A/N: I don't own Chuck or these characters and I'm not responsible for their actions. Okay, well I am a little responsible, but they are grown adults, sometimes they just do what they want to do!
"All right out with it Chuck! You've been distant and weird since Christmas Eve. I know you had a lot of stress that night, but it's been a week and you still won't look me in the eye. You've been in worse situations and you recovered quicker, so what is it? What's eating you? Why have you been snapping at me?"
Chuck stared at her chin, his eyes sad. Still he wouldn't meet her eyes. She'd really had enough of this. It was Chuck's prerogative if he didn't want to continue with whatever their connection had been, but she sure as hell wanted to know why. But still he didn't answer. He was like a robot standing there, emotionless. It wasn't Chuck, and Sarah was going to get an answer. "I didn't bring you out here under the guise of finding a quiet place to welcome to New Year, just to have you stand there and ignore me!" Sarah insisted. "Tell me what's wrong." Still she received nothing but silence from Chuck. "Please?" she begged.
It was the please that had an effect, Chuck's eyes flicked across hers just for a second and she saw pain there. Not just Chuck's pain, but her pain, he was protecting her, but she couldn't tell from what. "Just tell me, Chuck, whatever it is; it's better if we both know." His eyes were back over her head. "Chuck…"
There was a flicker of emotion, but he didn't look at her. Sarah sighed and cupped Chucks face with her hand directing his gaze back in her direction. "Look at me with rage, look at me with sadness, look at me with hate, but look at me." He did, he looked directly at her and Sarah shuttered as his eyes stripped her of all her defenses. They stole her cloak of mystery, that she used to hide her true self. They stole her body armor she used to protect her heart. They stole her weapons that she to keep others and bay and they stole the clothes that she used to hide Jenny, the girl she'd left behind to become agent. Chuck's eyes had stripped her naked and she gasped at her exposure. Chuck could see her.
"You aren't who I thought you were," Chuck said flatly. He stopped talking, the words stopped, but still Sarah was trapped defenseless in gaze. She swallowed.
"I'm sorry, Chuck, being an Agent…"
"It has nothing to do with being an Agent," Chuck cut her off. "You killed that Fulcum agent. You killed him after he'd given up, you just shot him."
"How…" Sarah started to ask.
"I SAW YOU!" Chuck shouted. "I couldn't just leave you there. What if he had captured you? What if he killed you! I doubled back and when I found you, you'd obviously fought with him, but you'd won, you had his gun. He surrendered and then you just shot him."
"I had too…" Sarah tried to explain.
"No you didn't, he gave himself up."
"Chuck," Sarah said desperately, he had to listen. "He knew who you were. He knew what you were. He was going to expose you. We don't know who is on the inside, might be Fulcrum. There's no way to tell and if I hadn't done what I did, you'd have had to go underground and disappear. Your life as you know it would have been over."
Chuck shook his head. "So to save my life with my family, you ended his life. What kind of trade is that Sarah? What does it make me, if I let that happen? What does it make you to be able to do it?" Tears started sliding down Sarah's face. Years of CIA alarm bells went off in her head. It was inappropriate to let an asset see you cry unless you were manipulating them. She had to stop, but the tears kept coming.
"You know what the worst part is though? I trusted you. I did, I trusted you completely. I really believed everything you told me and now I can't trust you. I can't trust anyone. I'm alone and I'm the Intersect and the person who used to make all that okay, isn't here anymore."
Sarah closed her eyes and cried without reservation. Chuck started to walk away, but with every part of her being and soul she reached out for him and grabbed his arm. He attempted to wrench free of Sarah's grasp, but she tightened her grip. "No," she demanded.
Chuck fought against her grip and they struggled, but she kept fighting. She fought for Jenny. They over balanced as Chuck tried to get way and she struggled to hold him. Chuck fell hard to the ground and with cat like reflexes she sprung on top of him. She grabbed his wrists with her hands a pinned them above his head as she sat atop his chest. "I…" Sarah said vehemently the emotion cracking her voice. "am going to explain things and you can hate me afterwards, but dammit, you will listen."
"I'm sorry, that I'm not exactly who you thought I was. CIA agents are by their very natures…puzzles, we all have many sides. I have to play different characters, I have to be able to make decisions I don't want to make and do things I don't want to do." Chuck struggled to free himself under her grasp, but she remained in control with her eyes locked on his. He was apparently unable to look away. "I don't like killing people, I don't like lying to people, I don't like bottling up my emotions and never letting anyone in. But I do those things, because it's my job. I am sorry that I lied to you. I was trying to protect you. Please understand that everything I do is to protect you. I don't want you to have to think about if you trust me or not, so I hide the ugly parts. I've killed people, Chuck, many people. I can explain my reason for each one, if you want me too, I'll tell you. It's all classified, but I'll tell you anyway, because I can't let you hate me. I can't. I killed Mauser, because he knew who you were and as he so eloquently explained, he would stop at nothing to make sure Fulcrum knew. No matter how dark a hole I threw him into he'd still be a threat to you. I can protect the Intersect by locking you up in a secure facility and never letting you out again, but I can't protect YOU that way. You wouldn't be Chuck anymore, just the Intersect. I can't let happen, I won't let that happen, because I love you and I meant what I told you at the Buy More. I'm never going to let anyone hurt you. I will do whatever I have to, to make sure I keep that promise."
