Hi. This is my first fanfiction. I'm really... really... really obsessed with the Bangelverse. I've read a lot of fanfiction and one day I came up with this ideia. I hope you like it! Since I'm not native in English, I wan't to apologize for any language mistake. Help me here, ok! Be gentle, it my first time!

Deceiving eyes

Part 1

"Cordelia"

"Angel"

"Do you love me"

"Yes. You know I love you as much as…"

"I'm gonna kiss you."

"Angel, are you sure…"

She never ended what she would say. He kissed her. A lovely kiss… at least was what Buffy thought.

Part 2

Buffy could not believe her eyes. She blinked again… and again… and again.

*It has to be a nightmare, right????*

She closed her eyes tight and opened them again… very slowly… but they were still there… he was still there… holding her…

*no, no, no, no… not her… her is supposed to be me, right??*

She felt the tears coming to her eyes, but she just stood there for a moment… then she started to laugh and clap and sob at the same time, which made the happy couple separated.

"Wow, that was some kiss, huh??"

" Buffy"

She closed her eyes again. *How can he still say my name so softly???*

"No, Angel. No Buffy me! Now I finally understand why you left me."

Her eyes were full of tears, unshed tears. She wouldn't cry for their love anymore, since it clearly was her love only.

"You know… I really believed… at some point… in that load of crap you told me and everyone about wanting light for me. About me having a normal life, a boyfriend who could take me to the light, give me kids. Someone normal… better… for me…

She stopped when tears threatened to fall. She was determined to hold back her tears. He did not deserve them anymore.

"But it was all about you… wasn't??? God! Riley could not handle me being the Slayer, an unnatural being , but I could not expect it from you."

"No, Buffy! No… no… no… I really mean…"

"TO HURT ME?!"

Finally, she showed her pain. The scream was so powerful that reverberated for the entire hotel. She screamed and gave a small sob… and picked up a statue to throw at the happy couple. That was a big mistake… She saw Angel use his body to protect the brown-haired woman. That hurt…

"HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID?!"

"No, Buffy. Stop it… You're not…"

"SHUT UP! NOW I CAN SEE… IT WAS… IT IS YOU THE ONE WANTING NORMAL, HUH? YOU COULD NOT HANDLE ME… JUST LIKE RILEY!"

"Oh, no! Don't you compare me…

"YOU LOVE HER SO MUCH. BY THE WAY YOU WERE KISSING HER AND IS DEFENDING HER, IT IS CLEAR THAT YOU ARE… EVEN… WILLING TO… LOOSE… YOUR… SOUL!"

She screamed the last words while tears were running down freely. For a moment she thought she saw the old Angel… her Angel… she thought she saw him made a move to her… but it never came…

"GIVE IT TO HER!"

She took the ring of her finger and threw it at him, then turned around and run… run… run…

Part 3

Angel stood there looking while she ran away. He felt his unbeating heart twist and shrink with the pain… so much strong. He did not even notice when he sit in the couch… or the tears… or the way Cordelia was eyeing him.

He felt her coming. He always did and will always do. Right now, he could still feel her anger… her pain… it was his after all.

But… he had to do it. She has a boyfriend, a normal one, and she has to be sure he didn't like her anymore… even if it means to tore his unbeating heart out… and hers in the process.

After the Mohra demon, he decided it. He talked to Cordelia about it. She knew that if he ever asked her if she loved him, it was because Buffy was coming, was nearby… and they had to put the show.

Part 4

Buffy run… she could not breathe… it was so hard… painful. In some alley, her knees gave up… she fell to the floor and started to cry her eyes out… the sobs were overwhelming. She felt like her heart was chattered in one thousand small pieces… and each one was piercing her skin to go out to the world.

*God. I'm really a freak. Not even him wants me. But, then… why to be surprised?*

She could not breathe… really could not.

She and Riley never went to it because she knew she could not use him. As much as her friends wanted her to be happy again… with someone else… they lost the point. Angel was her someone else…

His name made her breathe worst. She could not think.

