Don't worry, guys- I'm not taking a break from Glittering Wind! It's just that sometimes the angst gets me down, and I wanted something more light-hearted to work on between chapters. :)
I'm not really sure where the inspiration for this one came from. It contains a few couples I haven't written before, so you can think of this as an experiment of sorts. Sorry if they're not your pairings of choice. I hope you can still enjoy the fic!
Full Summary: (AU) Childhood friends Hikari and Takeru have just three days to truck halfway across Japan in order to make it to their brothers' semi-legitimate wedding ceremony. Meanwhile, said brothers are having their own issues just trying to pull everything together. Will love see them through to the end? Probably not, but it's a nice sentiment.
Rating: T for language and naughty references
Disclaimer: I am earning no profit from writing this fanfiction. I am not affiliated with the Digimon franchise. This story is for purely for the lulz.
Roads Less Traveled
Chapter One: Absolutely Batshit Crazy
"So, I think we should get married."
Up until this point, Ishida Yamato had been dozing quite peacefully with his head on his boyfriend's lap while the end credits of some variety show flickered in the dark living room. Now he shifted and sat up, rubbing blearily at his eyes.
"Wha-" Yawn. "-at?"
Taichi scratched at his mess of fluffy hair, looking a bit sheepish. "Um… I said that I think we should get married."
"Well, because… because we've been together for like… ever, and I love you and wanna marry you. And stuff. Plus, wedding cake."
"… And this is how you propose."
"Yeah. Pretty much."
Yamato furrowed his brow in contemplation. "Can we even do that? Get married, I mean."
"I think I have an uncle who's a Buddhist monk," Taichi said faintly. "Or maybe he's Catholic. And actually, it could be my cousin. Not exactly sure."
"Do Buddhist monks get married?" Yamato wondered.
The two looked at each other for a few minutes. Then, smiling, Yamato kissed his boyfriend on the mouth and wrapped his arms around his neck.
"Yeah, okay," he mumbled. "Marrying you wouldn't be so bad. We're practically married now, right?"
Taichi grinned, very relieved that Yamato hadn't called him an idiot and immediately dismissed the notion.
"Practically," he agreed. "This is mostly just for the cake and insurance."
"I guess we should call our families, then."
The darker boy frowned, and reached to touch Yamato's shaggy, cornsilk hair. "Actually, can we have sex first? Because you bleached your hair again today and it's really pretty and shiny."
Yamato rolled his eyes. "You have such a blonde fetish."
"No," Taichi insisted, "I have a Yamato fetish, and you just happen to be blonde."
"'Kay, sex first," Yamato said absently, now that Taichi was running his hands up and down his thighs, "then we call our families. Actually, sex, then sleep, then we tackle families in the morning. Sound good?"
The next morning, Yagami Hikari was rudely awakened from a dream about unicorns by her cell phone blaring out the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers themesong.
"Oniichan?" she yawned into the receiver. "I don't get up this early, and that means you definitely don't."
"Big news, Hika-pika! Big, life-changing news!"
Hikari sat up in bed, shivering as a cool draft hit her bare arms. She quickly pulled the quilt up around her.
"What is it?" she asked.
"I asked Yamato to marry me. He totally said yes, and then we had sex that almost broke the couch. It was awesome."
Hikari winced, but she had long since given up on trying to explain to Taichi the concept of "too much information."
"I thought you two were basically already married," she said instead.
"Well, yeah, but not legally. We haven't even had the cake yet."
Hikari propped the phone between her ear and shoulder while she applied deodorant to her underarms and ran a brush through her short, pillow-mussed hair.
"True," she murmured, then slowly felt excitement bubbling in her chest. "Oniichan, that's great! I'm so happy for you two."
"Thanks! One problem, though."
"With the shortage of connections Yamato and I have to government officials willing to write up documents for same-sex couples in a country where same-sex marriage isn't legal yet…we kinda had to improvise."
"There's this guy called Koguchi that Yamato's friend's sister used to date, and he's an ordained minister. Or at least he used to be. From what I understand, now he's a divorced alcoholic. In any case, Yamato talked to him this morning, and the dude's willing to write us up a marriage certificate if I introduce him to Fukumori Asako."
