Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. It belongs to Square Enix and Disney.
Summary: Axel, Roxas, Sora, and Riku discuss what theme they should go with for the big costume party. The theme's range from the WTF? to the silly to the plausible and finally to the Heck-Yeah-Lets-Do-That!
Rated: PG-13 for foul language and disturbing mental images
It was just another plain, ordinary day in the quiet suburbs of Twilight Town. Axel was relaxing on the front porch of his house with his best friend Roxas while they waited for their other two friends, Sora and Riku.
"Hey, Rox, I had an idea about what our costumes could be," Axel said, trying to hide a grin.
Roxas looked up at him and sighed when he saw the half grin on his friend's face. "What is it this time? Because I don't care how cool you think it may be, I am not going to dress up as the rear end of a horse with you as the front end," he said.
"No, this is better than that," Axel said. "I'm going to dress up as a playboy bunny and you're gonna be Hugh Hephner."
Roxas stared at Axel for a moment lost for words. Then he rolled his eyes and made a noise of disgust as he looked away from the redhead. "No."
"But it'd be perfect!" Axel protested. "I can wear the cute little bunny suit and you can walk around in a classy bathrobe!"
A lively brunet leapt up onto the stone rail beside Axel. "I like that idea! Can I be the other playboy bunny?"
"Hey Sora," Axel greeted.
Sora beamed and took a seat. "Sooo, we're going as playmates this year? This is gonna be awesome! I can't wait to see the looks on everyone's faces when we walk in the place."
"We are not going to dress up like playmates," Roxas growled. "It's stupid."
Sora's eyes lit up. "No it's not! It's brilliant! But instead of having Roxas be Hugh Hephner, he can be a bunny too and Riku can be our pimp!"
The proclamation was followed by silence from both Axel and Roxas. Then Roxas growled in annoyance and put his head in his hands.
"Roxas… as a bunny…" Axel mused, his eyes glazing over.
Roxas looked up and glared at him. "Erase that image from your mind right now or so help me I'll--"
"Throw a fit because things aren't going your way?" Riku asked as he joined them. He smirked when Roxas directed a glare at him. Smugly, he wrapped his arms around Sora's waist and kissed the brunet on the cheek.
"Hey, here's the playmate pimp himself," Axel said with a grin.
Riku raised an eyebrow. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Me, Axel, and Roxas are gonna be playboy bunnies!" Sora enthusiastically told him. "And instead of being Hugh Hephner, you're gonna be our pimp!"
"Only if I can beat Roxas with my pimp cane," Riku replied.
"Just you wait, pretty boy," Roxas growled. "You'll get what's coming to you."
Riku ignored him. "I don't know how I feel about Axel dressing up in a bunny costume," he remarked. "What made you guys come up with this idea anyway?"
Sora shrugged. "Dunno. I walked up and those two were talking about it," he said, gesturing to the redhead and the blond. "I think Axel just wanted to wear the bunny costume."
Axel grinned. "Damn, you caught me."
"Can we cross playmates off the list of costumes," Roxas asked. "We need something a little less ridiculous."
"Star Wars!" Sora shouted, throwing up a hand. "We can be Jedi's!"
"I said less ridiculous," Roxas said.
"But Jedi's are cool," Sora protested, crossing his arms over his chest. "What's wrong with my Star Wars idea? We can totally have a light saber battle! See, you and Axel can use the dark side of the force and me and Riku can be the good guys! Oh, and I get the cool purple one."
"How come you get to be the good guys?" Axel complained. "What if me and Roxas wanna be the good guys?"
"But your favorite color is red," Sora pointed out.
"No it's not," Axel replied.
"Okay, but your hair is red," Sora said triumphantly.
Axel raised an eyebrow. "So, because my hair is red I have to be on the dark side? How horrible of you. And anyway, Xemnas is doing the Star Wars thing. He's going as Darth Vader."
"Okay, lets revamp my idea then," Sora said. "All of us can be on the light side and we can gang up on Xemnas!"
"No," Riku and Roxas said in unison. Then the two glared at each other again.
"What about Star Trek?" Axel asked.
Sora made a face. "Eww, no!"
"How about something less geeky," Roxas requested. "Like--"
"Dungeons and Dragons!"
Roxas sighed and buried his head in his hands. "I give up."
Riku looked at his boyfriend in amusement. "How would we dress up for that?"
"Simple! It'll be just like the time me and Axel went lar--"
Axel, who had been unwrapping a Twix bar, hurriedly shoved the candy treat in Sora's mouth to shut him up. "You promised to never speak of that to anyone!" he hissed.
Sora blinked in surprise and took a bite of the candy as he reached up and pulled it from his mouth. "Sorry," he apologized.
"Don't talk with your mouth full," Riku gently reminded. "So, what was that you were saying?"
Sora chewed and swallowed and then gave Riku a kiss on the cheek. "Can't tell ya! Secret and all that. Anyway, dressing up D and D style would be totally easy! All you'd need to do is pick a character class-- better yet, we can start up a game and go as our characters! It'll be fun!"
"Never again," Roxas groused. "Not after the last time you and Axel made me play that stupid game."
"But it was fun!" Sora protested.
Roxas lifted up his head to look at Sora incredulously. "Fun?" he repeated in disbelief. "That was not fun! It was a massacre! You and Axel got pissed at each other and started throwing things at each other! And then you spent the rest of the game having your characters beat the crud out of each other!"
