This is a fanfic about Bella, and I've really tried to write it in the best Twilight-style. Please don't kill me for spelling mistakes and grammar or little finger-mistakes.

Renesmee is not in this story, so those people who does not like Edward's and Bella's relationship in Breaking Dawn, here it is, vampires without a child. (No, I do not hate Breaking Dawn.) Please review and enjoy ^^

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer do.



In my entire life, I had not imagined things could go as they did, but even though I was in more danger than I had ever thought possible, I could not in any way regret or wish that what had happened had not. If it was not for that, I would not have experienced life the way I had these past so too few months. But it was enough for me to know, that I had never lived life before. Not before the god-like creature became my life.


"It's okay, mom, really. I'm not mad at you, I just think it's the best for everyone," I tried to convince my mom. It was hard to keep up the charade of hard, cold stone, when she had crumbled into this the personification of loneliness. I felt like I was betraying her.

"And this way you'll have more time with Phil," I continued, knowing this would help heavily to my victory. Renée was unhappy when her new husband wasn't around, but his job forced him to move around a lot and because of me, my mother couldn't follow.

But if I was gone, she could.

She straightened up a little. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes," I answered, gritting my teeth the slightest bit. I was rotten at lying, especially to Renée. She knew me too well.

"Honey, you don't have to move to that little, dark city, we'll –"

"No, mom. 'Sides, I think it's good if I spend some quality time with Charlie," I noted.

She looked sheepishly down. I tried to smile. It was sort of hard when I knew what was awaiting me in the near future; drizzly Forks, constant raining, few glimpses of sun, depressing fog. But I needed to go. I stepped forth to hug her in a warm embrace.

"It's not like we won't see each other, mom. Please. Trust me. Everyone will be much happier this way. Just think of how ecstatic Charlie will be!" The thought was very appealing, but again, I was a lousy liar. Not everyone would be much happier. I wouldn't.

"Well, if you say so," she sniffed. She must ignore the clear lie, or she was too crazed to notice.

"Good. Now, how about if I make you some dinner? Is spaghetti okay?"

"It's fine," she answered and smiled at me.

I went to the kitchen and began to mix the ingredients. I was very absent minded. I was imagining how Forks would be. I shivered slightly at the memories from the past – summers wasted away in that wet, cold place. I'd suppressed the memories up till now, but now they all kind of pressed into my mind.

"Leave me alone," I muttered under my breathe, trying to concentrate on the dinner. Great. The mere thought of Forks had made me crazy – what wouldn't the city itself do to me?

"Suck it in. You can do this. It's just a city. It's not like your arrival there will make everything point at you, your overreacting," I tried to tell myself, but I wasn't fooling anybody – least of all myself. I was too self-conscious a person for that.

"Dinner's ready," I called, trying to sound casual. I would not let my mother know how much I dreaded my own choice.

"Mmmh," Renée replied and smelled the air. "Something smells good."

"Thanks," I murmured and handed her a plate of spaghetti and filled one of my own. I sat down in front of her and started eating in the silence. As it dragged on, I peeked up at her. She poked the food with her fork, and I licked my lips clear of spaghetti souse and straightened. "Aren't you hungry?" She sighed and kept poking her dinner. "Mom, eat something." She shortly scowled at me and then started eating.

"I guess you're right. Again. It's weird to have a thirty-five year old daughter."

I grimaced at her joke. I didn't choose to be the responsible one. I had to.

"When I'm finished I'll call Charlie and tell him the good news," I announced. It was hard to not choke on the words good news.

"Sure," she said with a shrug.

When we were finished, I cleared the dishes and went for the phone. I dialed Charlie's number and tapped nervously with my food. Could I lie about my misery to Charlie?

"Hello, chief Swan," Charlie answered the phone. I smiled.

"Hi dad, it's Bella," I greeted him.

"Oh, hey Bells! How's it going?" He sounded both surprised and happy. Yes, he was going to like the news.

"Well, how it's going on is that … Well, I'd like … To ask if I could come live with you in Forks."

There. It was said now. Out in the open.

"Wow, Bells, are you … Sure?"

I sort of suspected him to correct sane to sure. Still – he sounded pleased.

"Yea, dad. I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I think I should move to Forks."

"Well, of course you're welcome! When will you come?"

I peeked at Renée from the corner of my eye. "Uhm. Let me get back to you on that one."

"Sure, sure. I guess I'll see you soon then."

"Yes," I answered, smiling at the obvious thrill in his voice. "I'll see you soon." I hung up the phone and looked outside the window. It was starting to get dark. Phil would soon get home.

