Sex, Lies, Poker Chips and Bubbles
By Elizabeth Bathory
The sun was just setting into the Pacific Ocean in late June, giving the living room of the Stark mansion a pink glow just as it was about to become a den of testosterone for the duration of the weekend.
Pepper, Emma and Marina had taken Tony up on his offer for an all girls spa weekend at his expense. He was using it as an excuse for major guy time with Rhodey and Jamie. Tony had hoped for a little hand to hand aerial combat between Iron Man, War Machine and Iron Knight but that dream was quickly squashed for a few reasons. Reason number one was Pepper gave a strict list of "Pepper Approved Guy Activities," which included video games, cards and playing with the cars. Anything that involved the suits was off limits, especially going out in them, and she made sure Jarvis knew that. Reason number two was a variety of injuries which prevented comfortable donning of the suits. The injuries included but were not limited to – bruises, burns and scrapes, a black eye for one of them, sore ribs, pulled muscles and a broken hand. Since war games were out of the question, Tony opted for a no limit Texas Hold'em Tournament, an excellent game for strategic and mathematical analysis, perfect for three MIT graduates.
Rhodey had arrived with the necessary supplies of pizza, snacks, beer and soda balanced with his one good hand early in the evening and after three men were fully fed, hyped up on sugar and ripe for competition, the cards were dealt out.
As the first hand was being dealt and the chips were being put in the pot, Rhodey raised a question. "Tony? Are we playing for actual money here or not?"
"Why wouldn't we be?" Tony shrugged.
"Well because some of us are billionaires and some of us work for the government." Rhodey commented. "And if we are playing for your money…I am going to take as much of it as possible since I owe you for my hand here."
"Fine fine…ones, fives, and tens…happy?" Tony conceded as he and Jamie threw their wallets on the table next to the chips. "And I did not break your hand. I told you that thing was heavy. You just had a bad grip."
"Thank you for the concession. I don't feel like losing my entire 401K." Rhodey stated. "And you distracted me and made me drop it, thus you broke my hand."
"That could be a lot bigger if you would finally agree to work for me. Stark Industries pays very well." Tony said with a smirk as he checked his cards. "And no I did not."
"I do have to back him up on that one. I make nearly triple what NASA paid me now." Jamie stated.
"You're his son. You don't think there was a little nepotism involved there?" Rhodey said dryly as he checked his cards and anted up.
"No, I didn't play favorites at all." Tony admitted. "He has the same starting salary as anyone else in his position. I didn't pad Emma's either when I hired her." He added as he threw his chips in and dealt out the flop.
"You're serious about that? I have heard crap that you doubled and tripled theirs." Rhodey exclaimed as he threw in his bet.
"All lies. They have to work for it just as I did." Tony scoffed as he threw in his bet.
"No free rides here. He'll fire me just as much as anyone else who doesn't produce." Jamie said as he tossed in his chips.
"My father would have done the same." Tony added as he set down the Turn card.
"Tony, your father would not have fired you. Employing you was the only way he could keep you from blowing things up." Rhodey laughed as he threw his chips in.
"So he paid me to make things that blew up. And I never blew anything up on purpose…only if I got distracted." Tony said in his own defense as he threw in his chips.
"You mean by something female and in something small and cute?" Jamie chimed in as he added is bet.
"Watch it smart ass. I have seen you get whiplash when girls walk by." Tony stated as he added his bet and threw down the River.
"Learned from the best, Dad. Turn on the Stark charm and the ladies just come like butterflies to a flame. Jamie said smoothly.
"Don't you mean moths?" Rhodey corrected as he threw in his bet.
"Nope…butterflies. Moths are too ugly of a comparison to what I am referring to." Jamie stated as he added his bet.
"And what exactly are you referring to?" Rhodey asked as he claimed his winnings from his straight.
"I am referring to some of the most beautiful creatures on this planet." Jamie stated as Rhodey started dealing. "The girls I am talking about have more curves than the Road to Hana, you can bounce a quarter off their ass, the right words will make them putty in your hands and when you get them in bed you hope to God that the stories you have heard about them are true." He said with a smirk. "Speaking of stories…I have heard a few good ones about you, Dad."
"This should be good. I thought I knew all of them." Rhodey commented.
"So did I…" Tony said as he looked a little puzzled. "What have they been telling you in the dungeons there?"
Jamie laughed as he took a drink from the can of Coke he had next to him. "That Emma and I were conceived on the desk in your office." He said with a smirk.
