Alright, so . . . this is a new story that's been bouncing around in my head. It's based off of 5x05, but season 5 never happened. So my story's going to take place from the time they're 19/20 to whenever. It will be angsty, more angsty then anything I think I've written before and it will be a bumpy road. And I'm well aware that I'm crazy for starting another story.

This starts with 5x05 and will be done my way . . . the first chapter involves some sex, but they all won't LOL.

I don't own it, nor do I own "Some You Give Away" by La Rocca(chapter title). I don't own "Love Remains the Same" by Gavin Rossdale either (fic title).

Props to Katie for helping me with the title and multiple other things LOL!

Let the ride begin . . .


What ever happened to the promises you made
Those little notions of your breakthrough day
My one mistake was in making some room
Leaving doors unlocked that you pushed through
And taking too much time

Peyton walks briskly down the hall of the building she's worked in for the past year and a half. She normally doesn't walk this fast, but she's late. It's not her fault really, she didn't get out of work until almost 10 last night and then she stayed up late watching the highlights from Lucas's Championship game and making him a cd she's going to mail after work today.

She pauses before preparing to walk past this door. Blake Anders is a complete and total ass-hat. He's the boss's step-son and he thinks that gives him a reason to yell at everyone and anyone; Peyton included. Meanwhile, the only reason he has a job here is because his mother made his step-father do it.

She takes a deep breath and her legs propel her forward. She looks straight ahead; not daring to make eye contact and nearly makes it past the doorway before;

"Peyton!" at least he knows her name. "I need copies made. Actually, I needed copies made twenty minutes ago", he makes a face that lets her know he isn't pleased that she's late. God, he's such a tool. He stands from his desk and walks over to her.

"No problem, Blake", she responds with a tight smile. He hands her the papers and looks her up and down once. It's sends a creepy chill up her spine. "I'll have them to you in a little while", she mumbles and heads to the mailroom.

She walks into the room and throws her stuff on the chair. Sometimes she doesn't know why she bothers to work here. She shakes off those thoughts as quickly as they come. It'll all pay off in the end. Peyton lifts the lid and places the first paper face down. Once the lids back on she hits the button and waits. When nothing happens she gets frustrated.

Peyton hits the copy machine in angrily. This damn thing never works. The other guy in the room gives her a sideways glance and she officially feels like a lunatic. Maybe she's venting a bit too much on this machine. She's just upset. Last night was a great night for Lucas and she wasn't there. She still hasn't heard from him, but she figures he's been celebrating with everyone. The copier beeps back at her and she whacks it again. She groans in annoyance and pushes her bangs out of her eyes.

"Hey Sawyer, you got a call on line one", Matt from the front desk comes in and tells her. It's not typical protocol for them to do, but she feels like he has a bit of a crush on her. She smiles and thanks him politely.

"This is Peyton", she says with a condescending tone. It's probably freaking Blake telling her he needs those copies. She places her hand on the desk and waits to hear his annoying voice. She doesn't know why she hasn't told him off yet . . .

"Hey, it's me."

Lucas Scott. She's never been happier to hear his voice in her entire life. A smile quickly paints her lips and she tilts her head to the side. "Hey, I've been trying to call you all morning. I watched the game highlights online. I wish I could have been there", she says softly. And she means it; there really wasn't anywhere else she wanted to be last night, but she was here doing mindless jobs.

"Yeah, me too", he says quickly. "So umm, what are you wearing?"

She can feel a blush fill her cheeks and she looks around the room. "Luke, I – I can't do that right now; I'm at work", she says with a smile. Phone sex was something that started off as a joke. She honestly never thought he'd go for it, but she underestimated the horniness of her blonde boyfriend. Not that she ever complained.

He seems to ignore her though; "Well I'm thinking the Pink Floyd tee over a long-sleeved white shirt and maybe those sexy jeans with the hole in the knee."

As he talks she looks down at herself and makes a face of astonishment. Do they really know each other that well? "Wow, you are good", she praises him with a grin and a laugh.

