Day of the Decepti-Kitties 6
Okay folks...this is what you've been waiting for! The exciting conclusion to the Day of the Decepti-Kitties! As the Autobots rush to the scene Megatron has teamed up with Optimus Prime's greatest foe...a set of Traffic Lights at a crossroad junction. He has turned his evil and ugly Decepticon soldiers into a band or adorable Decepti-Kitties with Traffic light wands and pink fluffy dress...worse still is that Soundwave has Jazz as an Auto-Kitty and Prowl still thinks he's in control of his own Universe...we also have no idea what happened to Mirage after Optimus ordered Ironhide to kill him for sleeping with two Go Bots. And now the final chapter of this exciting Transformers episode....
AutobotV: Can you imagine if the narrator off the G1 cartoon narrated that?
Optimus: Sort of.
Megatron: Yeah I can.
Now let's begin!
Megatron cackled and gloated left and right as humans ran in terror from the adorable Decepti-Kitties. His plan was working perfectly as his cute soldiers stole Energon, made fan girls scream to death and cause traffic jams. The traffic jams were so bad that men were loosing their tempers and taking it out on their kids in the backseat! No one could stop him now! Not even Optimis Prime could stop him.........I said not even Optimus Prime could stop him...
AutobotV: Where the slag is he?
Soundwave: He's on his way...he just had to stop at a car part shop.
AutobotV: That perv...
However at that very moment a whole bunch of cars and trucks showed up and Megatron guessed that it was indeed the Autobots. He acted quickly and ordered his Decepti-Kitties to set their wands to red. The moment they did the Autobots stopped. Megatron cackled and ordered his Decepti-Kitties to redirect them into the ravine, which was conveniently placed right in the middle of the city! After adjusting their lights and waving them around the Autobots fell into the ravine and exploded at the bottom. Megatron howled with laughter as he watched his foes burn.
'I did it! I destroyed the Autobots!' he laughed.
AutobotV: No you didn't.
Megatron: What are you talking about? I just redirected them all into that ravine using my cute army!
AutobotV: No. The Autobots are actually in the middle of traffic jam down the street. What you pushed into the ravine was actually Reflector driving a tank load of Energon!
The Constructicons wailed as they watched poor Reflector burn but then began to ponder why they had already mourned his death about three times now. At that moment the REAL Autobots showed up and, just to make sure that there is no more confusion, transformed into Robot mode. They aimed their blasters at the Decepti-Kitties but they couldn't find in their Sparks to harm them...they were just too dam cute. However Optimus did get pissed when he saw Jazz sticking out of Soundwave's chest wearing a pink frock and all.
'Megatron! You will return Jazz to me or else!' demanded the Autobot Leader.
Megatron appeared puzzled.
'Don't play dumb with me Megatron!'
'No seriously, where?'
Optimus was now pissed and he charged forward. Megatron guessed this and he suddenly grabbed the evil Traffic light of the crossroad junction. He held it out towards Optimus and the Autobot had no choice but to stop when the light hit red.
'Dam you Megatron!' cried Optimus.
'MWHAHAHAHA! You can't stop me now Prime!' cackled the Decepticon leader.
Now the lights are green and Megatron looked shocked.
'What are you doing Traffic lights? I thought we had an agreement! Have you been talking to Starscream behind my back?' wailed Megatron as Optimus continued to charge.
However the lights went red again and Optimus was forced to stop.
'Would you make up your slagging mind!' snapped Megatron wondering if the Traffic lights would betray him.
The rest of the Autobots began to panic. They could not harm the Decepti-Kitties for they were far too cute and they had those dam Traffic lights so they couldn't even get close enough to try and stop them. As the Decepti-Kitties gloated in their success the Autobots got together quickly for a brainstorm.
'We need to get closer to the Decepti-Kitties!' growled Prime.
'Yeah...but how? They keep switching the light to red!' groaned Hound.
'I know! If we all wear sirens we can get through the red lights! Prowl's done it before!' suggested Bumblebee.
'WHAT!? Why didn't he tell me?' snapped Optimus.
He would of explained to Optimus why he never told him but Prowl was sitting in the corner writing on his lap top about some crazy fic or something. So the Autobots grabbed police sirens and then charged at the Decepti-Kitties, making poor Starscream...well...scream.
'Meggytwon! They have Sirens! Our wands are powerless against them!'
'FUCK!' howled Megatron.
AutobotV: MEGATRON! NONE OF THAT IN THIS FIC!
