AN: This was my first fan fiction and it has a lot of mistakes so I'm fixing it and re-writing some parts. Expect the last chapter to be scrapped and replaced with a new one. I don't really like this at all anymore but at least it will be more readable now.

Warnings: Yaoi, swearing, child abuse, rape, self mutilation.

The main pairing is Gaara x Sasuke.

Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. The lyrics belong to Amber Pacific.


Gaara stared moodily at the alarm clock as it was blaring at him, it was 6.30AM. Gaara wasn't sure why he set the alarm because he rarely ever slept, maybe it was just the hope that one day the alarm clock will wake him up rather than reminding him that he was already awake before it went off. He got off his bed and pulled some clothes on, black jeans and a black shirt with fish net on the end of the sleeves; he also put on a black wristband. Gaara pulled a dark grey hoodie on but left the hood down. He walked into the bathroom only to see his older brother Kankuro putting on his purple make-up, Kankuro insisted it was warrior paint but no one believed him, what was the point of wearing warrior paint if you weren't a warrior?

Kankuro spotted Gaara's reflection in the mirror and gave him a questioning look.

"Get out." Gaara told him flatly before walking over to the mirror. Kankuro look frightened which only made Gaara smirk. Kankuro walked out of the bathroom and once he knew he was a safe distance away from his hostile little brother he started muttering about how much of a brat he was.

Gaara looked at himself in the mirror and grabbed his eyeliner from one of the drawers; he applied it thickly to cover the dark rings around his eyes from not sleeping. He quickly brushed his teeth and ran his fingers through his hair not really caring that is was messy. Once he finished he walked back out of the bathroom and saw his sister Temari rubbing tiredly at her eyes. Gaara hated her, he hated her that she could sleep and he couldn't, he hated her because she always spoke nicely to him even though he knew that Temari didn't love him, how could she when he killed their mother.

"Morning Gaara." Temari slurred, still sleepy. She sighed at the cold look Gaara was giving her and walked into the bathroom. She hoped a nice hot shower would wake her up, even though she got up last she knew there would still be hot water left because neither of her brothers bothered having a shower when they woke up. Once Temari finished in the shower she got dressed and put her blonde hair up in four pony tails. Temari walked into the kitchen to see Kankuro stuffing his face with toast and Gaara leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

"Have you had breakfast yet Gaara?" She questioned, knowing that most likely he hasn't had breakfast and if he even bothered answering her it would be something hurtful. She really did love him but she knew when she was younger she treated him just the way their father had, with disgust and hostility. Now that Temari was older she knew it wasn't Gaara's fault that their mother died giving birth to him, but she was sure that Gaara thought it was. After all he spent the first twelve years of his life been treated like a murderer by his father and his two older siblings. The only person Gaara ever loved was their uncle but when Gaara was six years old that all changed though she wasn't sure what happened because Gaara never spoke about it.

Gaara gave her another cold stare before looking away. Why would she care if he'd eaten, the quicker he died, the happier she'd be. He only just ate enough to keep himself alive, he was underweight for his age and height. He knew both his older siblings were looking at him, Gaara knew they were blaming him, they had to move from their old home in Suna and now they were starting a new school, or at least Kankuro and Gaara were. Temari quit school four years ago so she could get a job to support her and her two younger brothers, she never told her brothers what she did for work and it worried Kankuro, he knew Temari was trying to look after them but at what cost?

Gaara was in year 11 now and Kankuro in year 12. School was already four months in before Gaara got expelled from Suna High. Two people who hated him started a fight and he fought back. He got expelled of course and all Deidara and Sasori got was a slap on the wrist, but it was understandable, no one liked him, he was a freak and a monster.

Temari grabbed the keys off the bench and started walking towards the door. "Come on, you're gonna be late, don't wanna be late starting at a new school." Temari knew she was forcing herself to try and keep her voice light and cheery but what other choice did she have? If she blamed Gaara she knew he would snap, of course chances are Kankuro would say something.

