I'm so sorry this took so long to get out, I was trying to make it longer for you.
Thank you to Vampalicious04, BoysInBooksAreAlotBetter, satineRiP16, Imacg2, Mc Alice Bella Grey, , start mtz, AliceHale, Carla Isabel, xLaurelCullenxx, writerchick1o, kr, Ankle Deep, Chrizziebelle Cullen, tigger5600, San, firemooncat, Stupid Shiny Twilight Fan, xxLOTTYxx, saga junkie, PurpleScorpion, bella swan25, Nice Ice Mice, VeronicaD13.
And just to let you know the story I advertised last week was deleted so sorry if you were looking for it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
On the third of the new month I sat myself in Carlisle's office without much of an invitation. This little rendezvous had become routine now, to be expected.
Carlisle didn't seem surprised to see me there and I quickly told him to get a move on.
Carlisle took a seat just as I spoke "I'm still a virgin in case that speeds things up", I quirked one brow at my father as he shuffled nervously "I had figured as much" he replied.
"No", he leaned forward on his elbows on the desk "this is about em…. Something else".
Carlisle squared his shoulders and begin writing on his clipboard, getting down to business "Are you taking drugs? How often are you drinking? Are you thinking of becoming sexually active". My own body betrayed me as I blushed "Em no".
Carlisle expelled an unnecessary breath and eyed me curiously "Have you talked to Edward recently. I felt my mouth twist into a grimace and I replied, sarcasm dripping from my tone "Yeah, we had an insightful conversation just yesterday".
Choosing to indulge me Carlisle smiled pleasantly "About?".
"The benefits of staying away from each other" I spat, scraping the heavy chair against the hardwood floor and pushing against his desk.
I spared Carlisle a withering glance before I left the room, considering banging the door but deciding against it.
I was halfway down the hallway before I heard the strains of some sort of music; classical. I knew it was Edward because no one else in this house was really into classical music.
I turned on my heel and found myself in Carlisle's room again "You can stop asking you know" I barked unceremoniously "I mean" and suddenly I felt sheepish "If I'm not having sex yet I'm not going to".
Carlisle looked up at me sadly, gently shutting the medical journal he was reading "I wish that were true Bella".
Things were weird. Well really Edward and Bella were being weird.
Bella ignored Edward all the time, and Edward stared at Bella a lot. More then was necessary, or appropriate. I naturally assumed Edward was trying to get a rise out of her, but somehow it just didn't fit.
Bella didn't seem to notice, she never seemed to be aware of Edward's eyes on her, or maybe she was just studiously avoiding acknowledging it.
Which would make sense because she studiously ignored everything else he did.
Alice said I was reading too much into things and for the most part I had to agree with her. Edward's emotions never told me anything was off, his staring seemed to be idle and unconscious, sure there was admiration in his emotions towards Bella, but we all admired Bella, even if sometimes we couldn't stand her.
But when Edward stared at Bella it was intense and personal, and in that moment I wanted to turn away because I felt like I was intruding on something I wasn't meant to see.
When Edward stared at Bella it looked like he wanted to eat her, and suddenly she wasn't his sister, she was something else.
"I'm going to ride with Edward today" I said, rising up on my toes and pressing a kiss to Jasper's cheek before I skipped over to wear Edward was standing by his car, swinging his keys around his forefinger.
Edward watched me with amusement as he slipped in to the drivers seat. He drove with an innate laziness that was mildly irritating. I glanced around me in a panic, checking that the other car wasn't close enough for the vampires to hear.
"Jaspers getting suspicious" I whispered.
To my intense surprise Edward barked a laugh "You make it sound like we've murdered someone Alice"
"This will be even worse to him Edward, and you know it" Edward arched a dubious brow at me "Worse than murder" he joked playfully. I flicked a hand nonchalantly in his direction "Murder is commonplace to Jazz".
"I'm serious Edward" I said with a sigh "You're going to have to be careful with your emotions around him".
The car turned smoothly into the school car park and Edward parked in his usual spot but didn't leave the car. His eyes were trained on Bella as she pulled herself from Rose's car.
"It's not an easy feeling to ignore" Edward sighed. "I know that" I hissed in as low a voice as I could muster "But our family isn't ready for this knowledge, Bella isn't".
Edward shook his head but didn't reply. He reached around his seat and pulled his book bag from the backseat. As he stepped out of the car he twisted around and stared in at me "Their never going to be ready Alice, at some stage their just going to have to accept it".
Edward began to follow our siblings, falling into step behind Bella when he very suddenly leaned over and whispered to me from the corner of his mouth "as will she".
After Trig Alice asked me to sit with her, but I ignored her request and sat with Jessica anyway. Of course Mike sat with us too and Tyler and Eric.
Angela whispered to me that she was hoping Eric would ask her to the cinema this weekend. I tried to ignore the lump of guilt in my throat when Eric placed his hand on my knee and leaned into me, breathing onto my neck.
