Disclaimer: Nope. Nada. Zilch. Not mine.
Summary: Some crude language, some funny scenes and a bit of swearing. You're warned. What happens when the East coast is hit with a giant snow storm, and the team's boredom is only satisfied by reading tabloids about their own lives? Sarcastic comments and horribly fun dialogue ensues. Just some fun. Enjoy!
"So you and Star are having a baby?"
Robin looked over his shoulder. He had been playing around with one of his bird-a-rangs on the kitchen table in the silence of the night. Most of the team, sans himself and Raven, had gone to the city lighting of the Christmas tree. It was a relatively new tradition but as Star was just beginning to understand the holiday, had pleaded to see the event. She had also somehow convinced some of the Titans West to join them for the time they were bunking at the tower. The weather made it near impossible for them to head home.
Raven stood at the giant bay sized windows, watching the ocean continue to move even as the snow fell. It had been two days of straight snow; the white was everywhere in the city. Yet, with the amount of frozen water, the city had become peaceful; as if the snow blanketed the civilians and villains alike with a serene calming. This left Robin with absolutely nothing to do.
"It's supposed to be twins." He stated, dropping his tools. The girl had been quiet most of the night, which wasn't so weird given her nature to be mostly silent. He walked up beside her, allowing himself a few inches of distance.
"Now twins. The names are supposed to be Heartwing and Nightstar?" She questioned, whimsically. Robin nodded, grinning slightly.
"Something like that." Silence stretched between them as they both watched the waves crash into the bay. The flakes continued to fall and the moon was barely visible. He heard Raven sigh through her nose and the window fogged from the process.
"And Beast Boy and I are having an affair while he's still with Tara."
"I thought you two were a couple?" Robin said, tracing a bare hand against the cold window. A circle stared back at him, mimicking the moon.
Raven shook her head. "We were. But the blonde one, won him back from me. But I'm too irresistible to deny." She shrugged as she finished in a deadpan. Robin tried to hold back the laugh that was building in his chest. He rubbed his naked eyes, wiping tears away.
"She's a statue."
"But Cy and Tara are fooling around too."
"Right. So I guess that doesn't count as cheating… or does it? Your customs are baffling to me sometimes." She muttered as she crossed her arms absentmindedly. Robin chuckled as he turned to walk to the green sofa. He plopped down, his red and black checkered pajama bottoms rustling nosily.
Raven glanced back at him, she too in her pajamas. She wore a pair of black sweatpants three sizes too big and grey tank top one size too small. A zip up that wasn't hers' had been discarded on the couch beside Robin. "Well to me it is. But also very confusing."
She walked to stand in front of her leader, unable to keep the upturn of her mouth from showing. "As is our lives. Did you know you and Roy had a fling?"
Robin raised one perfectly arched eyebrow. "We did?"
"Drunken night, a year or so ago. You liked it and Roy hated it."
Robin leaned back, spreading his arms over the soft cushions. "Damn. I hate when he talks about that," he sighed almost disappointedly. He smirked knowingly at Raven. "Did you know, you and Star had a friend with benefits relationship a few months ago? And it wasn't a drunken adventure."
Her eyes rounded just slightly, and she feigned innocence. "We did. I remember everything. Can't hide that from you." She waggled her long finger at the Boy Wonder.
"Yet even though you had tried BB and Star, it seems you and Roy hit it off," he grinned, putting his feet up on the coffee table. Rae nodded once and leisurely climbed up on the couch next to him, inches apart.
"It's the red hair. Does me in each time."
"The idea that he's in another state doesn't occur to you? Or has slept with many men and women?"
She smirked, a slight movement of her mouth. Robin watched her eyes sparkle as she tried to stop the laugh that sat on her lips. He studied them closer; they were so full and plump that they drew his attention each time she spoke.
"Not so much, no."
"Isn't Vic and Bumblee Bee dating?" He asked abruptly.
She snorted and snuggled closer to Robin's side as he slid a protective arm around her shoulders. "Married, Robin. Have been for two months now. You remember the ceremony don't you?"
Robin pretended to think about it, going so far as to put a finger to his chin. "Ah I remember now. Is that the same ceremony when Star slept with Gar, Roy and Aqualad? In the bridal reception area, all at once?"
"The very same. It made the headlines on Vogue." Robin laughed silently, his chest making Raven move along with his howls. He kissed her forehead, smiling all the while.
