Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Mai Hime, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah or any other holidays or shows. Mai Hime is copyrighted to Sunrise Studios as well as Bandai Entertainment. Christmas, Kwanzaa and Hanukkah are copyrighted to their respective religions.
A Nondenominational Mai Hime Holiday Special
It was a cold winter afternoon at Fuka Gakuen, or Fuka Academy, or the rarely referenced Fuka University. (You see, after the business with the Hime Star, no one could decide what to call the school anymore.) Snow fell beautifully onto the school grounds as all the students were getting ready for celebrating the holdiays, as traditional, as redundant, as cliche as ever. In fact, one Tokiha Mai was cooking up a batch of gingerbread men to go with her gingerbread house, to go with her gingerbread city.
"Yosh!" The red haired girl cried out in joy. "I have a Christmas Tree in the corner." She pointed to it at the side, glistening with ornaments and shavings.
"I have 8 candles lighting on the menorah with some fresh latkes." She muttered, making sure the candles burnt brightly before the guests arrived.
"And I have Kwanzaa candles ready to be lit." She pointed to the side with a table with a Kwanzaa kinara with various colors.
"And with this, it'll be the best Chrismukkah/Kwanzaa ever!" She shouted to herself. Mai was so proudly politically correct that she believed she deserved a humanitarian award. However, before she could imagine the Prime Minister of Japan giving it to her, the doorbell rang. Quickly, she opened the door to find a very eager cat girl dressed in a santa suit, with golden eyes spelling out innocence the whole way through.
"Presents!" Mikoto yelled as she dashed towards the Christmas tree. However, the orange haired girl quickly grabbed her by her hair loop and restrained her from opening the gifts.
"No, no, no, Mikoto. You can't open presents yet. We have to wait for the guests to arrive so we can celebrate Chrismukka/Kwanzaa together."
The cat girl looked at Mai with a blank look on her face. "What's ChristmaukkaKwanzee?"
Tokiha Mai felt very glad to answer her question as she sat in her giant amoir chair and patted her lap signaling the cat girl to sit on it. "You see Mikoto. Not everyone celebrates Christmas. For people under Jewish descent, they celebrate something called Hanukkah. Then there are African-Americans who celebrate Kwanzaa. It's like Christmas, only they light candles and give presents for 8 days."
Obviously, the poor girl didn't realize mentioning presents would be rather dangerous in her position.
"Presents!" Mikoto cried out as she lept on Mai's lap several times. "Presents! Presents! Presents! Can I get 8 presents too, Mai? I've been very good this year! I haven't even swung my swung my sword again after that Samurai incident! Please! Please!"
Mai, at the drop of a hat, would've refused this request, but witnessed Mikoto's golden eyes shimmering widely. The sight melted Mai's heart with a look so sweet it was a mixture of Egg Nog and Sugarplums. Sure it was disgusting, vomit-worthy and bound to turn off most people, but for Mai, it gave her a bit of hope for the holiday season.
"Okay...I guess I can do a bit of last minute shopping." Mai replied. Mikoto cheered as she ran around the Christmas tree. Then she ran around the Hanukahh menorah and Kwanzaa menorah just to be safe.
Mai shiverred outside in the cold, trying to beat out the last-minute shoppers competing over the gifts. Twenty-one people were trampled. Normally, Mai would've stopped to help them, but she had an agenda of her own.
"Let's see..." She said to herself softly. "What can I get for Mikoto that will last 8 days?" Mai assumed that her gift to Mikoto was already a day's worth of gifts so she had to measure what she would get. She ran inside the department toy store, shoving and pushing past the crowds.
But, as she passed empty shelf after empty shelf, her options were limited. "I don't think Mikoto likes tea sets so much. The last time I got her Barbie dolls, she was making darts out of them. And the last 5 Xbox 360's I got her all got the Red Ring of Death."
As she slowly cursed Bill Gates under her breath, she found the perfect gift: a set of boxed chocolates. As she reached for it, another hand happened to grab it. Mai sighed looking at a blond, gangly boy staring at her.
"Tokiha! What are you doing here?" Yuuichi Tate stuttered under his breath.
"Oh! I'm just here to...get some chocolates. What are you doing here?"
"I'm just here to get some presents." He shouted, blushing. Mai blushed as well. Could it be that Tate was planning on giving her chocolates?
"For Shiho!" He shouted at the last minute. Mai forgot how much of a dick Tate could be.
"Oh. I see. Well, I was going to get these for Mikoto, but that's okay...You can have them."
Tate, with the chocolates pushed on him, felt guilty. "No, I can't take these. You take them."
Mai was flattered at the gesture, but refused. "I said, you take them."
"And I said, I don't want them."
Mai started to get a bit angry now. It was odd how thick-headed Tate could be in contrast to Mai's cool-headedness. "No, I said you take them, dammit!"
"Well, I changed my mind! You can have them as a Christmas present!"
Mai shoved them back. "Then this is my New Year's present to you!"
"Happy Birthday!" Tate yelled as he pressed his forehead against Mai.
