Please, do not tell us that we are racist, because we're really not. We are sincerely sorry if this fanfiction has offended anyone. It was written purely because we were overtired and had lots of energy. Hope you enjoy it!
We do not own any of the characters in this fanfiction. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.
I yawned sleepily as I swung my legs over the edge of my bed, dragging my feet across the floor as I made my way to the washroom.
Today was my 17th birthday. I wasn't just a silly little boy anymore. Now, I was a man!
I waggled my eyebrows at myself from in front of the mirror.
"How's it going there, handsome?" I asked in my manliest voice.
I stood there admiring my own reflection for about ten minutes, then decided to get changed so I could go down and see what my dad had prepared in honor of my birthday.
Just as I was walking down the stairs, I heard an odd sort of yell. It sounded almost like a battle cry, and it was followed by someone shouting,
"Seth! SHUT UP!"
They must all be outside, I thought. So I hurried down the stairs and walked out the front door.
My mouth fell open in shock as my eyes met the sight of Quil, Embry, Sam, Paul, Jared and Seth standing in the grass, wearing nothing but what looked like Tarzan's loincloth, and an assortment of bracelets on their wrists.
Leah was there too, but she at least had a dress on. A very short dress, to be sure, but it was still a dress.
They looked like Native Americans straight out of a history book! And none of them looked very happy.
Well, everyone except for Seth, who was bouncing around excitedly and singing "Happy Birthday".
But the worst thing of all was my father, who was also wearing a Tarzan loincloth and was smiling up at me as if I had just won the lottery.
It was a nightmare come true.
"Welcome to your very own powwow, Jake!" My dad said, and Seth squealed excitedly.
"A traditional Quileute party, just for you!" He continued.
"Now, go and get your outfit on!"
He said, and he threw me a brown piece of cloth and a jar of face makeup.
"NO!" I screamed, and stamped my foot like a child throwing a temper tantrum.
My father sighed, and for a second I thought I'd won.
But then he turned to look at Sam.
"Sam… Please?" He asked, looking at Sam with the grossest puppy-dog look I had ever seen.
Surprisingly, Sam stepped forward, but he didn't look too happy.
"Come on, Jake" He mumbled, grabbing my arm. "Don't make me do this"
"NO!" I shrieked, sounding much more like a little girl than a seventeen year-old boy…Man.
Sam sighed and dragged me inside.
Twenty minutes later, Sam emerged from the house, looking utterly and completely traumatized.
I couldn't figure out why, but when he got next to the others, he whispered something that sounded like "I'm scared for life".
Then I came out.
Sam had somehow managed to wrestle me into the Tarzan loincloth, but he hadn't gotten so far as to get that ridiculous makeup on my face.
I still couldn't believe this was happening.
Real men didn't have powwows for birthday parties!
What did that mean?
That I wasn't a real man?
I refused to believe that. After all, I had armpit hair! And hair in… Other places.
I had to be a man!
"It's time for traditional Quileute dancing!" My dad shouted, and Seth giggled.
I wasn't quite sure, but I think he might have been high.
"Walla woooo! Winky pinky wooo!" Seth screamed, jumping up and down.
"What the hell, Seth?" Leah said, looking thoroughly annoyed.
"It's Quileute!" Seth said defensively.
My dad looked insulted. Sam looked like he's like to strangle the little retard who was standing in front of him.
"Anyways…" My dad finally said, sensing the tension between the two.
"DANCING!" Seth screamed, then started to hop wildly around the fire that was burning in the middle of the yard.
"C'mon, Jake!" My dad said, grabbing my arm.
"There's no way I-"
My thoughts were interrupted by a sudden breeze down below, and I realized that the loincloth wasn't doing too good of a job of covering everything.
Suddenly, a girly shriek came from somewhere near the fire.
Apparently, Seth had fallen in while he had been 'dancing'. He had some burns, but we all knew that those would heal rather quickly.
What frightened me was the fact that his loincloth had been completely burned off, and the sight of Seth's naked boy was not at all appealing to me.
Seth was sobbing, not even bothering to cover himself.
"Where's my mommy?" He cried, looking increasingly stupid standing naked in my front yard, crying for his mother.
I groaned, then stomped up to my room.
Next year, I was planning my own party.