*I won't think*

She stood up and started to run to the street… and… never saw anything else!!!

Part 5

Cordelia was eyeing her friend. He did not move from the couch. She was really pissed off with these two. She was there when they first met and fell in love. Sure, she had a crush on Angel, but it was before she realized what Angel and Buffy had… before Xander. She knew their love was unconditional… something she would love to have one day.

Now there was Doyle and Angel was like a big brother… Ok, brothers and sisters don't kiss… but that was a stupid favor… but he is like Wes and Gunn.

*I'm Queen C… so I say it is time to do something about it.*

"Hello!!"

"Hello. Willow, it is Cordelia."

"Hi. Cordy. Nice to hear of you."

"Thanks. But I called because I need a favor… To be truthful, l have much more of a task for us."

" Oh, no. Buffy and Angel didn't?"

"No. And it is about they that I'm calling. I think it is time for us… all of us… do something about that damn curse. Angel has to have his soul… permanently… I'm all for research… all the libraries in the word if it is necessary to fix it. Our friends are hurting so much… each other… and it is time to stop it."

"Well, didn't Buffy told you? I found a way for him to have his soul… permanently. Buffy went to LA to tell Angel the news!"

"WHAT??"

Willow put the phone away from her ear for a moment.

"Cordelia… I am not deaf"

"Buffy… Oh, my God! Things are worst than I thought!"

"What? What? What happened!"

"Buffy. She saw Angel… and someone else… kissing."

"What are you saying? Angel loves Buffy… he would never do it!"

"Yeah! The stupid moron did. It was one of his stupid plans to keep Buffy far from here. You know how they are… he felt her and decided to do something for her to forget him e go on with her life, boyfriend. He grabbed… the girl… just when Buffy showed up in the door!"

"Oh, no!"

"Yeah…"

"But Buffy and Riley did not ended up as a couple. She could not because of him. It was when I started to search for something to solve…"

Willow heard a scream and a thud… as if the phone was threw and fell.

Part 6

Cordelia ran to the hall to see Angel getting up of the floor… his face still wet with tears.

"Angel, what…"

"It's Buffy. Something happened to her! I have to go!"

"Go… but go where?"

Cordelia just talked to his duster as Angel dashed out of the room.

Part 7

Angel came out of Angel Investigations and somehow knew where to go. He stopped when he saw a small crowd and an ambulance. He knew she was there.

"Buffy!"

He tried desesperately to go near her, but one of the paramedics held him. He felt a big urgency to shove the guy out of the way to his beloved.

"What… what happened?"

"Do you know her? She got hit by a car."

"Yes. She is… she is my girlfriend."

"Then you come with us."

He saw her there… she was bleeding. Losing her blood because of him… again. He could smell it… she was hemorrhaging. He sit by her side and took her hand. It was so cold.

*Please! Whoever is listening to this stupid creature that is me… please don't let her die! It is not her fault… it was never. *

Part 8

Cordelia picked up the phone and dialed to Willow, but the phone was busy. After more attempts, she got to talk to the red haired woman again.

"Willow."

"Yeah! Cordelia! What was that? Something happened to Buffy? I called Giles and Xander. We are going to LA."

"It was Angel. He said something bad happened to her… you know how they are with the I-can-sense-you-miles-way thing. He took off to find her, so better for you to be here."

Willow hung up… and Cordelia sat on the chair and cried her heart out. For the stupidity of it all. For her friends. For how could she took part in such a stupid plan.

She was holding her head when Doyle, Wes and Gunn showed up.

"Cordelia, what happened?! Did you have a vision?"

"Oh, Doyle! Angel and I did something so stupid."

"Hey. Princess… ssshhhh. It is alright. We can make it right."

She sobbed hard… when she calmed down she explained what happened.

"I don't know if we can. Buffy came here to tell Angel his curse could be fixed… which she had not time to tell in the end. Angel sensed her and kissed me…"

"HE DID WHAT? I'M GONNA SO KICK HIS ASS!"

