"Oh, and if you try and do anything to stop me, I'll do this." said the Writer. She picked up a pencil, scrawled a few lines on her paper then turned back and waited.
A second later, Kenny went ("Urk!") and keeled forward, dead.
Kyle gasped. "Oh my god, you killed Kenny!" he shrieked in horror.
The Writer smiled. "Sure did! So I guess you'd better think twice before meddling with my homosexual utopia, huh? I could easily make it so no one would even remember you if you died."
Kyle stood, staring blankly. He then looked between his dead friend to the Writer. His brain was whirring quickly, searching for a fast solution. And then he had it.
"You..you're really cold-hearted, you know that?" he asked sadly.
Her eyebrows rose. "Excuse me?"
"Don't you see?" Kyle started, soft music starting to play, "Even if it is in character, you shouldn't conclude our lives for us. It's cruel. If everything was tidied up for us, there'd be no point in living anymore. Not to mention you pairing up all these gay couples. I mean, some of us in South Park might be gay and not know it, but we'll come to that on our own time. Besides, gaiety is natural, not something you force on others for your own twisted amusement. Anyway, by controlling our lives, you make it impossible for any of us to overcome life's challenges ourselves. Sure maybe there are some ways life should be, but if we never screwed up, we'd never learn. And it's really boring when there's nothing to learn. Why, we'd be cancelled in no time if everyone was always happy."
"..Cancelled?" questioned the Writer.
"..Uh, I don't know what I meant by that. Sorry." Kyle responded.
The Writer looked off to the side, contemplating and looking a bit guilty.
"You..you're right, kid." she realized, "It..It is wrong to brainwash everyone like this. I just got so wrapped up in what I was doing that I guess I got carried away." She tugged at her ratty hair before smiling down at Kyle. "I'm sorry I was such a pervert. From now on I'll just enjoy the gaiety of South Park as it comes naturally. Heh. Guess it's a good thing you found me before I got to you."
Kyle looked uneasy. "What were you going to do to me?"
"Well," sighed the Writer, "you and the orange Kenny kid there obviously have hopeless steady love lives, so I was probably just gonna exclude you from society somehow."
Kyle didn't really know how to react to that, so he said, "Uhhh-huh. So..can you get rid of the gayness now?"
"Huh? Oh yeah. Sure." The Writer picked up her documents and shredded them in great clumps.
In town, all of the couples were suddenly getting more sudden spells of dizziness.
As Mr. Mackey and Mr. Garrison came to their senses in bed, Mr. Garrison looked at their situation and commented, "Well, I don't know what we were doing but by all means, let's continue.."
Stan and Gregory came to at Stark's Pond while seated on a bench together. Gregory blinked, looking around. He saw Stan and rubbed his eyes. "Stanley? Is that you?"
Stan rubbed his own eyes. "Gregory? What the hell're you doing back in South Park dude?" Gregory looked around aimlessly, stammering and quite unable to answer the question.
Cartman opened his eyes to find himself holding and kissing a very melty Butters. Quickly, Cartman released his hold, surprising Butters.
"Huh?" Butters asked weakly, "W-what's wrong Eric..?"
Cartman didn't seem to hear him. He was busy gaping at his hands like they were something horrifying and evil. "Aa..aa..AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" he shrieked, then flew off of the couch and out the door, arms flailing.
"There. That's the last one." the Writer said as she dropped the last pieces of torn paper onto her desk.
Kyle smiled, then turned in surprise when he heard stirring behind him.
"(Ooohhh..)" groaned Kenny, getting up.
"Kenny! You're alive!" Kyle cheered. Kenny blinked at him wearily.
The Writer stood from her chair, and, to some confusion, shrank down to normal size. She saw the looks she received. "I'm an interdimensional super being. I can do stuff like that." was her explanation.
"Oh." said Kyle, "Well, can you get us back to town? I want to make sure everything turned out ok."
"Uh, sure, I guess." The Writer gripped their shoulders and the sparkling yellow light engulfed them all. An instant later they found themselves in the middle of town, surrounded by wandering and befuddled townspeople. Their sudden appearance caused the ones nearby to stop and stare. Kyle scanned them over.
"Oh good." he noted with relief, "It looks like nobody's brainwashed anymore."
"What?" asked a random lady, "We were brainwashed?"
"Oh thank God, I thought I'd been drunk again..!" said some guy.
Ignoring that guy, Kyle informed the town, "Yes. You were all brainwashed by this lady here. She went and wrote all sorts of magic things about you so you'd all mindlessly fall in love with people of the same sex and live in blissful ignorance of life. But Kenny and I went and stopped her, so you're all free now."
The townspeople glanced at one another, then glared at Kyle.
"Well what'd you do that for?!" called one guy, "If I was happy then why'd ya have to bring me back to stinkin' reality?"
"Yeah!" called another guy, "Maybe we want to have our lives played out nicely for us!"
"I don't care if I was with another woman," called some lady, "I like not being challenged and living in blissful ignorance! It's blissful!"
The crowd agreed angrily with itself into silence.
Kyle crossly looked at them all.
"You people are assholes." he told them.
There was a lengthy silence, which was broken when Cartman came tearing through the background from screen right, still screaming his lungs out. Everyone turned to watch, startled.
"AAAAAAAAA!!!" Cartman went, running right past everybody. Then Butters came running from the same direction Cartman had come from, calling feebly, "W-wait Eric! We were havin' a-a real nice time! W-where're ya goin'?? I love you!"
Everyone stared as the little blonde boy ran off too.
"I thought you said you got everybody." Kyle mentioned as he watched Butters fleeing.
"Dude, I didn't do anything to that kid." the Writer replied, eyes also on the retreating boy's back.
"(Eeew, Butters is actually gay for Cartman?)" asked Kenny, disgusted and amused at the same time.
"I..I guess so." Kyle affirmed, then added as an afterthought, "Heh, he is so going to get beat up tomorrow..!" The crowd muttered and chuckled in agreement.