Wow, it's been a while since I wrote anything. It's sad that I'm willing to write more when I should be studying or writing my papers instead. Oh, well.

Warnings: language (as usual), shounen-ai, Kanda thinking evil thoughts, etc.

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man. You wouldn't want me to if you ever see my stickmen. I don't know how but they look kind of…let's just say you really don't want to see.


Chapter 3

He tilted his head back to take in the sight of the star-studded sky. A crescent moon shone its silver light from the dark background. Trees swiftly swept by, blurs in the night. He leaned a little more onto the railing, enjoying the wind whipping his hair. The Noah breathed a soft sigh and let his mind wander. Even if the train compartment was first class, it still felt cramped and suffocating. He had quickly tired of it and escaped to the back of the train for some fresh air.

Oddly, he felt at peace. For a short while, no one would demand anything of him, and he intended to enjoy the reprieve. The passing scenery wasn't all that bad either. General Tiedoll would probably insist on drawing it.

Kanda grimaced at the thought. He had obviously spent a little too much time around the annoying old man.

But who was worse, Cyril or Tiedoll? The idiot who had a daughter complex when it came to Road and insisted on reading him bedtime stories, or the old man that called him a girl? It took Tiedoll four months to figure out that he was a boy.

The Japanese's hands tightened around the railing, leaving finger-shaped dents. He really didn't want to remember those four torturous months of being called a daughter. And the dresses. Those fucking dresses.

Kanda growled. Gold flickered in his eyes and a faint outline of crosses became visible for a moment before he could calm himself.

Never again. He would be happy of he never had to look at another dress. And the color pink. How he loathed pink. No. Loathed was too mild a word to describe his disgust of the hellish color. Abhorred? Detested? Repulsed by it?

…Didn't Road like pink? Or was it red? He couldn't remember. Purple? Damn it. Why couldn't everyone just stick to simple black?

On the topic of colors, his mind drifted to silver hair and eyes a few shades darker, one of which had a blood red scar slicing through it. A cursed eye that turned black and red when activated. A dark red arm with a glowing green cross etched onto the back of his hand.

Fake smiles. The kid proved to be a good actor, able to fool the Black Order. But, not good enough. He had seen far too many insincere smiles in his life to be deceived by a fifteen year old. Behind the deceptively cheerful façade, Kanda saw empty eyes, tired and losing hope.

That wouldn't do. It wouldn't be any fun to break someone who was already falling apart. He needed to help the boy rebuild himself, and the easiest way would be to make Allen Walker fall in love with him. A simple task really. The kid needed someone to lean on, to depend on, to look up to, and Kanda was willing to be that person. In secret, of course. He had spent eight years building an unapproachable reputation. He refused to give that up for a beansprout. Doll or not, Allen Walker wasn't that important.

Still, it would be a challenge to get closer to the beansprout and at the same time keep up his reputation. His lips curved into a smirk. Good thing he liked challenges.

His smirk faded into a slight frown as he listened. There were only the sounds of the train and the barely audible noise of distant chatter from the dining cart. He tuned out the unnecessary noises, and silence closed around him. Why was it silent? Kanda's frown deepened. Why was his darker half not speaking? It had always been more than happy to add in random comments. He wondered if his inner Noah was plotting something without his knowledge.

…Noah…Allen Walker and his dormant Noah genes. The Earl didn't mention that during dinner last night. Only the cursed eye that could see akuma.

Did the Earl not know? Or did he want to keep it a secret?

Unnerved at the odd silence of his other half and bothered by the Earl's neglect to mention the beansprout's Noah genes, Kanda spun around, deciding to head back inside.

"Who are you, Allen Walker?"

The words drowned out by the train's passage. The only witnesses were the trees, silent sentinels that would guard the many secrets of the world until the end.

The door closed with a quiet click.


Kanda stepped off the boat, glad there was soba within reach again. The sprout should be back as well.

Perhaps he should start off simple and…befriend the beansprout.