"Yes I am", there's a pause and then she hears, "Really good."

His voice echoes in the small room and her mouth drops while her eyes widen. She turns around and in a voice that can only be described as complete and total shock says; "Luke."

He watches as she drops the phone and charges towards him. A second later she's in his arms. "Hi", she says and he holds her a bit closer. "I can't believe you're here!" she puts her hands on his face to make sure she isn't really dreaming.

He looks down at her before meeting her green eyes. God, he loves this woman. "Yeah well, since you couldn't come see me . . ."

She loves him, she really does, but right now the last thing she wants is to hear his words. She captures his lips with her own and throws her arms tightly around his neck. He deepens the kiss and picks her up into the air; one hand cups the back of her head. They both moan at the contact.

"Hi", she says breathlessly once he puts her down and they break apart. He rests his forehead against hers and whispers the same thing. She tugs at the collar of his shirt and he looks around the room and makes a face

"So uhh this is marketing and distribution?"

She looks around the mailroom and looks back up at him. She always knew eventually lying would bite her in the ass. "Umm . . ." he laughs softly and she does the same before leaning her forehead against his.

Some you lose and some you give away
Some you lose and some you give away

"So, I might have pimped up my job description just a little", Peyton says as she places a folder full of mail on a door. "Basically, I work in the mailroom."

The last thing she wants to do is show Lucas how pointless her job is, but it's still her job and she needs to get Blake these copies. She and Lucas continue their walk down the hall while she pushes the mail cart.

"Well that's Hollywood right? It's all always the spin", he says playfully. "I bet you know more about music then most of these tools", he says with such pride in his voice that it makes her love him even more.

"Shh, you're gonna get me in trouble", she says with a laugh, but they both know she's serious. "And they are not all tools, okay?" she doesn't know why she feels the need to defend these people. They are all pretty much tools, this is exemplified when Blake sticks his head out his door.

"Not in the box", he says while holding the folders in his hands. "On my desk!"

Peyton doesn't dare to look back. "Right, I'm sorry", if she wasn't embarrassed before, she's completely mortified now.

"And you, onion bagel, light on the cream cheese."

"Right away, Carl", Lucas says seriously.

"It's Blake!" the spiky haired man yells.

"Well, it's good to see they're nice", he quips. Peyton places more folders into the box and whispers 'yeah'. "Seriously, why do you put up with this?" the last thing he wants to deal with knowing is that she puts up with this treatment on a daily basis.

The million dollar question. "I will show you why . . . do you see that girl right there" they both stare at the brunette. "Three months ago she was in the mailroom and now she's a junior A and R exec", with her point made she smiles and continues her distribution.

"Yeah, but I'll bet she didn't produce two albums before she graduated high school", her blonde boyfriend says with an exact tone. Peyton looks at him and smiles.

"Okay, you're gonna have to go before you get us both fired", she teases. Lucas sighs and grabs the hem of her shirt.

"Alright, but look . . . I got dinner reservations for us at 8", she freezes and thinks back to last night. "Is that too late?"

"No it's – actually it's kind of early", she admits meekly. "We usually go till at least 9."

"Alright then its 9:30", he says without missing a beat.

"Perfect", she grabs his shirt and fixes his collar. "I'll meet you at the restaurant, just text me the address, okay?" he starts to say something, but she stops him with a kiss. He makes a noise of appreciation. "God, Luke it is so good to see you", she whispers once they break apart. They lock eyes and then she whispers. "Bye", before walking away.

He watches her leave and smiles.

It's good to see her too.

I lost some friends out on that empty road
Get back together it's always them you know
For what don't get you leave a mark on your back
Like the piece that doesn't fit in the jar that cracked
Forgetting what you've been told

Lucas paces the small hotel room more times then he can count. He's surprised there isn't a hole in the ground. He glances at the clock on the nightstand; 12:08. She's already over an hour late. He sighs; he needs to stop freaking out.

