By The Sea

A little twist on "By The Sea." Enjoy and review!

Rated: K

"I don't think this is such a good idea, Mrs. Lovett," Sweeney grumbled, carrying a blanket under one arm and an umbrella under the other. The baker paid him not a glance, surveying the bright sand for the perfect spot.

"'Ere will be good, love," she said happily, directing him on where to place the beach paraphernalia. She wore a complicated contraption of navy, with ruffles along the short skirt's hem and long red-and-white stockings hiding her legs. There were tiny, ridiculous-looking sunglasses perched on her nose and quaint little buckled shoes on her feet.

She had forced Sweeney with some effort into a black-and-white swimsuit, black socks that reached halfway up his shins, and solid black shoes.

"Oh, don't look so glum, dear. It's the sea! Be happy!" She plopped down onto the blanket, her expression as blissful as his was stormy.

How did I let myself get dragged into this? he moaned inwardly. He was sweaty, hot, and felt idiotic. Then, of course, Mrs. Lovett started to sing. Why did she always have to sing...?

"Ooh, Mr. Todd

I'm so 'appy

I could

Eat you up, I really could." Wonderful. She was confessing her deep lustful feelings for him. Crap, and now she was asking a question.

"Yes, of course."

Mrs. Lovett was so surprised, she actually stopped singing. Oh my God, it's a miracle.

"Really?" she asked in a tiny voice. He nodded, wondering what on earth he just agreed to.

Suddenly, Mrs. Lovett's lips were locked lustily over his own, forcefully moving them apart to make room for her tongue. Her arms pulled him closer.

"Ahh!" he yelled, thrusting her away from him as hard as possible. She smiled, unabashed.

"Sorry, love... Guess I got carried away."

"Now can we leave? I'm afraid I'm now in danger of losing my virtue." She laughed as if he was joking, then continued singing.

"Course not!

I can see us waking, the breakers breaking

The seagulls squawking

Hoo! Hoo!

I do me baking,

Then I go walking with you-oo


Sweeney sighed heavily, the burn of Mrs. Lovett's lips still on his, and resigned himself to an afternoon of cheerfulness and Mrs. Lovett singing.

His worst nightmare...