A/N 1: The first three lines below are from a website that posts Friends scripts. I do not own the scripts or the website.
A/N 2: I do not own Friends or any of their adventures
A/N 3: The first three lines are a flashback, the other lines of dialogue that read like a script are Monica, Chandler and Ross the day after they spill each other's secrets.
Chandler: So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, we're on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
Monica: Oh my God. He threw up?
Chandler: No, he visited a little town south of throw up. (Monica laughs hysterically.)
"I can't believe it! We're actually going to Disneyland!" Ross bounced up and down behind the wheel of his car excitedly. "Chandler! Can you believe it? Disneyland!"
Chandler rolled his eyes; Ross had been going on about Disneyland since this morning; it was starting to get annoying. "Yes Ross, we're going to Disneyland. Now would you please drive?"
Chandler smacked his forehead. "Oh. my. god. Could you be any more annoying right now?"
"I was just excited about Disneyland." Ross got quiet, driving the car along the freeway. Suddenly, he had an idea. "You know Chandler, I could talk about Paleontology. Let's see…hmmm…well, there's the Triassic period, and the Mesozoic area, the Jurassic period, the—"
"Let's talk about Disneyland!"
Chandler sat back in the passenger seat as he listened to Ross prattle on about Space Mountain, his favorite ride.
"Space Mountain is the coolest ride ever; all the loops and turns, the darkness gives it a special romantic feel. It really impresses the ladies."
Chandler smirked. "Oh yeah. Throwing up over the side is sooo attractive to a female."
"Hey! I had a lot of cotton candy that day!"
Chandler rolled his eyes. It was going to be a long drive.
"Man, I'm hungry."
"So pull over and find a restaurant."
Ross slowed the car down, looking around. "I don't see any restaurants."
"Well, maybe if you drove a little faster, we could get to a restaurant before Disneyland closes."
"Haha. Chandler thinks he's so funny."
"Why are you talking in the third person?"
Ross looked down at the steering wheel. "I…oh, forget it." He pulled over onto the side of road, reaching over to the glovebox for a map.
"We're lost, aren't we?"
"No, we are not lost. I am trying to find a restaurant!" He leaned over towards the glove box, but couldn't quite reach it.
Chandler smirked. "Would you like me to get the map for you?"
"No, I'm fine, thank you." Ross bent over, reaching for the glove box. Chandler rolled his eyes, looking out the front window.
"Hey, look, a squirrel."
"A squirrel?! Where?!" Ross popped his head up over the steering wheel, searching around excitedly, not aware of where his hand was.
Chandler stiffened. "Uh Ross? You might want to look where your hand is."
"It's on the stick shift."
Chandler gulped. "No, it isn't."
Ross looked down, yanking his hand away in horror. "Oh my god! Chandler, I am sooo sorry. I thought my hand was on the stick shift."
"Well, it wasn't."
Monica: If Ross's hand wasn't on the stick shift, then where was it?
Chandler: Somewhere you wouldn't want it to be.
Monica: (Quizzical look)
Ross: Somewhere you wouldn't want it to be.
Monica [looking at Chandler in horror]: Oh my god! He fondled you?!
Ross: It was an accident! I am not a pervert!
"Chandler, I swear, it was an accident. That was not my intention."
"Tell that to my crotch."
Ross shuddered. "Look, it was an accident; let's not talk about it."
"Let's not talk about it EVER."
"Agreed." Ross stared out the window, looking toward the horizon.
"Uh Ross? Maybe we should start the car? You know, you need to start the car to actually get to Disneyland."
"I still need the map."
"Oh for crying out loud!"
A few minutes later, Ross and Chandler were back on the road, trying to track down the nearest restaurant, Chandler holding the map.
"Okay, so if we keep going down this road, there should be a rest stop somewhere. Or at least a gas station with a convenience station."
"Why would we need to stop at a gas station?"
Chandler rolled his eyes. "Because there, not only can we get gas, we can get a bag of chips."
"I don't want a bag of chips."
"Of course not Ross, We're lost, hungry and all you can think about is the fact that you don't want chips. My god, who are you?"
"Haha, very funny. So, Mr. Navigator, where do we turn off?"
"That exit you just passed."
"What?! Why didn't you tell me?!"
"I did tell you. Two minutes ago. But Mr, Fancy pants didn't want to stop for chips." Chandler threw up his hand in mock indignation.
"Maybe I can backtrack."
"You can't back track on the freeway; what are you gonna do? Hang a U in the middle of six lanes? Or maybe…wait, I know! You can jump the divider like MacGyver! Course we'll both die, but hey, that's alright; I didn't want to finish college anyway."
Ross rolled his eyes. "Whatever dude. I'm gonna pull off at the next exit. From now on, we're taking surface streets."
