A/N: I wish I was kidding.
"But I got you the best present ever!" Dolph Ziggler squealed, clapping his hands together. His usually sleeked back blonde hair was becoming messy with his jubilant enthusiasm.
"Uh, you brought me…Edge and Zack Ryder?" his girlfriend, Kaitlyn, asked, raising her eyebrows. "Because if you got me them, then that would be the greatest present ever."
"What would you want with those nerd bombers? They wish their hair was as great as mine. Allow me to introduce myself. Hi, I'm Dolph—"
Dolph's introduction was interrupted by a slap to the back of a head from Kaitlyn's magazine. "Asshat! I know who you are. You don't need to introduce yourself to me every single day! If you keep doing that, I'm going to start calling out different names in bed."
"But then I'll have to remind you who I am, and—Wait! What names?" Dolph asked, finally realizing what she had said.
"Oh, I don't know…Christopher…Evander…Randal…Zackary…Curtis…Adam…" Kaitlyn reeled off.
"You've been with…with…all of them?" Dolph asked, getting worried about his girlfriend's sexual history.
"I've told you before, I'm not a whore, even though I have the characteristics of a whore," Kaitlyn smiled.
"Just kidding! And for the record, it was only two of them."
"Hey, do I need to remind you that you were a former male cheerleader?" Kaitlyn asked, brandishing her magazine in Dolph's face.
Dolph held his hands up. "Okay, fine. You win. Now, can I give you your present?"
"Sure," Kaitlyn shrugged. "Where it be, yo?"
"Hold on," Dolph said, leaving the room and heading upstairs.
Five minutes later, there was no Dolph. Kaitlyn walked over to the bottom of the staircase and yelled, "What did you do? Die in there?"
"Come up here!" he hollered back.
Kaitlyn slowly walked up the stairs. "Where are you?" she called out.
She stopped when her eye caught something red and shiny. In their bedroom was a huge box wrapped with very sparkly red wrapping paper.
She stepped up to the huge box and picked up the tag.
From: Dolph Ziggler
Kaitlyn giggled as her hands reached out to rip off the paper, but she jumped back in a mix of fear and shock as the box opened itself, the top flying off.
Lo and behold, not unlike a stripper jumping out of a cake, Dolph jumped out of the box.
"Allow me to introduce myself as the greatest Christmas present ever," he said, extending his hand out to her. "Dolph. Dolph Ziggler."