Dear Man-journal,

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. That copyright belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

Guttersnipe's Foreword: This was a request from TrueFangirlYayMe. She asked that I write a Neji X Tenten story in the same vein as my Sasuke X Sakura story, Dear Hormones,. I changed the format a bit (the other story was written as a letter while this one is written as a diary), but here it be.

June 15

Dear Diary,

I have decided to take up writing in a receptacle such as you—or, no. Wait a moment, please... It shouldn't be "diary." That's far too—no. If you are to reflect my inner-thoughts and true self, then your name has to be strong, masculine, and way better than any Main House member's personal log's name. Yes, that's it! Allow me to start over.

Dear Man-journal,

I have decided to take up writing in a receptacle such as you, so that I might make sense out of the chaos that has inserted itself into my life, more specifically my body. I don't know who I can trust, but since I have created you and I am the only one who knows of your existence, I think it is safe to say that you are the only one I can entrust my suspicions to. And they are dark, malevolent possibilities, Man-journal. Should you be compromised, or your aid prove ineffective, I fear the predicament I will be in.

What is this strange and disturbing situation that could unsettle one such as me, you ask? I fear a coup. But it only involves myself. I believe my body is turning on me, planning a hostile takeover that—and I am loathe to admit this, even to you, Man-journal—I might not be able to quell.

My body, it's...doing things. Terrible, unnerving, and at times exhilarating things. I don't understand it. It's as though there's this other person within me, telling me to do, say, and look at things (and people, or a person, in particular) that I should not want to do, say, or look at. And it is so difficult to resist, especially when she's enrobed in her summoning scrolls, hurling down destruction, like a goddess of metallic rain...


Uh...just... Just ignore that.

No. Actually, don't ignore that. Let it be an example of just how powerful this movement is. It has warped my mind; sent my thoughts and even my behaviour into uncharted and unacceptable territory. How diabolical must this unseen foe be, that it could alter my activities so completely, catching me entirely unawares? We are facing a formidable enemy, indeed, Man-journal. We have to be on our guard, day and night.

June 21

Dear Man-journal,

Okay. Allow me to rephrase my final statement from my last entry. We have to be on our guard, especially at night. The enemy has most definitely infiltrated my subconscious. They have gained control of my dreams, those depraved ruffians.

I mean, they had to have, because there is no way that that dream was born of my mind. No way. I would never imagine her like a thin, white negligee...exposing the perfect amount of cleavage...revealing toned, smooth legs...sitting on my bed...her hair down...just waiting...

Ah! Ahem. We... We are facing a crisis here, Man-journal. If it comes down to it, I may have to refrain from sleeping for the duration of this war. (Yes, I have upgraded the status of our situation from the beginnings of a coup to a full-blown war. They instigated it, the moment they decided to create suggestive visions of my teammate and implanted them into my mind!)

Our enemy is quite crafty, I will say that. They have used my own teammate against me, so that, even when they are not attacking me, I begin to feel uncomfortable, and even disoriented around her. Such low tactics... But they are entirely too effective. I hope I can resist. Uh, resist the pull of defeat, that is, not the attraction of Tente—that is, the attraction of the lie that the enemy has conjured of Tenten. Yes. Because it would be so easy to resist the attraction of the real Tenten. I mean, what attraction? Yeah.

June 26

Dear Man-journal,

It's the Main House. I know it. I have come to the conclusion that the Main House has their insidious influence on this situation.

They've sabotaged my food or perhaps they're manipulating the curse seal on my forehead... That's it! I see it all now. Those vermin... How dare they?! What could they possibly be hoping to accomplish?

Perhaps they intend to damage my sanity so they might remove me from their presence permanently. Yes! They are threatened by my prodigious talent and seek to destroy me by influencing my mind, forcing these unbidden thoughts and images of Tenten in provocative poses and situations into my pure and entirely uninterested mind.

It all makes sense now! Who is behind it and why they are attacking me in such a heinous way. Oh, I'm sure they think they're so crafty, using such underhanded tactics in such a way that no one other than one as intuitive and perceptive as myself could possibly figure it out. The Main House... They were probably hoping that suggestive images of Tenten would damage my calm to the point where I wouldn't be able to make the connection.

I see.

The only detail I'm not clear on is why they chose to use Tenten. I mean, if they were looking to disturb me to the point of breakdown, surely Lee would have been more effective. Ugh. Just being around him on missions and during training is torture enough. So, why use my tolerable teammate? Why use someone who I don't mind being around? Why use someone who I don't really mind being assaulted with suggestive thoughts and images of—Wait. What? No! Just "thoughts and images," not "suggestive thoughts and images." I... I don't mind thinking about her, that is, positive and clean thoughts, not suggestive ones. Naturally, these provocative thoughts are not enjoyed by one such as myself. No respectable shinobi would. So, of course I don't like them. At all. I mean it. ... ... ...Really. I swear.