Cordelia smiled with Doyle's explosion. She thought there was something between them, but he never gave any sign he was interested in her… up to now. Maybe, after all of this, she should be the damn bitch and do something about it.

"No. It is not what you think. He wanted to make sure that Buffy saw you, didn't he? Angel wanted her to forget him once and for all and go on with her life… mainly now she has a boyfriend."

Here comes Wesley, the knowledge guy.

"Yeah! Wesley! She saw and ran away! He said something happened to her… something bad I think. He left!"

"Man! Angel is a moron! If I have a little blond like that… I would not leave her around for other guys!"

"It is not his fault, Gunn. He was trying to make the best for her. You were not there. You did not see how much they shared. She did everything… and everything here is an understatement. She risked her own life to not lose him. Besides there was… there is the curse. You did not have to put up with Angelus. It was terrifying. What do you think would end up happening if both of them stayed together in Sunnyhell?"

Cordelia did not believe she was defending Buffy and their love. How ironic?

" You saw him when he came back from Sunnyhell. He brooded for days because he saw her talking with a guy… a prospective boyfriend. Riley. He can't go back to her because he is afraid of losing his soul. Everyone thinks that it is the sex with her, but it is not. He is so happy that a creature of light like her loves him that he dreads the day in which that happiness will be enough to release the beast again."

Part 9

"Cordelia! Cordelia!"

"Willow!"

The girls embraced.

"Any news!?"

"No. He did not called…"

"What that bastard… son of a bitch did?"

"Xander!"

Anya took hold of his arm.

"No. Willow…"

The phone rang.

"Cordelia!"

"Angel… where are you?… hospital… what… oh my… how is she? Ok!"

"What?"

"Giles. Buffy is in the LA General Hospital. She is undergoing a surgery right now. She was hit by a car… and was hemorrhaging… she can… she… she…"

Cordelia started to cry again! *If she dies, it will be my fault… my fault*

Knowing what Cordelia was thinking Doyle held her before she collapsed and helped her to a chair.

"Ssshhh… it will be alright, Cordy."

She sobbed harder.

Part 10

They arrived in the hospital and found Angel waiting. He avoided looking at everyone. He felt so ashamed of what he did. She was in the hospital… again… losing blood again… because of him!

Giles was the first to talk to him and his voice was full of concern for his charge. The girl he loved as a daughter. Angel could feel his fear.

"Angel… any news?"

Before he could answer… a fist connected with his face.

"XANDER! XANDER… STOP IT!"

Xander had advanced on Angel and was beating him… and for everyone astonishment, Angel was not giving it back. It was like he thought he deserved it. Gunn, Wesley and Giles restrained Xander. Some nurses and a guard also came to see what was happening and ask for silence in the packed room.

"She came here… you know…"

"No, Xander… don't… it's not the time…"

"TIME!"

He spun around to face Willow.

"HE HAS TO KNOW… TO FEEL ASHAMED OF WHAT HE DID TO HER! SHE CAME HERE TO TELL HIM THAT THEY COULD FINALLY BE TOGETHER BECAUSE HIS SOUL COULD BE BOUND FOREVER… AND.. SHE… SAW… HIM… KISSING…ANOTHER… WOMAN. CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT SHE COULD POSSIBLE THOUGHT ABOUT IT!

Xander roared and spat every word. He spun around again to see the dumb striken face of Angel… the horror in his face. He was open mouthed and seemed to have been hit by a car himself.

"Oh, no! What have I done?"

He looked at Xander… and before he could do it Xander was at him again.

Part 11

Xander saw it seconds before and lounged on Angel to avoid him stake himself.

"OH, NO! DEAD BOY! YOU WON'T STAKE YOURSELF AND LEAVE MY FRIEND IN THAT ROOM MAD WHEN SHE WAKE UP! YOU WILL KEEP YOURSELF ROCK SOLID TO MAKE HER HAPPY… ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? AS STUPID AS SHE CAN BE, I'LL BET EVERY CENT I HAVE SHE WILL FORGIVE YOU!"

