AN: Man this story is not getting love. A nice chunk are only opening the first chapter even with the second chapter posted. Oh and those of you who are still reading can you at least post why you don't like it. :-P You know so that way I could try to avoid that in the future.
Port Charles Hospital
"You need to tell her Jason," Dawn repeated.
"I can't lose her," he whispered.
"You see it now don't you? That feeling, that spark that was always there? She really gets you, accepts you, let's you accept yourself. It can be subtle. Just a little pull when she's around. How it just doesn't seem to work with anyone else, but she keeps popping back up? The world kept trying to show you each other. Not a lot of people find their other half. The one that just makes it work. You'll hate yourself if you let her go again without telling her."
"This could have been different," he murmured. It could have been so very different.
"The past is gone Jason, she's going to die and you're running out of time. It's your last chance little brother," she placed her hand on his shoulder. "Don't let it slip by again."
The gentle pressure of her hand on his shoulder disappeared and he knew she was gone from behind him.
"I think Brenda," he said softly as his voice trembled, "that we could have been great. I think that we could have loved each other and taken care of each other." He didn't wipe away the tears that fell, "I think I could have made you happy. And I don't know how it took me so long to understand that. And I'm sorry I pushed you away and I let you walk away. You pushed and you pushed, but you never really left. And I'm sorry that you had more faith in me than I had in myself."
He let out a shuddered breath, "You can't leave because I need you. You're the only one I can't stop loving and I don't even know how it happened. I'm sorry I never told you that I kept your room exactly the same. That I never really let you think that I actually wanted you home. I really did miss the cookies. And you taking the remote out of my hand; missed sharing meals with you, and how you could only grumble first thing in the morning. And no one else was ever you."
He tightened the grasp on her hand, "I really do love you and I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it."
He half expected her to wake up, but she didn't. He had unburdened his soul and he could only hope she had somehow heard it.
The scene stayed the same for long minutes and Jason willed her to live, until those awful monitors began to sound. "Please no," he whispered as he stared in despair at her still face.
"I need the crash cart," Matt Hunter ran towards them seconds later, "dammit," followed moments later, "she's bleeding out, we need the OR stat!"
Jason could hear Robin crying Brenda's name, but all he could do was watch his future slip away.
Port Charles Hospital
Jason Morgan held up his lone vigil beside Brenda's bed. Others had come and gone, Robin having only recently been talked by Epiphany into lying down in the on call room. Having refused all day the appeals of others to return home and spend Christmas with her daughter. 'This is not Christmas. My daughter will not have her Christmas be the day that Brenda died. I can't remember opening gifts and losing her every year.'
Because that was what was going to happen. They had all accepted the impossible; the young and vibrant Brenda Barrett was not going to survive. Two more surgeries had followed his proclamation. She had coded shortly past 9 that evening and Matt had suggested that it was time to stop. Jason had him quickly pinned against the wall, 'She isn't done fighting yet, you don't get to give up.'
He heard Sonny and Jax both try to get in, someone had always stopped them. He should have felt guilty that he was monopolizing her final time, but all he felt was anguish over the time he had wasted.
Then out of nowhere as she had been still for so many hours as his body was braced to hear that awful alarm again that would be followed by the monotonous tone signaling her fight was done, did he feel a gentle stroke along the side of his hand. It sent him flying slightly back and he looked up in time to see her eyes attempting to open.
"Brenda," he stood and leaned in close while still holding her hand. Her lids finally remained open and she pressed gently into his hand with her thumb. He watched though as the terror once more entered her eyes as she tried to speak her hand tried to lift to reach for her mouth, but it was too weak. "They had to intubate you, just try to relax."
He waited a few seconds for her to calm before he spoke, "I had a lot of time to sit here and think without you yammering in my ear," he smirked at her, her eyes twinkled back. "I thought about how you said you knew I'd come."
She squeezed his hand as best she could.
"And how I was almost too late."
She focused all of her energy into her thumb.
"I think I finally figured out how it is we appear normal to most."
Her eyes lifted in disbelief.
"You know this silence thing would probably be nice under other circumstances," he teased as he always did with her.
Her eyes once more rolled.
"We meet someone, we try to make it work and then it all falls apart. I told you in the airport when you left that you should just do what we did, but I finally realize Brenda it wasn't how we did it. It was that we did it together."
The expression in her eyes was guarded.
"I don't think it's ever going to work with anyone else and I'm sorry that I never told you that I kept your room exactly the same for you until Spinelli spilt soda over your comforter. I'm sorry that I let you think there was nothing to come back to because I think I was waiting for you. I'm sorry I didn't chase after you the day you came to my office and you asked me how I'd feel if I lost you to something that didn't have anything to do with me, but I just couldn't risk you." He looked away for a brief second in pain, "All I could think about when you fell was that you couldn't leave me."
She finally responded by pressing her thumb in once more.
"You have no idea how amazing that feels," he said wearily returning to his seat. His eyes once more closed, "I made a lot of mistakes Brenda, but- " he swallowed hard, "I want another chance." His eyes once more opened. Her eyes were glassy, but still guarded. He understood that, if anyone had told him prior to her being kidnapped, 'She's it for you,' he would have laughed.
"I think if we just took the chance, we could have everything we ever wanted," he told her. He held her gaze instead of speaking. He didn't know what else to say.