"Who's Fukumori Asako?"
"I have no idea, but he sounded so wasted on the phone that I don't think he really knows either. Worst comes to worst, I'll have to ask Mimi or someone to pretend."
Hikari sighed and pulled her socks on. "I don't know, Oniichan. That sounds really shady."
"Well, we don't exactly have a lot of options, do we? We wanna get hitched, and this Koguchi guy says he'll do it. You and Takeru can make it to the ceremony, right? It's just gonna be close friends and family."
Hikari rifled through her closet, grimacing at her utter lack of attractive sweaters. Where in the world did she amass such a collection of hideous sweaters?
"Of course I'll make it," she said absently. "When is it? Are you guys having a summer wedding?"
"Uh… no, not exactly."
Finally, she managed to find a soft, pink cardigan that still had all of its buttons. She slipped it on and then chose a pair of jeans, still juggling the phone and a tube of mascara.
Taichi's response took a moment to come. "It, ah, seems we'll be making this thing even more untraditional by having it in the… winter."
"Winter?" Hikari repeated in surprise. "You're waiting a whole year?"
"… No. We're waiting, um, three days."
Hikari nearly collapsed. "THREE DAYS?"
"Deep breaths, Hikari! Deep breaths!"
"Oniichan, that's insane!" she squawked. "More insane than you usually are! The only way we could make it from Tokyo to Miyazaki in three days is if we drove nonstop!"
"Why can't you take the Shinkansen?"
"Oh, like I have money for that!" the younger Yagami snapped. "I'm a photography student, Oniichan- I can barely afford three cups of ramen a day!"
Hikari rubbed at her temples in irritation as she listened to the sounds of her brother's mental cogs winding.
"I'm sorry, Hikari, but…" There was almost a desperation in his tone now. "I really, really want to marry Yamato. Officially! Not 'Oh, you two are like a married couple' married, but real married! And I'm pretty sure he wants to get married too, because he was extra-okay with me being on top last night. We didn't even argue about it!"
"… You two still argue abo- never mind. I don't want that to become a discussion. But, Oniichan, really? Three days?!"
"It's the latest date we can have," Taichi said forlornly. "Koguchi said that he's skipping town on Monday because the police have discovered new evidence that could have him put behind bars."
"What was he accused of?!"
"I dunno… murder, or rape, or… somethin'."
"Please say you can make it, Hikari!" Taichi begged. "This means so much to both of us!"
Hikari closed her eyes and truly tried to convince herself that everything would work out fine. "I'll… try my hardest, Oniichan."
"Awesome! I gotta go now. Call me when you guys get a plan, okay?"
"Okay," Hikari said faintly.
"See you soon!"
The college student pocketed her phone with a frown, then looked at herself in the mirror. She was met with the same reflection as always: a petite, average-looking Japanese girl with boy-short hair. (She had tried to let it grow out before, but it just turned into an untamable mess to rival her brother's. Apparently it ran in the family.) Nothing special. Just sweet, simple Hikari.
Right on cue, her cell phone rang. This time it was the generic comes-with-the-phone ringtone, because there was no song Takeru agreed to represent him.
"Hello there," she said, and lifted herself up onto the bathroom counter. Her short legs dangled over the edge.
"Hey, Hikari. Um. Why did my brother just send me a text message saying 'Tai and I are getting married. Yes, we can do that. Don't freak out.'? Because I'm sort of freaking out."
"They just decided to do it, out of the blue," she replied with a shrug.
"Funny how many decisions those two make in that manner."
"Tell me about it."
There were sounds in the background that Hikari took to mean that Takeru was fixing himself something in the microwave.
"So, when's the, ah, wedding? Is it a wedding? Civil union?"
"Wedding," Hikari corrected. "And it's in three days."
"… THREE DAYS?!"
"Deep breaths, Takeru!" she ordered. "Deep bre… Oh, my God, I really am just like my brother…"
While Hikari wallowed in this epiphany, Takeru could be heard abandoning his microwave meal and collapsing into the chair.