"Oh great. Hey Mom, I won't be home for the holidays, Ross and I are still trying to get to Disneyland! Let's throw my father in there and I'll be scarred for life!"
"Dude, I hate to break it to you, but you're already scarred."
Chandler paused. "What are we waiting for? Let's take the surface streets!"
"We're lost again, aren't we?" Chandler crossed his arms, glaring out the window, watching as the car passed by the same sign post for what seemed like the fifteenth time.
"Well, if someone hadn't decided to open his window, maybe we'd still have the map!"
"Oh, like it's my fault the map flew away." Ross pulled up to a stoplight, looking over at Chandler, raising an eyebrow. "Okay, it was my fault. Now what do we do?"
"Well, I'm still hungry."
"You've been hungry for the past hour."
"That's because we haven't been able to find a restaurant! Or a bathroom!"
Chandler snapped his fingers. "That's what I could've used the map for!"
Ross rolled his eyes, scanning the various corners of the intersection, looking for a drive through restaurant. Or anything that looked like it promised food. Off in the distance, he spotted something. "Hey Chandler, look over there."
"What?" Chandler followed to where Ross's finger was pointing. Off in the distance was a car with a man outside it, flipping something over on a Barbeque. "Oh great, street food. From some unknown man we know nothing about."
Ross rolled his eyes. "I don't care; I'm going to see what he's cooking. At least it won't be chips."
"Oh yeah, because chips are so much worse than street food."
Ignoring the comment, Ross pulled the car through the intersection, heading toward the man with the barbeque.
A few seconds later, Ross hopped out of the car, practically running toward the man with the barbeque. Chandler followed a few behind, careful to keep his distance.
"Hi there! My friend and I couldn't help noticing your barbeque from across the street. Mind if we have some of what you're cooking?" Ross pointed to the barbeque.
The man looked up at Ross, smiling, pointing the tacos. Or rather, food that resembled tacos; they looked a little misshapen. He spoke with broken English. "Yes, you can have some. I make tacos."
"Tacos?! Chandler, did you hear that? Tacos!"
Chandler nodded. "Oh, if only you could get this excited over chips."
"Huh?" Ross looked at the man, who was holding a spatula over the barbeque.
"Uh-uh. I'm not eating those. You go ahead." Chandler backed away from the Barbeque.
"One then. I guess."
The man looked at Ross quizzically. "One taco?"
"Oh! You mean how many tacos! Um…ten." Another quizzical look from Taco Guy. "TEN TACOS!"
"Ross, just because he speaks broken English doesn't mean he's deaf."
Taco Guy pointed to Ross. "Ok. I make ten tacos."
Chandler shook his head. "Broken English Ross, not deafness."
The tacos sizzled on the barbeque on Chandler and Ross watched Taco Guy flip the last taco over, peeking underneath to make sure it was cooked properly. Unfortunately, the taco looked a little wilted and was not even close to being done.
Taco Guy flipped the last taco onto a plate, motioning to Ross. "Taco ready. I make ten for you." He held out the plate of tacos.
"Thank you so much; I was starving." Ross took the plate, looking around. "Um, do you have any fixings?"
"Yeah. Uh…you know…tomatoes, lettuce, beans, sour cream, rice?"
Chandler cocked an eyebrow. :"Rice? Seriously Ross, who puts rice in their taco?"
"Oh. You've never had rice in your taco before? It's really good; especially if you like a little Asian flavor to it."
"You've been hanging around Joey to long; you're starting to sound like him."
"No, Joey only eats sandwiches."
"Fixings. Over here." Taco Guy pointed toward a table set out with what appeared to be taco fixings.
"Great! Thanks!" Ross and Chandler headed over to table, only to find wilted lettuce, beans that looked iffy and small flies swarming over the tomatoes.
Chandler patted Ross on the shoulder. "Have fun dying from this food; I'm going to see if I can get directions to Disneyland." He walked over to Taco Guy, who had opened the trunk of his car, appearing to actually clean the spatula. "Uh, excuse me?" Taco Guy looked up from his cleaning. "Can you tell me how to get to Disneyland? My friend and I are lost; we've been driving all day and we, or rather me, would like to get there before the day ends." Taco Guy looked at Chandler blankly. "Disneyland. You know, Mickey, Donald, Pluto, Goofy, big black mouse ears? Lots of smiles? 'The Happiest Place on Earth?'"
"Oh! Mickey!" Taco Guy smiled broadly, recognition dawning on his face.
"Oh…okay. Get on freeway, drive until you get to Disney Way. That should drop you off."
"Do you know how far away we are from Disneyland?"
"Great! Thank you!"
Chandler ran over to Ross. "Hey Ross! Buddy! We're five minutes from Disneyland. Let's go!"
"Oh, we're not leaving until I finish this taco." Chandler eyed Ross's plate. "Look dude, I can finish these three tacos in five minutes."