They had a great dinner. They spent nearly an hour just talking; his food was practically cold by the time he tore his eyes away from hers. Her green eyes and curly hair . . . he's missed her so much over the last year. He needs to stop thinking about this so much. He leans against the TV stand plays with his hands.

He doesn't think he's ever been this on edge before. Not even before his Championship game in senior year and not even the other day. It's all because of the curly blonde he waits for.

And it has a bit to do with the ring in his jacket pocket.

He's well aware he might be crazy for this. They're only 19 going on 20. It's just that seeing Nathan and Haley celebrate with Jamie . . . he wants that. And he's sure he's always wanted it, but last night made him realize just how badly he craves it. And he craves it to be with Peyton. He wants their kids to have curly hair and green eyes or maybe they'll get his dimples and upturned nose. He doesn't care.

He just knows that he wants Peyton beside him.

He sighs noisily and sits on the bed. Lucas picks up the remote and turns the TV on; he flips mindlessly through the channels and groans when he recognizes that it won't help. He stands and walks to the window. There are cars everywhere and people litter the streets; he doesn't know what Peyton likes about this place.

Granted it's a big city and it has the appeal of Hollywood, but in his mind nothing could compare to Tree Hill. It's quaint and homey and everyone there knows you. It's the perfect place to raise a family and grow old with the person you love. Maybe he's being biased.

He turns from the large windows and glances at the clock; it's only been 7 minutes. His hand reaches for the velvet box in his pocket and he toys with it in his hands. It's suddenly too hot in the room and he shrugs his suit jacket off before throwing it onto a nearby chair. He sits on the bed and feels his blood pulsing in his veins. He must be having an anxiety attack. Lucas can feel his heart pounding and the room's spinning a bit. He looks back at the bed and decides that lying down wouldn't hurt.

Lucas doesn't really know when exactly that ring box hits the floor.

Peyton curses as she walks into the hotel room. It's silent and dark and it can only mean that Lucas is sleeping. She hates work even more now. He had a wonderful night planned and neither of them could enjoy it. When she walks into the room she sees him passed out on the bed and a small smile graces her lips.

He's so undeniably cute.

She puts her purse on the chair where his jacket lies and walks over to him. She kneels down and runs her fingers through his hair before brushing her lips against the crown of his head. She stands and that's when her foot hits something. She furrows her brows before picking it up. That's when her heart stops.

She stares at this small black box and prays to God it's a pair of earrings. She looks down at Lucas and back at the box before walking to the chair in the far corner of the room. The second she sits down she puts her head between her knees and takes a few deeps breaths.

When she feels her heart return to a semi-normal beat she fidgets with the box once more. She puts her hand atop it and then pulls it away. She takes a deep breath and does the same actions again. Finally, she shakes her head and simply closes her hand around it; her knuckles turn white.

She doesn't dare to open it. She's too damn scared to open it.

She doesn't know why she's so scared. She loves this boy. She loves him more then she's ever loved another person and she knows she'll love him till the day she dies. But she's petrified to open the box and really think about what this all means.

She sits in the chair with her legs crossed and the box in her hand. She has no idea how much time passes, but it doesn't feel like nearly enough. She's still as conflicted as before. A movement from the bed causes her head to snap up and she watches as Lucas searches the area surrounding the bed. Oh God, she feels like she's going to throw up.

"Hey", he says with a sleep filled voice that makes her smile. "When'd you get here?" he asks as he continues to look around.

She looks at him before glancing at the clock. Her eyes widen, but she hopes he doesn't notice. "I don't know, like an hour ago", she says softly.

He continues to search frantically for the ring. "You know you could have uhh, you could have woke me up", Peyton watches his movements with a titled head. She can't take anymore.

"Luke", she breathes out. "What is this?" she asks as she tosses the box from one hand to the other. "I couldn't bring myself to open it", he stares at her and at the black box and his shoulders slump. "I've just been sitting here thinking about . . . how much I love you", she curses herself after saying that.

She does love him and it's all she's been thinking about, but she shouldn't have said those words. Lucas smiles a boyish smile from so many years ago and looks at her.