"Okay, okay, okay." Mai cried, retreating backwards. "Let's Rock-Paper-Scissors for it."
Both, in the Mexican Stand-off position, made thier hand gestures.
"Rock!" Cried Tate.
"Scissors!" Mai replied.
"Ha, you lose! So you take the chocolates!" Tate smirked, not realizing who ultimately won the contest. "Wait...I thought you already got Mikoto a present."
"I did. But this is her Chrismukkah/Kwanzaa present."
Tate gave a blank stare as usual. "Her what?"
"You know. I'm celebrating Hanukkah and Kwanzaa in respect for all the African-American and Jewish kids at our school."
"We have African-American and Jewish kids at our school?"
Mai would have made a snappy remark at this, however, she found that Tate did make a valid point.
"Well...you never know! I'm just being careful!"
"Whatever. I'll see you at the party tonight. Happy ChristmukkeeKwanna, Tokiha!"
"It's Chrismukkah/Kwanzaa! God, why is it so hard for people to remember?"
Back at Mai's apartment, the girl managed to grab a breath of fresh air while slamming the door behind her. She wiped the sweat off her face as she put the chocolates, wrapped in green paper, in the corner as she made the final adjustments to her party. However, before she could make sure the decorations were complete, a knock on the door sent shivers down her spine. She patted her uniform down, checked her hair and opened the door. It was none other than Chie and Aoi, celebrating the holidays.
"Merry Christmas!" The two of them shouted in unison as they exchanged hugs and greetings with the girls. Chie dressed up as a female Santa as Aoi decided to wear a red reindeer nose.
"And a happy Chrismukkah/Kwanzaa to you too!" Mai smiled. As she led the both of them in, Aoi whispered to her partner.
"Chie, what's Chrismukkah/Kwanzaa?"
"I dunno." She replied honestly. "But it sounds very politically correct, so just play along."
"Presents!" Mikoto shouted as she lept for the duo. Luckily, having been tackled previous times before, Chie and Aoi dodged the incoming attack.
"Nice to see you too, Mikoto." Chie replied cooly.
"Did you bring me presents? Huh? Did you? Presents. Presents. Presents!" As the cat girl began to run circles of the two of them, Chie bent down and smiled at her.
"Well, if you're a good girl, I'm sure Santa will come along and bring you a nice gift."
Aoi chucked at the sight. "And what do you want for Christmas, Mikoto?"
"An official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time!" Mikoto shouted. "No, wait...I got that for my birthday. I dunno."
Chie bent down in a very lectering manner. "Well, just as long as you remain good, Santa will come and bring you a present."
Just as the guests were getting comfortable, the doorbell rang again. Mai gladfully answered the door with a chipper smile.
"Happy Chrismukkah/Kwanzaa!" She said. This time the guest was none other than the student body president. Shizuru wore a knitted sweater on her body and a hat with missletoe dangling on it.
"Ara, ara. It's good to see you, Tokiha-san." And with that, Shizuru leaned in and gave a small peck on Mai's cheek. Mai leapt up and questioned her sexual identity...again.
"Uh...um...errr...where's Kuga-san?" She said, trying to gain her composure.
"Oh, Natsuki's bringing Yuuki-san along. She'll be here, soon."
And as the student body president left, surely enough, a blue haired girl dragged a scarlet woman by the collar.
"Happy Chrismukkah/Kwanzaa! I wasn't expecting you so quickly, Natsuki!"
The femme fatale cleared her throat. "Well, I had to drag Ms. Scrooge here along for the holidays and...Dammit, Shizuru! I am not coming near you if you insist on wearing that stupid hat!"
"Ara, ara! Natsuki's so mean!" A cry came from the corner.
"Anyway, Nao's been really grumpy lately, so I had to make sure that she wasn't left alone."
"Bah Humbug!" Nao cried checking her fingernails. "Christmas sucks!"
"Now, now, Nao." Mai waved her finger. "That's not very polictically correct..."
"Christmas sucks. Hanukkah sucks. Kwanzaa sucks."
"Much better!" Mai smiled as she led the both of them inside.
"I'm glad to see you again." Natsuki pulled a gift wrapped in bright red paper and gave it to Mai. "It's from Midori. She's sorry she couldn't make it."
"Where is she, anyway?"
Natsuki patted herself down. "The last time I checked, my resources tell me she was in Shanghai, taking a female hostage to barter for a rare diamond while planning an elaborate escape with a spunky smart-mouthed sidekick."
Club Obi-wan, Shanghai
Midori, dressed in a white tuxedo, held the famous singer, Willie Youko, hostage with a fork as she dealt with the Chinese mobsters. Finally, as Lao Che rotated the table, she grabbed the diamond and examined it. She finally had it. Now, it was time to go the pawn shop.
"Now, the diamond for the antidote, Ms. Midori." Lao Che asked smugly.
"The antidote to what?" She responded.
"To the poison you just drank!" Lao and his henchmen laughed.
The archeologist took offense. "How many times do I have to tell you people? It's my body, and I can do whatever I want! I know my limits! I can quit anytime I want!"
"No, not the liquor. We actually poisoned your drink. See?" one of Lao's men held the antidote in the air.
