Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight :(
AN: Thanks to everyone who either reviewed, added to favs or alerts!
I should have seen this coming. I did, but not in the way I should have. I should have 'seen' Bella asking me this, what she asked and my responses but I hadn't. My mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of how far I would go in telling her. I would tell her about my father and my family but would I go as far as to tell her about the asylum and my transformation? I didn't know. But I was about to find out.
"Alice, you have to give me some answers. You can't just expect me to think nothing of, you of all people, going into an antique second hand store. Waltzing up to the lady and ask to see a locket which has pictures in it you recognise of people who look like you. There's letters written to a girl called Alice from her father. I know it was your locket Alice, but you've never spoken of a father before."
I'd officially decided. I would tell Bella everything; open up to someone like I had never opened up to anyone but Jasper before. I would tell her because she was the only person Edward couldn't read. He could read Jasper but I knew Jasper would do anything to hide it and he had found out years ago before we came to live with the Cullens. It would hurt Bella but I suddenly craved someone to tell; somebody to understand.
"Bella, I'm going to open up to you like I never have with anyone but Jasper before. You mustn't tell anybody else in our family this and must keep your thoughts hidden from Edward. It would hurt them all too much, especially him."
"Of course Alice, I won't tell anyone anything you don't want me to tell them," She smiled encouragingly at me.
"When I was a baby my father gave me this locket but it was empty. He was in the army and had to go away to war almost all the time. The army was perfect for him; he was helping others whilst getting the money his family needed. He hated the violence though; he hated to kill people. When he came home one year I sat our family in the garden and we took some photos with our new camera; one of me and my father, one of my mother and my sister. That was how our family naturally split.
I only ever saw my father three times after that. When I was seven, when I was ten and when I became a teenager. I never saw him again after that. He went to fight a week or so after my thirteenth birthday and never came back. He was killed in some kind of animal attack in the middle of the desert; miles away from where they were heading. It wasn't until recently that I realised how he was killed. There were four other men with him and all were killed in the same fashion.
This saw the start of my premonitions. The fact my father was dead pulled me into a deep depression. I spent a lot of time alone just thinking and soon began to see snippets of the near future in my dreams. The dreams would be vivid and I would always remember them. I would write them down and when they started to come true I told my mother. That was probably the biggest mistake of my life as she, within two months sent me to the asylum where I would stay.
The premonitions only got clearer and more frequent as I was locked up with only three other women as company. They still always came true with no exceptions. I spent six years in that asylum only seeing the light of day for a few minutes a day and only eating one meal a day. I don't know how I survived, but I did.
The people in the asylum took the locket away from me the moment they realised I had it. They gave it back to my mother who obviously gave it to a shop to sell.
The man who spoke to us every day seemed slightly out of the ordinary to me and always asked me about my premonitions. He was the only person who believed in what I saw and thought that I wasn't going mad. He was inhumanly beautiful and had an air about which made him different to anyone else I'd ever met. He was tall and blond; the doctor of the asylum," I slowed down when I said doctor as a look of recognition crossed Bella's face.
"Carlisle changed you?" She asked shocked.
"Yes, but not without a cost. I began to see a young blonde man in my dreams and learnt that his name was James. I told Carlisle that he was somewhat like him and appeared to be coming this way. Carlisle seemed worried at my analysis but believed me as always. The next night I saw the man actually in the asylum. Carlisle immediately got another man who I had noticed to be like him, who I learnt was his brother to look after me. He had the same golden eyes and blond hair and had the same air about him. I liked him too.
As my premonitions had foretold James came. He tried to capture me but was stopped by Carlisle's brother. They fought like no humans I had never seen fight and that proved it to me. I had believed that they were something other than human when I had met them but my mother's teachings told me it wasn't possible.
Something hit me, hard. It hurt and as I heard cracks I knew it had broken something. The pain didn't affect me; I had been immune to it since my mother abandoned me but soon enough I was pulled under.
I awoke in a room alone. I was shocked by the new sensations I was feeling. I could see everything and I could hear everything too. I could hear a conversation going on through the walls three cells down and I could see every individual grain of sand in the concrete built walls. Why wasn't Carlisle or his brother here? A new sensation hit me as a girl walked past the door to the room I was in. My throat burned and I killed her and drained her of all her blood. I felt immediately disgusted and ran out of the building, not caring who saw me, away from that place. I saw a familiar figure leaning over the edge of a bridge, looking into the river. I approached him. He spoke to me: "How are you feeling Alice? I see you fed on that girl who walked past you. I hope you didn't know her." I replied telling him the truth about how I felt and admitting that I did kill the girl but didn't know her. He told me about myself; what I was and what I could do.
But then he told me he had to go away. He couldn't stay anywhere near the asylum. He didn't tell me why but it didn't take me long to find out. His brother was killed by James while they fought to protect me. Carlisle was changing me whilst his brother fought; if he wanted to save me he couldn't help his brother. James ran away; not giving Carlisle the chance to kill him first. Edward and Esme were with Carlisle then and they knew that I existed. They were at their house; it was just a normal day for Carlisle and his brother at work as far as they knew.
That's why none of us ever mention it. Edward and Esme have always felt the guilt. They could have helped Carlisle to save him but he always tells them that they weren't to know. It would bring great pain on our family if anyone were to find out. It makes me feel guilty although I had no choice in the matter and it makes Carlisle sad and angry. The restraint he showed in not killing James the moment he laid eyes on him was brilliant.
Carlisle explained my past to me before he ran away and got the shock of his life when he saw me again with Jasper. There was a deep part of him that didn't want me there because of the memories but his compassionate side won him over. He took me in but for many years afterwards whenever he looked at me it hurt him. I felt the same way and when the rest of the family were out of the house we would talk about it. Esme, Edward and Jasper knew but they never felt it like we did. It was nice just to sit and talk to someone I knew understood how I felt.
You have to promise me something Bella. Even though Edward and Esme know, you must never mention anything about it in front of them. It breaks their hearts and makes them feel so guilty every time they think or talk about it. Carlisle too; it would hurt him a lot to think about it again. That's our only protection from it; we don't think about it. Small things remind me of it all the time but I always banish the thoughts from my mind, I know if I delve into them I'll just get hurt.
Do you promise me that Bella?" She just nodded and we walked in a thoughtful silence back to the house.