"Well, I wanted it to be a surprise . . ."

Her heart leaps into her throat when he stands.

Some you lose and some you give away
Some you lose, some you give away
You give away, yeah, yeah, yeah

He points to the item she's holding and lets out a sigh. He stands right in front of her; so close that she can smell his cologne perfectly and she breathes it in deeply. Nervously, he gets down on one knee and takes the box from her.

She's definitely going to throw up.

She opens her mouth to say something, she isn't sure what, but she feels like she needs to say something. They lock eyes in that moment and she's speechless. He looks at her with love, and adoration, and pride. He wants her more in this moment the any other time in his life.

"Peyton I love you and I want us to be together forever", he says sincerely as he moves to show her the ring. She quickly puts her hands atop his to stop his movements. If she doesn't see it, it isn't real.

"Luke wait . . . okay?" she lets out a nervous laugh.

"I – I know this is a bit sudden, okay?" he says with an understanding smile. Does he really? He seems totally at ease. "But . . . you know yesterday was a great day and I'm sitting on the bus and I realize that none of my great days in my life matter without you", he says as if he were having this epiphany all over again. "You're the one I want next to me when my dreams come true and you're the one I want next to me if they don't. As long as I have you . . . nothing else matters."

He's too close. He's too close and those words were too sincere and he wants this too badly. "There's – it's just not as simple as all that, okay?" she says before standing from the chair and walking to the other end of the bed. Lucas kneels there dumbfounded. "I mean there's a lot we have to talk about."

He hangs his head before taking a breath and standing. "I know, but we'll figure out the details when we get back to Tree Hill", he says easily. She freezes.

"Okay, I know that's home for you and I miss it sometimes, I do. But for me Tree Hill is two dead moms and a psycho stalker and some really painful memories. I mean I actually had to move out to Hollywood to get away from all the drama", she smiles to let him know she isn't trying to hurt him. "So, right now this is my home. The only thing that's missing is you", she says truthfully.

"So then I'll move here", he barely bats an eyelash and walks over to her. He doesn't understand why Peyton's fighting against this. They love each other. Don't they?

"No", she breathes out. "Luke, honey", she begins and meets him halfway. "Whitey believes in you and Nathan needs you and if I ask you to walk away from your dream you're gonna wake up one day and you're gonna resent me for it. The same way I would feel if you asked me to leave LA", she says quickly because she knows that's his next point.

He looks at her and grabs her arms. This isn't going to be an easy thing to say. "Peyton, you give people coffee and deliver mail, you were doing more then that in Tree Hill", she looks away.

He always sees the best things she does, but sometimes only have his belief isn't enough. She needs to believe it herself. "Well, I love you for believing that, but I have to prove that to myself. I mean you see, that's the thing, we both have so much that we wanna do with our lives and we're only nineteen", she stresses.

"And Nathan and Haley were a lot younger than that", he argues. This may be their most severe argument to date and somehow he feels it's going to be their only one.

"Okay well, we see how easy that's been", she fires back. She watches as his eyes cloud with rejection and her heart melts into her shoes. "Come on", she whispers. "In another year", she makes the promise. In another year she will be ready. She knows it.

Lucas walks away from her and her hands fall to her side. He feels the onset of a migraine and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Peyton . . . we've seen each other three times in the last year", he raises his voice and when he looks at her, her face is crestfallen.

"We got days without talking, we trade a few e-mails. We've already grown so far apart . . . who knows where we'll be a year from now", it spills from his mouth before he can stop it.

Her eyes widen and she says; "Luke, if you can't trust that our love can make it one year, I don't understand how we can be talking about forever right now", and she doesn't. He's fighting so hard to make her accept a proposal now, but he doesn't think she'll love him in a year. He's completely contradicting himself and it proves her silent point that they aren't ready for this.

He can feel his knees buckle and the room starts to spin. "You're saying no", he breathes out. He sits on the bed and takes a deep breath.

