BECAUSE OF QUITE A DEMAND, I DECIDED TO WRITE A DUREX SEQUEL. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ 'IF I RULE THE WORLD', PLEASE DO. NOT THAT YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN BUT IT'S BETTER IF YOU DO. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, THIS IS A SEQUEL AND A ONESHOT.

I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, DREAMWORK OR DUREX. I KNOW YOU KNOW THIS.

CRACKFIC ONESHOT-DUREX

KEY: [TV NARRATOR], ["Actor speaking"], 'character speaking'.



Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle all the bells!

Naruto turned off the radio. Christmas was approaching closer and it was the only time of the year that he felt so lonely. He hadn't got family to gather for Christmas eve. Iruka won't be joining him; he had a family now with Kakashi and that's all he needed to stay away from Naruto. Of course Naruto understood Iruka wasn't doing it intentionally but it still hurt.

Furthermore, he never got any seasonal gifts from Santa because he had been naughty.

He sighed and looked out of the window. He did want to make the day cheerier and as optimistic as he could. Maybe he could do some shopping for gifts. His friends would want something from him. The house also needed to be cleaned spick and span.

So much to do, he contemplated. Then, the door bell rang. Naruto went to the door to greet the visitor.

He had almost laugh when he opened the door. Outside, (or rather in front of him) a guy wearing a postman uniform stood. He had black hair with hair style that looked so much like Sasuke's, except he was wearing a cap, dark sunglasses and had thick French moustache grown on his face.

'Deidara Post company. It's a delivery for you, sir. Please sign here', said the postman with a muffled voice, handing a piece of paper for Naruto to sign. Then, he gave the boy a parcel that had been wrapped with polka dots wrapper.

'What's inside?' thought Naruto, shaking the content of the parcel. He closed the door when the postman mysteriously disappeared and sat at the couch. He opened the parcel, only to find a video tape (again) in it.

The last time he received one, it didn't turn out good other than the fact that it put Naruto in terror. What could be waiting for him this time? Yet, Naruto thought better of it. He fixed on to leave it alone. If he ignored it, the owner of the parcel might have the idea that he didn't want to have anything to do with it.

He took out his pouch, counted the money, took the key, grabbed the jacket and went shopping. That was much needed than watching the curse tape.

On his way, he met up with Kiba.

'Yo, dude. Wassup?' asked Kiba.

'Got another vid from, the you know who', said Naruto, disregarding the fact that Kiba did not watch Harry Potter. (How's that has anything to do with everything?)

'Oh, can we watch? The last video he sent was funny', said Kiba.

'No', Naruto answered shortly.

'I'll make you ketchup popsicle', offered Kiba.

'No and I don't eat ketchup popsicle', said Naruto. Kiba sniffed but rummaged his brain for anything to persuade Naruto to allow him. He kept being decline until he said a promise of a month free ramen from Kiba. Naruto wouldn't have it any other way. That or nothing at all.

'My pocket money...' Kiba sobbed internally. This months money was drained to dry. His fault anyway to ever make the promise.

'But I won't watch it at Shino's. It was embarrassing the last time we did', another line was drawn. Kiba nodded meekly and jogged to the second person who owned a video player; Shikamaru.

Shikamaru just let him. He was too lazy to bother with Kiba's whining and said nothing when Kiba had unattached the cable quickly and left before he could say bye. (He's such a sloth)

When he arrived at Naruto, the boy was setting the Christmas tree. Various colour of little kyuubi decoration was hung on the tree and a star was put at the top to complete the tree. Most of the decoration was orange and with the light from the star, it was brighter than the northern star itself.

'This way, you'll attract the hooligans and I won't be the one saving you', said Kiba.

'Don't be silly. Wanna help me with the cleaning?' asked Naruto.

'Not until we watch it. Don't try to avoid it. You promised', said Kiba.

'...okay, up to you', said Naruto, defeated. They set up the wire and once done, faced the TV. Kiba was about to play the video when the door bell rang again.

'Who the fuck is here?' Naruto almost shrieked and opened the door. Shino made himself visible, with his other friends, all was holding a piece of paper and showed it to Naruto.

'We received an invitation saying that you had a video from Sasuke. Is it true, Naruto?' Shino asked.

'Don't tell me you are hiding it, don't you?' said Sakura suspiciously.

'Or are you keeping it to yourself? Perhaps it's because it's from Sasuke-kun, eh?' Ino added her own question. Naruto sighed.

'Who gave you this invitation letter?' asked Naruto.

'A postman with weird moustache', they all chorused together.

The suspicious postman did make he wonder if the moustache was fake or real. His trauma was back when Kiba had come from his back, whining for Naruto to hurry up or he'll be late for dinner and his mother would eat him for supper because he missed his dinner.

Everyone ran him down and self serviced in front of Naruto's TV.

Once Naruto was seated, Kiba pressed play for the video to start. This time, it was Dreamwork picture. He was amused to see the lamp jumping. Nowadays animation could fool anyone into believing it real.

