A/N: This is based off the weirdest thing that I accidently said over IM a little while ago, just a little lesson in thinking before speaking... err, writing. lol

Yeah... this is just a bit of light hearted fun people. Not to be taken seriously at all!

This is dedicated to my friend MoonStarDutchess... who was the unfortunate witness of my strange words.

(Edited 22/12/2008)

Cracky Conversations

Havoc was bored. No, bored was not the correct statement. He had gone passed boredom three hours ago when Colonel Mustang had burnt the paper creation that he had been attaching rubber bands, paper clips and stamps on to. Now his mind was turning slowly into mush, melting out of his ears and dripping slowly onto the desk. At least, that was how he felt.

"Hawkeye must have some work that I could do." He muttered to himself. He tried not to dwell on how sad he had become by resorting to begging Lieutenant Hawkeye for paper work as he stood stiffly from his desk towards his superior's office. Hawkeye had disappeared in there ten minutes ago and had yet to return. He sighed and raised an arm to knock on the door when he was stopped by the exclamation

"Sir, show me your crack." Havoc blinked. He had to be hearing things. His brain doing nothing for far too long must have affected him far more than he rea...

"My crack is pretty obvious Hawkeye, if you bend a little you should have it in your eye line."

"Sir, I don't think the angle that you are standing at is giving me the best access to it. If you could just move a little..." Havoc moved away from the door in disgust. He had always been suspicious of his superiors, it was obvious that they shared some sort of connection beyond superior and subordinate. Yet he would have never imagined that they would be doing that. Especially not in the office. But then again, Hawkeye really was the man of the office, and it appeared that it extended in to her personal life as well. Havoc hesitated for a moment, wondering what to do. Then he slowly moved forward towards the door of Colonel Mustang's office, catching the end of Hawkeye's words

"... need break it in so hard Sir. It had to hurt."

"Of course it hurt Hawkeye, look at it!" There was silence for a moment. Havoc pressed his ear firmly against the door in order to hear the rest of the exchange.

"I am sorry about your crack Sir. We need to enforce measures to ensure that it does not happen again."

"Your right Hawkeye, as always. I suggest we should create some sort of devise that should prevent... movement."

"Movement Sir?"

"Oh you know what I mean. Something binding I believe, something that would stop any straining and decrease noise." Havoc's face was turning paler by the minute. This conversation was getting far more disturbing. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to look his superiors in the face again.

"I'm not sure anything would be able to stifle the noises Sir." Mustang let out an audible sigh.

"You're probably correct Hawkeye. Should we use duct tape from now on?" Havoc's face was now a sickly shade of green.

"I don't think duct tape is strong enough Sir. You'll tear that off easily. I'll fetch some nails, and a hammer, that should be secure enough. I'll also fetch some bandages for your straining." Havoc couldn't stand it any longer. He bolted from the door, and grabbing a cigarette from his pocket raced out of the office. Meanwhile, Mustang glanced up from his chair to survey his Lieutenant.

"Something wrong Hawkeye?" Riza frowned at the door. She could have sworn she heard something outside. She shrugged and turned back to her Colonel.

"No Sir. Now, can you please finish your paperwork?" Mustang threw her his best puppy dog look.

"How can I possibly hold a pen with a strained wrist?" He moaned. Riza rolled her eyes.

"Well that's what you get for throwing your telephone across the room. I'm surprised the whole office wasn't in here with the awful sound it made." Roy frowned.

"You'd throw your phone if you had to listen to Hughes rant for three hours about marriage." He muttered. Riza sighed hiding her smile.

"I'll get the bandages Sir. In the mean time, try to think of a plausible excuse as to why you managed to crack your new telephone to the higher ups." Roy grimaced as his Lieutenant retreated from the room in search of hardware and medical supplies. He continued to massage his wrist as he glared at the telephone, with a large crack in the left hand corner.

"Damn crack." He muttered.

A/N: uhh... yeah... any thoughts?