She looks at him and shakes her head. "No! I – I am not saying no, I'm saying not now", she says as she sits beside him. "I want to marry you, someday", she says as she latches onto his arm. Lucas tries to shake her off, but she holds tighter. "Hey don't – don't do that", she scolds. "Don't pull away from me okay, I want us to be together", she takes a deep breath. "I love you so much", she says with a shaky voice.

She doesn't think she should have to say it. Her actions have been clear; at least to her they were. She's risked a lifelong friendship and countless other things for this boy, right here in front of her, but he doesn't see it.

"Just not enough", he whispers bitterly as he finally faces her. Her eyes water and she feels like she's going to throw up for an entirely different reason now.

"Look, can we take this back? Can we just pretend like you never woke up, please?" she begs with panic in her voice. She can't lose him. Not now, not after everything.

"I don't think we can", he says sadly. She looks down and admits;

"I'm afraid that this conversation is gonna end with –"

"Goodbye", he finishes for her.

It kills them both that they're on the same connected level.

She looks at him and feels her world fall apart. "Luke, don't", she whispers. "Come here", she says as she pushes on his chest; they both fall to the bed. She rests her head right above his heart and listens to its erratic beat before speaking;

"Our dreams are gonna come true, Lucas. My music and your novel", she looks up at him briefly. "It's gonna happen, I know it", his hand squeezes her shoulder and she tugs at his tie. She waits for him to say something, but he remains silent.

And that scares her more then any words he could say.

I left some candles by the side of your house
Case you got lost or needed showing out
Maybe we'll pass through L.A. again
Older and better with all the charm of friends
It's unlikely if the truth be told

He doesn't know when he falls asleep, but he's awoken sometime later with Peyton kissing his neck and desperately tugging at his tie and then it's gone. He blinks his sleep filled eyes to make sure he isn't dreaming. When her hand travels down to the belt he wears he sucks in a breath and knows this is a reality. But this isn't right.

"Peyton, we shouldn't –"

"Just give me this", she pleads with him.

Her voice is hoarse and as her fingers go to work on that silver buckle he makes a face of anticipation and it hurts. Not her actions, but his face. It feels sore and tight and that makes him realize that he was crying in his sleep. But judging by how tight his face is and the pain his eyes carry when he closes them and the hoarseness of his voice when he spoke earlier, it was more then simple cries.

He's full out sobbed in his sleep.

In the time it takes him to come to this realization she straddles his lap and tosses his belt to the corner of the room. The moonlight hits her face in just the right way and he can see the puffiness of her eyes and the blotchiness of her cheeks. This whole thing is so wrong.

"Peyt . . . I really don't –" she stops him with a kiss.

It's their first kiss of the night and it's passionate and powerful and he never wants to stop kissing her. After this kiss, it's all out the window.

They pull apart completely breathless and Lucas's rough hands skim up her shirts; tugging them over her head and throwing them out of his way. She's left in her bra and after seeing her a full 3 times in the last year, this sight alone is enough to make him lose it.

She unbuttons and unzips his slacks and shimmies them down his waist. Purposely brushing against him causes a loud groan to leave his mouth and a smirk to grace her lips. His eyes narrow playfully and he shakes his head. Two can play that game.

He starts unbuttoning his blue dress shirt and after his slacks hit the floor he rolls them over so that he's got her pinned to the bed. She gasps in shock and squirms beneath him. He shakes his head and locks her arms above the halo of curls her hair forms.

His mouth assaults her lips and cheeks and that spot on her neck that only he knows about. Her mouth parts and she rocks her hips into his. They both moan at the pressure. She lets out a squeal of surprise when he nips at the flesh of her neck. He doesn't know why he does it. Neither he nor Peyton have ever been big on hickeys. On some psychological level he's sure it has something to do with branding her. His last way of claiming her as his; for the time being.

He gets so swept up in kissing her that he releases her hands and focuses his attention on her bra. He palms her perfectly sized breasts through the material and she arches into him. Her nimble fingers work the rest of the buttons on his shirt and it falls down his arms. Their hands are everywhere and in the blink of an eye his undershirt is gone and her bra is tossed into the air.