Sarah finally rolled off of Chuck. She collapsed on the ground next to him and rolled on her side away from him. She clutched her stomach and sobbed. She cried like she hadn't ever before, not even when she mourned Bryce. This time she mourned the loss of something she'd never really had. She mourned for the loss of the hope of what could happen, someday. She mourned for Jenny. Her stomach ached from the sobs that wracked her body. The pain in her stomach and chest built as she cried. It was then that she felt the pressure. There was more pressure on her stomach than there should have been and she realized that Chuck's hand had joined hers. His arm slid under her head and with his lips centimeters from her ear he shushed her. "It's going to be okay," he assured her. How could he say that?
"Chuck…" she gurgled. Then she froze as he kissed her cheek.
"I love you too," he whispered.
Sarah's confusion ran rampant. "What?" she asked him.
"I love you. I have for a long time. I didn't think you'd ever admit you felt the same, but you never fail to surprise me, Sarah Walker."
Sarah thought back to a few moments before when she had him pinned on the ground and was ranting at him. She ran through her monologue, she had told him that. She gasped. She never meant to tell him that part. "Chuck, I…"
"Please don't take it back," Chuck begged.
"I won't," Sarah assured him. "It's just that wasn't Sarah Walker." Chuck gave her a very confused look. It was adorable. "When you started to walk away I panicked. Sarah Walker is a mask I wear to protect myself." She smiled tentatively at Chuck. "It was Jenny that panicked. She's the one that let that secret slip out."
"Well it was good to see her. So do I love Sarah Walker or Jenny Burton?"
Sarah shrunk back inside herself a little before she answered. "I…I hope you can love both of us. We both need you," Sarah replied.
"You…" Chuck replied staring down at her with a smile. She had turned on her back so she could see him better. "Are a very complex girl." Sarah nodded helplessly. "Thank you for explaining it to me. I may not like some of the things you do, or some of the things you hide, but I love all of you." Chuck lips lowered to her own and she gave a sharp inhale of breath as she realized what was happening.
He was slow at first, gentle. Chuck's lips teased hers. Sarah's lips were still wet from her tears and she could taste the salt as she parted her lips to welcome him. He was frustratingly slow paced and Sarah found her hand reaching up to grasp his head and pull him closer. Her tongue struck out reaching for his and finally finding it. She kissed him desperately breaking their lips apart to press kisses to his neck, to get them closer. She wrapped her arms around him and urged him to come closer, she needed more contact. She pulled him on top of her and it was heavy and slightly awkward at first but she could feel Chuck's hardness pressing against her and it lit her passion aflame. Her dress had pulled up around her waist and she pulled Chuck's hips against her. He grunted and pulled back and then pressed his jeans covered crotch against her once more, harder this time. Just that little bit of contact set her off. She shuttered and clutched Chuck's neck tightly. Her breath came in shallow gasps and she had spasm after spasm under his weight. When she opened her eyes, Chuck was looking down at her with concern. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"Oh yeah," she whimpered. Chuck pressed a kiss to her lips and she watched his tender face with curious eyes. He loved her. He'd told her, that he loved her.
"What?" he gave a nervous chuckle.
She needed more, she needed all of him. Sarah pushed him over and her hand went to his zipper sliding it down and her hand was sneaking under the waist band of his boxers when he grabbed her wrist. She looked back up at him, her heart in her eyes. "You don't want to…" she trailed off.
"Oh, God, how I want to," Chuck muttered back. "But not here, not like this."
It was only then that Sarah took in their surroundings. They'd come out to the garden of the apartment complex, to find some privacy. It wasn't that private. When she had tackled him he'd fallen onto the soft mulchy earth of the garden. They were covered from head to foot in dirt. Sarah laughed. "Okay, you win." She pressed a kiss to his lips, her hair cascading down around them, but she stopped her assault on his clothing. She broke the kiss several minutes later. "Should we go find a shower somewhere?" She sat up and pulled her dress back down so that it covered as much of her as it was designed too. It still didn't cover all that much. She took her heals off. She had broken one of them in her desperate attempt to stop Chuck. No wonder they had fallen over, she mused. They strolled back out towards the front of the apartment with Chuck's arm possessively around her. He headed back towards his room pulling her along, but she stopped him and shook her head.
She pulled his head down so she could whisper in his ear. "Bugs, we can't go to your room. I'm just going to sneak in and get my purse and then we'll head to my place. Okay?" At Chuck's smile her heart melted. She stole in to Chuck's room through the Morgan door and grabbed her purse and a change of clothes for Chuck. She felt giddy. She didn't know what the future held, but for the first time in a dozen years Jenny was happy.
A/N: Well, did you like it? Oh come on, leave me a review. I gave you what you wanted! Pleaaaaaase! Heh, I obviously am not above begging. :D