"Hikari," he managed to say, "they're crazy. They are absolutely batshit crazy. And you know the worst part? They're not even kidding. Taichi said 'Hey, let's get married,' and Yamato was probably bored enough to agree. You remember when they made that bet with Sora-san? That they wouldn't have sex in the back of a taxi cab?"
"Yeah, then you'll also remember who got into the cab after them. My English professor! Now he won't even look at me without shuddering, because he's seen me with Yamato and knows we're brothers! My point is that if it were anyone else, anyone else's crazy spontaneous wedding, it probably wouldn't happen! They'd see reason, and say 'Oh, maybe we shouldn't go through with this, because it's stupid and Takeru has exams this week!'"
"You're rambling," Hikari said weakly.
"But NO!" Takeru continued in near-hysterics. "Your brother thinks that the whole world revolves around making Yamato happy, and unfortunately so does Yamato! God, if my brother wanted my arm amputated, Taichi'd be at my doorstep with a saw in less than an hour!"
Hikari gave him a few moments to calm down before she quietly pointed out, "We love them, though. They're ridiculous and in their own little world, but we love them just the same. And we're going to the wedding, come hell or high water."
"… Yeah," Takeru sighed. "I'll see if my friend Naoki will let us borrow his van."
Ishida Yamato was a very happy, well-adjusted individual.
The previous statement is a lie. Ishida Yamato, the skinny, blonde guitarist with the perpetual scowl, was about as far from well-adjusted as one could get. He suffered from manic depression and was a recovering bulimic. He was moody, arrogant, antisocial, and all-around hard to deal with.
But there was one person who knew him better than Yamato knew himself.
"Yama-chaaaaaan," Taichi purred, crawling across the bed to crouch over his boyfriend. "You're the most beautiful person in the woooooorld…"
Yamato snorted and turned the page in his book. He was propped up with a mountain of pillows, his reading glasses perched on the end of his nose. "Oh, yeah? Says who?"
"Says me," Taichi said with a rather shit-eating grin. "The guy who reacquainted your face with the couch cushions last night."
"Proud of that, are you?"
"Heck yeah. How many people can say they've had Ishida Yamato's sweet ass?"
"About thirty," Yamato said quite seriously.
Taichi's face fell. "Well, then, you'd better get me their addresses so I can go smack some bitches around."
"They live in Brazil."
"All thirty of them?"
"… When did you have sex with thirty people in Brazil?"
"You were taking a nap," Yamato responded airily.
The athlete sat back, one eyebrow quirked. "Is this what you normally do when I take naps?"
"No." Yamato glanced up, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. "Usually I sit next to you and watch you sleep."
"… Okay, then, creeper."
"You drool fountains," the blonde continued, turning another page. "It's somehow grotesque and adorable at the same time. Sometimes you gnaw on the pillow."
"'Cuz I'm dreaming about you." Taichi winked.
"You dream about gnawing on me?"
"Among other things."
"And what else do you gnaw on in your dreams?"
"No more banter," Taichi snapped. He moved to straddle his boyfriend's calves, then pulled the hem of Yamato's tee shirt up and pressed his face against the musician's flat, pale midriff. "Mmmmm, Yamato-tummy."
"God, you are so weird," Yamato chuckled, swatting the back of Taichi's head with his book. (It was paperback.) "Stop it. That tickles, you moron."
Taichi's response was to blow a loud raspberry into Yamato's belly button, which sent the blonde into fitful laughter.
"Go make yourself useful and order some takeout!" Yamato yelped. "Taichi, g- no, cut it out! Augh!"
After about four minutes of play-wrestling, Yamato ended up on top, his hair dishelved and his book long since tossed across the room. He smirked down at the darker man triumphantly.
"I win," he said simply.
Taichi grimaced in mock-apprehension. "What do you want for your prize?"
Yamato paused, considering. He then swooped down to kiss Taichi's lips, lingering only for a moment. He leaned back and looked very satisfied.
"Aww." Taichi pouted. "That's all? I was totally prepared to sign myself over to you for a live of servitude."
"You are marrying me," Yamato pointed out. "That's just as good."
Taichi appeared dumbstruck by this reminder. "Oh, yeah." Then his face split into the biggest grin yet. "Yeah, that's right! How does it feel to be the future Mrs. Yagami Taichi?"