…How the hell would one go about befriending people? He didn't know much about forming relationships (The rabbit didn't count since the redhead was a self-declared best friend. What the hell is the difference between a friend and a best friend anyways? It was all the same to him. They were all annoyances in the end.)…if he remembered correctly, didn't Tyki give him a book about relationships? He and the beansprout may not have what anyone would call a relationship, but they had something between them.

He racked his mind trying to remember something more specific about the book. Why did Tyki give him the book in the first place?


10 years ago

He had been minding his own business, thinking up new and more creative ways to kill a certain Noah that refused to stop calling him "son," when Tyki stepped into the room.

"What are you doing, Yuu?"

He just shrugged and continued brushing the paint onto the paper in front of him. Really, red was a nice color. A very nice color.

Curious, Tyki looked over the boy's shoulder. And nearly swallowed his cigarette from shock. "Ahh…Yuu?"


"That is a very…interesting picture. So, who is the unlucky person being stabbed, mauled, and…is he getting beheaded?"

"Yeah! And, it's Cyril!"

The older Noah cleared his throat, unnerved at the suddenly cheerful tone and manic grin on the young boy's face. "I…see. Well, carry on then. I'll go…do something somewhere else. Bye."

Kanda didn't even bother to look up, too focused on adding more red paint to the bloody scene. "Uh-huh. Bye."

Two days later, Tyki placed a book into his hand.

Blinking at the plain cover sporting a few words in gold ink, Kanda looked up at his brother. "Tyki-ni, what's this?"

"It's a book. Maybe you should read it."

"What's it about?"

Tyki opened his mouth to reply but hesitated. He slowly closed his mouth, looking sheepish. "I didn't even look inside. I saw the title and thought it's something you might need, so tell me about it after you read it. Alright?"

Skeptical about the entire thing, Kanda reluctantly nodded.

The Noah of Pleasure smiled and ruffled the younger one's hair before he left.

The young Noah sighed and decided to go play in the Ark. Maybe the 14th could tell him what the book was about. It never crossed his mind to open the book himself.

Stepping through the white gate, he entered the neat town of Noah's Ark.

"Hello? Are you in here?"

He waited a few moments before a disembodied voice echoed around him.

"Yuu. Come in."

A doorway materialized in front of Kanda, and he ran through it, excited to be able to play with the 14th.

Out of all the Noah, he was closest to the Musician. He liked spending time with Road, running his fingers through Lulubell's fur when she was in her cat form, learning how to play poker with Tyki, playing with the twins, plotting ways to torment Cyril, and stealing candy from Skin. But, there was something about the 14th that captivated him. The music that came to life as the Musician's fingers moved over the keys of the piano. He often times quickly became bored when playing with the other Noah, but he could spends hours quietly sitting on the white couch listening to the melody the 14th played.

Perhaps the 14th felt something similar when it came to the Pride of Noah. Kanda was the only one who he allowed to enter his secret piano room.

Grinning widely, the young Noah stopped in front of the tall form sitting at the piano.

The 14th smiled. "Did something good happen? You're never this cheerful unless you did something you shouldn't have. Did you steal Skin's candy again? I don't understand why you do that. You don't even like sweet things."

Kanda shook his head. "I didn't steal anything. Besides, I give all the candy to Jasdevi."

"I still don't see the point. They have their own candy. You didn't push Cyril down the stairs again, did you?"

Pouting a little, the younger Noah shook his head again. "I didn't push him down the stairs. I kicked him. There's a difference." He held out the hardcover book. "Can you tell me what this is about?"

Taking the book, the 14th eyed the gold letters. "Enhancing a Relationship. (I just made up the title, so if there are any books out there with this title, it was purely coincidence and I do not own them.) Where did you get this from?"

"Tyki-ni gave it to me."

"I see." The 14th opened the book, stared at the page for a moment, and slammed it shut. "Did Tyki look in this before he gave it to you? Knowing him, he probably didn't. Right, Yuu, I want you to promise me that you will not look in this book until you are at least 18 years old. Understand?"


