Bella is not allowed to...

Throw Jacob into a dumpster

Tell Renesmee that Carlisle is god

Pretend to trip just to bug Edward

Practice Kung Fu in the house

Jump up and down while she's near Edward (That might make him want to do things that are only supposed to happen at night)

Wear anything white after Labour Day (Alice's idea)

Teach Renesmee how to burp the alphabet

Bring home a puppy

Tell Jacob that Renesmee likes him so much out of pity

Ingest anything that Emmett gives her

Ask Carlisle whether or not vampires are mammals

Own a gun of any kind

Own paint in all the colors of the rainbow

Throw Skittles at people and scream, "Taste the fan-freakin'-tastic rainbow!"

Tell the newspapers that Edward Cullen is gay

Throw yo-yos at Emmett

Stick her head in a freezer and tell Renesmee that it is the perfect way to give you a facial

Go to Aro Volturi, sit on his lap, and tell him what she wants for Christmas

Get Emmett to help her dress Edward up like Cedric Diggory

Bite Jasper just to add to his numerous amount of scars