They both stop their movements and look at the other person. If this is their last time doing this, they want it to be special. Lucas's hand trails down her soft stomach and he slowly unbuttons her jeans and pulls the zipper down. He crawls down the length of her legs and takes off her boots before pulling the denim down her long legs.

She watches him with the aid of the moonlight and feels her heart constrict in her chest. Maybe she isn't strong enough to sleep with the man she loves for what they both silently know will be the last time. He takes off her jeans and in the process her panties leave her body. She sees the breath he sucks in and it makes her blush; he has basically the same reaction every time he sees her naked. How does someone let that go?

He drops his boxers to the floor and crawls back up along her legs; leaving hot kisses in his path. She bites her bottom lip and closes her eyes. He's pressed against her in the best places and she wonders how she'll ever forget this. If she'll ever forget this.

The comfort of his weight atop her. The fact that he's the only boy to ever know about her spot. The sigh he makes when they kiss. The way he rasps 'I love you'. The way his rough hands handle her body like fine china. The way he fits inside her perfectly . . .

"Lucas, maybe we shouldn't –"

She's been wrong. She never should have started this. She isn't strong enough to sleep with him one last time and have it mean nothing more then sex. She needs him too much to have this mean nothing. But then his pointer finger caresses her hip and he looks into her eyes as he whispers;

"Its okay, Blondie."

And she doesn't know how or why that statement makes it all better, but it does. He leans down and kisses her once more. Their tongues dance together passionately and Peyton pulls him impossibly close to her. He presses his chest against hers and meets her eyes.

Then he enters her.

Lucas uses his arms as leverage so that he doesn't crush her. And Peyton does her best to keep his comforting weight atop her. After a moment he moves in and out of her slowly. He watches her facial expressions change from they don't vary too much, but he catches the way her eyes fall and he's sure his do the same.

His movements increase and Peyton meets his thrusts with her own. The sensation makes them both cry out and it makes Lucas pump faster. They don't last much longer after her actions. Peyton moans out his name and trembles powerfully. Three strokes later Lucas is doing the same and desperately trying to keep his arms locked as his body quivers.

They're both exhausted and delirious, but manage to pull the sheets down and curl beneath them. Lucas extends his arm and Peyton nestles into the crook of it. She draws an invisible pattern on his bare chest and Lucas thinks that this is the part he'll miss the most. Not the sex, although that's something he'll long for. It's the moment after they make love, where he pulls her into his arms and she doodles on his chest. He can't explain why he loves it so much or why he'll miss that almost more then anything. It's just one of those quirks that he knows he'll never have with anyone else.

"I love you, Lucas."

She whispers it softly into the stillness of their room. He closes his eyes and lets those three words wash over him; seep into his veins. It's the last time he'll hear them, he's sure, and he savors every syllable that leaves her mouth. Lucas waits until her breaths even out to whisper;

"I'm gonna love you forever, Peyton Sawyer."

Some you lose and some you give away
Some you lose, some you give away
Yes, I've given away

When Lucas wakes up the next morning he pulls Peyton closer to him and instinctively kisses the top of her head. With his eyes still closed flashbacks of last night flood his mind.

He and Peyton should not have slept together.

He doesn't regret it; not for one second. But it makes this all so much harder. He sighs and looks down at the blonde in his arms. Her heads pointed in his direction and he can see the faint outline of tears on her cheeks. He brushes his thumb under her eye and gently removes her arm from around his waist. He stands from the bed and searches for his clothes.

He throws on his boxers and takes his bag into the bathroom. Once the door is closed behind him the guilt kicks in. He steps into a steaming hot shower and lets the water rush away the agony he's in. After a few minutes he steps out and dries off before putting on a fresh pain of clothes. He steps back into the room and quietly takes the ring off the nightstand. He places it in his suitcase and pauses to look at her. She's so damn beautiful it hurts. He can't leave her just yet.