Ahh, the inquisitive minds of children. The current bane of the Musician's existence. There were worse things out there in the world, but for now in his secret room, he silently cursed the child's curious nature. "Do you promise?"

Kanda mentally debated for a minute before he nodded. "Promise. What's it about?"

"I'll tell you when you're older."



Huffing out a breath, the young Noah let the subject go.

2 years later

Kanda unhurriedly packed his suitcase. A mission to infiltrate the Dark Order, why couldn't the Earl send someone else? This mission required that he get close to the exorcists, get them to trust him.

Riffling through his drawer, his hand hit something hard. Curious, he pulled out the object and stared at the familiar dark hardcover and gold ink. "Tyki's book."

Remembering the promise he made to the 14th, Kanda snorted. "You're dead so you won't be able to keep your promise to me. Why should I keep my promise to you?"

Pushing away memories of the traitor, he put the book into his suitcase and continued packing.

4 months later

Sitting alone in the hotel room, Kanda resisted the urge to destroy everything around him. Fucking old man and his inability to tell the difference between and boy and a girl.

He jumped off the bed and pulled his suitcase closer. Listening for any sounds of the exorcists returning, he took off the repulsive thing called a dress and pulled on clothes more fitting for his gender. He tossed the pink thing into a corner and glared at it for a moment.

Growing bored, Kanda dug through his case and pulled out the book. He hadn't had time to even look at it for the past several months, and now was the perfect opportunity.

Pausing to make sure no one was about to open the door, he hopped onto the bed and opened the book.

Thus scarring his relatively innocent mind.

(End Flashback)

A shiver slid up his spine just thinking about that damn book. An eight year old had no need to know anything about that. And were the illustrations really necessary?

Whatever happened to the book anyway? He couldn't recall seeing it anywhere in his room. Did someone take it?

A dim memory of pure disgust as countless bits of paper and shreds of pink cloth slowly floated down to the ground, Mugen slicing through the air, a horrified Tiedoll, and an unconscious passerby that was hit on the head by the spine of the formerly thick book when he tossed the useless thing out the window.

A dark smirk formed. He got rid of two headaches that day. The perverted book and the disgusting pink thing called a dress.

He nearly got rid of the old man that day, too. Though that effort failed (and he really tried, the old geezer just wouldn't die, damn it), he had finally been recognized as a member of the male gender. So, maybe it was three headaches taken care of within an hour.

Finders and scientists jumped out of his way as Kanda stalked down the corridor.

Right, the beansprout. Forget befriending the sprout. It would be easier to just seduce the little bastard. If the sprout didn't fall in love with him, well too bad. At least he would have a bit of stress relief (that didn't require killing innocent people randomly walking by) for a while.

Besides, didn't the Vatican consider homosexual relationships a sin? Wouldn't they be surprised when they find out their Destroyer of Time committed sodomy with a Noah. Of course, that would be after he shocked them with the fact that he was a Noah and had never really been on their side from the beginning.

Kanda paused in the middle of an empty hallway. Should he eat soba first or go molest a beansprout first? Decisions, decisions.

Why was he even asking? Soba always came first.

He turned the corner and stopped in time to avoid being run over by a large machine. It looked vaguely familiar. Wasn't it the thing that took his soba a few months ago. Didn't he destroy it? Although looking at it more closely, he could see some differences.

Kanda mentally debated if eating soba was worth having to pass by the annoying machine and sleep-deprived scientists waging war with it. He wasn't particularly hungry at the moment, so maybe soba could wait a while longer, until the idiots stopped destroying Headquarters.

Well, if he couldn't have soba, then a certain beansprout would do. In theory, it shouldn't be hard. He just had to find said sprout, drag him to some secluded area (preferably an unused room), and do unspeakable things to him.