"You'd think by now they would've run out of stories to publish in all those magazines." He said amazed at the mess of entertainment littering the coffee table. He picked one up in his free hand and studied it. "I mean, really? When have I ever been all over Bee before? Or when I have I snuck in a squad of cheerleaders into the tower?"
Raven snatched the paper out of his hands, scanning the cover before replying, "Apparently after Karen learned about Tara and Vic and wanted to get revenge on him by sleeping with you." She scanned further down the page. "And the cheerleader squad was to prove to Speedy you were more of a man slut."
He rolled his eyes skyward. He really hated when the city was quiet; it left too much free time to him and his team to be amused by other activities. "Why did you bring those home?"
She shrugged, making herself look innocent, even though Robin knew his darling Raven could never be as innocent as she pretended. "It gives me something to read."
"About how the press likes to warp us in each issue, causing rumors to fly around every which way?"
"Yes." She smiled quickly, daring him to comment further with her eyes. He just shook his head picking up another magazine.
"They think BB might be a woman?" His sky blue eyes widened. Raven ripped it out of his hands, letting her mouth hang open.
"I missed that one," she stated as she opened the papers to peer inside. She sat back, Robin's arm fitting snugly around her waist as she read the article. "They believe he's pregnant and the father is Aqualad."
Robin could do nothing more but to shake his head at her nonsense. For the most intelligent (in her own special way) Raven had the weirdest hobbies when bored.
The door behind them swung open and their three teammates plus Bumblee Bee, Aqualad, and Speedy joined them. Mas y Menos had stayed at the tower; thankfully someone was there to protect the city while the other three were stuck in Titans East. Beast Boy ran with his arms filled with newspapers and more magazines.
"Dude! Did you see that I'm having a baby?" He asked, his wide grin shining brightly under the lights above head. Gar and Kori both had overdone the Christmas lightening throughout the tower. They place lit up like a firecracker on a Fourth of July picnic.
"I did," Raven said her voice even. She was still scanning the article, unaware that Robin had poked Beast Boy in the forehead.
"You're the one who keeps getting her these magazines!"
BB rubbed his red dot away but stuck his tongue out at Robin. "Dude it's something we can talk about and not kill each other over. Take the compromise." He plopped down on the floor, looking through one of his own.
"You have to admit Fearless Leader, the stories are entertaining," Cyborg retorted, standing behind the couch, his arm resting on Bee's waist. Speedy dropped his head in between the two birds, a smirk lining his face.
"Not to mention way out in left field. Did you see the one that Dick and I dated?"
"I thought that one really happened?" Bee joked from behind him as Robin and Speedy both shot her a dark look. Cyborg and Aqualad laughed loudly at the joke.
"Yeah? How about the time where you and Star, slept with Gar and Garth at my wedding ceremony?" Cy inquired. Star hovered in the air beside Raven, looking over her shoulder at BB's article, taking in the vivid pictures. He was in his whale form, and headlines claiming 'Pregnant?'
"I do not recall that time. But I do remember the one in which Roy, Raven and I all had what is called a 'threesome' on the Titans' Tower roof." Raven darted her eyes up to her and licked her lips in thought. Robin hated the fact the group had taught Star how to be sarcastic. She wasn't nearly as naive as she once was now that she finally understood what their jokes really were saying.
"That happened two nights ago. Last night you and I had a threesome with Robin."
"In which dear Robin was wearing his Red X costume yes?"
Raven nodded as Star smiled, clasping her hands together in her lap. "I also recall that tonight we are supposed to make merry with Red X, himself."
"Not me, posing to be him," Robin clarified. Beast Boy pulled out one such article and passed it to Rob without so much as looking up from his spot. Robin glanced at the cover and dropped it into Raven's lap. She began reading it along with Starfire.
"No that's already been done Robin," Aqualad teased, taking one of the older magazines on the table. "I'm supposed to be a dad and having relations with almost everyone else?"
"Just about you man-whore," Vic commented. "Where's the one with Gar dating Tara and still sleeping with Rae?" Dick picked up the tabloid and passed it along. Cyborg whistled in acknowledgement. "Wow dating a stone. That's original."
Beast Boy waved him away. "Guys, they have one that has a supposed picture of Rae going down on Vic. It's all blurry and crap."
Raven shot her hand out just as Cy did to look at the picture. She climbed over the back to look on with Cy. "No way. They have real proof."
"Wait what," Robin asked, his vision going red for a split second.