He sits in the chair overlooking the bed and simply stares at Peyton. The white sheets are tangled around her body and her untamed curls make him smile. Curls and legs, that's Peyton Sawyer. But she's so much more and he hopes that someone can see it. They need to see past the façade she puts forth and find the heart of gold that she has.

He told her once that she was destined for greatness and he meant it; he still means it. He just can't be around to watch it if he's not with her. And he knows on some level he's overreacting right now, but he's pushing that thought to the back of his mind.

She doesn't want to be with him. He fought for them to be together and she seemingly fought for them to be apart. And then last night they slept together because they both wanted a better memory of their last moments. Somehow he thinks it's only going to do more harm then good. He clenches his jaw and fights back the tears.

Lucas stands and can't leave the room without inhaling her scent or feeling her warmth one last time so he leans over her and brushes her bangs out of the way before leaving a not so chaste kiss to her forehead.

"Goodbye Peyton", he whispers.

He grabs his jacket and his bad and heads to the door. There's a moment of hesitation, but he pushes past it. He needs to keep walking. He opens the door and steps out into the hall.

The clicking sound the door makes seals his fate.

I lost some friends out on that empty road
I lost some friends out on that empty road
I lost some friends out on that empty road
Yeah, it can't get through to people that I know

She faintly hears the door close and in her sleep she nestles closer to Lucas. When she's met with a cold spot her eyes snap open and she sits up. The room is empty, but she needs to be sure.

"Luke", she calls out in a small voice.

She receives no response and instantly, she's dead inside. She had thought it last night, but she never really thought he'd leave her. Not without at least talking about what last night meant. To her, it's obvious what it meant.


She feels her eyes burn with tears, but refuses to let them fall. Peyton gets out of bed and shamefully puts her clothes back on. In the process she hits a plastic square and when she looks at it her heart sinks even more. He doesn't want to even think about her. She knows Lucas wasn't after sex; he told her they shouldn't, but it still feels crappy to be left like this.

She sits back on the bed with her shirt and jeans on and stares at the cd she spent so much time making. She brushes her hand across the clear case and frowns. Maybe he left it because it'll be too hard to think about her. She nods her head; that has to be it. Lucas wouldn't vindictively do something like this.

She puts the case into her purse before tugging on her boots. She leaves the room and quickly checks out. Once the humid March air hits her face she breathes. She takes such a deep breath that it hurts her lungs, but she doesn't care. She watches as the cars whiz by and frowns. She doesn't really feel like walking right now.

In her apartment she's met with pictures and cards and that copy of his book. She opens all her windows in hopes that the feeling of claustrophobia will disappear. It doesn't work. She gasps for air as she runs around her apartment turning down pictures and hiding love notes and cards. She takes his book and puts it in the freezer.

Peyton walks over to her couch and folds her arms around herself. She picks up the one photo she didn't overturn. It's of her and Lucas on her last night in Tree Hill. They were at his house lying in bed when he shot up and grabbed the camera. She laughed and called him cheesy, but she secretly loved it. Her thumb runs across his cheek and then she stares down at her own smile. Will she ever smile like that again? In a few hours she lost everything she ever wanted and needed. She lost her future. Peyton feels the tears coming and on impulse she picks up the phone.

Peyton dials Brooke's number, but hangs up on the first ring. They haven't talked in . . . she can't even remember the last time they actually had a conversation. She can't just call randomly and spill her heart out; can she? Does she still have that right?

No, she doesn't. Nathan and Haley have Jamie and . . . well she's sure Lucas will be home soon. They have to be on his side. She sits on her couch and for the first time since she woke up, she cries. Then the cries turn to sobs and her body's shaking violently.

She has no boyfriend. She has no best friend. She's officially all alone

Some you lose, some you give away
Some you lose, some you give away
(What ever happened?)

It may have been a bit boring, but it's needed for the story. Can any of you see where I might be taking this already? Let me know what you think!

I am attempting to write other chapters, but my computers crap and my iTunes doesn't work so it's kind of hard to find inspiration when I can't pick a song and listen to it. Bear with me people lol.