"We wouldn't have to start a new school if Gaara kept his temper under control." Kankuro spat out bitterly. Temari sighed. Figures he'd have to go and say something like that. Temari waited to see Gaara's reaction, she got ready to intervene a possible fight between her two brothers. It seemed to be her lucky day though because Gaara just walked out the door and pulled his i-pod out and stuck the headphones in his ears. Kankuro followed him out once again muttering about how much of a brat Gaara was.

Temari pulled up at the new school, Konaha High. Both her brothers got out, Kankuro said thanks for driving and Gaara walked off without a second glance. Temari drove off as her brothers walked up to the office.

The lady at the office glanced up as two boys walked in, they both looked like trouble. "Can I help you?" she asked politely.

"We're new here, we were told to come and get our timetables" Kankuro explained whilst Gaara just stood with his arms crossed.

"Okay, can I please get your names?" the lady asked.

Kankuro smirked, "It's polite to give your own name before asking others." he said smugly. The lady look shocked and knew her first impression of trouble was right.

"Kankuro and Gaara Sabaku." Gaara said, speaking for the first time. He said it with a deadly tone and gave his brother an equally deadly look. The lady hurried away to get the boys timetables. She came back and handed both of the timetables over. Kankuro got both the timetables knowing Gaara wouldn't accept it from the lady. Kankuro made sure he touched her hand and then let it linger, he gave her a smile then walked over to Gaara and handed him his timetable. Gaara took it but kept his hand as far away as he could from his brothers. Kankuro rolled his eyes and took a few steps away from Gaara.

"Gaara, I will get a guide for you, your timetable is the same as Uchiha Sasuke so he will be your guide, and Kankuro your guide will be Hyuuga Neji." She hurried off to call Sasuke and Neji to the office and sat back down waiting, she avoided looking at the two standing in the office, but she couldn't help glancing up quickly, Gaara was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and Kankuro was looking at her. She blushed and looked down making Kankuro smirk.

"You still haven't told me your name." Kankuro flirted.

"It's Shizune." she said quickly and then saw Sasuke and Neji walk into the office. Shizune thanked Kami that she could get rid of the two boys now.

Gaara looked up at saw two males walk through the day, he assumed them to be Sasuke and Neji. One had ebony hair, it hung over his face and stuck up at the back. Very emo-esque Gaara noted. The black haired male had a white button up shirt and plain black skinny jeans. He was good looking. Good looking? Gaara questioned himself in why he thought that. The other male had long brown hair with very pale lavender eyes.

"Sasuke, Neji, can you please show Gaara and Kankuro around?" She asked politely knowing that neither of the boys would want this job but they were the only two that had the same classes as Gaara and Kankuro. Gaara pushed himself off the wall and walked over to Sasuke, he was assuming it was Sasuke and not Neji.

"Are you Gaara?" Sasuke questioned the red-head. Sasuke noticed the kanji symbol for love on his head and thought to have the symbol for love was slightly gay. Unless there was a deeper meaning behind it. Gaara's eyes had more eyeliner than what he had on, but it looked good, he then mentally berated himself for thinking something like that. He noticed that the red-head hadn't answered and maybe it was the other one...Kankuro. Sasuke looked around and realized Neji had left with the other guy. The red-head gave him a look and walked out the door. Sasuke frowned and walked after him.

"Are you Gaara or not?" Sasuke questioned the red-head again. Sasuke already had the feeling that he wasn't going to like the red-head, he was even ruder than he was.

Gaara stopped and looked at Sasuke wondering whether he should tell him that he was Gaara. Gaara figured it wouldn't hurt and although he was already starting to dislike Sasuke for the fact that he thought he could question him and get an answer. Due to the fact that he needed Sasuke to show him where his classes were he decided to reply. "Yes." Just because he was going to answer didn't mean he needed to use more than one word.