"Is that even possible?" Riku wondered out loud.
Axel laughed. "I remember that! That was an awesome game!"
Sora nodded in agreement.
Roxas scowled. "Can we be serious about our costumes now? The party is in four days and we don't even know what we're going to dress as yet. And if you three nerds don't mind, I'd like it to be something not relating to sci-fi or fantasy."
"What if we go as the Men in Black?" Sora asked before finishing off the Twix bar.
"That's sci-fi, Sora," Roxas said with a sigh.
"Hey," Axel said as he leaned forward. "I've got an idea. Lets dress up like we're in the mafia."
There was silence between them as the idea was considered.
"I like it," Roxas decided.
"Really?" Axel asked in a delighted voice. "You like my idea? Hey, did you hear that, Sora? Roxas likes my idea!"
Sora tried not to laugh but failed. "Yeah, I heard."
"What if I don't like it?" Riku asked.
He got three glares in response.
Riku briefly unwound his arms from Sora's waist to hold up his hands in a defense manner. "Sorry I asked. For the record, I like the idea too."
"We need a backup idea though," Roxas said. "Just in case we can't find or get what we need. And Sora, you're not allowed to talk anymore."
"What? Why not?" Sora asked with a pout.
"Because everything you have suggested is something I think is stupid," Roxas said bluntly. "Get your mind off of that and maybe I'll listen."
Sora fell silent while he tried to think of something Roxas might agree with.
"I don't see you coming up with anything," Riku said, defending his boyfriend.
"I'm thinking," Roxas growled.
"How about thinking out loud?"
"Ooo, nice comeback."
"Oh I've got a nice comeback for you alright. How about you come over here and I'll shove my foot up your pretty boy a--"
"I've got it!" Sora exclaimed. "This is a good one! I mean, sure it's kind of like what I was suggesting before but- oh, lets go as superheroes! You know, like DC… super…heroes…." he trailed off when he noticed the other three staring at him. "Oh, come on! We could have Batman and Robin and the Flash and-- oh, oh! I wanna be the Green Lantern! Can I be the Green Lantern? Pretty please?"
To everyone's surprise, it's Roxas who agrees with the idea first.
"You know, I kind of like it," he said. "But I'm not going to be Robin. Especially not if either of those two," he pointed to Axel and Riku, "are going to be Batman. No. I am going as Batman."
Axel grinned. "I'm gonna be the Flash. Hey," he nudged Sora's arm. "Make Riku be Wonderwoman."
Riku glared at the redhead. "Fuck. No. If I go as any superhero, it'll be Superman."
Roxas snorted. "Oh, the pretty boy is going to go as another pretty boy. Big surprise."
"Jealous, much?" Riku asked.
"As if," Roxas retorted. "Batman could kick Superman's ass!"
"Wanna bet?" Riku challenged.
Axel leaned back and stared at the sky. "Why?" he asked it.
"Because the sky hates you."
Axel blinked and looked away from the sky to see his younger sister standing in front of him with her best friend (and Roxas's twin sister) Naminé. "Back from shopping already?" he asked her.
Kairi nodded. "Yup. Wanna see our costumes?"
"Yeah! Lets see!" Sora said cheerfully. "We finally decided on ours. We're going as mafia men! And if that doesn't work, DC superheroes!"
Kairi giggled. "Sounds like fun," she said. She paused a moment as she grasped the bottom of the bag so she could pull it up. "Now, behold!" she exclaimed as she revealed her costume.
Axel covered his mouth to mask his snort of laughter when he saw the bright pink playboy bunny costume.
"Naminé, please tell me yours isn't the same," Roxas pleaded with his twin.
The petite blonde smiled. "Of course not, Roxas. Mine is white, not pink."
"We'll be inside picking out accessories and figuring out how to style our hair," Kairi said brightly. "Don't forget to order the pizza for dinner! The list of what to get is on the counter."
Axel nodded, still covering his mouth.
Kairi frowned at him and then rolled her eyes and pulled Naminé into the house.
Once the two girls were safely inside, three of the four boys started laughing.
"Good thing we didn't go with the playboy bunny idea!" Sora said. "Talk about awkward."
"Awkward doesn't even begin to cover it," Roxas said in a mortified voice. "My sister is dressing up like a playmate. Why aren't you more disturbed by this?" he asked Axel.
Axel shrugged. "Why should I be? They'll keep it tasteful."
"They'll be dressed in bunny suits!"
"I've got a question," Sora spoke up. "If they're dressing as playmates, who's their Hugh Hephner?"
Silence once again resumed.
Then Roxas jumped up and ran for the door. "Naminé!"
I seriously think my brain died while I was writing this. But even if it did, it's totally worth it! It's been quite a while since I've written something so silly. I think the last thing was Boating with Demyx and Zexion. But that doesn't even come close to being as silly as this. (at least, not in my mind)
So, yeah. I got this idea while driving in my car this morning to go take my final exam in Biology. I blame the fact that I watched Legally Blonde last night. And if you've seen it and remember the "costume" party part, you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, the rest of the idea came on the way home when my brain went: "Hey, Riku should be their pimp!" and then "wouldn't it be ironic if Kairi and Naminé were to dress as the bunnies?"
And so, this little one-shot was born.
I'm not entirely sure where Sora's complete dorkiness came from. No, nevermind. He got it from me and my dorkiness. Except I don't play D&D. Oh and Roxas's dislike of Superman is totally me. Batman could kick his ass.