A/N Being an Aussie I haven't seen any more of season five than the snippets I can find on youtube. The end of 5x10 struck a chord though and I realised how perfect this pairing is and then this stupid idea got stuck in my head nagging away at me and I had to write it, lol. So forgive me if I'm wrong on a few technicalities. I know Lexie told George she loved him, that he didn't return love, that Derek made Sloan promise not to go near Lexie and that Sloan didn't listen. But that's about it. Unless some of that's wrong... Call any mistakes I make the result of creative license. Or AU. Whatever. The whole story is AU so you may as well... lol. Anyway it's just the nagging idea of the consequences of Lexie's night in Mark's hotel room. Enjoy :) I hope to update quickly but I won't promise anything because every time I do it takes me a thousand years to update.
Chapter One – Sweetest Thing
She was dreaming.
Well, she hoped she was. She tried hard to ignore that it was hopefulness and not sureness that had her convinced she was dreaming because conviction was the only thing stopping her from throwing up.
She brought the test up to her eye level and shakily inspected it for the fifth time. Of course, having a photographic memory she needn't have bothered except she wanted to remember the despair of the result when she woke up so she could feel relieved for the rest of the day. Relief would be a nice change compared to the despair that neither George or Sloan wanted her as their girlfriend and that Cristina didn't want her as her intern. And of course it would be wonderful contrasted against the general despair of having a dead mother and a consequently alcoholic father.
There was a lot of despair going around.
She picked up another test and recognised it as the one she'd tried first. She wondered briefly why it displayed a smiley face. Why were smiley faces and positive results synonymous? She wasn't smiling. She could imagine a group of workers sitting around a table at some pregnancy test factory debating whether it was celebratory because of all the forty year olds who had been on IVF for nine years or non celebratory because of all the twenty seven year old surgical interns who didn't have any reliable men in their lives.
She picked up another that took bluntness to a whole new level. 'Pregnant' it read in bold, forbidding letters. A man had to have come up with that one.
There were others scattered around the tile floor that showed the traditional two blue lines. There was one that had a plus sign that reminded her of the positive end of a battery as opposed to a pregnancy test.
She sighed deeply and closed her eyes, willing herself to wake up. She had enough 'pregnancy despair' bottled up from this dream to give her a year's worth of relief. If she woke up now she wouldn't complain about anything for a whole decade.
The thought didn't stop her from remembering the night though. Having a photographic memory had one major advantage; you remembered everything. From the whole periodic table to how much milk you needed to make those fantastic pancakes Molly used to love. It also had one major disadvantage; you remembered everything. From the grey t-shirt he'd been wearing that fit him just so, to the way his expression had changed when he'd finally given in, to (even worse) how his voice had sounded when he'd said your name, over and over again… So much more endearing than 'little Grey' or' Dr Grey' or…
She hit the back of her head against the tile wall hoping it would give her a concussion and temporary amnesia. Permanent amnesia would have been better but she'd settle for temporary if it erased Mark Sloan from her mind for more than a second.
A loud thumping startled her.
"Lexie! Are you okay? You've been in there for an hour."
She yelped and scrambled to the bathroom floor trying to pick up all the pregnancy tests she could with one hand. The last thing she needed was George stuttering over her situation and accidentally mentioning it to Meredith.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk to me. But you should know we're friends. And friends don't avoid each other. They talk about things. We could talk-"
"I don't want to talk about it." She said plastering a smile on her face as she swung open the door and was met with a concerned looking George; "I know we're friends. I just… I don't feel like talking right now okay?"
She made to walk away but his voice broke through her determination to get to her room; "Really? Because… You kind of started up a cutting club and got suspended and… I don't know. I wouldn't be okay about that. If I had Cristina on my back I wouldn't be okay about it. I mean, Cristina is a good resident – the best – but she's not someone you want on your back and…"
"Shut up." She exclaimed. She immediately regretted her outburst because it had him looking more worried and concerned than ever. And the last thing she needed was George looking concerned. It thawed her too much. They hadn't spoken for so long about anything - being on call at alternating times just to avoid talking to each other - and she had missed it so much. She wasn't going to tell George about this just because she was elated he wanted to talk to her again. "I'm fine. Okay?"
He appraised her with a frown before nodding curtly.
She nodded back; satisfied that she had stemmed his monologue. She waited for another moment to be certain that he wasn't going to start again before walking to her room, her knees wobbling all the way.
She remembered the last time she'd told someone to shut up.
With another head bang – this one against the brick wall in her room as opposed to the tile one in her bathroom – she wondered miserably what Meredith was going to say when she found out.
What would Derek say?
But worst of all, what would Mark Sloan say?
She shook her head furiously. She wasn't going to tell Mark. She'd figure it out on her own. Mark Sloan was not the daddy type and she wasn't going to get him involved. He could never know.
x x x
"Nice board." Derek commented sipping on his cappuccino.