The scene started with a car moving towards a dark city. Then, there was the cigarette being run over by the car and a character came into the scene. He looked similar to Sasuke except older and his hair didn't stood. He was driving and a blue man sat next to him, tapping his finger excitedly.

[Blue fish mutant and Itachi had arrived in New York once Sasuke was tracked down with a GPRS. He would kill his brother and moved on further into his career as a gangster. His brother was a threat that needed to be ended soon] said the narrator (it's Deidara's voice).

The characters arrived at this one old building. Inside it, a red head was waiting.

["Did you bring the weapon?"] asked Itachi, whispering.

["Where's my money, first, Itachi?"] asked the red head.

["It's in the bag. It ain't enough but I thought it would do as the first payment"] said Itachi.

["That if you ain't lose. You double up if you loss"] said the red head.

["It ain't fair that way, Sasori"] argued Itachi.

["Ain't fair is the part of my deal. Now, shuh before the cops out. They're hot on your tail"] said Sasori. Itachi took the box from Sasori and sneaked out from the building. He sat next to the blue mutant fish and commanded him to check the box.

["Everything's inside"] confirmed the blue mutant fish.

["Good"] said Itachi, speeding up the car a little.

[Itachi checked his GPRS as he drove down the road. Children, don't try this at home. Anyway, as I was saying, he managed to find a very drunk Sasuke sitting in a bar drinking flaming cocktail and he challenged his little brother] said the narrator.

["Otouto, pleasant to meet you here"] said Itachi.

["Pleasant to meet you here too, aniki hic"] said a drunken Sasuke.

["It's aniki. Not aniki hic"] corrected Itachi.

["What do you want, aniki hic?"] asked Sasuke.

["It's aniki. ANIKI! ANIKI!"] shouted Itachi.

["Um, Itachi, does it matter? Can you not correct him after this?"] whispered the blue fish mutant.

["No, because he'd be too dead to speak"] said Itachi.

["And then, you ain't gunna get annoyed with him. Just clean him up, man"] the blue mutant fish said.

["You're right. Otouto, I am not going to waste my time with your antique because I would put an end to your voice anyway. I challenge you to the Uchiha way of duelling!"] said Itachi.

["Accepted, aniki hic"]said Sasuke, pulling something out from his pocket. The brothers unzipped their pants and stripped off their boxers, revealing their commando erection. Then and there, the two of them revealed the object that was hidden in the box which Itachi had gotten from Sasori and the object that Sasuke pulled out from the pocket; condoms.

["Don't think that you can win with that cheap condom, otouto"] said Itachi.

["I very well can"] said Sasuke. The blue fish mutant brought out two manikin with a stretchable hole (limited edition) and put them before the brothers.

Itachi and Sasuke inserted their commando erection and began to thrust inside the manikin.

["Uh, you're so tight, Naruto"] so said the drunken Sasuke.

["Oh my god, what sex shop did you go to, blue fish?"] growled Itachi.

["I swam to Jiraiya's shop for the best toys"] snickered the blue fish mutant.

["Gawd, Jiraiya has the best product!"] cried Itachi.

The Uchiha brothers kept on thrusting until...... SNAP!!!!!! and of course, release were coming after that order.

[The Uchiha brothers pulled out their limp erections. Whose condom was torn?] said the narrator excitedly.

["Mine, mine was torn"] admitted Itachi.

["Of course, no condoms can beat durex because durex last the longest"] said Sasuke.

[Durex for those who are rough in bed] said the narrator, concluding the commercial. Then, the screen was blank.

Like the previous story, everyone was speechless, until yet again, it was Hinata who broke the silence. 'That was hillarious. He even said Naruto is tight when his tool is inside the manikin', she began to softly chuckled. Everyone started to laugh except for Naruto who had nightmare written all over his face.

'Oh, my god, I better keep my eye on my back', said Naruto. That was when he realised something, 'I ONLY HAVE TWO EYES!'

Just then, Kiba tapped his shoulder, 'Oi, Naruto, I found this when I was checking the parcel'. Naruto took it and read the note.

It read: I KNOW IT'S A BIT TOO EARLY, DOBE BUT MERRY CHRISTMAS. P/S: THE POSTMAN WITH THE FAKE FRENCH MOUSTACHE IS ME. I KNOW YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO FIGURE THAT OUT YOURSELF SO I DECIDED TO TELL YOU.

Out far from the city of Konoha, Sasuke was watching through his loyal binocular. 'How is it going, otouto?' asked Itachi who was polishing his nails.

'Not very well, I'm afraid', said Sasuke.

'Do you want another try?' asked Itachi. Both of them turned to stare at the violet hair girl who was sitting at the edge of the branch.

'Oh, don't look at me. I am not going to write a sequel to Durex', said the girl (you guess right! I was there!)

'But when will Sasuke get together with Naruto?' asked the blue fish mutant which was Kisame.

'I don't know. If I get a hundred reviews, I might consider another sequel but this is it if I don't have enough reviews, which I very well know it's impossible', said the girl.

Right now, this is the end.