A/N: Dunno…I was reading a fic and it just…flowed I guess.
Disclaimer: The "crazy bastard" line came from Otakulibra's 'Flying Paper Cranes'. The rest is mine.
All I Never Needed
"Look, I just worry about you, alright Major?"
I pause for a moment contemplating his expression. It almost infuriated me how even after all this time apart I could still tell his every thought by just glancing at him. "You crazy bastard." I mutter, looking down into the streets below. "You fell in love with me didn't you?"
He should have known better.
I was thrust into a cybernetic body as a child. I don't even remember what it's like to feel such human emotions. I lost the only people who would love me unconditionally; parents, so early that I'd never known any better. Never known how shutting out the world would make me feel the older I grew.
And then I realize; I really am that strong. It's not that I'm weak, it's not that I need someone to make me feel complete or human, it's not boastful to say I'm too strong for that. But just because I don't need something, doesn't mean I can't have it. It doesn't mean I don't want it just as badly.
I never needed to feel loved, and in all honesty I'm not sure if anyone ever did after the plane crash and before I became Major Motoko Kusanagi of section 9.
I was feared, I was respected, but I was never loved.
And now I think that maybe I am. And what I have is as close to an actual relationship whichever form it takes, as I'm ever going to get, and I'm not complaining.
Because as messed up as I am, I found a home.
I found Aramaki and I found section 9.
I found Ishikawa, I found Saito and Pazu, I found Borma and Togusa….and I found Batou.
I never expected to feel safe anywhere, but even as Section 9 was in the process of being bombed and raided all those years ago I'd never felt safer. Because my wingmen were there; my family.
Because I realized; we were just that.
Eight cyberized, partially prosthetic, pathetic and lost ghosts of people. We were each waiting to find others like us. We were all waiting for Aramaki to call us up and ask us to join section 9. We were waiting for a purpose and for understanding.
I was waiting for understanding.
I didn't know if I loved him the way he loved me, but I did know that in some way, shape or form I did love him. I trusted him, which was no easy feat, but he'd earned it and he trusted me, and I wasn't about to throw it back in his face.
So I looked up at him.
Seeing him still frozen in shock almost made me want to laugh. Almost.
"I think I might be able to deal with that."
His shoulders tensed, his eyebrows raised in surprise and the lines on his face wrinkled even just a little more.
No words were exchanged. I just laid a hand on his overly muscled arm and led him to the door.
I didn't know if I was capable of loving him the same way, because he was so much more human than I could ever wish to be.
But I would try. Because in some ways I did love him, and he deserved it. That was enough.
So maybe I could learn, maybe…maybe he could teach me.
A/N: you can all collectively aw now XD
I won't be posting anything else for the next couple weeks because I'm on break.