"You've already eaten seven tacos?"
Ross smiled through a mouthful of taco. "Mmm-hmmm." He gave a thumbs up as he bit into another one. "They're good."
"You're going to get sick."
"No I'm not."
Several minutes later, after Ross had practically inhaled the last three tacos, Ross and Chandler found themselves standing outside the gates of Disneyland.
"Chandler we made it! We're at Disneyland!" Ross hugged his friend ecstatically.
"Uh. Taco breath."
Chandler smiled. "It's okay; I mean, hey, we finally made it to Disneyland." He dug his wallet out of back pocket, handing over the cash to pay for a ticket. "So, where do you want to go?"
"Space Mountain of course!"
Chandler took the ticket from the cashier. "Of course. Space Mountain. What was I thinking? So, how long do you think it'll take you before you throw up over the side again?"
"Haha. Funny Chandler. I'm not going to throw up this time; I haven't had any cotton candy. So there."
"No, you've just had ten tacos from a questionable street vendor that spoke broken English."
Ross passed through the turnstiles, planting his hands over his ears. "Can't hear you, lalala. I can't hear you, lalala."
"Oh yeah, real mature Ross."
Ross took his hands away from his ears. "Oh come on Chandler, it's Disneyland. Let's have fun. Maybe we can hit on some hot girls."
"What are we waiting for? Let's go ride Space Mountain!"
The line for Space Mountain snaked all the way out the door, almost to Honey I Shrunk the Audience. Luckily, Ross and Chandler had managed to get in line early and were almost to the ride. There was just one problem…
"Chandler, my stomach hurts."
"Gee, I wonder why. Does it have to do with the ten tacos you ate?"
"I'm serious dude; my stomach really hurts. I need a bathroom."
"We're almost to the front of the line. Can't you hold it?"
"I don't think so."
Chandler looked around for an exit. Unfortunately, the only exit had been several feet back and they were way beyond that.
"How many?" Chandler jumped as he realized that he and Ross were about to get on the ride.
"Ross, you have to hold it."
"Just throw up over the side again."
"You'll laugh at me."
"No I won't."
"Yes you will!"
"How many?" The Disney cast member sounded annoyed.
Chandler held up two fingers. "Two. Is there a bathroom near here?"
"No. Tell your friend to throw up over the side. Everybody does it. Go to number four please."
"Come on Ross. You're a big boy; you can hold it." Ross glared as Chandler led him to number four, then into the waiting rocket. He sat down and sighed.
"You know what Chandler? You're right. I can hold it. Space Mountain! Whooo!"
"Whoo! Yeah! Alright!" Ross and Chandler whooped and hollered to get themselves riled up, causing strange looks from the rest of the passengers.
Ross stared at them. "Oh, like you've never whooped and hollered on a ride before." The ride took off, slamming the passengers into the twisting, turning, darkness.
Monica: Chandler, I thought you said Ross 'visited a little town south of throw up.'
Chandler: Oh just wait, it's coming.
The rocket car settled back into it's starting position, leaving Chandler with an adrenaline rush. "Whooo! That was awesome! Let's go again!"
"I can't go again."
"Still have to go to the bathroom? I thought you threw up over the side?"
"Oh, my stomach is done hurting, but I still need a bathroom."
Chandler spoke cautiously. "Why?"
"I…um…" Ross leaned over, whispering in Chandler's ear.
"Please tell me you didn't just have an 'accident' on the ride."
"I kinda did."
Chandler sniffed. "Ross, what's that smell?"
"That would be my accident."
"Oh dear god!"
"Alright folks, everybody off." The Disney cast member watched as the passengers filed out. "What's that smell?" He eyed Ross suspiciously.
"Well, it wasn't me. Must have been some two year old."
Chandler smirked. "Yeah, a very large two year old." The Disney cast member crossed his arms over his chest. Chandler leaned over to Ross, whispering in his ear. Run! Ross took off like a shot, barging through the disembarking passengers, knocking some out of the way. Chandler pointed to Ross, attempting to explain things to the cast member. "He…um…bye!" Chandler ran after Ross, leaving the ride behind.
Chandler: So that's how Ross pooped his pants on Space Mountain. By eating one to many tacos from the trunk of a car.
Ross: At least I didn't scream Whoo on the ride.
Chandler: Uh, you were the one who started saying whoo.
Ross: Oh. Right.
Monica: (Stands up to leave). You guys are funny. You sound like an old married couple. I'm off to meet Phoebe. See you guys later. Hey, I want to hear that Atlantic City story. (Shuts the door to the apartment).
Chandler: How did she know about that story?
Ross: Yesterday, when we were mud slinging at each other.
Chandler: Oh right. Well, at least I didn't poop in my pants.
Ross: Whatever dude. You kissed a guy.