And for the second time in the night everyone was taken aback by Xander's actions.

Angel did not understand anything… *this is Xander right? Why is he being nice to… all the situation? Why*

And he heard a sob… a hard one… high one… and Giles holding a crying Willow while crying himself.

"Buffy! No!"

Angel ran to the room were Buffy was… and nobody had the strength or courage to stop him.

Part 12

Angel entered the room and saw her there… lying in the bed. She was so pale… and he also noticed that the beeping machine was not beeping at all.

He sit at her side and hold her hand… tightly. His entire body was shaking.

*She can't be dead, she can't be dead, she can't be dead, She can't be dead, she can't be dead, she can't be dead, She can't be dead, she can't be dead, she can't be dead, She can't be dead, she can't be dead, she can't be dead"

The pain was unbearable. She could not. She was his sun, his smile, his soul. How would he live with the shame? The knowledge he was the one to cause her death… again.

When he first saw her, he finally made peace with the fact he was turned. He could not hate to be a vampire anymore. It was what brought him to her. It was mean to be… always mean to be… but

*… beloved… don't go. Don't leave me here. Come back and I promise I will make up for everything I put you trough… if Xander is right. If you did not want me anymore I promise I will go far away. Just tell me what you want*

Part 13

Buffy was in a room… a bright one. She could sense there was someone… something around… but could not make up for what.

"Hello! Is anybody here?"

"Yes. Slayer… we were watching you for a while."

"Why?... and Where am I? Who are you?"

"We are The Powers That Be!"

Buffy's eyes wide in astonishment. She started to see some forms around the room. Slowly they started to appear. There were twelve of them, six women and six men. They were using white clothes pretty much like the ones she saw that Egyptians used in her History classes. They were sitting in chairs in a cycle in which she was the center.

All of them were different as if to represent every kind of person on Earth. There was a red haired woman who reminded her of Willow. It was a black man who talked to her.

"The Powers? You mean… The Powers who recruited Angel? In persona… sort of?"

"Yes."

"Why am I here? Why are you appearing to me? I mean… you always use some sort of messenger, right? Like Doyle or C…"

No. The bitch.

"We brought you here because It's not your time to go, Slayer. You are a warrior… and holds the heart of other warrior… a heart he will lose if you die! We need both of you in the World to make sure it will be as safe as possible."

"That is correct… if the so called warrior were not in love with someone else!"

"That is a lie!"

"I'm sooooooooooo sure it was not! I saw them… happily... together… you know… like in my-tong-glued-with-his-tong way… "

Even in a place so full of peace and comfort, she could still feel pain for the scene she saw.

"Don't discuss it, child! What we tell is what is the truth! We say it was a lie forged by love and desesperation! That is that!"

"He did not love me… and I'm way sure that he is not sooooo desesperate… at all"

All went bright…

Part 12

Buffy was in a corridor. She could see her and Angel's friends. He was being hold by the collar by Xander who was screaming at him while the others were trying to restrain him.

"Oh, no! Dead boy! You won't stake yourself and leave my friend in that room mad when she wake up! You will keep yourself rock solid to make her happy… are you listening to me? As stupid as she can be, I'll bet every cent I have she will forgive you!"

*Oh, Xander! That is soooo sweet* She felt tears in her eyes, but something caught her attention.

For some reason Buffy felt it was not about the… k… the thing she saw early in his house the theme of Xander's explosion.

*Forgive… forgive what. Angel what have you done?*

Then she saw it. It was in the end of the corridor. A bright light calling for her. She started to walk there.

Buffy was at Angel Investigations again. Cordelia, the bitch, was sitting in a couch being held by Doyle. How could she… after kissing Angel… betray him like this? With his friend? Or was Angel the one to stole her from the guy?