"Calm down Richard," Raven mumbled. She pulled the picture away from Cy's massive hands and showed it to Robin. "It's when we were working on the T- car and I dropped a wrench."
"Is that what kids are calling it these days?" Roy laughed amused at Robin's expense. He knew Rob hated the thought of Raven being with anyone else, but it tickled everyone else when he really had to worry over it.
Sure enough Robin scanned the photo and saw exactly what Rae was talking about with honesty. He felt air he hadn't known he had been holding out. "Yeah I see."
"Does anyone else realize how sick this is? To be entertained by rumors and hurtful sayings about all of us?" Bee asked, hands going to her hips in mock agitation. Everyone looked at her, with blank stares. "Me either."
"How about this picture?" Star questioned, sitting gracefully down on to the green cushion. Roy rounded the couch and sat next to her as Garth sat at her feet. "I think this is quite flattering."
Speedy took the picture, laughing as he dropped it into Garth's hands. "That's priceless." Aqualad copied Speedy as he began silently shaking in laughter.
"Bee, I love the new pajamas." Bee took the article and shrugged.
"This is the only true one here. I really did leave the house in my gold and teal lingerie and matching slippers. They caught me damn it."
Cy raised an eyebrow. "Why don't I ever get to see it?"
Robin leaned across both females and read off the article. "Because she's cheating on you with me and then was on her way to see people at the Hive for a slumber party."
Everyone laughed loudly at that.
"Oh my God!" Beast Boy shouted as he jumped into the air. He began waving the magazine around wildly in the air. "Everyone look! They really got one!"
BB jumped in between Raven and Star as he opened the page wider. The group of teens looked down into the photos and Kori, Karen and Gar couldn't help the 'aww' they released as they looked at the picture. With a battle backdrop, Robin cradled Raven to his chest, fallen from a stray crumbling roof ledge. Both smiled thankfully and a tenderness that wasn't seen often shone through the picture as Robin cupped her bruised cheek.
Robin pulled Raven closer to his side and kissed the top of her head. "That happened two mornings ago right?"
Raven nodded. "Cinderblock gave me one hell of a bump on my head."
"And friend Robin being the hero that he is, saved his finance from certain peril." Kori finished, leaning back on to Roy's chest as his warm arms encircled her tight waist. Vic ruffled the boy wonder's hair in endearment.
"What a great guy," he cooed as Richard waved his hand away.
"And after this picture and a few others, none of the tabloids have caught on to the fact you two are really together?" Aqualad asked in disbelief. Robin shrugged.
"We're good at hiding it," he commented as Rae nodded once. She took the picture in her hands.
"'Two Birds of A feather? Is There Something More to Their Relationship?'" she read off aloud.
"They think because he braved hell and rescued you time after time from yourself and Trigon that there might be something between you," Gar said sarcastically. Everyone snorted in amusement.
"Who does that for someone you love?" Speedy rolled his eyes. "Idiots."
Silence rang throughout the room as everyone settled into their spots. The snow continued to fall in heavy lumps as outside the piles grew in size. Cyborg and Bee walked around the couch and sat next to Robin, enjoying the comfort and warmth of their friendship.
The silence was broken by a delicate snort. All eyes fell on Raven as she slowly glanced up from reading her page. "What?"
"Want to share with us?" Victor asked as he leaned forward to match eyes with Raven. They sparkled in laughter.
"They think they spotted Tara at a private school. Only it isn't Tara; it's her evil clone sent back from the future."
Robin rubbed the bridge of his nose. "What will they think of next?" He asked as he snuggled closer to Raven's warmth. Beast Boy buried his head deeper into the latest article about Star and Bee having a wild weekend in Vegas and getting hitched in Canada within hours of being spotted. He would never be the one to tell the teens he was the one who told the tabloids that little lie. Nor he was the one to say that Star and Bee had wed.
"Hey they said someone in the Titans told them." Karen read aloud. BB ducked down deeper, his cheeks glowing red in embarrassment.
Damn it all to hell.
A/N: So something a little different and totally sarcastic. I was standing in line, bored at the local market and kept reading headlines of famous celebs and how their lives were going and the stunts they were pulling and all that jazz. I kept thinking why on Earth would anyone want to read it? But then I read some of them and realized it's like a train wreck and one heck of a hoot to read while bored. So I kind of threw a TT spin on it; something to get my readers back to noticing that I'm not dead and I do plan on starting up some stories again. Meaning the ending of my lastest fic 'I Dream of You' and a few new ones.
Tell me what y'all think!