Disclaimer - I don't own any of the guys and girls from Bleach, nor do I own Bleach or make money from this... However, Keiyo (Kei) & Kyoki (Kyo) are all mine to bend and mold!

Christmas with the CRAZIES!!!
Kei and Kyo have been bouncing about in my head like MAD woman...
Ever since I received the most wonderful Xmas gifty from my WONDERFUL MINION, SweetYuya.
(The link to the fabulous Kei & Kyo picture is in my profile)
And this Xmas special has been sitting in my writing folder half written for about a month!
So I thought... WHY NOT finish it!?

My Santa-ty

Keiyo worried her bottom lip between her teeth, she quickly fixed her camouflage colored helmet. Peeping out of the bunker she hid within, she gulped. "All is still clear, Corporal Kyoki."

Letting out a deep breath Kyoki nodded her agreement, the two turning and sitting on their butts inside their hide out. "It won't stay like that for long. We have already received the threat and the designated day is today. We better keep our eyes open, Major Keiyo."

The two girls readied their weapons; Keiyo was equipped with the Fork of Justice and a bent hanger - simple but deadly, Kyoki had a Spork of Sentencing and a high tech water gun - classic but one key shot and it could be damaging to the enemy. Now the two just had to wait it out, wait for the enemy to strike. Both girls were decked out - head to toe - in full out camouflage gear. Equipped with helmets on their heads to protect their ever useful brains and other back up weapons just incase.

It was December 24th the two had graciously decline the Christmas party that their friends were attending. They knew of the evil treachery that was going to be taking place and they, being the heroines of the world, had to deliver justice!

Peeking out of their trench Kyoki frowned. "It's quiet Major…" She looked at her friend. The smudges of something dark on her face was trying to do its purpose of hiding her flesh. "Too quiet."

Gripping her deadly fork tighter Keiyo tried to stay calm. She was about to voice her concerns, about this particular mission possibly being too hard for the two to handle on their own, when a noise came from the enemy arrival location. With wide eyes Keiyo turned to her solider and mouthed 'they are here' to her.

Kyoki received the message loud and clear and readied her battle gear. A few more shuffles and the sound of crunching alerted the two. Kei tapped Kyo's shoulder and the two jumped from their dug out. A battle cry was screamed from each of them as they went to attack the evilness.

Just as they jumped over the small hill above their bunker, an arm shot out grabbing hold of Kei around the waist. "Go on without me!" The white twin cried out, struggling against her captor. Kyoki looked back, about to refuse to go further and help her friend, but Keiyo knew her too well. "That is an order Corporal! You will complete the mission!" Then with another battle shriek Kei was pulled into the depths of hell fighting off the one restraining her.

Kyoki froze, tears in her eyes as she watched her Master go down. With a quick flick of her wrist the tears were dried from her face. "I will not let your sacrifice be for nothing!" With a determined look she turned back to the enemy and raised her spork into the air. "I WILL AVENGE THE MAJOR!" The black haired twin hollered as she charged into enemy field. A malicious grin spread across her features as she neared the target, the enemy didn't seem to notice her coming - an advantage for her of course. Though any sensible person would wonder how they hadn't heard her and her friend. They weren't really good at 'sneaking' about.

Kyoki was in a fast dash towards her impended victims doom, when thunk, she ran straight into some hard. 'Odd…I don't see a wall.' And that was the only thing that filtered through her mind as her eyes swirled and she slumped towards the floor.

Renji sighed as he finally released Keiyo. "Captain was that force really necessary?" He asked with a frown towards his Captain.

Byakuya simply let his hand fall back to delicately bring a tea cup to his lips. The 'wall', also known as one of Byakuya's famous energy barrier Kidōs, disappeared from in front of the fallen Kyoki.

Keiyo rushed to her fallen comrade and quickly scooped the other up into her arms. "Kyoki!!" She cried dramatically into the sky. Sniffling she looked towards their enemy and pouted. "How could you!"

The enemy lazily glanced from the two women to Renji who stood not far behind the girls, a cookie dangling from the opponents lips. The red head groaned as he ran a hand down his face. "Excuse them Captain Kyōraku. They have very deranged ideas of…well…" Renji gestured to the lazy captain with an odd look in his eye.

Kyōraku Shunsui smirked, giving Renji a brief understanding look before he reached up and pulled off his snow white beard. "HoHoHo." He said with a lecherous grin, a fuzzy red and white Santa suit adoring his body.

Keiyo frowned further, holding the slowly waking Kyoki close to her. "SANTA YOU FIEND! You have, yet again, gotten passed the governments censors. But we know! WE know the truth about you!" Kyoki stirred in her friend's arms, quietly agreeing with her.

