AN: This has been sitting around for a long time and I have been pondering over whether or not I should put it up. I hope everyone likes it, its just my take on Sams time when he was dead.
Huge thanks to empath and macs ace who helped me through this. And of course I just don't know how to say no so any mistakes are my own.
Summary: Sam was dead for three days.
The road was rough. Every dip, every bump, every rock could be felt by the younger brother who sat quietly in the passenger seat of the Impala. Sam couldn't have been happier leaving Bobby's place when they had. His need to research, to help his brother, was overwhelming.
He couldn't even think about celebrating the death of the yellow-eyed demon when his brother had only a year left. The stress and anguish at just the mere thought of losing Dean was really beginning to take its toll, his body fatiguing quickly and headaches forming on a regular basis.
He had thought it was all stress, but as much as he hated to admit it, it seemed different; ever since he'd been 'brought back' he'd felt off. His back sent sharp pains throughout his system, usually accompanied with an awful headache that rivaled a lobotomy. Not that he had had a lobotomy but he was sure the pain rivaled it.
He suffered in silence. He had gotten good at hiding things from his brother and this was no different. Dean was the only thing on his mind; he needed to save his brother. Dean was all Sam had left, and he wasn't ready to lose him, but the headache was proving to be more of a nuisance then the younger boy had expected.
Sam winced, massaging his temples, his head flaring in pain once again. Pain medication had become no match for the now-raging headache, nothing took away the stabbing sting he felt through his head, and it had gotten progressively worse over the last three days, since that night the demon died.
Sam couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew something was wrong. The way his breath came in short pants when he slept, the way a headache turned from annoying to a full assault, and how his skin was on fire…it burned from deep within, and it was getting worse.
He could feel the cool droplets of sweat forming at his brow as he fought to control his breathing. Sam could feel Dean's gaze drifting over to him more and more. He tried to hide his discomfort, but it was beginning to be too much. His muscles were cramped; they felt like they were being ripped to shreds and left to float around under his skin.
Shifting slightly, he couldn't hide the groan as it felt like his insides were trying to make an appearance. Giving up on being comfortable he rested his forehead on the cool window. It didn't stay cool for long as his body heat instantly warmed it. Trying to curl in on himself, Sam realized that it was futile to try and quell his buried chill that hid beneath his burning skin.
Closing his eyes, he fought to keep control. Feeling his brother's gaze, he sighed loudly.
"Dude, you sure you don't want me to pull over?" Dean asked, genuine worry hidden in his voice. Sam knew his brother still wasn't over what had happened just under a week ago.
Shaking his head quickly, trying to convince Dean he was good to keep going. He tried to sit up, quickly regretting the small action as his stomach turned at the movement. "Just keep going," he said, voice much weaker than he had wanted it to be.
His head was pounding as he felt the Impala turn off the road almost immediately. Opening his eyes he saw the dingy sign of the Motel "Inn on the Hill."
"Dean," he tried to protest, but his heart hammering in his chest quickly crushed his thoughts of rebelling against his brother's decision. His fingers and toes were tingling as he tried to move before giving up, his body exhausted but his mind and soul agitated, fighting against the darkness that was threatening to spill over.
"Sam, I've seen ghosts with more color than you, they move faster as well," Dean said. Sam could feel a strong hand on his shoulder; he moved towards it, enjoying the comfort, as his body sank further into the pain. His world seemed to go with it, his mind screaming to fight but exhaustion won over, his body slowly sinking into oblivion.
He wanted to cry out for Dean to not let go, but he didn't have the strength to call out to his brother who was already walking to the motel's front door.
He watched Dean go to the office, he could see his brother, but he couldn't fight the sinking feeling. He had never felt so alone, and it terrified him.
"D-Dean," he tried to call out, tried to garner his brother's attention. This was more than a cold or stress, something was wrong. A strange sense of deja-vu washed over him. He had been in this position before, and he didn't like it.
The feeling of helplessness, not being able to fight the darkness as his blood turned cold while his body burned with heat. He couldn't fight the tears that began to spill over onto his cheeks… he didn't want to fight the tears. His breath came in short gasps and he curled in on himself, trying to keep the pulsing pain from getting worse, his back was on fire, his spine felt like it was being ripped out of him. Forcing himself to uncurl he arched his back, fists pounding against the leather seats before gripping them tight, he cried out for his brother who stood oblivious to Sam's pain in the small office.
The older brother was dancing from foot to foot, wanting to get back to Sam who looked like he was fading fast. Dean knew Sam had spent the last few nights researching instead of sleeping, and he hadn't been impressed but he hadn't said anything, just ignored it as he celebrated the death of the Yellow eyed demon.
He had tried to encourage Sam to join him and Bobby in the celebration, but it didn't matter what Dean said, Sam wasn't going to stop, and now his brother was sitting in the Impala, obviously sick and in pain.
