Title: His Last Christmas Wish
Author: Darkmoonphase (would you be here if anyone else had written it? Joking…I kid, I kid!)
Rating: K+ (OMG! NO WAY! You've got to be kidding me…Serious?! It's not T? Dude…Wow…This is only my third fic that isn't rated T…)
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or characters thereof. Naruto was written and illustrated by Masashi Kishimoto.
Summary: There was something he'd always wanted from me. He didn't ask until the very last moment. I wanted a wish, too, but his was far more realistic. ZETxTOB
Pairings: Mainly Zetsu and Tobi, but depending on how this goes, there could be hints of Hidan and Kakuzu, Deidara and Sasori, Itachi and Kisame – hell, I'd even go as far as to say that there may even be some Pein and Konan! But again, this just depends on how I write this.
Inspiration: From the Cradle to Enslave by, Cradle of Filth. I love this song and while I wrote this, I just thought that the song fit…somehow. Well, it sounds really cool to me to be listening to the song and writing a story like this. Also, I listened to Her Ghost in the Fog by, Cradle of Filth while I wrote this, FYI. I am totally grateful to them for giving me music that I can write to.
Dedication: All my totally awesome readers and reviewers who support and encourage me. It means a lot to me and I'm ever so grateful to you for pushing me to finish all my stories. I'm sure most of them would be discontinued halfway through by now if it wasn't for you. Thank-you so much and Happy Holidays.
Do you remember, it seems like it was only yesterday, when we first met? It seemed like such a clichéd moment to me. But then again, I've never felt anything quite like I did when I was around you. Remember, when I finally asked – months later – you told me it was love? I laughed. It was such a ridiculous concept to me, to fall in love with you…To fall in love at all. I didn't feel quite like me when a feeling like that was introduced into my consciousness. You were so sweet to me and always so bubbly. I never really felt like I deserved everything I was receiving.
Months later, our friendship was slowly growing and I couldn't deny the feelings I harbored. Still, I refused to think that I loved you. You didn't give in though, didn't give up. You told me over and over how much you loved me. I'm sure you were expecting a response. But I couldn't lie. I just didn't know.
I want to remember all those sweet memories of us before I remember the truth. How happy you were when you met me, carefree and optimistic. How you slowly showed me how it was okay to be me and come out of my little hole that I'd dug for myself. You wanted me to match your enthusiasm – something that I don't think anyone could do. Your spirit was too free and mine was so chained down. I find that the saying, "Some things just don't change," is very true with us.
When we met, do you remember where you saw me? I was standing by the bookstore, debating whether or not to go in. You were just heading there. You stopped to talk to me about my favorite genres and what my favorite book was and why. It was strange, I really felt like you cared. You let me talk – we were complete strangers and you listened to me! I was amazed and mystified. I felt important. You were listening and you never told me I was wrong for thinking the way I did. When I was finished, you dragged me into the bookstore and took me to the fiction section; you pointed to some books that you'd read, kindly saying that you hadn't liked them but maybe I would. You told me your name and said that you hoped to see me soon.
I was ecstatic. Not only had you listened to what I had to say – something not a lot of people did – you tried to be nice and not once did I get the feeling that you wanted to put me down, hate me. And you'd said that you hoped to see me again.
You'll never realize how much that meant.
We did meet again. But those memories aren't as sweet as the first one of us, nor are they as memorable as the ones of us later – when we were considered "an item" by your friends. I can feel my stomach flip like it had when we first got the title by just thinking about it. I want so badly to feel that happy again. All of the moments we shared seem so jumbled when I try to sift through them one by one. I can't remember if we fed the ducks first or if we played video games all night before that. Did we wreck those losers down at the arcade at DDR first or did we watch horror movies during the day because you were scared?
Now, what feels like just this morning, I remember our first kiss. How passionate it was. And…was it full of love or lust? I don't think I could tell a difference at the time. It was just you and me in pure ecstasy. I'd never felt anything remotely close to the feeling I got as I hesitantly wrapped my arms around your waist and you tangled your fingers in my hair. All I was sure of was that it was passion. It was our moment. It was everything I'd been waiting for without me realizing that I was waiting for it. I knew what I felt and I didn't say it after you breathed those three words onto my lips.
After that, I can only remember the horrid pain I felt when you told me. You told me you were sick, terribly sick. And dying. How could I take that? The one person who'd ever taken a moment to listen to what I had to say, to make me feel important, to make me fall for them and they were…leaving me. I think I cried more than you had. You can't imagine the pain I felt as I stared into your amber-red eyes as you whispered our memories and expressed how much you loved me.
I couldn't form those words. Those three…simple…words…
You remember what happened next. I swear it happen today. The pain's still fresh, a wound that's trying to heal but cannot reach far enough to mend the skin. You took a moment to say, "I'm starting to wonder…" But you never finished the thought. I knew what you meant and I wanted so desperately for you to understand. I wanted you to know without me saying a word. You couldn't read my mind though.
Days passed and I tried so hard to get those words out of my mouth. They stuck in my throat; sometimes, they never made it to my vocal chords. I felt horrible because you were slowly dying and I hadn't told you yet. You would stare at me at night, a blank stare that said so much. I felt so guilty for making you wait. I was starting to fear that I'd never be able to tell you, that those words would never come out.
Soon, they wouldn't let you come home. They made you stay in the hospital. I tried to spend those lonely nights at home for awhile, not because I couldn't face you but because I didn't want you to see me cry. I was scared for you. I knew what was waiting around the corner and I never wanted it to come. When I visited you, I tried to convince myself that you were going to get better but day by day, you were really getting worse. I started spending my nights in the hospital room with you. You heard me cry in my sleep, didn't you? You'd give me this smile when I woke in the morning, one that was so sad and yet so happy.