"I don't know if we can. Buffy came here to tell Angel his curse could be fixed… which she had not time to tell in the end. Angel sensed her and kissed me…"

"HE DID WHAT? I'M GONNA SO KICK HIS ASS!"

Cordelia smiled with Doyle's explosion.

"No. It is not what you think. He wanted to make sure that Buffy saw you, didn't he? Angel wanted her to forget him once and for all and go on with her life… mainly now she has a boyfriend.

"Yeah! Wesley! She saw and run away! He said something happened to her… something bad I think. He left!"

"Man! Angel is a moron! If I have a little blond like that… I would not leave her around for other guys!"

*It was all a plan?* Buffy looked dumb striken. What a stupid thing to do, Angel!*

Part 13

She was back to the TPTB room.

"Alright… I've seen it all. So, it was another one of Angel's stupid plans! But I'm dead now."

She was smiling… she could not believe it. But she knew why… he still loved her. She still holds his heart as he holds hers. Nothing changed.

"Yes. Slayer, you are, but do you want to stay like this? Do you want to go back? Do you still love him enough to forget the foolish thing he did?

"Oh, yeah! I do. Can I really choose?"

" Yes."

"I wan't to go back, then. Now I know we have a chance to be together and I don't want to waste it… Oh, yeah… of course, there is all the save the world thing that we have to do… and we can do it while patrolling… and kiss… ok, I'm babbling here!

"A wise decision."

The man said while the others smiled.

" The soul will be his when you go back to your world."

"Why are you really doing this?"

"The Mohra demon was right… and we acknowledge it. We think we were wrong and the demon right… as much as we do not like it! Together you two were stronger that apart… and there is one more thing."

Everything went bright again.

Part 14

"Angel! Angel!"

"Get out! Out! Out! Nobody will touch her!"

"Angel. They have to make the arrangements for her funeral."

He looked up to Giles and could not hold it. He turned back to her.

"I don't want to leave her go. It is so cold there! She will feel it!"

*Did he lost his mind?*

"I'm so sorry, Giles! First Jeanny and now Buffy. Xander should have…"

Giles cleaned his glasses… as usual… and surprised Angel.

" The day you turned and we had to fight The Judge, Buffy felt nothing, but guilt for what she had done, even if it was something nobody could be responsible for. She thought I'd feel ashamed of her because she gave herself to you and helped to set free the beast. I told her that she would not have anything of me, but my support and respect… and that you did everything to prove her… and us… that you loved her more than anything.

You really did… you left her to avoid her to be hurt while protecting you… or avoid yourself to do it if Angelus came back. You told me that most people understood it wrong. It was not the sex with her that gave you the moment of true happiness, but the fact she would look at your face, your true face, and could still kiss you, love you. That made you feel happier than you could handle. You told me about how you were afraid that one day you would be too happy… happy enough to lose your soul again… and hurt her… hurt us.

Back then, I thought it was the right thing for you both. How wrong was I? It was not. I wanted only to have you out of my sight… under my polite ways and respect for my little girl I did not dare to show it… but I still hated you because of Jenny. Your presence was a constant remind of her absence.

To be true, Buffy had a better chance to be hurt trying to protect me or Xander, the powerless in this war, than you or Willow, for that matter. Every one of us… were targets against the Slayer. But we left you sacrifice yourself for her sake… we could have looked upon the curse, to see if there was something that could be done, but… no… we stood there looking you two suffer. I think that everything could have been avoided if we were true friends for Buffy."

Angel didn't look up. He was stunned to hear all these from the man he hurt the most. Giles was talking while crying, his voice was hoarse and emotional.

"I will ask them to give you two more minutes with her."

Giles left the room… and Angel felt it.

Part 15

He felt that strong feeling again. That tingle who always told him Buffy was around… she was back… he knew it even before the machine announced in clear beeb beeb beeb that her heart was beating again.

And the pain started…

Part 16

Buffy opened her eyes slowly… in time to see Angel whimpering in pain as his eyes turned reddish. She saw it before and knew want was happening.