After about fifteen minutes of shoving away Eric's hands and I found my way to the library where I sat and finished my sandwich and juice.
I was reading Wuthering Heights for my English class with Mr. Sanders when Edward appeared before me. He didn't say a word but he sat down opposite me, he didn't eat anything either, just stared at me.
After reading the same sentence over again five times I slammed the book closed and stared at him, grinding my teeth and narrowing my eyes at him.
But that proved only to amuse him and he smirked away at me, before pointing to my new copy of Wuthering Heights "I have notes for that if you want them".
I shot him a deadly glare and snarled out "That would be cheating". I opened the book again and feigned interest in it's pages. "You're worried about getting in trouble now" he laughed.
Edward seemed ready to speak again when Mike showed up with a green folder "Hey Bella" he greeted, placing the folder in front of me "Here are those notes you wanted for Wuthering Heights".
I could feel my expression sour and I pointedly looked at a spot over Edward's shoulder.
Choosing to ignore Edward Mike turned to me and asked me if I was coming to Shelly Malloy's party tonight. I shrugged and gave Mike as noncommittal an answer as I could.
Eventually Mike went to go toss around a football with Tyler and Eric outside.
Edward stared at Mike's back with distaste before turning to me, his jaw set. "Why do you hang around with him Bella? He's disgusting" Edwards eyes were still trained on the door Mike had just left through.
"I can hang out with whomever I want" I hissed, leaning over the table to him "It's none of your business" I huffed and returned to reading again.
But out of the corner of my eye I noticed a brief look of hurt flit across Edward's face, and despite myself I regretted my words.
Because no matter how much or how often I hated Edward for leaving and then returning he was still my saviour, my brother and the first boy I had ever learned to love.
Mike was a sloppy kisser and Tyler used too much tongue. Eric was too touchy feely.
With Mike I had admittedly initiated the kiss, understandably though: I was drunk.
Tyler I was sober for, but enough to wish I hadn't been.
Eric just kind of jumped me one day, and before he even had his tongue in my mouth he was trying to take off my shirt. He got a nice shiner as reciprocation.
I found myself wondering what it would be like to have one of those romantic kisses, the kind where it's soft and spontaneous and Celine Dion started singing in the background. I didn't even like Celine Dion.
The most sickening thing about this imagined scenario was that towards the end I would always get a mental flash of golden eyes and bronze hair.
But that just made me mad, so then I'd grab the closest boy I could find and kiss him, tongue optional. You could end up with some real nasties that way though.
The imagined romance was probably a result of having such an affectionate family. I almost pitied Edward at night, knowing he had to listen to their expressions of love as Esme put it, just thinking about it was enough to turn my stomach.
While I still wasn't speaking to Edward or actively engaging him, we had come to a silent agreement of sorts that on those nights I was free to sit in his room with him and hang out.
Despite the permeable tension between us, it was probably the most relaxed I was all week. Edward never tried to speak to me, apart from a quirky aside where he poked fun at our siblings or parents. Mostly we sat in silence and listened to music while I did my homework and Edward read.
On this occasion I had finished my homework early and was trailing my fingertips along the spines of the books on his floor length book shelf. He had at least five different translations of Dante's Inferno and Silas Marner.
My fingers halted when I came to a book of poetry by Robert Frost. I immediately flicked forward to Mending Wall, reading through the ramblings of my favourite poet as quickly as I dared.
Edward had of course observed my choice and was suddenly behind me, his breath chilly on my ear, "I prefer A Tuft of Flowers" he whispered.
His hand ghosted over mine, both arms loosely surrounding me as one long finger edged along the line of words. "It's odd that you would like this poem" he whispered "it's about division".
I wanted to retort that I knew what it was about, but I was intent on ignoring him, and paralysed by his proximity.
I could sense his smirk even from behind as he spoke, his lips seemingly closer again "and mending walls", he seemed to lean against me, his face almost against my hair and his words seemed to ghost over me "Do you think we can mend this wall?".
I knew that he was talking about us and I wanted to reply, but it was all too much, his words, his breath, and the intimate way he almost held me, made my breath come in quick spurts.
And quicker then I thought was possible for my short human legs, I was standing at the other end of the room, or maybe Edward was. My head was spinning.
I scrambled for the door and though my back was turned, my eyes seemed to remain on Edward, his face blank and unsurprised.
"Bella?" his voice followed as I finally located the door handle, yanking it open before I stiffened and spoke aloud, my voice trembling "I don't hate you Edward, but I can't mend it alone, and not if you keep knocking it down".
The door slammed behind me and instead of heading back to my room, taking a swig from the vodka bottle under my bed and going to bed, I slid down the door and hung my head between my knees, breathing in deep.
And I knew he could hear me, but I could hear him, doing the same on the other side of the door.
Review Please! Wohoo! We're really getting somewhere now aren't we.
You should all definitely check out Robert Frost's poetry, you might need to to get this chapter.
Reviews are better than Celine Dion and cheese.