Jasper had never been quite sure what he felt, he only knew that he felt. He felt the contempt simmering beneath Rosalie's skin, the constant giddiness Emmett seemed to radiate, the calm that was Esme all the way, Alice's affection, Carlisle's support and whatever it was Edward was feeling which was a mix of restraint and regret most of the time.
And every time he picked up even on the most subtle of traces of regret in the younger vampire's feelings it was like a shot to the heart. The first time Edward brought home the girl and regret was joined by denial, Jasper couldn't take it any longer.
He was out the door and into the fresh air in a matter of seconds, his whole body tense with something he couldn't quite name. A shiver wrecked his lanky body as he sat down on one of the rocks near the lake and he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes in an attempt to stop them from burning.
Jasper was sure he would've cried, had he been able to, as wave after wave of emotions crashed down onto him, his own feelings something the blond wasn't used to deal with.
He drew in a few shuddering deep breaths, trying to stop his body from shaking. Jasper swallowed back the venom rising in his throat but the dull ache remained, his hands trembling like leaves in the wind.
"Hey Jazz, you okay?" Emmett's usually so booming voice sounded unnaturally quiet as he crouched down beside the blond, one big hand coming to rest between Jasper's shoulder blades.
"Do I look like I'm okay?" The tremor in his voice took the last bit of strength out of Jasper, his whole body shivering under Emmett's hand, his eyes burning with all the unshed tears of centuries of not feeling anything at all.
"It won't last you know? With her clumsiness she'll be dead before you know it."
Jasper shook his head with a sigh, knowing that this was Emmett's way of trying to tell him it would be okay but still he could do nothing but drown in the tidal wave of emotions breaking right over his head.
"I need to… get away. I can't… breathe."
"Try. Just try to take deep breaths."
Emmett soothingly rubbed his hand up and down the blond's back, Jasper's body quaking beneath his palm as Jasper tried to draw in deep breaths he knew he didn't need but felt compelled to take.
And after hours of sitting by the lake, Jasper managed to take calm breaths again but the dull feeling inside remained and for once Jasper wished he couldn't feel or that he could only feel the others again. But no matter how hard he tried, he could only feel the hurt.