How to Save a Life

Part 1 – I Lost You


Summary: Goodbyes are something that can never be taken back. But what if you never expected to say goodbye?

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl or this amazing couple.

Dedicated to: All my good friends at FF and my amazing reviewers! Especially Court, Cher, Mel, and suspensegirl! Thanks for having faith in me.


That one night that changed everything was one that could not be explained. The thoughts, feelings, mindsets, they were all unexplainable, indescribable.

How one friendship, and subsequently, two others, spun out of control, out of orbit, it was unbelievable.

One night changed everything for better and for worse.


One last scream reverberated off the walls, part of some argument that had been initiated with stupidity. It was just yelling now; neither of them remembered what everything was about.

"I can't believe you, Serena!" Blair shrieked, her eyes bulging. "We're supposed to be best friends, and then you do this!"

"We are best friends." Serena challenged. "I just need to do something on my own right now."

"Fine." Blair narrowed her eyes. "Then get out. You can go to the party by yourself."

Serena took a deep breath, then hardened. "Fine. Goodbye."

And she was gone, the elevator doors closing and Blair's anger worsening.

She yanked her charm bracelet off, her S charm's link breaking.

She stomped upstairs and threw her charm bracelet at the wall, the S charm breaking off. After that she was left to scream in her pillow.

God, she hated Serena can der Woodsen. She wasn't sure why, but she sure as hell did.


It was nearly three in the morning when her phone started ringing. She groaned as she awoke and saw Chuck's name flashing across the screen.

"What, Bass?" She yelled into the phone. She wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

"Blair, you need to get down to New York Presbyterian." He was calm, his voice unwavering but entirely serious.

"What's going on?" Her heart was pounding.

"I…I can't explain right now. Just get here."

The line went dead.


Her hair was a mess and her dress was winkled, but she got there in less than thirty minutes, a personal record for her.

Chuck and Nate were both pacing. Lily looked incredibly pale, her face deformed in horror.

A harsh realization shot through Blair's veins.

She yanked Chuck's shoulder. "Where's Serena?" She demanded, her blood going cold and her face flushing.


"What?" She was genuinely terrified now, begging for information on her other best friend. This was only bad news. There was no good to come of it.

Chuck gulped and released the information. "She was attacked after she left the party."

Blair froze. Started to back away. "No. You're lying."

He just stared. "I'm not lying."

"You're lying!" She accused again, still backing away. She crashed into a doctor who dropped his clipboard.

"Miss?" The doctor called worriedly. "Are you okay?"

Blair dusted off her dress and rose. "I'm fine."

Her eyes were burning, but she wasn't crying. She cursed herself. She was emotionless.

A doctor approached Lily cautiously, a solemn look on his face.

Blair knew she was gone.

She screamed.


"Blair, Blair!" Chuck was calling to her. She clamped her mouth shut.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly. "I-I need to get out of here."

She turned and ran, her heels slamming on the floor as she flew through the hospital doors and into the unusually cold night.

Nobody followed her.


It was explained to her what truly happened over the next few days.

Her throat had been sliced.

It had been completely random and if it weren't Serena, it would have been someone else.

But that wasn't the worst of it.

"They think someone was trying to rape her." Chuck explained, his eyes burning a hole in hers. "She tried to defend herself…and that's when it happened."

She couldn't feel worse than she did right now.

It was only inevitable that she thought it was her fault that Serena was dead.

It was completely evident that a part of her died with her.


There was a certain stillness in the air as the days passed by.

Blair walked a bit more swiftly in the streets when she was alone, associated less with the usual crowd at school, and avoided her other best friends like the plague.

When she didn't have to go out, she remained locked in her room humming undecipherable tunes.

The charm bracelet still remained on her room floor. It was untouched, the N and C charms still attached.

The S charm was nowhere to be found.


Her funeral approached slowly but surely.

Then everything dawned on her. She wouldn't graduate with the senior class, wouldn't go to college, wouldn't get married, and would never be able to have a family of her own.

Dan Humphrey stood next to her, his head up and his eyes staring into space.

He looked at her once. She gave him a curt nod.

They were on some level of understanding. They both loved Serena, and always would.

Neither of them knew the depths of their love for Serena. And neither of them would ever know.


She hadn't really thought about the seriousness of the situation until she was standing in front of Serena's coffin.

She finally heard her laugh, saw her smile, her wispy blond locks. She remembered her compassion, her kindness. She saw her best friend. She saw her completely dead, no longer breathing, lifeless, cold, best friend.

She couldn't take it anymore. The only thing she could do was what she did best during this time.

In that moment, she slipped out of heels, and as everyone watched, she ran through the grass and out of the crowd, trying to find a place that she would be sane again.

She knew she would never find that place.


Author's Note: I know, there's not a lot of Blair/Chuck in this part, but the second part has a hell of a lot of it.

This is a twoshot, for anyone who wants to know. This part is called I Lost You, so it's only fitting that the second part be called You Found Me.

Reviews, please! They brighten up my crappy days. Thanks so much, Cass