"I don't know," Yamato said, a little frostily. "I'll have to ask her. I am no Mrs. Yagami Taichi. Dumbass."
"But you're on bottom like seventy percent of the time!" Taichi argued.
"That doesn't make me a WOMAN!" Yamato shrieked.
"B-but… apron! Pink apron!!"
"Don't you mock my apron, Yagami," the blonde snarled. "It was a gift from Mimi and in no way denotes my status as wife."
"No! You don't understand!" Taichi howled in despair. "I'll come home from work and you'll be fixing dinner, wearing your cute little apron! And I'll grab you from behind and say something all husband-y, like 'Mm, smells good!' And you'll giggle and be demure! Sometimes you'll be naked under the apron! That's how it is!"
Yamato stared at his boyfriend flatly. "You know, I think I just figured out what you gnaw on in your dreams."
"Stop whining. I'm not taking your last name."
Yamato moved to roll off of Taichi, but the stronger man caught him by the wrist and flipped them over so he now had Yamato trapped.
The musician glared up at him. "Get off of me, Taichi."
"Nuh-uh." Taichi shook his head. "Not until you admit that you long to be my beloved wifey."
"If you want a wifey so badly," Yamato snarled, "maybe you should've stayed with Sora after all."
Taichi looked like he had been slapped in the face. Yamato pushed him off easily and sat up, fixing his hair in the tense silence. He coughed.
"I didn't… I didn't mean it," Yamato muttered.
Taichi had a very lost look in his brown eyes. "I'm sorry, Yamato. I would never… You know I… Yamato, God, you know I only want you, right? I was just kidding around. I don't care who takes whose last name. In fact, it'd probably be easier if we kept the same names…"
Yamato interrupted him with another kiss, then slid into Taichi's lap. The athlete immediately wrapped his arms around Yamato's slim waist on reflex.
"What if…" Yamato began softly, "we shared our names?"
Taichi blinked. "What do you mean?"
"Like, if we hyphenated them. Ishida-Yagami."
"… Why does yours come first?"
"Because it flows better."
"Ishida-Yagami," Taichi tried it out slowly. "I dunno. It's kind of a mouthful, isn't it? How about we make up a new surname altogether?"
Yamato laughed, "Like what?"
"Like… Ishigami. Or Kamida."
"I think-" Yamato started, but was interrupted by Taichi's ferociously growling stomach. "… I think we should eat now. Go order takeout."
Taichi pouted. "You're not gonna cook?"
"Alright." Taichi reluctantly climbed off of his partner and then helped the taller man up, squeezing his hand one last time. "Is Chinese okay?"
Taichi left, and Yamato finally let his smile break through. It faltered after a few moments.
Is this really a good idea? I mean—
Taichi's fluffy head suddenly reappeared, a phone to his ear. "Hey, you mind if we get fried rice instead of white? Chen-san says that the steamer exploded this morning."
"That's fine with me," Yamato said.
Taichi grinned and went back into the kitchen.
Never mind. Yamato sat back on the bed and had to grit his teeth to keep from smiling again. What is life without Taichi?
So, you guys have probably noticed by now that I sometimes tweak the characters a little in my fics. Nothing too drastic, mostly just describing them as actually looking Japanese (I love anime, but… purple hair? Really? Oh, well, it's an art style, I suppose…) and obviously maturing their personalities a bit. It is AU, so I feel that I'm a little more at liberty to do so.
To avoid confusion, here's a basic list of where the gang currently are in their lives:
Taichi: 22; coaches a kids' soccer team and plays on one in his spare time; went to college for a year before dropping out
Yamato: 22; studio musician; plays at local bars sometimes; undergoing therapy for… stuff that happened in high school, to be discussed later in the fic
Hikari: 19; photographer and college student; wants to work for the same magazine as Takeru someday
Takeru: 19; journalism major at the same college as Hikari
Also? I have no idea how long it would take to get from Tokyo to Miyazaki by car. I know they're on opposite ends of the country, and apparently it would be about eleven hours by Shinkansen. We'll just pretend for the sake of the plot that it'd take just about three days, mkay? Mkay.
Time to get back to working on Glittering Wind. Hehe. ;)