are, and that it puts her at risk too if you see her. You cannot afford to make that risk. I know you don't want to hurt her." Sam's controlled voice in my head told me. I can't listen to him though...I will find some way to tell her, some way to let her know I've never stopped loving her. Some way to restore her trust in me, some way to be with her again...
"STOP. NOW." Sam's alpha's voice commanded, "you will NOT disobey me; you will be loyal to your pack and follow my instructions. You will keep what we are a secret, and you will not see her." Fat chance. As if I could just not see her, as if I could stop being with her. I need her. I will find a way to be with her.
Part 3: Bella's POV
It might work; I have nothing to lose. If I were a vampire, maybe he would be more attracted to me. Or, if he wasn't, at least I could see him again...know what he is doing. Nothing here holds any interest for me. I have nothing left to live for. Just Charlie, but he was fine before I came to live with him, he'll be fine after. Renee has Phil. No one will notice if I'm gone but them, and they'll get by without me. I can't keep on going in this world as a human. I have to be something more, to show him that I can be good enough for him, or at least show him that he and I are good for each other.
But, he doesn't think so. He said so himself; I'm no good for him. I know that. So why would I want to be a vampire if it won't change anything?
If I was a vampire, I'd be beautiful. I'd be graceful. I'd be fast, melodious, perfect. Maybe I'd find more meaning to life if I weren't human. Maybe I'm just not meant for this life.
I could go to Alaska, I've heard them mention the Denali clan—they're 'vegetarians' too. But, would they change me? I know they'd have the restraint necessary, but maybe they'd think that changing me would make him mad. I'm sure they know he doesn't love me anymore, that he left me and never wants to see me again.
Laurent was supposed to go there though. I could convince him to change me; I could offer to be his mate if he would change me. I know I don't love him, but I could pretend. Although, it's not a secret that I'm not the greatest actor around. Maybe I won't have to act. Jake doesn't love me, he doesn't love me...maybe I need someone like Laurent. Or another vampire. Maybe the immortal realm will suit me better....
Or, at least I could try to make him jealous. Maybe he'd change his mind if he saw that someone else liked me. It was worth a shot. But how could jealousy change how he feels towards me? If he doesn't love me, jealously won't change that we're not meant to be.
I could see Alice again, though. And Jasper. Emmett, Esme, Carlisle...
I wrapped my arms around myself as I fell to the floor. The searing pain ached through my whole body, opening the unhealed wounds again. I had to see them again, I needed closure. The only way I could ever see them again is by becoming a vampire. That's what I have to do.
Will she find the Cullens again? Will her pain ever fade? And if she leaves, how will Jacob deal? Although, according to Bella, he just doesn't care about her anymore. So there'll be no drama there.... right?
Thankyou to Mikay Cullen for informing me Bella's eyes are brown chocolate, not hazel. (i thought hazel didn't sound right when I wrote it.... lol)
Read and Review!
I've got the jist of this story planned out, but any feedback or ideas would be awesome. =]