AN: OK Here's a brand new story type from me. I've never actually done a crack fic, no matter how slight, so go easy on me.
A great many thanks go to my lovely beta reader, ekp95m, for catching multiple errors that I seem to have a bad habit of making.
They couldn't help it. The whole gang just sat and stared at the sight of Botan whizzing around the room on her oar, giggling like she was insane. Although if you asked Hiei Botan had always been completely insane.
Yusuke groaned. "Alright, who did it this time?"
Kuwabara shook his head adamantly. "Don' look at me, man! You can't blame me for this!"
Kurama tore his eyes away from the mad deity. "What do you mean, 'this time'? Who did what? Has something like this happened before?" In the back of his mind, he knew that he shouldn't be surprised if whatever had made Botan behave this way had happened a dozen times but still. It was just fascinating to see the ferry girl acting this way. It was actually kind of cute to see her lose control like this. His youko side relished the idea of using this as potential blackmail later.
Yusuke looked sidelong at him and gave a much-aggrieved sigh. "Yeah, it happened not long after I was brought back to life the first time." He turned his gaze over to Keiko and Yukina, who were giggling as well, just not as bad as Botan. Shizuru was just watching the mayhem and drinking from her bottle of beer calmly as if this sort of thing happened all the time, which around the lot of them it did. "It was Keiko's birthday, and Botan kind of just showed up. It didn't take too long for her to get in this state. Although," he leaned back, frowning thoughtfully. "I don't think she's quite as bad this time."
That got Hiei's attention. "What?" Up until this point, he'd been pretty much hiding behind the others, for once thankful that he was still shorter than the others and then immediately cursing himself for such thoughts. "She's not as bad? Are we talking about the same silly twit here?" He barely had time to point at the afore-mentioned "silly twit" when she suddenly appeared, quite literally, barely inches from his face. Barely restraining from yelping, Hiei didn't manage to rein in the urge to jump back in an attempt to get away from the hyped-up girl.
"What are you talking about I'm not a twit I'll have you know I'm really smart after all who was exactly that healed you after you decided to be an absolute moron and use that dragon of yours that drains your energy when you were still surrounded by thousands of enemies and you passed out in the middle of your attack and – oh look shiny!" She darted over to the window and ran right into it, falling to the ground quite comically. Keiko and Yukina laughed and ran over to help her up. Shizuru chuckled and shook her head at the "kiddies," as she liked to call them all.
Hiei blinked, feeling rather overwhelmed by the sudden outburst. A sudden flash of light finally drew his attention. Looking over at his occasional comrades and often a constant source of irritation, he saw one of the vilest contraptions ever created being directed at him. He growled. "If you know what's good for you, you'll hand that over now."
Kurama just laughed. "I don't think so, Hiei." He held up the camera, a purely devilish gleam in his eyes. "This makes a perfect addition to my collection on the computer."
Hiei's eyes narrowed as Yusuke and Kuwabara joined in on the laughter. Somehow, he didn't think this would end well.
"Nice idea, Fox-boy!" Yusuke practically crowed. "That face Hiei made was definitely an A-class image. So," his voice turned sly. "How are you going to post it?"
Hiei's left eye twitched. Post it? No, this was most certainly not going to end well. He'd heard that term before, and it was almost always spoken with a rather malicious tone of voice. He knew it had something to do with that "computer" contraption but that was all he knew.
It was after Kuwabara spoke that Hiei realized what they intended to do. "So, which website are you posting it on? I mean, you definitely want reviews, right? How are you going to get viewers?"
Twitch. Website? Viewers? Reviews? "Oh Hell no!" Hiei all but roared before leaping at Kurama to try and seize the camera. However, he was stopped by the most unlikely of adversaries.
A sudden weight on his back made him crash to the floor, a look of shock on his face. As a result, he didn't see the look of pure glee cross the others' faces, nor did he see Kurama raise the camera up again. Glancing over his shoulder, his eyes widened in absolute horror.
Botan, apparently recovered from running into the window, had decided that it would be fun to jump on him. She was lying on top of him, with one arm wrapped around his neck and the other looped under his arm to meet her other hand, with her head resting on his shoulder.
He growled lowly. "Remove yourself, woman, before I remove you by force."
As had been the case for quite some time now, Botan wasn't the least bit affected by his threat, much to his dismay. She shook her head and buried her face in his shoulder, making him turn a faint pink color. "No move. Comfy." She managed to mumble, before her eyes shut and her breathing evened out.
Hiei stared at her form. 'She's asleep?' He thought to himself incredulously. Closing his eyes, he attempted to reign in his rapidly diminishing control, thus missing the pictures that were currently being taken although the giggling from the girls and the snickers from the guys did not escape his hearing. Pushing himself up, he expected Botan to fall off, but to his immense surprise and disgust, her arms just tightened around him and she remained in place. He grabbed her hands and tried to pull them apart and discovered that she had quite a grip. About the only way he was getting her off him was if he ripped her hands off literally, and that would just get the others mad at him. In short, he was stuck with the girl on his back.
Crossing his arms, he attempted to recreate the image of uncaring coldness that was his signature. He thought he was pulling it off fairly well, despite having the ferry girl draped on him. Turning to Yusuke, he asked the burning question. "What the hell was in her drink to make her act like this?"
Yusuke smirked, also crossing his arms to mimic Hiei's stance. "Well since I'm not the one who put it in her drink, I'm not the one you should be asking." He chuckled, unable to resist. "Although if I were in your shoes I sure wouldn't be complaining."
Hiei's left eyebrow began twitching again. "I'm losing my patience, Detective. Get her off of me now."