Mark turned with a grin, greeting his best friend; "Chief will be proud."
"We could probably go to Joe's after work – if it stays this ordered."
Mark chuckled. The likelihood of that wasn't high. He agreed anyway – any time spent with Derek was a reminder of why he couldn't go near Little Grey. And – more often than not – he needed a reminder when it came to staying away from her.
He took a sip of his coffee and told himself for the millionth time that morning that he was going to ignore any further Lexie related thoughts for the entire day. The idea pained him. He didn't know what it was about the doe eyed intern but she'd had him in a spin long before she'd come to his hotel room. The fact that he'd never really been in a spin about a woman like this (excluding Addison but that had been a fiasco) wasn't comforting either. Derek was right – he had no reason to be anywhere near Little Grey. No good would come from it. She wasn't the kind of women he needed. He wasn't entirely sure what kind of woman he needed but he damn well knew it wasn't the Lexie kind. And more to the point, he wasn't the kind of man she needed. She needed someone stable who wasn't going to hurt her. She needed stability. If O'Malley had more balls he would have been a perfect candidate.
Reminding himself about his impending surgeries he turned away from the board only to run straight into the unwelcome subject of his thoughts.
There it was. That adorable 'deer in the head lights' expression. Inwardly he hit himself. He wasn't going to entertain ideas of Lexie being adorable.
No good will come from it. His noble side chanted.
"Dr Sloan." She was startled looking. Her hair was all over the place like she'd rolled out of bed five minutes before seven and had stuffed it into a pony tail in the middle of driving to work. It kind of looked like the morning after she had come to his hotel room.
"I had a sweater… A Purple sweater…"
"No I have to get to work and do rounds… Cristina is mad enough as it is. I can't give her another reason for hating me-"
"You're suspended. You have time to talk to me."
She stopped her frantic search and turned towards him. Her expression told him she knew what was coming. She'd known since he'd opened his eyes and given her that sad look…
"We… I promised Derek and…" He faltered. It seemed so weak now that he'd already broken Derek's promise. Broken it well and truly.
"It would be better if we pretended it didn't happen."
She looked down at her bare feet. He could see the hurt in her eyes despite her downward gaze. He kicked himself inwardly. All he wanted to do was vault himself over the edge of the bed and… and… He didn't know. He just wanted that look gone.
'It will be. But if she stays with you for more than one night it won't be. It always happens the same way.' He reminded himself bitterly. Lexie Grey was not going to be another unsatisfied victim of his dirty mistress ways. She was too fragile for it. She could handle this. She could handle being told he wasn't good enough for her. She couldn't handle being cheated on.
"It would be much better for you… If it didn't happen again."
She looked up then, confusion swirling in her eyes. She made to step towards him but he looked down, averting his gaze from hers.
"You're not bad." She said softly; "I know you think you are, but you're not."
"I'd really rather prefer you keep that opinion then. And the only way I see that happening is if we pretend it didn't happen."
He looked up again. Her mouth was open in protest but he shook his head to silence her. If he knew one thing it was that no good would come from forming a relationship with Little Grey. He was outraged with O'Malley for hurting her so badly but he would be worse than outraged if he did it himself. Not again.
"Dr Grey, you look preoccupied."
The 'deer in the headlights expression' was replaced by the 'lion in the cage' look that Mark wasn't accustomed to. Lexie, angry? Perhaps he had commented on her appearance, maybe even inappropriately, but they had been mastering the art of being normal for weeks now. Months even. Two months. And his normal included inappropriate comments about people's appearances and preoccupations.
"I'm fine." She snapped. "Dr Yang assigned me to your service."
"I see. Well the patient-"
"Listen I know until now I haven't said anything or objected to any of this but I need you to just…" She stopped taking a slight breath, "Just… Just send me to get your coffee or something. I don't want to scrub in. I don't want to do surgery with you today. Just… Tell me to go get your coffee."
The words stung. They had been doing so well up until now. She had shown so little emotion about the whole thing. While ever she pretended she was fine in his presence he could deal with his attraction to her in an effective way. When she looked like she did now – emotional and upset – all he wanted to do was hold her. And that wasn't a good way of conveying to everyone else just how platonic their relationship was.
"But I'm your teacher… I'm-"
"Yeah, you're my teacher. And the last time we did anything teaching related it didn't end well so… Please… Don't try and teach me anything. Just make me get your coffee."
With a sigh he took a ten out of his pocket and gave it to her. Without a further glance his way she took it and headed off to the coffee cart. He watched her go sadly wondering why everything had been fine up until now. Why was it a problem now? Why was it all resurfacing now?
Inwardly Lexie Grey answered his question for him as she got his coffee.
I can't be around him now. Not like this. Not with the mother-load of soapie plots growing inside me. Not today… Not now…
I would really appreciate reviews and there will be a dirty mistress of the plastic surgeon variety for every person who does ;)