As luck would have it, his theory crashed when he caught sight of a head of white hair being chased by the insane machine from the corner of his eyes.


Kanda spun around and stalked away.

Screw it. Sleep sounded like a better idea anyway. He could deal with everything tomorrow.


Road groaned at the book in her hands. She was bored and homework didn't help matters. "Duke Millennium, when's Yuu coming back? I want to play with him. It's so boring around here."

The Millennium Earl hummed. "Be patient, Road. Yuu-pon hasn't completed his mission yet."

The eldest Noah pouted. "Aww, but he's been gone for eight years. And when he finally visits, he only stayed for a night. He left before I woke up, so I didn't even get to see him off. Why'd you send Yuu? Couldn't you have sent someone else?"

"No, I had to send Yuu-pon. As the Noah of Pride, he is the only one with the ability to sense Noah genes before they awaken. Even I cannot sense that. I can only find new apostles when the signs appear."

"But why send him to the Dark Order? You could have sent him out to find new family members, instead."

"With the player's requirement missing, I needed someone to keep an eye on Cross Marian or at the very least infiltrate the Dark Order. Also, before the 14th betrayed us, he was closest to Yuu-pon. Road, didn't you notice how he avoided all contact with any piano after the 14th's betrayal? Yuu-pon's ability would be more sensitive to the Musician's genes because of the bond he had with the previous one."

A sigh sounded in the still room. "But it's boring here. I want to do something."

The Millennium Earl laughed. "I heard about a rewinding town in Germany. Why don't you go see if Innocence is at work. You know what to do with it, right?"

Road perked up. "Yeah, I know. I can really go?"

"Yes. Take Lero with you. Take your time and have fun, Road."

A pink umbrella with a pumpkin head sprung to life. "Huh? B-B-But, D-Duke Millennium!"

The Noah of Dreams jumped to her feet and hugged the Earl. She snagged the stammering golem out of the air on her way out of the room, radiating excitement. "Thanks so much, Duke Millennium! Yay! Let's go play, Lero."

"Mistress Ro—aghh!"

Road carelessly swung the golem around, all the while laughing. She abruptly stopped and Lero flew into a wall when she accidentally loosened her grip.

"If there are rumors of Innocence, then exorcists will show up. Maybe they'll send Yuu. Or Allen Walker."

She grinned. "I want to meet Yuu's new doll." Looking down at her clothes, she wondered, "Should I dress up for him?"

Making up her mind, Road returned home, where she was immediately grabbed into a hug by Cyril.

"My cute Road! Where are you going?"

"Duke Millennium wanted me to go check something out."

Cyril placed Road down on a chair. "Is it urgent? Can it wait?"

"Uhh…not really. Why?"

Cyril cleared his throat, hating that he was denying Road something. "You have school. Wait until the weekend before going to play."

"But…aww…do I have to?"

He nodded and grabbed her for another hug. "I want my Road to be cute and smart."

Pouting, Road reluctantly agreed. Looking on the bright side though, that meant she had more time to pick out what to wear. Cheerful again, Road skipped to her room to dig through her closet.


Waking up just before dawn as usual, Kanda grabbed Mugen and went to the training room to meditate. Breathing deeply, he cleared his mind and ignored the complaint from his stomach reminding him that he didn't eat anything the day before. His other half still insisted on staying silent, something that made him slightly uneasy.

Thinking of Noahs, it had been years since he had spared a thought for the 14th. Sure his mission was to find the Musician's requirement, but he had refused to think of the actual Noah.

Was it merely coincidence that the sprout had the same last name as the 14th and had memories yet to awaken?

Feeling a headache forming, Kanda cut off his rampant thoughts and began meditating.

Half an hour into his meditation, the slight creaking of the door alerted him of an intruder.

"Oh, Kanda!"

He instantly recognized the voice. Well, that saved him some time. At least he wouldn't have to go hunt down his new doll, not when it came straight to him. Keeping his eyes closed, he addressed the teen. "What do you want, Beansprout?"