Tony nearly did a spit take when he heard that. Yes he and Pepper had quite a bit of fun in his office with the door locked but he didn't think anyone knew about it. "That's not entirely accurate," Tony stated as he regained his smooth exterior. "You two were actually conceived over a game of Monopoly." He admitted.
Rhodey and Jamie both shared the same stunned and interested look on their faces.
"Okay, this one I didn't know." Rhodey admitted. "I figured they were honeymoon kids."
"Extended honeymoon…" Tony said with a smirk. "I was playing Monopoly with Jarvis on the computer during a rather brutal heat wave. He cheated and won so I challenged him to a rematch but with Pepper as well. Since I am not in Real Estate by trade, I made things a bit more interesting and…one plus one equals four."
"Tony, that has to be one of the oddest times that you some how managed to get laid during." Rhodey stated.
"Odd time maybe but not oddest place," Tony laughed.
"With Mom or before Mom?" Jamie inquired.
"Does Pepper actually know about this or will her finding out cause your imminent demise?" Rhodey asked.
"I don't think she knows about it but there are probably pictures on some tabloid somewhere." Tony stated.
"Ok…this I have to hear because I was sure Pepper knew you inside and out by now." Rhodey said as he leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms in front of him.
"New York…in a glass elevator from the Penthouse down to the lobby." Tony said. "A leggy brunette that wanted a quickie."
"So that was why your bare ass landed on the front page of the Enquirer? " Rhodey laughed.
"Ok…your turn Rhodey," Jamie said as he turned. "Oddest place and oddest reason."
Rhodey took a long swig from his beer. "Well with your dad bringing in all the 'butterflies,' it was tough on the rest of us around him to get a girl." He states, trying to avoid the question.
Tony laughed. "Come on, you've had your fair share of women, even with me around so don't try to weasel out of this or I'll tell him about Spring Break '87 and what was her name again…Ivan?"
"Will you quit with that? You know damn well it did not happen like that." Rhodey spat back.
"I know what truly happened. You, my friend, were the one who was too drunk to remember." Tony said with a smirk. "I think it is your turn to tell a tale."
Rhodey sighed and took another swig from his beer. "Well I guess oddest place and oddest reason are kind of tied together," he started. "It was sort of an initiation for all rookie officers in the Air Force when I joined. The senior officers dragged all of us out to a bar, picked out a girl and said we had to bring back her panties. Method of procurement was our choice as long as we didn't end up in jail." He said. "So, I went over to the girl, slipped a few of the tricks I picked up from your Dad and then we ended up in the pilot's seat of my jet. The next morning, her black silk panties were tacked to the wall with the rest of them."
"You did it in a plane?" Tony repeated. "How was it?"
"Great when you want her to straddle you but the controls always get you in the ass any other way." Rhodey laughed before turning to Jamie. "Ok…you brought this up, kid and now it's your turn."
Jamie smirked as he popped a few chips with salsa into his mouth. "Well, oddest place and oddest reason go hand and hand again." He started. "I had just gotten to Florida and I was in one of the Cocoa Beach bars shooting my mouth off on how I could get any girl and any time and score with her any where. So, a few of the others there threw their money on the bar and picked out a somewhat shy looking girl that was sitting with her friends at a booth in the corner. I matched their bet on the bar and walked over to her.
"At first, she was about to slap me until I told her that I would split the 500 dollars on the bar with her and make sure she enjoyed herself. She warmed up to the idea a bit and allowed me to take her hand. Now, this bar had a separate room with a pool table in back. I took her back there and shut the door just enough to have some privacy but open enough to prove I wasn't lying. As soon as the door was closed, that shy little thing turned into a very hungry vixen. We barely had enough time to get my fly down before she had me bend her backwards over the pool table. By the time we were done, she had screamed my name at the top of her lungs three times, was running wet as a river and taking her 250 and shoving it into her bra and my half into my pocket where she said good bye in a rather enjoyable manner."
"You did that for 500 bucks?" Tony asked.
"Eight ball…corner pocket." Jamie said as he made a popping sound with his mouth. "I would have made it a 1000 but the rest of them couldn't cover it."
At the end of Jamie's tale, Rhodey just had to laugh. "I find it amazing that the two of you chased every bit of skirt there was and then both landed two very strong and independent women."
"And we are better for it," Tony and Jamie said at the same time, cutting Rhodey off.
"I just still wonder how you pulled it off." Rhodey added in.
Tony just smiled as he leaned back in his chair. "Stark charm always works."