"Jason?" Robin hesitantly questioned interrupting the silence.
He looked up with a smile, "She's awake."
(aka December 30th 2009)
"Hey," Patrick exclaimed, "a little slower, you're dropping ornaments."
"If we go any slower," Matt countered as they walked the tree into Brenda's room, "we might as well have just planted a real one in the corner." He shook his head, "Anyway they're plastic."
"Isn't that the tree from the nurses' station?" Brenda asked from her bed.
"We're borrowing it for a little bit," Patrick confirmed.
"You stole a Christmas tree," she asked with wide eyes.
"Borrowed," Patrick corrected.
"Bobbie and Maxie distracted Epiphany for us," Matt smiled.
"I found the wayward ball," Spinelli came in holding a green ornament, "it was under a very unpleasant woman's wheelchair," he made a face as he walked in with his other arms laden with various fallen ornaments.
"Great," Patrick nodded. "So what do you think by the window or between the chairs?"
"Really want to block my only view of nature?" Brenda asked with a dry expression.
Matt turned and frowned, "What nature? I see gray skies?"
"There is the occasional bird and it rained last night," she defended.
"She is bedbound," Patrick nodded.
"Good point," Matt nodded and went to move the tree again.
"How are you feeling today Siren?" Spinelli questioned.
"Bored out of my mind," she responded with a smile.
"But happy to be alive," Jason amended walking into the room with his hands full of a box of hot chocolate.
"Figured that was a given," her hand desperately reached out for the chocolate as best she could, Jason smiled and handed her one.
"Hot chocolate already?" Matt paused in being a party guest and returned to being a doctor.
"Robin cleared her for a small cup," Patrick smiled.
"It was that or intubate her again," Jason added as he went to pull out his own cup.
"Hardy har har," Brenda mocked.
"Do you need any help with those?" Jason asked Spinelli as he watched the younger man trying to figure out how and where to put down the ornaments.
"No I," he went to lean forward to roll them onto the chair when the all went tumbling out of his grasp, "got it." He frowned.
"Hold on Spinelli, I'll help you," Maxie said in a sweet voice as she entered the room.
"One Christmas Princess arriving for duty," Robin announced walking into the room, with her daughter in front of her, so she could show off her red velvet Christmas outfit with lace trim.
"Oh there's my baby," Brenda quickly handed off her cocoa to Jason and made a grabbing motion with her hands for Emma.
"Hey," Matt ordered as Robin approached, "no messing up all of my hard work. I'm off today, I'm not going back into the OR."
Brenda frowned at him.
"Don't worry, Emma just wants to sit near her Auntie Bren," Robin innocently smiled at him.
"Yea you know, not too close," Jason nodded, "little kids have a lot of germs."
"My niece does not have germs," Maxie's head bobbed as she defended her precious Emma.
"I'm already in a hospital packed full of bacteria," Brenda pointed out, "if I'm going to-"
"Okay you know what as your doctor I'm ordering you to stop right now before you jinx yourself," Matt waved the nutcracker he was going to re-hang at his patient.
"Enough," Robin smiled, "Emma wants to get in her Auntie Bren time before her nap."
"You know we should really do the Wizard of Oz for next Halloween," Maxie declared as she picked up the last ornament. "We already Auntie Bren," she nodded at Brenda whose title was frequently mistaken for Auntie Em. And I mean Jason hello, Tin Man," she waved a hand at him. "And let's be honest I'd make the perfect Glenda."
Jason looked thoroughly un-amused as he always did when Maxie spoke.
"Matt's the scarecrow," she nodded at him.
"I'm the scarecrow?" he pointed at himself.
"Um yea," she shrugged, "you do understand English don't you?"
"If anyone should be the scarecrow it would be that one," he pointed at Spinelli as he fumbled with a ball.
"Nuh uh," Maxie defended and laid her hand on Spinelli's arm, "Spinelli is crazy smart."
"I'm a doctor," he said the word slowly. "I mean seriously," he pointed again as Spinelli dropped one of the ornaments in his hands trying to retrieve the one that had just fallen.
"You know what, since you think you're so smart and you know everything, you can be the man behind the curtain."
"Oh you mean the Wizard of Oz," Matt retorted.
"Yea the little know it all that doesn't actually do anything to help and that way, no one would have to see your face all day."
"Oh don't act like you don't like seeing my face," his macho ego kicked in even more.
"You know I'm amazed you don't have a mirror dangling in front of your face like one of those carrots," she traced the air with her finger on front of her head where the stick, string and mirror would be.
Robin turned to Brenda with a laugh and a smile, "I think this may be the best Christmas yet."
"I think you're right," Brenda smiled back.
And as Robin smiled and cooed to Emma that her grandparents and Uncle would be here soon with all of her gifts making it truly the perfect Christmas she did fail to notice across the bed from her were two hands entwined and the unspoken promise was being made that this time they would not let go.
And my Brazen Christmas fic is done! And in time for Xmas! (seriously, that truly is a miracle)
I hope that those of you who stuck it out enjoyed it. I really enjoyed writing the middle part (oh and yea I'm totally aware it was so not broken up to the best of its potential, but I didn't want to post it in too many parts). Jason is totally out of character declaring his love, but hell it's Xmas! :-P
Happy Holidays Everyone!
Thanks for reading!