He heard and annoyed huff. "It's Allen. And do you know where the mess hall is? I can't seem to find it."


"You don't have to be so rude."

Hearing the annoyed tone, Kanda smirked. "No, I don't have to be. I choose to be, Beansprout."

"My name is Allen. And here I thought you were intelligent enough to pronounce two syllables. I suppose I was wrong. Forgive my assumptions."

"Want to die, Moyashi?"

"Moya-what? Are you insulting me again?"

"Can your brain not comprehend the intended insult?"

"You…you…ugh. Do you really have to act like this? We're comrades aren't we?"

Shrugging slightly, Kanda considered his next words. Getting close to the beansprout would be harder than he expected. They wouldn't get anywhere if an argument ensued every time they saw each other. "And how exactly are comrades supposed to act towards one another then, Moyashi? Why should I care if I'm sent on most of my missions alone?"

A short silence met his questions.

"Even if you get sent on missions alone, there are still comrades waiting for you to come home. There are people who worry about you. You would be able to see that if you stopped glaring and snapping at every kind gesture."

He couldn't keep the mocking tone out of his voice. "Che. And how would you know how I act? Have you been watching me, Moyashi? See something you like?"

He heard an odd sound somewhere between choking, laughing, and coughing.

"Did I hit the mark, Sprout?"

"You…I don't understand you. You're cruel. You push everyone away. I'm trying to be nice and you just shove everything back in my face. Shouldn't you at least try to make an effort to open up to other people?"


Even from across the room, he could feel the anger radiating from the white haired teen. That barely leashed fury directed at him sparked something inside of him. Made his heart beat faster. Made his lungs greedily gulp down more air. His smirk twisted into a dark grin. Not from fear but from exhilaration. It seemed, playing with the sprout would be more fun that he first thought.

"Sometimes, I can't help but hate you."

The boy's voice was soft but filled with emotion.

Kanda opened his eyes, taking in the sight of the teen in front of him. Tousled white hair going every which way, narrowed silver-gray eyes, pursed lips, cheeks tinged with pink.

This way would be infinitely better. Who knew the boy was capable of hate? As weak as the hatred was, the boy still had a seed of dark emotions in his fragile heart. He wanted to tend that tiny seed. Plant it in the boy's doubt and pain. Warm it with the light of the boy's burning anger and self-disgust. Water it with the boy's shame and resentment. He could use this newfound knowledge to hurt his new doll. To abuse the already breaking soul. It would be much more satisfying to make the boy hate him. Hate him but still return for more. Getting to his feet in a graceful movement, he moved towards the cursed boy.

Allen backed away as Kanda came closer. Not just walking since the movements of the lithe form were too fluid and predatory to be called such a mundane thing as walking. No, he took another step backwards as the vision of animalistic grace continued to stalk forward. Feeling distinctly like the prey, Allen's back hit the closed door, breath catching in his throat as the Japanese stopped before him. A hand curled into the front of his shirt and pulled him forward. Closer to the handsome face cruelly grinning at him with glittering eyes promising forbidden sins in the dark.

"Then I'll make you hate me even more."

The voice like black silk sent a chill down his spine as warm breath fanned over his lips with every word the Asian spoke. Then his world blurred as their lips met in a heated moment.


Yullen! There will be more next chapter (fortunately or unfortunately depending on your tastes, next chapter will have non-con or at the very least semi-non-con)…if I ever get around to writing it.

I'm thinking of writing a one shot for Valentine's Day. I have an idea floating around in my cluttered brain. I just need to fish it out in the next few days and put it into the computer. I doubt I'll get it up in time, so it will probably be late. Things to do, papers to procratinate on and all that.

And just to clarify, in the flashback, Tiedoll walked into the room while Kanda was in the middle of going sword happy on the book and the dress. Th General has no idea what the book was about. Sadly, Tyki doesn't either. He really should look at what he gives little kids before actually giving anything.