"We have English first then." Sasuke replied and walked off towards the English room with Gaara trailing behind him. Sasuke walked into the English room and saw that he and Gaara were the last to enter, but everyone was standing up. Sasuke was wondering why when he heard his English teacher start speaking.

"Now that everyone is here we can start with new seating arrangements." His English teacher stated. Everyone in the room groaned, that meant everyone would be stuck next to someone they didn't like. Kurenai Sensei hoped that it would give everyone a better chance to get along but it never turned out well. Kurenai began pairing everyone off. Sasuke heard Sakura complaining because she had to sit next to Naruto and didn't get to sit next to Sasuke.

"But Kurenai Sensei Naruto smells like ramen and last time I sat next to him his voice made my ears ring!" "CHA! That's right! We deserve to be next to Sasuke!" Sakura and Inner Sakura yelled out. Sakura glanced over to see Naruto dancing around happy that he got to sit next to Sakura again. She sighed loudly and walked over to him, Sakura smacked him over the head and sat down.

Gaara watched with boredom but suppressed a smirk when he saw the relief on Sasuke's face that he wasn't going to be next to Sakura. Obviously the boy had some fan girls but that's to be expected when someone looked as good as Sasuke. Gaara realized he just referred to Sasuke as good looking again and frowned deeply. Gaara heard his name been mentioned and looked up. Gaara knew he wouldn't know anyone's name so it was going to be difficult for him to find who he had to sit next to, but Kurenai seemed to think of that. "Gaara and Sasuke."

Gaara watched Sasuke's face closely to see what he thought of sitting next to him, but Sasuke's face showed indifference. Sasuke didn't really care who he sat next to along as it wasn't Sakura or Naruto. Sasuke walked off to the seats at the back and sat down. Gaara followed him, glad that Sasuke chose to sit at the back. Gaara sat next to him, it wouldn't be too bad sitting next to Sasuke as long as he didn't say anything.

"So what's with the tattoo?" like that. Gaara glared coldly at Sasuke for his question but yet he found himself answering, he wasn't sure why though.

"It's not a tattoo," and that was all he said before looking out the window. Sasuke didn't bother asking him anymore questions which made Gaara pleased, he didn't want to be kicked out on first day for punching Sasuke.

Sasuke sat thinking about Gaara. "If it isn't a tattoo then it must be a scar...but why would he have a scar like that on his forehead...there's no way it could be accidental...unless." Sasuke's thoughts trailed off as he lifted his hand to the back of his neck, feeling his own scar there. Maybe he had more in common with Gaara than he thought.

"Why does Sasuke keep looking at my scar...he must think I'm freak.. .that's to be expected though...everyone thinks that...it's not like I care...I don't care what he thinks...I don't care what anyone thinks...they can all die, I don't care." Gaara's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the bell ringing loudly. Gaara didn't realize that he spent so much time staring out the window that he missed the whole class. Gaara stood up and waited for Sasuke to tell him where his next class was, this was the class Gaara was looking forward to. It was his favorite class, it was art. He enjoyed art back at Suna even though the teacher never appreciated his style of morbid drawings.

"We have the next thirty minutes off, you can go get something to eat or do any studying in this time, but it seemed you weren't paying attention. I'm guessing you don't know what we're doing in English." Sasuke said with a voice of indifference. Sasuke began walking off before turning to Gaara. "Come with me if you want," and then kept walking. Gaara paused trying to decide whether he should go with the Uchiha, if he did then it would make him seem like he cared whether he had a friend or not, but if he didn't he may not be able to find the Uchiha again meaning he wouldn't be able to find his art class. He stood still for a moment before following Sasuke.

Sasuke walked outside with Gaara next to him, Sasuke walked over to a table and sat down, he was the only one at the table other than Gaara who sat down on the opposite side of Sasuke. Sasuke knew the peace wouldn't last though. His fan girls would show up soon enough. Just as he thought that, a pink haired girl ran over to him.

"Sasuke! How much does it suck that Kurenai Sensei made us sit apart in English!" The pink hair girl gushed out whilst sitting next to him.

