A/N: Yes. A pointless, OOC-ish Teen Titan Christmas oneshot. It's completely out of character, but I guess that was sort of the point. A parody of sorts. I hope you guys don't think it's too weird. It's more humorous, like Beast Boy's 30 Ways, so hopefully it'll be ok. And I hope I didn't completely fail at humor. :D
Oh, and just FYI, this would be set during the Titan's first Christmas together.
Disclaimer: I don't own it. At all.
Raven did not like the Christmas tree.
Of course, with the way it looked, there wasn't a very good chance of anyone liking it.
But Raven disliked it more than the average person did.
There were several reasons for this. One was that popcorn kept falling on her head when she sat in her favorite seat. Starfire hadn't exactly gotten the whole 'popcorn goes on strings and then gets put on the tree' policy.
The other, was that the tree was crooked. Didn't anyone realize how damn annoying that was? From every angle you look at it, it was crooked. They had even tried to cut part of the end off, in hopes to make it straighter. But did it work? No. It just made it lean in the other direction.
Which was just as annoying, thank you very much.
And not to mention that somehow there always seemed to be pine needles on everything. Especially in the places she liked to sit. She blamed Beast Boy for that, though.
However, the number 1 reason why Raven hated the Titan Christmas tree? That was easy.
Because Starfire had decided that the best way to include the normally reclusive girl into the festivities was to carefully sew a very unrealistic Raven doll and put it in the place the angel was supposed to go.
In this case, the very top of the tree. Where every one could see it and laugh at it.
So thanks Star, thanks a lot.
Beast Boy tilted his head to the right. Then to the left. And then back to the right.
"It doesn't look like me no matter what angle you're looking at!" Raven snapped, angrily.
Beast Boy grinned at her. "That's where you're wrong. I think the doll is very realistic. See the depressed expression? And the bad haircut? All very realistic."
Raven's jaw dropped. "Have you ever seen what another dimension looks like?"
Beast Boy shook his head.
"Allow me to show you." Raven's hand glowed black before she sent a wave of black power towards him.
Beast Boy squeaked and transformed into a mouse. Raven's wave missed the changeling and then continued on to hit the tree.
Both watched, wide-eyed, as the tree wavered and then smashed into the ground.
Immediately Cyborg was upon them.
"Who messed with my tree?" He demanded, shrilly. "It was perfect!"
Beast Boy stuck a hand into the air. "I guess it's a bad time to mention that it was kind of tilting to the right?"
Cyborg glared at him.
"You guys are SO dead!" Cyborg made to pounce on them but the clearing of a throat stopped him.
"Anything wrong here?" Robin asked, grinning.
"Heck yeah! They knocked down my tree! Again." Cyborg eyed the two dangerously.
"Well Animal Boy was making fun of me," Raven whined, crossing her arms over her chest.
"BEAST Boy! Is it really that hard to remember my name?" Beast Boy asked, scowling at her.
"As long as you call me depressed, then it is very hard to remember."
Robin gave a suffering sigh. "Look, you guys should apologize to each other. But only after, we fix the tree. Remember what happened the last time the tree got knocked down."
"That doesn't really look like me. I don't see why we have to put it up," Raven grumbled as Robin climbed a ladder to place the Raven doll on the very top.
"Oh be quiet, Raven. I think it's cute. Star just wants you to be accepted."
"Oh yeah, nothing says 'accepted' like a crude rag doll." Raven rolled her eyes. "I'd like to see you so cheery if she made one of you."
"Oh she did. It's just too embarrassing to show anyone." Robin adjusted the doll on the peak of the evergreen.
Raven's jaw dropped. "That's completely unfair!"
He shrugged and started making his way down the ladder.
"That doll is going on the tree. Mine is up there…so yours has to, too."
"Um, no. Not going to happen."
Raven's eyes glowed black briefly.
As Robin hoped onto the ground and moved the ladder, black encircled the tree and brought it crashing down.
He turned to her, annoyed. "Oh real mature. Now I have to go back up the stupid ladder."
From across the room, Starfire shrieked.
Apparently, on Tameran it was considered unholy to drop a tree.
The four Titans left the mini-flashback with a mutual shudder. The Tameranian 'purifying' process was extremely unpleasant. Picture buckets of slime mixed with cactus needles being rubbed all over your body.
"Agreed. Let's get it back up."
Beast Boy tilted his head to the right. Then to the left. And then to the right again.
"Duudes…it's still crooked," he said with his head tilted to the right.
"If you call me 'dude' one more time, I swear," Raven growled, letting go of her side of the large evergreen.
She hurriedly grabbed onto the wobbling tree.
Robin glared at her. She shrugged.
"Are you done yet?" Robin asked, looking up as Cyborg lovingly placed a bright blue ball on the upper branches.
"This is an art form and it can't just be done. It has to be done," he replied from 6 feet in the air.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you were working on an art project while Raven's and mine's arms fall off," Robin snapped.
Cyborg glared at him nastily. Raven glared at both of them. "If you guys don't shut up, and hurry, Star is going to come back from the mall before we finish. And then she'll make us take a stupid bath in that stupid slime. I still have a stupid cactus needle in my forehead."
"I don't know what you guys are complaining about," Beast Boy said. "This is easy."