Now one would wonder why, of all people, Kyōraku was the one who picked to dress up as Santa for Christmas but it was no surprise. That was of course because Santa Kyōraku had one rule and one rule only. 'Only the pretty woman can sit in Santa's lap.' Was what he had said, which had caused his fellow Captain Ukitake to roll his eyes.

Anyway, Kyōraku pulled his fuzzy red pants up and reached into his bag of treats. With that smirk still on his face, he squatted down next to the two girls and handed them both a gift.

Kyoki leaned up in Keiyo's arms and watched the man suspiciously. "Be careful Major it may be a bomb." Keiyo nodded her head vigorously, causing her helmet to fall to the ground.

"Now now ladies. I would never harm such wondrous women." The sly Captain pushed the two packages further into their hands.

Renji quickly glanced around the room at the other occupants as they opened the gifts they received from 'Santa'. Renji's eyes nearly bulging out of his head as he saw the blatant theme of the presents from the fake Santa. If Matsumoto's teddy bear with an oddly moving eye and Unohana's odd shaped massager wasn't enough of a hint. Then Yachiru's box of candy flavored condoms was a big fat X on the treasure map. With quick hands, Renji removed the two gifts from the unsuspecting unbalanced duo.

Kyoki and Keiyo looked up at the red head from the floor with questioning eyes. After stumbling over a few less than up to par explanations something intelligent clicked in his mind. "They are BOMBS! The enemy is among us!" He watched in fascination as the two girls sets of eyes widened in, what he considered, complete understanding.

Quickly the two girls scrambled under him, both ending up with their legs tucked under them and their heads bowed to the ground. "We will risk our lives and follow you into any enemy territory, President-Abarai-sama!" The two said in one voice, both very serious in their declaration.

Renji just sighed again as he threw the two, probably very naughty, gifts across the room and gave both girl a pat on their heads. "I would have just taken a Merry Christmas." He mumbled as he straightened.

Kyo and Kei gave each other a sly smirk as their heads rose. Without warning the two jumped up, pouncing onto the surprised red head, each giving the male a peck on the cheek. "Merry Christmas President-Abarai-sama!"


Later that night…
Kei bounced on the balls of her feet. "Kenpachi…Kenpachiiiiiiii." She continued to bounce around the captain with a ridiculous smile on her face. The big brute of a man was ignoring her, not the best idea on his part. With a pout, the white wonder stopped and placed her hands on her hips. Taking in a deep breath she screamed at the top of her lungs, "KENNNNNNY!"

Suddenly a large hand was covering her mouth and most of her face. Realizing she couldn't breath much she struggled against the hold. Her arms wrapped around his arm, her legs climbing his body and doing the same. Finally as she hung onto the arm, much like a monkey on a branch, the hand loosened on her face.

Gasping she let her head fall back into the air. "That gives the 'Hands on' approach a whole new meaning!" She snorted at her own joke, still hanging from the male. "It's a new way to kill with your hands." Kei giggled, before noticing that no one was laughing with her. Looking over at the face of the male she dangled from she frowned. "Kyo would have gotten it."

"What do you want?" Kenpachi said with an annoyed growl. He didn't understand this playful creature, nor did he think he needed another 'Yachiru' to look after. Though she was very attractive, 'maybe I should keep her around'.

Kei finally let her legs fall back to the ground, but she still held firm to his arm. If she let go he could run away and she didn't feel like chasing him down again. "I got you a present!" She piped cheerfully, causing Kenpachi to raise an eyebrow at her. Giggling Kei pulled a box out of seemingly no where and handed it to Kenpachi.

The man hesitated for a moment before taking it with one hand, giving his other arm a little shake. "Let go." He said simply and Kei detached herself from him. With a frustrated sigh he began to open it, once he was finished he set the gift on the table beside him. He looked from the woman to the gift then back to the woman.

Kei watched, excitement bubbling out of her. When she received the brief glance back and forth she frowned. "You don't like it?" She saw the look of confusion as Kenpachi looked back to the potted plant on the table. Her shoulders slumped and the frown on her face grew.

"What is it?" Kenpachi asked, for some odd reason he preferred the annoying Kei over a depressed one.

"It's a Venus Flytrap!" She said happily, already recovering from the momentary sadness. "It's a Carnivorous plant! It kills tinier weaker prey!" She turned a smiling face to Kenpachi. "It's the plant version of YOU!!!" She squealed with her hands thrown into the air.

It took a minute for it to sink in and Kenpachi looked from the woman back to the plant again. Then out of nowhere a slightly sadistic laughter came from the male. Reaching up he laid his large hand on Kei's head and ruffled her hair. The smirk on his face made her blush and glow with joy. Yachiru called for Kenpachi and he winked at Kei before plucking up his plant and making his way to his lieutenant.

