Ninjallerina's Notes: Little things called life and unforseen circumstances have prevented me from writing and posting for a while now.
I would also like to take the opportunity to apologize for the obscene delays that my Blood Ties fic (Of Beating, Bleeding and Broken Hearts) has encountered. The next chapter is progressing (albeit very slowly) and will hopefully (insert good luck ritual of choice here) be up in a week at most.
That all being said, I realize that there aren't many Rachel fics out there.
The Final Thoughts of Rachel Dawes is set just after Batman enters Harvey's warehouse, at the point where Rachel realizes she's going to die. Though I've never had anyone try to kill me, I feel that some of the events of the last month have given me sufficient insight into the processing patterns of the brain when approaching death.
The style and writing reflect this as fully as I am able. I find that when one is faced with death, things become simplified and direct, far more so than these thoughts are in day to day existence. Towards this end, the sentence structure is relatively simple and parallel.
At the same time this simplification happens, the thoughts are processed so quickly it seems that more than one may occupy the mind at a time. This creates a certain depth around these basic thoughts. I have therefore devised two interweaving levels of Rachel's thoughts. The primary thoughts are those in italics, concrete in nature and the crux of the matter. Normal text denotes associated and extended musings, emotions, abstractions and the like.
Pronouns are used a great deal because Rachel knows exactly who she's referring to. I suspect that her reluctance to use proper nouns may also be a way of protecting herself from this percieved betrayal. Remember she has no way of knowing of Joker's deceit.
As always, please feel free to review and/or flame, so long as your comments are well thought out (but then they become critques and not flames I suppose). Don't be afraid to offend me or hurt my feelings: I never take things personally.
Thank you and enjoy!
The Final Thoughts of Rachel Dawes
He had not come for her.
Rachel knew that now, had known since Harvey's anguished pleas reached her ears. The rescuer or rescuers had not replied: silence was answer enough. Few men could be that stoic and silent in the face of such emotion. The realization triggered a barrage of thoughts to converge in her mind. Their calm and clear nature stood at odds with the finality of her situation. It was not the dying that caused her grief—she had made her peace with that upon becoming assistant district attorney—but rather the circumstances under which her immanent death approached.
He had made his choice and it was not her.
That in itself caught her flatfooted. Rachel had expected to be rescued. He had always been there when she needed him. In these moments of disorientation she was not aware of the syllables emanating from her lips. Pain registered somewhere in her chest, as if someone held her heart in a fist. All of their time together, the depth of their relationship and yet he had passed her over. What more could there have been between them? What could she have done to change his mind?
He had chosen to let her die.
As much as it hurt her, she understood. Harvey was more important to him than she was. No, Harvey was more important to Gotham. The Batman was always a pragmatist, looking out for the betterment of Gotham. It was a strategic decision, nothing more, nothing less. Nothing. Rachel realized that she would be nothing soon, a husk of a body—if she was lucky. From the depths of her aching gut, a sick feeling grew. It spoke to her of the drums surrounding her. The drums of oil would not be generous enough to leave a trace of her for Harvey to bury.
He had chosen to save Harvey.
For that she was grateful. At least Harvey, sweet, kind, charming Harvey, would be safe. Harvey Dent—not Rachel Dawes—would survive. Batman would make sure of it. She would have it no other way. That thought allowed her a brief moment of peace, a split second of relief. She loved him and wanted nothing more than for him to survive. Except perhaps to live herself.
It was nothing personal.
Batman did not indulge in anything so frivolous as personal grudges or affection, but she had hoped Bruce might. A twinge of regret glanced through her. She wanted to live. Rachel understood though, and on some level was grateful. Twisted as it was, his choice validated her own. He had placed Gotham's safety before hers. The thought flickered within her: she was wise to have chosen Harvey over Bruce. Had she chosen Bruce, this betrayal would have wounded her all the more. Another wave of insight washed over her: Bruce was losing the battle with Batman.
She was going to die.
By choosing to attack the figureheads of reform, the Mob showed their hand. They were desperate and that gave Rachel hope.
Both Harvey and Bruce needed to know that she understood and accepted that fact.
This was the Mob's last move, the checkmate. Rachel's friends were one move away from victory.
They needed to know so they would not hate each other.
The two knights were only unbeatable if they worked together. She would not have her death be the wedge to drive them apart.
They needed to know so they would continue their mission.
By combining forces the White Knight and Dark Knight routed the armies of organized crime. This final retribution that Rachel found herself part of indicated the extent of their success. Should the Knights admit defeat prior to obliterating the remnants of the crime networks it would all be for naught.
They needed to know so they could go on living.
Her death was not to be a millstone around the necks of those she loved. Rachel's life would buy Harvey's.
Her death could not be in vain.
She chose her words carefully, not knowing how much Bruce had divulged to Harvey. Settling at last on the least revealing wording she opened her mouth to share her last thoughts. "Listen, some…"
The flames erupted around her, engulfing her in smoke and heat before they consumed her. Rachel Dawes's final thoughts went unvoiced.