I walked into the living room, which was actually just part of the kitchen, where Renée was watching some movie, covered by a blanket. A sudden urge to share this moment made me sit down beside her, though I really never watched much TV or knew what the movie so far was about.

While I laid there, I wondered what was awaiting me in Forks. I was annoyingly aware of the fact that nothing big could ever happen there. I could already imagine my first day at the school – all those eyes, staring at the new girl from sunnier places. I sighed. It was going to be really crappy there. But I would suck it in and act like nothing was bothering me. If I spared enough money, college wasn't far away, and then I could go somewhere sunny.

Sunny already seemed so far away to me, it was like I was already there in Forks. Like I'd already said goodbye to Phoenix.

I hardly noticed when Phil came home. He was happily whistling, oblivious to his wife's bad mood. I decided to move up to my own room.

I still had some homework to get done, but I didn't feel like doing them. What was the point when I was leaving soon?

I sighed and found Romeo & Juliet and flipped the book open at the point I'd gotten to last night.

It wasn't much time that had went when I heard my mom tell Phil the 'good' news downstairs. She was quite upset, and I felt guilty, as I always did when she was in this mood, whether it was my fault or not.

I tried to shut it out, but it was impossible. I found a CD and put it on. It was Debussy – Clair de Lune. I listened to the familiar sound and slowly felt more at ease. I soon drifted into dreams of drizzly forests and streets.

"I can't believe you're leaving," Clare declared disapprovingly. "It's just not fair! And without any time in advantage!"

"Clare," I clarified, "this is your advantage."

"Of course it is," she spat and scowled at me.

"Clare, I really want to go to Forks," I said.

She rolled her eyes. "Sure. And my dad is Ronald McDonald. Bella, you suck at lying. Please stop doing it. You hate Forks!"

"I don't … Hate Forks," I mumbled.

"No, no, that's true. You absolutely loath it."

"See you, Clare," I said and crossed the street away from her.

"You can't keep running away from me!" she promised me.

"I'm not running from anything. I'm just taking advantage of the fact that you don't live on the same street as I do," I said, grinning back at her, before she disappeared among the crowd.

As soon as she couldn't see me anymore, I sighed. It was hard to keep acting all cheery. And I would have to keep acting for a long time. Even after I came to Forks. I would have to pretend to be happy there. Like that was even possible!

There was one light side to all of this – after two years of practice before college, I must become a good liar.

Renée wasn't home, and I started doing my homework. As soon as I was finished, I continued on reading. After reading a few hours, I decided to clean the house a bit. I tried to occupy my mind and not think of the future.

Though I couldn't fight my bad mood, I had to pretend to be the incarnation of cheeriness when Renée came home. She seemed to be better now – that was good. This would make it easier for me.

That night I felt like I'd already left Phoenix again. In the back of my ear, I could hear the drops hit the ground. Blob, blob, blob.

"Mom, I'll go for a walk," I announced and was outside before she could answer. It was still warm, and that helped my mind remembering that I hadn't left.

Not many people was outside at this hour. I wondered how it would be in Forks. It was such a small town. Either nobody was out, or everybody was because there was nothing to fear there.

As I crossed a small street to my left, I heard something. Someone. Someone breathe.

I peeked down the street and stepped a few steps into it. There was nothing, but the sound kept on, like it wasn't aware it wasn't supposed to be there. Instead of growing smaller, the sound was suddenly fierce, and I turned around to leave. Something scratched a container behind me, but I ignored it. I was going to go straight home. Who knew what was hiding here, in the dark?

Steps. Like someone was getting to their feet. I wasn't far from the street, but my curiosity made me look around.

I didn't see anything, but I was suddenly trapped in a blur of light and darkness. Something cold – ice-cold – shut my mouth before I could scream. I was far into the street now, surrounded by darkness.

And then I was flying. It was all going so quickly. I felt nauseous and made sure my eyes was closed.

Then it stopped. I wasn't moving anymore.

But then I felt something else. Something bored into my neck. I tried to scream, but the hand made me not.

It was like all blood in my veins was suddenly determined to flow to my neck, to the place where something cold was touching me. I felt woozy. My brain started to set out. It wasn't even half-bad. Whatever was happening, I was pretty sure I was dying. It would soon be over.

Then I fell to the ground. Nothing cold held me anymore, and the air felt extra warm. Though the hand couldn't stop me from screaming now, I didn't. I felt too weak.

Then noises cut into my ears, making my hyper aware of everything around me. Something was snarling, growling. I could hear the air move around, but when I peeked, I couldn't see anything.