It looked like Yusuke was about to obey his rather terse command when Botan suddenly moved. Hiei stiffened when she turned her head to face his neck and sighed contentedly. He instantly blushed a deep red, dark enough to match his eyes. She'd mumbled something he hoped no one else had caught, lest they tease him further.
Unfortunately, he wasn't the only one blessed with excellent hearing.
"Well, well, well. Fancy that." Kurama's voice was filled with a deep humor. "Is there something you'd like to tell us all, Hiei?"
Hiei whipped around as best he could to snarl at the fox demon, doing his best to hide the redness of his face. "Don't try your little mind games on me, fox! You know better than to think that." His face was burning from something other than his own internal heat, and he hated it. "Get this damn girl off of…me…" His voice trailed off when he saw the camera pointed at him again.
Kurama grinned before snapping another picture of Hiei's enraged face. As long as he could get the pictures uploaded before Hiei got free of Botan, the images would be safe even if he wouldn't be. Turning to Yusuke he decided to try and satisfy his curiosity, preferably before his friend decided to maul him to death. "You never actually answered Hiei's question, Yusuke. What was put in Botan's drink?"
Yusuke gave a long-suffering sigh, and rubbed his forehead. "Trust me, I'd really rather that I didn't know either. But whatever." He shrugged. "According to Koenma, this apparently happens every time Botan gets her hands on a certain white substance, if you catch my drift." He rubbed the side of his nose conspiratorially. "I wouldn't say what it is out loud in front of her if I were you, though. Even if she is asleep."
Kurama nodded, obviously understanding instantly, but Hiei was still in the dark about what was going on. He growled. "If she's asleep, then she can't hear you. Just spit it out already."
Yusuke chuckled. "Nah, trust me on this one man. You don't want to see the result if you say it. I'll tell you later." He paused, smirking to himself as a memory drifted across his mind. "Once she's woken up and calmed down, that is. I don't exactly want a repeat of Keiko's birthday, do you?" He turned and looked over at Keiko who just grinned and shook her head before returning her attention to Yukina.
Kurama noticed the heat suddenly increase sharply and decided to step in before Hiei got riled enough to actually set something on fire. At the rate this was going, Hiei would likely decide to set Yusuke alight to try and teach the boy a lesson which, while it might do Yusuke good, it wouldn't exactly get Hiei the answers he wanted. Kuwabara had retreated a few steps in a rare show of intelligence.
"You know Hiei, we could show you what it was if you'd like?" He hid a sigh of relief when the temperature dropped again. Only slightly, but it was a start at least.
Hiei looked at Kurama warily. "What's the catch?" He knew Kurama far too well to think that Kurama would just give him an answer without wanting something in return.
Kurama blinked at him innocently while Yusuke and Kuwabara just chuckled from the sidelines. "Why, whatever do you mean Hiei?"
Hiei growled, but didn't bother responding. He knew that Kurama knew what he meant. When the fox "offered" something, he always wanted something in return, and often it was something he could use to make fun of the person in question.
Kurama finally relented. "Oh don't worry so much Hiei. It won't be anything big. After all, I think a picture of your expression will more than suffice."
Hiei shot him a measuring look. His partner was wearing a smug expression and was completely at ease. A shiver ran down the fire demon's spine. Kurama was obviously well aware of exactly what had occurred and was more than willing to torment his younger friend. Scowling, he nodded. If he wanted to know he had to comply with the fox's conditions, loath as he was to do so.
Kurama and Yusuke's eyes lit up and Kuwabara chuckled from a safe distance. The three exchanged glances before nodding. Again, that strange shiver ran through Hiei. Something told him he'd regret this but it was already too late. Yusuke had already gone into the kitchen to retrieve the… whatever it was.
Hiei turned his head to see Kurama and Kuwabara getting into a position to take a picture of Hiei when he found out what had been put in Botan's drink to make her act like a hyper-active drunk. Scowling, he turned his head and did his best to ignore the fools.
A snicker alerted him to the fact that Yusuke had returned and was approaching him with his hands behind his back and a large grin on his face.
Hiei bit back the sigh that wanted to escape him at the detective's antics. "Well, let's have it. What is it?"
Yusuke bit his lip, quite obviously trying to stop himself from bursting into laughter. Slowly, he revealed his hands and the small container in them.
Leaning forward slightly, Hiei detected the faint scent of something sweet. It was a familiar sweet smell. He frowned. 'It was sugar? But that's what I was-' His eyes widened and he spat out a curse.
Everyone stared at him, before Yusuke and Kurama laughed. "Oh man, you can't be serious Hiei!" Yusuke managed to choke out. He turned to the others. "Was that reaction what I think it was or what?" He dissolved into laughter again, tears falling down his cheeks.
Kurama nodded, barely managing to get his own laughter under control. "I think so Yusuke." He walked over and put his hand on Hiei's head, leaning down to grin at him. "It seems that it was Hiei who caused this whole fiasco."
Hiei was horrified. "So I'm the one-" He couldn't finish the sentence.
Kuwabara laughed hysterically. "You can't be serious!" The girls were laughing as well, although not quite as loudly as the oaf.
Yusuke nodded, a broad grin on his face. "Yep. You brought this on yourself, bud. Adding this," He held up the sugar container. "to Botan's drink is just asking for a disaster to happen."
Hiei grimaced, glancing around to see smug faces all around him and Botan's sleeping form still clinging to his back. 'I'm never going to live this down.'
AN: So... what did you think? If you all liked it, I may just think about writing more of these crack fics. They're actually rather fun to do.
Anyways, you all know the drill. Please R&R!