Now that the Autobots had sirens all over them they charged...but they still couldn't find it in them to harm the Decepti-Kitties. So Optimus came up with the only solution...hug them to death. However the Decepti-Kitties were too small and kept dodging their attacks. Thundercraker wailed when he got his dress dirty and Long Haul flushed a little when Bumblebee started taking photos of them all. Optimus on the other hand went straight for Megatron who was trying to get the Traffic Light of the crossroad junction to work.
'You've gone too far this time Megatron! Teaming up with my greatest foe and using the power of everything cute to harm the humans...I swear you get sicker by the day!' snarled Prime.
Megatron winced as Optimus took a step forward but he had a backup plan...wait...
AutobotV: I don't remember writing that! Let me check my script...
Megatron cackled as he held up a small looking device in front of Prime and began to gloat.
'You won't be able to harm me Prime! For this little device is a Portable Cute Machine! With this I shall make myself look adorable and you won't be able to touch me!'
Optimus Prime gasped.
AutobotV: He would.
Megatron cackled as he activated the device and Optimus was blinded by a bright light. After the light had settled Optimus switched his optics back on and was almost horrified to see what stood before him. Megatron was now shorter and he had cat like ears on his head. He had short limbs and a plushy exterior with a ribbon on his fusion cannon...and his evil red optics were now huge and adorable...worse still he had a cat like tail...with a little bell. Megatron...had become cute!
AutobotV: THE HORROR!
Optimus couldn't believe he was now staring at a very cute Mega-Kitty! The Mega-Kitty laughed but it was now high pitched and sounded sweet.
'You cannot defeat me now Optimus Prime! I am so cute that not even the most evil of evil machines can stop me! MWHAHAHA! Mew!'
He was right! Optimus didn't stand a chance against something so cute. He didn't want to harm it no matter what but he knew he had to. What on Earth is our hero going to do!? ....No seriously Optimus...what are you going to do?
Optimus: I...I don't know!
AutobotV: Well you have to think of something! I'm out of ideas!
Prowl: I can handle this!
AutobotV: PROWL!? You want me...ME!? The Writer to hand over this story to you?
Prowl: Yes...if you let me take over I can help Optimus Prime and the Autobots beat the Decepti-Kitties!
AutobotV:....................................well.....oh what the hell, go for it!
Prowl: Excellent! Now to begin!
Optimus Prime and his fellow Autobots suddenly got blasted by a bright ray of light from the heavens as if Primus was willing to assist in this epic battle! Once the light had cleared the Autobots had suddenly transformed into...adorable cute little Auto-Puppies!
Optimus couldn't believe he now had a cute little wagging tail with adorable floppy ears and sweet looking collar! However this plan seemed to be working for Mega-Kitty suddenly got scared...well what do you expect he's a cat!
AutobotV: Nice writing there Prowl!
Prowl: Thank you.
However Mega-Kitty ordered the Constructicons to transform into a gigantic Devestator-Kitty! One with big ribbons and looked so adorable that it would burn the eyes of any human who dared gazed upon it!
AutobotV: MY EYES!
As the gigantic Devestator-Kitty destroyed buildings and blinded everyone with it's cuteness Starscream suddenly transformed into one hot...looking pice of aft!
Then he found himself wearing sexy lingerie and a maid outfit.
Then he walked on over to Prowl in a very seductive way...
AutobotV: Hey hold the fuck on you slagging perverted twit! This is about Decepti-Kitties destroying the world with the power of everything cute! Not you making out with Starscream!
Prowl: Slag off! I'm in control now!
AutobotV: Oh yeah!
At that very moment the clouds above the city darkened and the Decepti-Kitties and Auto-Pups suddenly got very scared. Then to their horror reality around them started to get out of control and the space/time continuum thingy got waaay out of hand! This was all due to the fact that two writers were now battling it out for control of this fic! Optimus knew he had to do something...but what?
'Auto-Pups! We must stop the writers from destroying this world!' ordered the Prime.
'How?' demanded Hound.
'The slag do I know, I was hoping you lot would come up with ideas!'
Mega-Kitty also knew he had to stop this horrible catastrophe from happening but he didn't know how either. As the two leaders from different fractions thought about what to do everything around them began to bend and twist! Strange creatures appeared and things disappeared and reappeared! If Prowl and AutobotV don't stop fighting then I don't know whats going to happen...and I'm the writer!
Prowl: No! I'm the writer!