And then I didn't care.

From my neck, it felt like somebody had filled me with fire, and now it was slowly spreading to the rest of my body.

What had I done to deserve this? What was going on? This was so – painful wasn't even the right word! It was unbearable! Never before I had wanted to die, but now I did. Or cut the part that hurt off. I wished I could do something about this, but it was like I had turned completely numb.

And then I realized that the pain was increasing.

I wanted to scream, but I also wanted to know what was going on. I tried to listen to what was going on around me, but it was like I was in the water.

"Mine," I heard someone snarl near me.

"Give her to me," someone growled.


More snarling. And then I couldn't keep taps on anything around me anymore. I was completely devoted to the pain. I suddenly understood how it'd been in the middle-ages to be accused to be a witch.

An idea occurred to me. Whoever it was that was talking and snarling and growling, I could ask them to kill me. I could ask them to stop this.

I tried to open my mouth to speak to them, but instead, a low whisper of a cry came out. I realized I wouldn't be able to speak and shut my mouth, gritting my teeth against the pain. I bored my nails into the grass beneath me.

Grass? When had I been moved from the city?

More snarling reached my ears. Something hit the ground not far from me.

"Mine!" a voice shouted triumphantly, and I felt something cold around me again, and before I knew of it, the cold touch was at my neck again, a different place now. I realized something was biting me, and that I'd been bitten before. Why? Irritation managed to cut through the pain, to make me angry at all this evasiveness.

I felt the blood flow to my neck again, and some pain drew with it, too. I felt grateful at whatever was causing this. But then the cold left me again, another snarl right at my ear. My mouth formed a silent cry when more pain hit me from the new bite. Why wasn't I dying? I wouldn't survive this pain that was for certain! I would grow insane.

I didn't know how long I laid there, but I noticed when the sun rose and the snarling was still going. Something glimpsed outside my shut lids. I thought about Renée for a moment, but I wasn't able to keep her in mind for more than a second. Pain was all.

"She's spoiled!" a voice spat angrily. "Look what you've done!"

"Shut up! We have to get her away from here. Into the forest."

What was they talking about? I didn't try to figure it out. It was too hard to focus on anything but the pain.

I did notice, though, when the sun disappeared in a green kind of light.

"This is such a waste!"

"She's already far enough through the process, it would be stupid to even try. Her blood would be ruined."

"Exactly," the first voice growled.

I drifted away in red pain again. The fire had reached my feet and fingertips by now, and every part of my body was suffering. No one, not even serial killers, I was sure, deserved this. So why was I trapped with this faith?

"She'll be angry when she awakes."

"So? As her creators we have to tell her the rules."

"You can do that. I have no experience dealing with newborns."


"You can't run from the responsibility."

"Watch me."

I heard more snarling. And I suddenly heard footsteps. Weird. I hadn't heard that the last time the two voices, the two men, had been fighting. I tried to listen for more. A squirrel was looking for food, a bird was singing, the wind was – wait! How could I hear this?

Something cold touched my forehead.

"I'm sorry," the voice said. It sounded gentle. "He's young, especially of his age. He's scared. He ran off. I couldn't stop him. But that's okay." He paused for a moment, and my ears went down under the surface of pain again, until he called me back again. "You're doing well. I have to tell you, I didn't even do this well."

What was he talking about? I didn't get it.

"My name is Elias. I'm your creator – well, me and the coward. I wonder what your name is." He removed his cold hand, and the fire returned to the point, stronger than before because the point had been numbed.

"You might be a bit mad when you wake up, and that's quite fair. I'm sure you can hear me now, so I'll just tell you everything while you're in this, er, condition. You're turning into a vampire. You're lucky I was around to fight for you." He chuckled. I didn't understand why.

As he chuckled, I could smell him. I pulled in the scent, trying to find something to compare it with. I couldn't. It was amazing …

"Well, as I said, you're turning into a vampire." I couldn't believe him. A vampire? A mythical creature? Me? Sure. "You're going through the changing now. It's painful, I know. We've all been there. When you wake up, you'll be thirsty. Just follow your instincts. Many things will be changed when you wake up. That's my best advice.

Now to the more important part." What could be more important than that? I couldn't tell, and I wondered off into more pain, swimming in it. Drowning in it. I wanted to scream, but I didn't see what good it would do.

" … the rules. It's very important. There's the … Volturi. Follow their rules. I don't want to scare you with all the details. Well, that's about it."

Rules? What rules? Shouldn't he say that?

"Bye, stranger."

No! I wanted to scream at him to get back. He couldn't just leave me like this! This was so unfair!

