Deep in My Heart

Summary: Songfic - The first part of this fic will be an introspection on Vader's thoughts as he watches the Emperor torture his son, leading to Anakin's redemption. The second part of this story will be an Anakin introspection, post redemption. The song is "Deep in My Heart, Dear," from the Musical "The Student Prince." This is the version from the movie which Mario Lanza and Ann Blyth sing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. I'm just borrowing George Lucas's characters for a bit. I also do not own the song "Deep in My Heart, Dear" from the Musical the Student Prince.

Note #1: There are going to be two chapters for this songfic, because although the two pieces are related they can be read as two separate vignettes. For that reason, I decided to break them apart.

Note #2: For those familiar with the song "Deep in My Heart, Dear" from the movie version of "The Student Prince," the duet in the middle is not going to be included in this song fic. Although I love it and tried to put it in this, it does not fit into the tone or context of my story. There was too much back and forth to make it coherent in relation to the fic.


He's screaming to me, screaming in pain. I know that kind of agony, I have lived through it since the day I lost… everything. For a time I thought my son would be my ally like no one else would. Together we could have seized control of the galaxy and brought the order I had promised....

No! I cannot think of such things, my son deserves this, not for refusing my Master, but for refusing me. He made his decision and now he must pay the consequences.

"Father, please!" He shouts to me in a strangled voice. Although he cannot see it, I wince for him. I should not feel this way about him, he turned against me like everyone else, like….

Deep in my heart, dear

I have a dream of you

I try to close my eyes and use the Force to block out the images that attempt to torture me like the lightning rippling through my son's body, but something in the Force seems to be nudging me towards some action. I cannot concentrate with its insistent push and am forced to pull myself out of my futile meditations and focus on the ravaged form of my son. He looks terrible. He does not have the scars that I carry, but I can only imagine that the pain in his eyes matches what I felt on Mustafar all those years ago.

Were my eyes blue then, or are they the yellow I've seen the few times my mask has been off? His eyes mirror the blue mine once were. In a lot of ways, my son reminds me of the man I once was. He is almost a perfect copy of the Jedi I grew up to be, the Jedi she….

Fashioned of starlight

Fragrant with roses and dew

My eyes flash to my Master as I fight the unwanted tears. I promised myself years ago I would not think or speak of her, but my son keeps bringing back the memories. The flashes of softness and light are not part of my life anymore. I destroyed them and with it sentenced myself to a world without her, a world of darkness.

Our paths may sever

But I'll remember forever

"Help me!" My son pleads to me as I feel another insistent push from the Force. Once again I wince as I look down at my son. He is suffering, just as I have every day since she left me.

"There is still good in you." My son's words echo to me, but in a softer more melodic voice that I have not heard from in years. Tears burn my cheeks and I nearly stumble forward in shock at the sound. My head whips to the side to gaze at my Master, trying to wipe away the sudden onslaught of emotion that is cascading down upon me.

There is no reassurance or warmth in my Master's face, only cold maliciousness as he destroys my son… her son… our son. My eyes turn back to him and another insistent push calls to me in the Force.

"Please, Anakin. Please." Again the voice I've longed for echoes in my head. How can I let my Master destroy the thing she left me before she died? Our son was created out of love, not the pain and hatred my Master is using to destroy him.

I failed Padmé once in protecting our love and I cannot do it again. She would not have wanted it to be this way, our son, the embodiment of our love, must live on. I no longer need the frantic shoves from the Force to move into action, my feet move of their own free will. I grasp the frail form of my Master and want to screech as the lightning attack that had been meant for my son turns on me. However, I fight through the pain because I have to. I have to prove my love and my son right. I know I do not deserve their forgiveness for all that I have done to them, but as I send my former Master to his death and wait for my own I cannot help but smile with the knowledge that I have protected my family.

Deep in my heart, dear

I'll always dream of you