AutobotV: Quit it Prowl or you'll destroy everthing!
As the craziness continued and Starscream tried to get out of his sexy getup it was Jazz who suddenly came up with an idea. All he had to do was tell the writers something...something so horrible that it would stop them fighting. However he needed Soundwave's help but the poor guy was still trying to get over the whole Megatron serving traffic light thing.
'Soundwave! I need your help! KYAAAAA!' sqeaked Jazz.
'What's the point? Everything has gone to the pits!' wailed Soundwave.
'Soundwave I swear to Primus if you help me I will let you do whatever you want to me...no matter how disturbing I find it! KYAAAA!'
That worked. Soundwave idmedinatly set out to help the cute little Jazz kitty by getting a huger mic and wiring it up to every loud speaker in the area. As soon as he was done Jazz grabbed the mic and tried to contact the two writers.
'PROWL! AUTOBOTV! THERE IS SOMETHING I MUST TELL YOU! SOMETHING SO TERRIBLE THAT IT WILL BRING PROWL BACK TO HIS SENSES AND AUTOBOTV WILL GRANT US OUR GREATEST WISH! KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!' cried Jazz.
The two writers stopped for a moment to listen. What did Jazz have to say that was so terrible it would make Prowl go back to normal and make AutobotV do something nice for a change? Even the Decepti-Kitties and Auto-Pups were interested and listened in as Jazz told them the most terrifying thing ever!
'If you must know...Spike and Carly are going to reproduce and have a son called Daniel who is way annoying than Spike, Chip and Sparkplug put together!'
Prowl: WH- WH- WHAT!?
AutobotV: OH MY GOD!
Decepti-Kitties: HOLY SLAG! WE'RE DEAD! WE'RE DEAD! AHHHHHHH!
Suddenly every thing went back to normal and Prowl finally gave the writing rights back to AutobotV. However everyone was slightly disturbed with what Jazz had just said. But the good news was that Prowl was now finally back to normal...and as for his punishment I turned him into a cute little Auto-Pup! Now...before we deal with the Spike and Carly problem...let's get back to the final battle between the Auto-Pups and the Decepti-Kitties.
'Give it up Megatron! Now that were are adorable puppies we can bite and tear up your dresses!' growled Optimus Prime.
'Oh yeah! We can claw and tear at your collars with our claws!' screamed Megatron.
As the cute little Transformers battled the news crew continued to report! Such brave men!
'Tom this is getting a little freaky now! The Autobots have now transformed into Auto-Pups and are still wearing those very loud sirens while the Decepti-Kitties are still wearing their cute dresses and holding their traffic light wands. The Decepticon Soundwave...is...is...sorry I can't release that information due to it's mature content! Also the giant Devestator-Kitty is now playing with the world's largest ball of yarn! I have no idea what's going to happen Tom but it can't be good!'
It was then at that moment that Mirage appeared holding a large can of something. Optimus and the rest of the Auto-Pups suddenly aimed their blasters at him, confusing the Decepti-Kitties.
'Why the slag are you going to shoot him? He's on your side!' snapped Starscream.
'Yeah...but he slept with two Go Bots!' argued Bumblebee.
That made sense so the Decepti-Kitties decided to hold their fire until the put the slut out of his misery! As the Auto-Pups prpped their blasters Mirage suddenly raised his hand for he had something to say.
'Optimus sir...I know what I did was stupid...so I am willing to sacrifice myself to save you and the city! In this can I have a very, very, very powerful bomb that according to my calculations will blow all the Decepti-Kitties back to their base where they won't do anything for at least a month! However I need to get close and the only way for the bomb to go off is to activate it manually...so I will-'
'Yeah, yeah I get it Mirage...just get on with it!' snapped Optimus.
'Yeah Mirage...you slept with two Go Bots and it doesn't matter if you sacrifice yourself or not...we're not going to care!' snapped Ratchet.
Mirage sighed and picked up the can with the very, very, very powerful bomb inside. As he charged towards the Decepti-Kitties Wheeljack suddenly got a call from Perecptor and he told him something very disturbing.
'Wheeljack you're not going to believe this! Mirage didn't sleep with the Go Bots! It was Cliffjumper!' chuckled Perceptor over the phone.
However before Wheeljack could inform Mirage he had already detonated the device. The Decepti-Kitties howled as they were blown off the face of the Earth and landed in their base...just like Mirage said they would! As the dust settled the Auto-Pups stood there tall and proud...even though they did fuck all!
