You, me and Gravitation
Took you for everything
Looked like a diamond ring
You love was so much longer
Than made sense
Apathy in disguise
Crept on you like a spy
Hurt you in ways
You can't describe
-Someone to save you/One republic
Tanya—No Bella! Wait, what? You want Tanya, that's all you've ever wanted, ever cared for, and ever loved, more then anything in the world. The girl who you're eyes dropped for, remember Edward? The one who rubbed you're shoulders when you were stressed, the one who kissed you're neck when she told you she loved you. You can't possibly look at Bella—that way. She was only supposed to make Tanya jealous—make her see that we belonged together…right? Bella can't mean anything more to you, she's you're friend, you're amazingly beautiful, funny, friend. You can't, notice the way her smile makes you feel at ease, the way her chocolate brown eyes makes you're heart flutter, the way she bites her lips when she's nervous or embarrassed…when she trips—almost certainly over her own feet— you're pompous to be the one who catches her…
But you can't be in love with Bella. Not because she's beautiful and smart and her blush is the most beautiful in the world…But—she's just Bella. The one who knows you inside out since the dawn of time. Held your hand when you scarped your knee. The one who calmed you by placing a hand on you're shoulder, wiping away the tears caused by the death of your grandmother. She was your first kiss—when you turned four and promised to marry her one day.
My eye brows furrowed. Hard. Well technically that was an understatement.
Bella can make you laugh and smile at the darkest of times when no one else can. She can call in the middle of night and crack a joke because she knows I'm always awake. She calls me her vamp.
My steps were slow, cautious as I walked forward.
Tanya smiled at me from across the dance floor where the purple blue beams lights reacted oddly on her creamy tan skin. Her strawberry blond hair didn't have the same affect it used to have. The urge to run my hand through it wasn't there. Her perfectly full manicured lips weren't worth the passionate rage that used to flow through me. Her dark sky eyes were telling me to come near, to touch to her, to ask for forgiveness. She may like to play hard to get but that's what you've been chasing after all this time.
"Edward," she purred, trying to be seductive. She held out her hand, a piece offering.
Tanya….maybe at one point, during some era, a very far away one, you loved her. Or maybe you just thought you needed her, but the truth was you never really know what you want until its standing right in front of you.
"I don't think you're girl friend… Her beautiful chocolate eyes showed worry which was strange for Bella, "I don't think she'll be threatened."
I placed my hand in Tanya's. This was what all the pain was worth right? Shouldn't I have felt some tiny inkling of pleasure or ecstasy? After all these weeks I'd finally reached the finish line. Why did I feel like there was a ghost standing at my side?
I twirled Tanta in a circle, her red dress flared around her, throwing a strong breath of over pricy fragrance around us.
"Actually, blood makes me kind of dizzy," she breathed on my cheek. I shivered. "It smells like salt and rusty…" I laughed my little Swan, "People can't smell blood Bella." She grimaced, her face pale, "Not the normal ones."
Why? In all the times that I could have figured this out, why did it have to dawn on me now and not earlier? Better yet a couple years ago? I was so blinded by my resolve to win Tanya back that my love for Bella was just waiting for me to catch up with in the back of my head.
"I feel, safe with you. Like you would never let anything hurt me. Like you would die trying," she murmured as I wiped the tears away from under her eyes. "I would never let anyone hurt you, not even yourself." She laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Thanks Eddie," she teased tiredly, "I know I can always count on you."
"Love who Edward?" Tanya's voice butted into my greatest memories of Bella and I together, despite the sadness it was still a strangely fascinating moment, "Who is this Bella you keep murmuring about? I'm here, Tanya, and I love you. You don't need to keep saying you love her, I think I get the message," she rolled her eyes.
"For a pianist you can dance Cullen, I'll give you that." I grinned and spun her in a flawless twirl only she could perform.
An involuntary curved my lips. "I love her," I whispered, hearing it for the first time, "I love Bella." And the reason I was so blinded was because I didn't want to hurt. And that's what I did. Her beautiful face clouded my vision.
"Ugh, great, just when I thought we were making some progress…" I pulled away from Tanya's embrace feeling abruptly sick. Sick and determined.
"Edward, what are you doing? Are you just going to leave me here? What was the fight for if you weren't even going to wolf the gold?" There was an edge in her voice, a jealous angry edge. I was a fool. A stupid, dimwitted, blind, senseless, love sick fool.
"Pin your ears back Tanya, I'm sorry, but…"
"What are you talking about?" her voice was rasped with anger, and resent. my ears had never witnessed before. The shock was there but the resilience, determination, fortitude one over everything, anything else that wasn't Bella.
Tanya made a hissing sound in the back of her throat. "If you walk out that door we're done Edward, you pay attention to me Eddie." I couldn't comprehend, it's like the uncertainty, and the baffling confusion was trying to kill me. Why did I feel knocking Tanta on her feet?
When I reached the door, a hand pulled on me, I didn't have to look to see who's it could be. Tanya's eyes were filled with gushy fake tears, "Don't you remember our perfect night," pain washed through every fibre of my being, pain and disgust, "don't you want me as much as I want you," her hand felt my chest.
I shook it off by instinct. I had to go get my girl.
Review if you liked. A work in progress. ;)