A low scream escaped my lips.

"Keep in there," he told me. Then I heard him leave.

Now I would truly go insane.

The fire continued. It burned and burned, left my veins as ashes. How could I still be alive? I wanted to die! But I couldn't move. I was like a stone.

Forever went again and again. Then I noticed a lack of power in the fire in my fingertips and in my toes. Was it finally starting to stop? I remembered Elias and what he'd said. What would I be when the fire stopped? If it stopped.

The fire slowly recoiled a bit. It was too slow. It almost didn't happen. But it did.

As my fingertips felt numb, the pain suddenly creased in the rest of my body, and as the fire pulled back, the pain grew stronger the places it still was.

My heart started to pound faster and faster, and I understood that it was fighting the fire, but it was doomed to fail.

My heart pounded harder and harder, faster and faster, the fire burned more painful than ever. They would soon collide. And I would die. Finally.

The pain was too much, I crushed my teeth down into my tongue. Blood filled my mouth.

The fire had surrounded my heart, the last part of me it hadn't consumed. It came closer and closer, leaving my body numb and free of fire.

My heart pounded a few quickly pounds. Then one. And then it stopped. Both heartbeat and fire was gone. And I was still alive.

I opened my eyes to see if I had gone to either heaven or hell – I couldn't believe the still-being-alive part.

Everything was so clear, so sharp. I could see everything. I blinked and got up. I was surprised there was no movement. The one moment I prepared to move, the next I had done it.

I looked down at myself, wondering if anything had changed. I froze when I saw my hands. They were white. My clothes was dirty and ruined.

Before I could notice anything else, I tasted something sweet in my mouth. I remembered biting my tongue. I swallowed. A thrill went down my spine. I licked my lips clear of blood, and then froze once again. I liked blood?

I suddenly remembered Elias. He'd told me I was becoming a vampire. Was that what I was now? Vampires drank blood.

"No!" I whispered, too preoccupied with disgust to notice the change in my voice. In one second, I realized what had happened. 'The Coward' had been the one to bring me out of the city and to this forest. What had Elias meant I'd been lucky he'd been there?

I was a vampire now. 'The Coward' had wanted to drink me, but he hadn't succeeded. Why, I couldn't put together. It was part of my human mind, and it seemed like my human memories was from another life, another person's thoughts. It was like looking through water.

I remembered Elias saying I should follow my instincts. I believed him now that I could feel my throat burning. I hadn't noticed that before. Now I did. I was thirsty.

But I wouldn't hunt humans! No. I could not do that. But what then?

I had to go to Phoenix. I had to see if my mom was okay, I had to find out how long I'd been gone. I stepped out from the forest and into the sun.

My skin suddenly sparkled like diamonds, and I quickly stepped back into the forest. If any human saw me, I couldn't imagine what they would think. I wouldn't do that to them; I wouldn't show them the world I'd been so abruptly introduced to. The world I didn't want to know about. I couldn't force them into this. No. I wouldn't hurt them in any way.

I went into the forest. Okay, so I sparkled in the sun. Great.

I stopped at a lake to take a look at myself. The pain must have ruined me entirely. I washed my face and then looked at what must be a terrible mirror-image.

My eyes widened. I couldn't comprehend what was staring back at me. Some dark-haired beauty. That wasn't me. It couldn't be. I tried to wave at her. She did so, too. She was pale, her skin all white. The hair was wild and fell into the face in wild strings. Then I saw the eyes. Crimson red. They flowed with blood, I was sure. What had happened with my chocolate brown color? What had happened with me? I felt lost and fearsome. What would become of me? And I was so thirsty …

The city was behind me. It would be so easy. Wait till nightfall and then –

No. I got up and ran away. The speed took me by surprise, and I stopped. I wanted to scream out my agony and punched my hand into a tree.

The tree splintered and fell down toward me. I froze, not able to find out what to do.

I wasn't hurt. The tree was entirely crushed. Because of me. Okay, so I was beautiful, strong and quick. And I was thirsty.

The sun would turn me into a diamond when I stepped into it. It had to leave. In the north it was cloudy. I knew that from Forks.

But what did I do about the thirst part? I didn't want to hurt anybody, least of all people I knew. I couldn't be anywhere near either Phoenix or Forks. Canada. I had to leave for Canada.

I stopped myself before running. Elias. I had to find Elias. He was the only point I knew in this new world of mine, this world I didn't know anything about. He would have to explain what was going on.

I remembered the scent of him. I sniffed in the air, believing I might catch his scent.

I did.