Kei skipped over to an empty spot in the room and plopped onto the ground. She glanced around and peeked over at Kyo. She wiggled about as she watched Kyo give the gift to her own beloved Byakuya.


At the same time…
Kyoki knelt before Byakuya with an innocent smile on her face. The stoic Captain barely glanced at her as continued to sip his, seemingly never ending, cup of tea. Not put off at all but the males silent nature, after all he is just shy -at least that's what Kyo told Kei though Kei never really believed her- Kyo pulled out a brightly colored wrapped package and held it out for the man.

Byakuya's eyebrow gave an almost visible arch as he took in the girl. Yet, Kyo just set the gift in his lap and tilted her head in happiness. She waited for him to pick it up, or say something, but nothing came. "It's a gift. You have to open it! It took me forever to find!" She proclaimed happily, unbeknownst to her everyone in the room had decided to watch the exchange. How can they not, it's not every day that the Byakuya would allow another so close to him. Let alone allow them to speak to him in such a casual tone.

Knowing Kyoki, Byakuya realized that the girl was not going to leave him be unless he opened the gift. Though deep down he wanted to know what this particular person would pick out for him. That thought was quickly squashed as he watched Kyo bouncing back and forth in her seat. 'Just get it over with Bya.' He thought as his long fingers slowly began to unwrap the package and opened the box within it.

Kyo watched him unwrap the gift in fascination, she hoped he liked her gift. Her inner voice giggled madly at the thought of the first gift she wanted to present to him. This first 'gift' happened to be her scandalously wrapped only in a thick red ribbon and a large red bow on her head. That plan failed when Kyo decided that the strict captain wouldn't appreciate her partially nude form in public. Plus Kei refused to help her wrap herself so she had to scratch that idea. 'There's always next Christmas.' Kyo thought with a mental shrug.

Then her second gift idea was thrown out the window. Inwardly she sighed, how was she to know that those koi-fishies-things needed water to breathe. They didn't have those in Las Noches and she certainly was never taught how to care for them. So when the sixth fish had stopped flopping about in the box she was trying to wrap it in she gave up and decided to settle for this third gift instead.

The whole room froze, everyone leaning over to try and catch a glimpse of the object in the box. Byakuya's eyebrow twitched and he quickly snapped the box shut. Everyone waited, waited for a reaction, waited for a word from the man, waited for a something. Yet nothing came. Byakuya just slid the gift into a secret pocket within his haori and began to sip his tea again, silently dismissing the woman.

Kyoki clapped happily and jumped from her spot to go tell Keiyo of her amazing adventure. Byakuya watched the dark dunce skip over to her friend. Quickly diverting his eyes and behind the teacup by his lips the silent male let a small smile slip onto his lips. His other hand resting on the box within his sleeve squeezed lightly.

Keiyo hopped to her feet when her friend arrived and began to bounce around with the obviously happy Kyoki. "So did he like it?" Kei whispered to her friend when the two finally plop back to the ground.

"Of course he did!" Kyo said as if it is the stupidest question her friend had ever asked her. "Why wouldn't he like my custom made noodles with koi fishies on them!"

Kei giggled as she agreed with her friend. The two girls quickly noticed that all eyes were on them as they were going about bouncing about. Smirking the twins quickly turned fully to all of their friends. "Merry Christmas!" Kei and Kyo said cheerfully with hug grins on their faces.


Grimmjow grunted and crossed his arms over his chest. He sat in silence as his blue eyes glared a hole into the wall opposite of him. Stark laid in his bed of pillows in his own room, his arms tucked behind his head. His lazy eyes opened and took to staring at the ceiling. Both men let out a tired sigh and the same thought filtered through both of their minds. 'I want my idiot back…'

I honestly don't remember how this idea came about...
I think I was talking to Yuya (surprise, surprise) and one (or both of us) mentioned the girls attacking Santa...
Then Yuya said something about Kyo running into one of Bya's wall thingys...
Then one day I thought 'If Kenpachi was a plant he'd so be a Venus Flytrap.'
(Don't ask -.-... I don't)
And then TA-DA! My Santa-ty was born!
Well hope I didn't disappoint!!!! :D
(To all the My Sanity readers/reviewers Thank you for stopping by! Hopefully I will have another chapter out for the original story soon!)

Two things I wanted to comment on...
[1] - 'Just get it over with Bya.' - HAHAHA -snort- Byakuya calls himself Bya even in his own mind. MWHAHAHAH!
[2] -
"Why wouldn't he like my custom made noodles with koi fishies on them!" - Noodles are what Yuya & I call the Kenkeisan (the hair accessories) in Bya's hair. [Do other people call them that too or is it just an us thing?]

Well, that's it for now...
Hope someone enjoyed that...
- WannaBeNinja -