Suddenly all the pain was gone and Angel felt her eyeing him.

"Buffy!"

"Angel."

Her voice was just a whisper… the best one he ever heard. She caressed his face and removed his tears.

"I'm so sorry, Buffy… it was…"

"You don't have to explain. The Powers already have."

"You... the Powers?"

"Yes. They told me it was not my time yet and showed me everything. Then they brought me…"

"Oh my God! The girl is awake!"

Buffy did not finished because a man in clean white clothes screamed as her saw her.

"What was..."

Interrupted again, Buffy saw people hushing to her room. Mainly their friends, who where just hugging each other for seeing her there. Awake. Faces crying… they all embraced her, but Angel did not leave her side. He would not even if he wanted… she was holding his hand too strongly.

After a while, doctors and nurses came to see how she was. They could not understand how she could be alive and well… well like talking, moving, breathing when she was dead for fifteen minutes.

Part 17

She was fighting.

"No. I don't have to get out of here in a wheelchair. I can walk."

"Buffy… you know that if it was allowed I would carry you myself… as a matter of fact I would carry you.. no matter what or where… as long as you were in my sight."

"Don't be silly! Silly!"

She smiled and pushed him in the arm.

"Ok. I'll go in this damn thing."

Buffy fell asleep when she was comfortably set in Angel's car. She did not wake up even when Angel took her to his apartment, although she whimpered in her sleep when he left her there for a while to take off his clothes. After that, she put her head in the curve of his neck and slept… with a smile in her face.

Part 18

Angel could not sleep. He was staring at his slayer, his wife, his lifem while she was breathing. He could feel and hear her taking the air around and could not be happier. She was alive and now he would do anything… everything to make her life better… to be worth of her love.

He was thinking so hard he did not see she was awake.

"Hi. Brood beauty"

And then, there is the smile… the half smile she loved because it could melt her heart.

"Hi. How are you feeling?"

"I feel like I was hit by a car. Is it good?"

"Buffy. I'm soooo sorry. I know I did something stupidly stupid."

"Yes. You did."

She left the bed. Her slayer strength was back.

"But I know what happened… now and back them"

"Back them?"

"Yeah… back them like you were human"

Angel choked. Buffy spook with a soft low voice, but his vampire ear could pick it up.

"Buffy. I…"

"Angel. We have a chance to be together now. But you know… I'm not sure I want it."

"I see. I understand, Buffy. Just say what you want and I'll do it. But if you are going to break my heart… just do it in one strike."

His eyes were full of tears now. He was gonna lose her because of his stupid and there was really nothing he could do about it.

"Shut up, Angel. For a guy who is as quite as a cat, you are speaking too much today… well… where was I? Ah! I was telling you I was not sure of you anymore… Angel you keep making decisions about us, without telling me anything. I'm really tired of this. If you want us to be a couple, we have to make our decisions… together."

Angel opened his mouth to speak, but Buffy raised hers to avoid him to talk.

"I want us back Angel. I'm not saying you have to go back to Sunnydale. You have you purpose as I have mine. But I know we can make it happen. I love you… I will always love you no matter what, but I need to be an integral part of the relationship"

Angel just was there staring at her.

"Oh, God! Now he decided to be quite! What do you think?"

Angel left the bed and stood in front of his beloved.

*How can she be so forgiving? How can she feel so much love for me? Why did I ever think of leaving her? Her with other guy… ok… not a good vision… forget! I would snap the neck of bastard anyway!*

"Buffy. I love you! I was stupid a year ago. I was stupid five days ago. Believe me, the time I spent in hell was nothing compared with the time I spent near your dead body. The agony of not hearing your heart beating, your blood running through your veins, our tickle who always tells us how much near we are. Almost loosing you made me realize what a bastard I was… and Xander beating up the crap out of me also helped… I wan't to be with you. Make up for all the time we did not have. I can't guarantee we won't fight, but I never leave you again…"

He could not go on. His voice broke as his tears ran down his face and melt with Buffy's.