"Shut up Sakura. You are so annoying," was Sasuke's reply to the pink haired girl.

Gaara watched with mild interest at Sasuke's blunt reply and Sakura's face. She seemed to recover quickly though and it seemed this way a daily thing. She started telling him about her day and he ignored her. Gaara wondered whether Sasuke actually had any friends that weren't just fan girls...or boys...he smirked at that.

"What the hell are you smirking at?" Sasuke snapped at him. Clearly the fan girl was putting Sasuke in a pissy mood. Gaara didn't bother replying and looked off into the distance.

"Who's that Sasuke?" Sakura questioned, just realizing Gaara for the first time. "Is he new?" She whispered quietly.

Gaara looked at the pink haired girl with an annoyed expression on his face. "Obviously I'm new, how stupid are you?" He said bluntly. Gaara figured that Sasuke wouldn't care how he talked to Sakura. He obviously didn't like her. "I shouldn't care if he likes her or not...if he liked her would I try and be nice..? No...I can't be nice but why do I care so much about what Sasuke thinks? I only just met him."

Sasuke smirked at what Gaara said to the pink haired girl. She looked like she was about to tackle Gaara but before she got that far she got shoved out of the way by another one of his fan girls.

"Move it forehead girl!" The new arrival spat out at the pink haired girl. She sat down at the now vacant spot next to Sasuke. She twirled her hair in her fingers and smiled at him. "We have art class next Sasuke, isn't that great? Do you think we can sit next to each other?"

Sasuke was saved the effort of replying by his pink haired fan girl.

"Hey! Ino-Pig! Sasuke is mine!" The pink haired girl recovered from been shoved out of the way and was getting ready to kill her arch-rival. Sakura walked over and sat on the other side of Sasuke and tried to get his attention. Sasuke got his i-pod out and shut both the girls out. Gaara saw both the girls face's fall when he did that, he saw four people walking over to the table. There were three males and a female. The female was holding on to one of the male's hands. They got to the table and looked at the two fan girls.

"Move it." Said the male with what looked like make up on his face, he had a hood up and small dog with him. Gaara looked at him and thought he resembled a dog but not in a bad way, the dog boy went to sit next to Sasuke. The fan girls quickly got up and took off. The dog boy looked at Gaara with confusion in his face. One of the males sat down on the other side of Sasuke and the other one went and sat on the side that Gaara was sitting at. Gaara recognized one of the males from earlier today, Neji, he was the one showing is brother around. Neji pulled the female onto his lap and wrapped his arms protectively around her.

"So Sasuke does have friends that aren't fan girls...why do I feel let down by this?" Gaara looked at the male sitting next to him, he had dark brown hair that fell over his eye and part way down his face. The female had dark brown hair, close to black and had it up in two buns on her head.

"This Is Gaara, he's new here and he's in all my classes so I've been showing him around." Sasuke answered his friends unspoken question, his voice was in the tone of boredom. "Gaara this is Kiba." He pointed to the dog boy. "Tenten," the girl that was sitting on Neji's lap "and Izumo." the emo looking boy.

"Hn." Was all Gaara said and looked off into the distance again. None of Sasuke's friends bothered talking to him as his vocabulary was currently as advanced as "hn." Thirty minutes were up quickly and Sasuke stood up and told his friends he'd see them at lunch. Gaara got up and started following Sasuke

"See ya Gaara." Kiba waved to him, Neji was kissing Tenten, Izumo was listening to his i-pod and writing something. Gaara was startled, why was this dog boy saying bye to him? It was as if the dog boy was been nice, but Gaara knew better. No one was nice to him, they would all turn on him soon enough.

"Hn." Gaara replied and took off after Sasuke who was waiting for him.

Sasuke said nothing to Gaara he just walked off towards the Art room. Sasuke glanced back quickly to make sure Gaara was following then kept walking. Once they got into the Art room, Sasuke walked over to a large filing cabinet and opened the drawer with his name on it. He grabbed his latest drawing that he was working on and then walked back to Gaara.