Then the day came when you told me that you were tired of fighting. That you were exhausted and you just wanted to die already. To hear those words slip from your lips horrified me. Where had you gone? That optimistic, happy, bubbly, sweet person that I had fallen in love with…had vanished right before my eyes. And I had never felt such sorrow as I had at that moment.
I remember looking out the window at the snow that was slowly falling; blanketing and silencing the world in a soft, feathery quilt. I remember checking the date moments before you told me this. And I remember sobbing. Every word you spoke seems so clear in my mind.
"What's today?" Such a simple, heartbreaking question that I didn't want to respond to. Your eyelids were drooping, concealing half of your beautiful eyes. I didn't want to see you so weak. You'd been so wonderful until then, saying that you'd get better.
"Christmas Eve," I'd told you, fighting back another body shaking sob. Why it was that day, I still don't understand. It should have been another day. Any other day, just not Christmas. My heart still aches when I remember this.
You'd looked up at me, your eyes so devoid of life. And you'd smiled. "Then I want my Christmas wish." I'd looked at you, curious. "My family used to make Christmas wishes every year on Christmas Eve. I stopped asking for them when spent our first Christmas together. But I want one this year…"
I can only imagine how much precious breath you'd used, saying all that to me. "What's your wish…?" I'd asked, my voice barely audible. I'd never cried so much in my entire life.
"Tell me how you feel about me…" Your eyes had drifted shut. You waited, a peaceful look mingled with one of concern on your face.
I was scared. I feared that the words wouldn't come. But they had to. This was my last chance. I had to grant you your wish. "You're everything to me," I'd started, fighting back more tears. "You're the most important thing in my life and I…" Remember that deep breath I'd taken? "I love you so much." You had opened your eyes, tears slowly slipping out of them. And the smile you'd given me was brighter than before. I remember how much pain that caused my heart, how it throbbed and felt like it was breaking. I had a wish. But I couldn't ask. It wasn't a realistic wish. You couldn't change what was meant to be. Finally, I'd whispered, "My Christmas wish…is for us to share a kiss just like our first one…"
You'd lifted your arm, draping it over my shoulder. I'd leaned down and brushed our lips together. And I was lost. Our moment. It was our moment. Somewhere inside me, I knew that this could be it; this could be the last moment I'd ever share with you. We definitely made the best of that moment. When I finally pulled away, you had a pure, innocent grin on your lips. I'd laughed. A short, wistful laugh that I wish I could have continued. I wish I could have laughed forever.
But you left. And I stopped laughing.
I remember how numb I was, staring at your corpse as your heartbeat slowly stopped. I did have a little common sense left – I pressed the nurse's button desperately. I felt like you should still be there. I felt like someone should have been able to do something. But even when I begged and cried, they said that it was better that you were gone. They said that you weren't suffering anymore. I couldn't stand it. I'd taken one last look at you and I'd slumped out of the room.
Your body had been limp. Your skin had been cold. You'd had that silly grin on your face, plastered there – never to be removed. And I couldn't stand to look at you like that. You may have died happy, but I couldn't see it like that. You were someone I didn't know again. You weren't bright and…and alive. No, I couldn't see you like that. Sometimes, I wish that the numbness had lasted longer so I could have been with you for just a little longer…
Tonight, I'm staring at my ceiling with tears streaking my face. It's been awhile since I've cried. But I have a good reason tonight. It's Christmas Eve; it's your night. You deserve to be remembered, mourned over. There's two feet of snow outside and I'm wrapped up in three different quilts and I'm still cold. It's so lonely. I want you here, by my side. I want to be here, whispering things in my ear to make me smile. I want you to be next to me, singing your favorite Christmas songs to me.
And just like when we first met, I find that my situation seems rather clichéd again. I'm staring at the ceiling and I can only see your face. But the more I think of you, the more I start to wonder. I start to think. Where are you? I can see you with silver wings, a golden halo over your head. I can see you smiling down at me while you sit on a cloud. You're just that innocent. But we never believed in Heaven, did we? No, you're probably a newborn baby, just coming into this world again.
I'll remember you. I'll never forget you and all the memories we've shared. You'll always be on my mind. You'll always be the first person I think about when I go to all those places we went. I'm sure eventually…sometime…you'll remember the life you left behind…won't you? You'll dream of me. You'll see all your friends and family that still mourn over you, miss you.
Tonight, I'll cry. Tomorrow will be just another day. I hope your new life brings you peace and lots of love. I hope that you receive all the love that I'd neglected to give you. I want you to have that…because you deserve it. You're worth it, My Angel.
-Sniff, sniff- Poor Zetsu. Oh, whoops. I meant to tell you who was who before I said that. I mean, not that you probably haven't already figured it out yourselves…
Tobi died. –Ducks as several sharp objects attempt to hit me– I'm sorry! Be grateful that I couldn't find my DEITOBI "Romeo and Juliet" death fic. God, that would've made you really cry.
I was going to have a Tobi angel at the end of my story, but decided against it because it sounded too cliché. And I don't want to be an author who writes cliché stories. So, yeah, it turned out a bit sadder than I'd anticipated. But I tried to lighten it at the end because it's Xmas and who wants to read a really sad story on Xmas? I totally botched the ending anyway though.
And I don't know what Tobi was sick with. Sorry to disappoint you if you were waiting for me to tell you.
Still, I hope you liked it and have Happy Holidays ('cause I can't name all the different holidays celebrated this week…)!