So as they returned to base with another mission well done both Soundwave and, a now normal, Jazz emerged from a building looking rather hot and flustered.
'Wow...I had no idea you were so good!' purred Jazz.
'You wanna hook up sometime?' asked Soundwave.
'Well...OK fine...but only if you promise not to dress me up in those stupid dresses!'
What a happy ending! But it ain't over quite yet...
The Decepticons had returned to normal after getting back in the cute machine and becoming the ugly and scary machines that they were. Thundercraker was glad that he looked hideous again and Starscream was pleased he looked like a pretty bot again but Skywarp sulked because he was plain looking again! Megatron was sulking but he is now thinking of yet another crap plan in his room. Shockwave ended up becoming a Decepti-Kitty but he is now stuck and can't change back. Life at the Decepticon base seemed to have return to normal...until a month later...
'Starscream! Get in my room now!'
Starscream sighed as he was interrupted from cooking brownies and he marched up to his leaders room. In the cold and dark room Megatron had already come up with his...you know what I'm not even going to write the dam name...plan!
'What is it now mighty Megatron?' sighed Starscream.
'Ah Starscream...about time...get the other Decepticons! I must tell them of my new plan!' cackled the Decepticon.
Starscreamed growled but did what he was told. Soon everyone was in Megatron's room listening on his new plan.
'Decepticons...my last plan didn't go quite the way I wanted it to go...heck we lost Reflector about three times and Long Haul still has cat ears! However this new plan will garentee our victory over the Autobots!'
The Decepticons waited to hear what this plan was. Megatron smirked as he began to explain his wonderful yet sinister plan.
'We're going to sit here and do nothing!' he snapped.
'Don't you see!? The Autobots only attack us when we do something! So if we do nothing then we won't be beaten! It's genius I tell you!' cackled the Decepticon leader.
As the Decepticons began to hatch their own plan of putting Megatron out of his misery back at the Autobot HQ Ratchet was able to put Mirage back together after everyone found out that it wasn't him that slept with a couple of Go Bots but rather Cliffjumper. As he sat in his recovery bed everyone came in bearing presents to say sorry.
'Mirage...can you forgive us for the way we treated you?' asked Optimus...looking serious for a change.
'I understand Prime...I would of ordered the Autobots to kill you too if you slept with a Go Bot.'
Optimus felt relieved and gave Mirage a pat to the head. At that moment Cliffjumper appeared and he looked very sorry for himself after getting told the news. The Autobots noticed and they all snarled.
'Cliffjumper you slagging slut! Get out of here!' snapped Wheeljack.
'Yeah! Go throw yourself off a cliff or something!' snapped Hound.
'Go to hell Cliffjumper!' snapped Mirage.
'You're making me sick Cliffjumper! Slag off!' snapped Prime.
And with that Cliffjumper ran off to cry like the dirt slut that he was. At that moment Jazz and Prowl appeared with a pair of shovels and they were covered in dirt.
'About time you showed up! Spike was asking where Carly was all day!' snapped Bumblebee.
'It's OK...we did what Prowl suggested! We took her out for a drive...put her in a box and then buried her six feet under the ground...well we really went sixty feet because we messed up the calculations but she's as ggod as gone!'
'So she's dead now?' asked Bumblebee.
Prowl suddenly looked angry and he shook his head.
'Bumblebee we are Autobots not Decepticons! We don't kill organic life forms! She will die naturally as her God intended!'
The Autobots began to laugh in their warm and fuzzy way glad that everything turned out just fine. They had their drinking rights back, the Decepticons appeared to be doing fuck all and Cliffjumper left a suicide note...all was well with the world...OR WAS IT!?
AutobotV: Just a quick one from me...we, as writers, should treat our characters or borrowed characters with respect! Sure we like to torture them and watch them suffer but we created them and the worlds they live in so it is important that we take care of them like they were family...like they are our children! Also it is not cool to use the power of cuteness for evil purposes! Understand? You don't have to read this but seriously...take time to think...?
Megatron: If you took time to think the Universe would of ended by now!
AutobotV: THAT'S IT!
And to end our tale Megatron was thrown into the sun and beaten until he couldn't walk. Plus he had to kiss Optimus Prime's feet for a week, become Starscream's slave for a month and allow Soundwave to marry Jazz!
See ya all next time folks...oh wait...the traffic lights wanted half of Texas so they could start a waffle ranch...yeah I know...genius!