I'm just saying, if I had to choose a more tolerable and therefore a less scarring person to be bombarded with unscrupulous images of, it would be Tenten. That's all I'm saying. I'm not saying I like the images or the ideas or the feelings...Very warm...almost overwhelmingly so...

No, no, no! I must focus! See that, Man-journal? Even as I've deduced their evil ploy, the Main House still acts against me from the shadows of their respectable facade. Utterly despicable. Well, I won't be taken down that easy.

They want a quiet assassination. Well, I'm going to give them a war. A very loud war.

July 1

Dear Man-journal,

These invaders...the servants of Darkness, that's what they are. They must be stopped. I am...mortified at this point. Using such guerrilla tactics... They are true masterminds, I will give them that much. However, I'm not considered a prodigy for nothing. I shall have my retribution.

...Though, I'm not certain that I will ever be able to show my face in Tenten's presence again.

I was simply performing a polite duty for Hinata-sama, bringing Tenten a jar of her all-purpose ointment, and wouldn't you know Tenten was...not prepared for receiving male visitors. At all. No. Ready she was not.

And, you know, it's not as though I just walked in unannounced, or anything. I was announced. I was very announced. is in my nature and training to be stealthy. I step lightly. And, I mean, it's just second nature to mask my chakra when entering unfamiliar territory. So, one could not really say that I "snuck up" on her, or anything. Such would suggest that I actually intended to catch her in a less-than proper position—which I wasn't.

It was an unconscious reaction, not some perverted scheme, like how she made it out to be. She calmed down slightly, after much shrieking and jumping, which was just so unnecessary, bouncing like that with only a hastily held up shirt attempting to cover everything. ... ... ... Anyway, as I was saying, even after she calmed down and got enough sense to go put something on, she still blamed me for it happening! Me! And I quote, "I'm going to get dressed. And no peeking with your creepy little Byakuganism, Genius o' Geniuses!" Of course, I whirled around, indignant and set on defending my honour, only to earn another ear-splitting screech, and her screaming, "What did I just say, Pervy Prodigy?!" Ugh! She thinks I'm at fault here! A thousand curses on the Main House, that's what I say. You and I both know this travesty is on their hands, don't we, Man-journal?

Despite the rather distasteful nature of this experience, this has furnished me with even more proof of their involvement in this insidious plot against me. It was Hinata-sama who asked that I bring Tenten the ointment. She was the reason I was in that situation to begin with! Mmhmm... And so the plot thickens... Well, vengeance will be mine.

July 7

Dear Man-journal,

This will be my final entry. You have served me well in this time of chaos and conflict, however our cause is lost. A good shinobi must know to pullback when their losses exceed their gains. And I'm afraid that "futile" is the point we are at. We have been defeated.

There will be no sorrowing; no desperate grasps at shreds of resistance. We will maintain our dignity and honour to the very end, Man-journal. We will be as men.

And as a man, I must accept that there are certain...qualities that the bearers of double x-chromosomes possess that are not entirely unpleasant. Some might even say they are quite...provocative; stimulating, if you will. ... ...With those doe eyes staring into my very soul...and her voice breathless from training...sweat trickling down the curve of her neck to her heaving chest... Ah!—Ahem. I...meant merely an intellectual and in all ways clinical capacity! I'm not saying I'm going to spy on her, or anything. Though, it would be quite easy if I used Byakugan... No! I... I would never spy on her like that. I mean, the thought hadn't even crossed my mind and I have so not had to actively resist the idea for the past few weeks, at all!


... ... ... ... ...

... ... ... ...

...Don't judge me, Man-journal. You're not the one whose body has fallen prey to some unseen invaders. I am not responsible for my actions! I'm not.

... ... ...

... ...


...Well... Maybe just a little.

The End

Guttersnipe's Word: There you go TrueFangirlYayMe. I have completed it. I hope you're happy. This was NOT easy, let me tell you. Neji X Tenten doesn't come easy to me. Gah. YOU. ARE. WELCOME! And I should apologize profusely for how late it is. What has it been, six months? Something like that. Probably longer... I am truly ashamed of my tardiness. I'm an unmotivated person, but this was late even for me. If you've given up on this story already, I will understand.

Why the man-journal? I'll tell you why the man-journal. When I was in high school, I had a male classmate who carried around a book that he wrote things in—clearly a diary! But when a friend and I made mention of it, he vehemently replied, "It's not a diary! It's a man-journal!" Thus Neji's man-journal. That, and I didn't want to make it exactly like Dear Hormones,, so I decided that Neji would write his note about his pubescent body in his diary—er, ah, that is, in his man-journal. Yes.

Now please review, dears!