All three Titans turned to glare at the green boy, who was lounging on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. Which he was popping into his mouth.
"Beast Boy!" Cyborg howled, from the top of the tree.
The green teen froze.
"Those aren't for you! That's popcorn for the tree!" The cybernetic teen's arms flailed wildly. There was no question as to why the next thing happened. Picture a heavy half-robot, 6 feet in the air, swinging around.
You got it.
Cyborg gave a scream as he plummeted face first into the Titan's living room carpet.
Robin glanced at Raven from his side of the tree. "Couldn't you have caught him?"
She fixed him with a hard gaze. "I was holding up the tree."
Cyborg sat on the couch, grumpily with a pink icepack on his forehead. "This is never going to work."
Robin glared at him. "I don't see you doing anything."
"Hel-lo! I just frikin' fell on my face! I have an excuse!" Cyborg winced as he rubbed a bruise too hard. "And all I'm saying is that this is never going to work."
Beast Boy scoffed. "Of course it'll work. It was my idea."
Raven's froze. "This was his idea? What are you, nuts?" She let go of her side of the tree to glare at Robin.
The four Titans watched as the Christmas tree went to meet the ground for the second time that day. Unfortunately…it also met Cyborg.
"OW!" Cyborg cried from under the huge tree.
Raven had the decency to look guilty.
"I'll just….go get an icepack."
"Ok, how about we get a trampoline, and I can jump on it, while putting the decorations on the tree." Raven mimicked. "How was this ever a good idea?"
"Oh shut up," Robin snapped.
"I need ice…" Beast Boy, moaned, rubbing the bump he had acquired from jumping a little too high and hitting the ceiling.
"Ok! How about we get a zebra, and then an elephant and stack them on top of each other so we can climb up and decorate the tree!"
Three glares turned in his direction.
"What about a giraffe? We could totally climb its neck!"
There are no words to answer this.
"Are you feeling better yet?" Robin asked, looking at Cyborg.
"Yes. But I think that that tree is evil reborn. I think we should get rid of it."
There wasn't anyone in the room who disagreed with him.
"We can't do that. Look at the punishment for dropping a tree. What could happen if we threw a tree away?" Raven pointed out.
The four teens looked at the tree and shuddered violently.
"I vote for trying to fix it," Beast Boy said, raising his hand.
"I second that." Robin nodded.
"Alright then, we'll try to fix it."
They all looked at the once proud tree, now with multiple broken branches and a squashed appearance.
Raven looked away as her communicator started beeping. "Star?"
"Friend Raven! I have found the most glorious gift! I shall be bringing it home now! Please make sure that you are ready to be surprised!"
The communicator disconnected, leaving Raven equally as blank looking.
"Star says we should get ready for a surprise," she said, smirking a bit.
"Ok. I'll be ready," Beast Boy said, nodding.
They sat in silence for a few seconds before the bomb dropped.
"Wait. She's coming home now?" Cyborg yelled, jumping up and then wincing.
"Hurry with that!" Robin snapped, grabbing the red ribbon from Raven's hands and tying it to a branch.
"No need to be grabby," she muttered. With a flash of black power, (there had been a lot of yelling over this. 'Why didn't you think to use your telekinetic powers sooner?') a handful of colorful ornaments attached themselves to the higher branches. Cyborg came from behind the tree.
"The lights are attached." Beast Boy just continued what he had been doing for the past 5 minutes. Running in circles, grasping at his hair.
"Are we done?" Raven asked, looking the tree up and down.
"Not quite." Robin held up the chubby Raven rag doll.
Raven glared. "No. Way."
"Come on, Rae! If it's not up there, then she'll know something happened!" Cyborg whined. Raven glared harder.
"The only way I'll put it up, is if you put your Robin doll up too."
Robin looked mortified. "No way! I told you, it's humiliating!"
"Fine." Raven turned and crossed her arms.
Robin groaned loudly before pulling a small plush doll from his pocket. It was smaller than Raven's. It also had a bright pink bow in the spiky black hair and a long black mono-brow instead of two regular eyebrows.
The three Titans took one look at it, and burst out laughing. Cyborg held his sides, Beast Boy pounded the ground with his fists and even Raven had tears leaking from her eyes.
"Yeah, it's hilarious," Robin grumbled.
"It really is," Beast Boy agreed.
"Friends! I have returned! Where are you?" Starfire's voice echoed through the tower, proving a very effective way to stop the giggling fits.
"Put them up! Put them up!" Cyborg whispered frantically.
Raven, while housing a panicked expression, raised her hand and sent the Raven doll to the top of the tree. She sent the Robin doll to a place lower to the floor.
The four Titans barely had enough time to dive for seats on the couch before the Tameranean princess floated into the room.
"Friends, I have returned from the mall of shopping with the greatest gift of them all!" She sounded happy.
"Great! What is it, Star?" Robin asked, kindly.
"Another of your Christmas trees!" Starfire had a giddy look on her face while the others just froze into identical unreadable expressions.
"You have got to be kidding." Raven's shock was so great that an accidental wave of black power released itself and . . . you can guess.
The black power slammed into the tree, causing it to come crashing down.
A/N: Sorry for all the page breaks....I hope you guys like the story. And if you don't,...well, tell me how I could improve.
Happy Holidays, guys! Thanks for being so amazing.