"Our art teacher is Sai. We have to hand in at least five pieces of finished art work every month for marking." Sasuke told Gaara this and then went and sat his drawing down on a table before walking into a room that connected to the Art room. "Come with me," he told Gaara before walking into the room. Gaara followed and looked around. "This room has all the art supplies, so help yourself." Sasuke grabbed some pencils and walked off leaving Gaara on his own.

Gaara looked around and saw that there was much more in the way of art supplies than Suna ever had. He was definitely going to enjoy art this year. Gaara grabbed an A4 sized piece of paper and some pencils, he spotted the fine-liners and grabbed a packet of them as well. Gaara walked back into the Art room and saw that most people had sat down now, leaving the only spare seats next to Sasuke and some creepy bushy brow guy dressed entirely in green spandex. Gaara looked back at the seat next to Sasuke and saw the reason no one was sitting next to him, he had put his bag on the seat next to him making sure no one would. Gaara watched as the blonde girl from before walked up and started batting her eye lashes at him. Gaara could just make out what she was saying.

"Sasuke can I sit with you?" Ino smiled and started moving his bag, assuming she was going to get 'yes' as an answer. Who would say no to her? She knew she was hot.

"No." Sasuke said flatly without looking up at Ino. Ino huffed and then went to find somewhere else to sit, her eye started twitching when she realized the only place left was next to the bushy brow guy.

Gaara now realized he had no choice but to sit next to Sasuke. Sighing internally he walked over to Sasuke wondering whether he was going to get turned away. "Why do I even care if he says no? I'll still sit next to him, it's not like I have a choice and if he objects I can always hurt him." Gaara hoped that Sasuke would let him sit next to him. Not because he wanted to but because if he hurt Sasuke it would mean he wouldn't be able to enjoy the art supplies the school had. Gaara walked up to where Sasuke was sitting and grabbed the bag on the chair and put it on the ground before taking a seat. Sasuke looked up at him but went straight back to his art, not caring that Gaara was sitting there. Gaara felt something he hadn't before, he wasn't sure what the feeling was, it was almost as if he was happy that Sasuke let him sit there but turned everyone else away.

Sasuke glanced up to see who moved his bag, Sasuke was feeling pissed because Ino had already tried to sit next to him, although he felt satisfaction that she had to sit next to bushy brow but the fact that someone dared move his bag and sit there made him angry. When he saw it was Gaara though he just went back to his art. He positive Gaara wouldn't talk to him and he was even more positive that Gaara wouldn't hit on him like Ino would. Sasuke felt annoyed though because Gaara didn't bother saying anything to him. The red haired boy just got out his i-pod and started drawing.

"What's wrong with me? Why do I care that he didn't say anything? I should be glad that he's not talking.." Sasuke sighed and decided to follow Gaara's action and got his i-pod out as well. He could hear Gaara's music playing and he recognized the song quickly and selected the same song before going back to his drawing with the song blaring into his ears.

"If you only knew the pain, the pain I keep inside

The pain that makes me

Then without it who am I

In a room with broken walls

I lay in scene and dreams

I want you to see

I'm cold and white

I'm holding on

I'll try to breath for you

I'm crying out

I'm singing loud

You could be all I need

And I'm losing my will

Just to hold you in

I'm giving up the hope

That you could have been the one

To save me from me

And now our lips will meet

and I'll taste their defeat

I'll give in this once

I'm cold and white

I'm holding on

I'll try to breath for you

I'm crying out

I'm singing loud

You could be all I need

Still I know I'll carry on

Guide me through the life I lost

To find these faults in me...

To find these faults in me

I'm cold and white

I'm holding on

I'll try to breath for you

I'm crying out

I'm singing loud

You could be all I need

I'm cold and white

I'm holding on

I'll try to breath for you

I'm crying out

I'm singing loud

You could be all I need

To save me from me"