XXII. Love, Unrequited
Should I just get along with myself
I never did get along with everybody else
I've been trying hard to do what's right
But you know I could stay here all night
This river is wild
-This River is Wild
I never thought I would be here, holding his head. I hadn't thought that last time he came here, but it's all the same, I suppose. I hate that the only time I can ever truly know what he's thinking is when he's drunk. But he just needs so much help. But in a way, this is sort of perfect. That just shows how twisted we are, me and him. This seems to be the only time we can ever be truly happy.
He scared me tonight. One of the many scares I will have to come, I can assume. He is so lost, I wish I could just take it all away. He's on his way through a downward spiral, but I will be there. Always. Jack doesn't care about him, I can tell. There's something about that man that I just don't trust. From the first time I saw him, I knew he didn't have Chuck's best interest at heart. I can read people. It's what I do.
Tonight I had to drag Chuck out of a club where he was heavily intoxicated, among other things. Women hanging off of him, and I didn't even care. It doesn't matter. I know he's hurting, and I can accomadate that. He doesn't know yet, but he will. He will soon know how much I do care for him, no matter what he does to me. I'll be here forever, forever by his side, whether he likes it or not.
I'll be here through everything. When he gets out of this, he'll need to got off whatever he's on, and I'll be there. There's nothing he can do to keep me away. He can't scare me away. He won't scare me away.
So here I sit in his suite, on his bed, just holding him. It's what he needs. It's what I can provide. And it's enough for now. He's awake, I know. He knows I'm here. His facade is down. He tried to ward me off. Right now, he just has a moment of weakness. Tomorrow he'll insult me, ward me off with countless women, and I won't care. But for now, I'm saving him. He knows it. He knows that all he needs is me, and I'm okay with that. I'm okay because deep down it's what will happen. Deep down, all we need is each other. We'll be okay one day.
Blair sat on Chuck's bed, his head in her lap, stroking his hair tenderly. He felt every stroke, just like he felt every pound in his head from the alcohol and other drugs he had taken that night. And right now, he didn't care if he bore himself completely to her. His wall was down and that was okay. She could take care of him like no one else could.
Chuck held himself drunkenly closer to her, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, his legs sprawled over the bed. Blair leaned against the headboard, holding Chuck's head.
It was just them both, listening to each other breathing. Chuck's eyes were squeezed shut, shutting out the painful world that just kept dragging him down. But she was there. She was always there for him.
Blair just kept sifting her fingers through his thick hair, comforting him.
"I love you," he whispered drunkenly, muffled by her arms. Blair wasn't caught of gaurd. She just kept stroking him. A single tear rolled down her cheek.
"I know," she whispered back. He wouldn't remember this in the morning. It didn't matter. Blair always knew it was true. She would help him through this no matter how hard he struggled against because she knew it was true. Because she loved him the same way.