Dean couldn't help but feel a little guilty, not stopping his brother from researching so intensely, secretly wanting Sam to find some sort of way out of the deal that would leave both brothers alive and hell free. 'Selfish.' His mind called him out, and he didn't argue.
Stealing quick glances at his brother he saw Sam struggling in the Impala, the windows beginning to fog up with the fever that Dean had been expecting. He could see his brother's outline moving, curling in on himself sending fear through Dean; he needed to be out there with his brother.
His fingers began to thrum on the desk as he tried to be as polite as he could be to the small lady standing at the counter.
"You here on business?" She asked, her frail frame shaking as she tried to fill out the paper work.
"No, no, here on vacation, with my brother." he wanted to rip the pen out of her hands and fill the paper work out himself.
"Well there isn't much to do around here. But you boys can always hang around here if you like." The lady smiled up at Dean with a small wink. Who in return repressed the shudder that ran through him. "Well don't you worry about us, we'll keep ourselves amused."
The lady just smiled, slowly picking out a key from behind the counter, "Room 23" she said, Dean took the key from her shaking hand with a small smile, "Thanks" he replied already moving to the door. His feet moving quickly, his instincts nagging at him that something was wrong.
Approaching the car his steps slowed; looking at Sam through the window taking it all in, his mind taking time to register exactly what he was seeing. He quickened his pace as his mind finally caught up, the sight of his brothers pale and pain filled face propelling his body forward, memories of Cold Oak still fresh in his mind.
He broke into a small jog, which turned into a run, reaching Sam's door he opened it slowly, feeling the heat of his brother and the small shivers that ran through his tall frame. "Sammy?"
Sam felt the cool breeze as the door opened. Strong hands held him, keeping him from falling to the gravel driveway. "Easy Sammy, easy," Dean said quietly, words that only Sam was meant to hear. "I've got you."
Sam's head flashed back to that night; Jake's cold stare, the knife on the ground, the pipe that could have ended it all, and his brother's hands holding him up before nothingness took over.
Deans familiar words rang through his head as he tried to grab as much of his brother's jacket as he could. "D-Dean," he said, tears continuing to fall as he was moved from the car. His brothers firm grip holding him up.
"Try and walk for me Sammy." Dean begged as Sam stood on uncertain legs, his body on fire, small cries of pain escaping with every small step he took. His feet dragging on the ground, moving slowly, his vision clouded he trusted his brothers guidance.
"Easy Sammy, we're almost there." Dean tried to sound confident as he practically carried Sam to the room. Sam could hear the fear, could feel the shake that had started through his brother's hands. His legs becoming more and more unstable, falling to his knees, bringing Dean down with him.
Gasping for air through the pain he could hear Dean cursing, the jingle of keys in a lock before a door creaked open. The smell of cleaner and stale smoke bombarding Sam as Deans grip tightened around his shoulders once again.
"Come on Sammy, just a little further." Sam could hear the strain in his voice, willing his legs to try and co-operate he stood slowly. His legs buckling more than once as he was moved through the room, Dean never letting him fall.
"You picked up a nasty cold there Sam." Dean grunted catching Sam once again.
The younger boy shook his head, Dean didn't get it this, this was all the same. Sam screamed in his head, wanting to tell his brother but the words just couldn't form, his body too weak, the pain too much for him to handle.
"D'n, please," he begged as his brother laid him down on a lumpy mattress. "I – I don't wanna…"
"Easy Sammy, just rest," Dean tried to comfort, trying to pry Sam's hands from his jacket only to realize that Sam wasn't letting go. His hands held fast, trying to grab more of the brown leather.
"Okay, okay Sammy," Dean conceded as he lay down beside his brother, Sam's current situation sending panic through his system.
"I'm not ready… I'm sorry," Sam mumbled. He didn't want to leave Dean, he never wanted to go anywhere without his brother again. But he was being dragged away, and his brother couldn't follow. Desperation began to fill him as he was dragged deeper, his brother being torn from his grip. He didn't want to die.
"Just sleep Sammy, I'm right here."
"No, no" Sam tried to look at his brother, the darkness skirting the edges of his vision, his mind losing control of his body, he tried to beg once more but no words formed as the darkness that had skirted his vision engulfed him whole.
Sam fell into the darkness; it was cold and filled with despair. He was alone. His body floating aimlessly, his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest.
"Dean!" he screamed, over and over, never having wanted his brother as much as he did now.
"Help, please," he begged. The pain had followed him into the black hole that had sucked him away from his life, from Dean.
Sam cried out as his body burned, every scar he had ever gotten slowly pulling open as the darkness reached out tearing away at his body and soul. Sam could hear his skin ripping as the blood began to pour, swallowed up by the darkness that pulsed with life.
"Please, help me Dean," he begged as he continued to fall, closing his eyes, wanting nothing more than to have his brother by his side.
AN: So let me know what you think! This story is 5 chapters long. Posts will be every three days, maybe sooner depending on how everyone likes it. Happy Holidays!