"Oh." A somewhat awkard silence fell inbetween the two groups.
"I...don't have a drinking problem." The archeoligist replied.
"Sure you don't."
"Will you just let me go?" Youko cried out. "You're poking holes in my dress!"
Midori pointed to the side. "Look, it's the Ark of the Covenent!"
As the henchmen turned around, she smacked two of the guards, stole the antidote from Lao and lept from the window.
"Wait a minute!" Willie Youko cried out. "This sequence was supposed to be much longerrrrr....!"
As the two crashed through the window, they grabbed the cloth roof of a stall.
"Who are you?"
Before Midori could respond, they fell into square into a car seat below them.
"Wow. Holy smoke! Crash landing!" The young driver said.
The archeologist had no time to waste. "Step on it, Arika!"
"Okey Dokey, Dr. Jones! Hold on to your potatoes!"
"For crying out loud, there's a kid driving the car!"
Tokiha Mai's Apartment
For a while, Natsuki and Mai said nothing, imagining what sort of hijinks their friend was getting herself into.
"Midori needs a new hobby." Mai said quickly.
"That's what I keep telling her."
"Anyway, there's some punch at the table as well as some cookies and latkes on the table. Happy Chrismukkah/Kwanzaa!
Natsuki gave a gentle nod reasurring the red haired girl. "Uh...sure. Happy ChristmaddaKwanee..."
Mai smiled to herself. The guests that had already arrived were having a good time and celebrated with much merry (save for Nao who decided it was a good idea to steal several of Mai's perfumes in the process.) As the night continued on, Mai shared egg-nog with many of her close friends until she heard a knock on the door.
"Santa!" Mikoto cried, as she leapt for the door. However, as she opened it, she was met with great disappointment.
"Oh...it's just Tate." The cat girl replied while moping.
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" The blonde boy cried out. However, Mikoto walked far away from him and refused to give him a response.
"Don't mind her. She's just waiting for someone special. Nice to see you come by."
The blond boy rubbed his head and stared to the side. "Well, it's not like I had anything better to do. I also brought her along too." And surely enough, by the ear, Tate held the very troublesome Shiho who tried to wriggle her way out of his grip.
"Happy Chrismukkah/Kwanzaa, Shiho-chan!"
The younger girl was not very enthusiastic. "Yeah, yeah."
Tate, however, still held her ear very tightly. "Shiho...don't you have something to tell Mai?"
The smaller girl rolled her eyes angrily. "I'm sorry..."
Tate, was still very tough on her. "You're sorry for what?"
Shiho sighed. "I'm sorry that I went completely insane and tried to kill you and hog Onii-chan all to myself."
Mai giggled at the thought of this. "It's okay, Shiho-chan. Those were extenuating circumstances. For all I know, I was a manic-depressive during the festival myself."
"Don't encourage her." Tate warned. As he released Shiho from his brotherly grip, Tate leaned back.
"So...how's Takumi doing?"
Mai sighed. Her brother's operation had went well, but his body still wasn't healed enough to make it back to the country.
"Oh, he's fine. I just hope he's celebrating Christmas right now in America..."
"Look, Akira!" Takumi said as he gave his gift to the konoichi. He sat patiently in his hospital bed waiting for the girl to open it.
"Hmm...I wonder what it could-" The girl finally opened the present. Inside lay a bright orange jumpsuit with a head band.
"Don't you like it? I figure since you were a ninja, you'd like Naruto. You like Naruto, right? It's just like how your life is like, right?"
Akira rose up from her bedside seat. "Could you excuse me for a moment?"
Slowly, but surely she made her way down the hall, into the elevator and pressed the button to the top floor. As she waited patiently, she twiddled her fingers for a short period of time. Finally, the konoichi found her way to the top of the roof, with the snow falling ever so gently.
Taking a deep breath, she spoke. "Ninjas do not wear orange! They do not go to school and they do not yell 'Rasengan'! Damn you, Masashi Kishimoto!"
Finally venting her anger, she went to the elevator, pressed the button to her original floor and walked back to Takumi's room.
"I like it. Thank you very much."
Tokiha Mai's Apartment
"Yeah..." Mai said to herself. "I bet Takumi's having a great Chrismukkah/Kwanzaa, Yuuichi"
"Umm...Tokiha-san?" Mai turned around to look only to find that the blonde boy was replaced by a blond girl with large purple eyes.
"Suzushiro-san and Yukino-chan! What happened to Tate?"
Yukino replied first. "Well, he started getting tired of you staring into space, reminsicing about your brother, so he left."
"Bastard." Mai whispered under her breath.
"Hmm." The Executive officer crossed her arms. "We're just here to make sure that no one pikes the eggnog."
Yukino gave a heavy sigh. "It's 'spikes' the eggnog, Haruka-chan."
"Did you hear me?" Haruka shouted so that entire complex heard her. "Nobody better get any funny ideas about putting alcohol into the eggnog, especially from that 24-hour liquor store across the street using a fake ID! You got that?"
As the Executive officer left, Mai whispered to Yukino. "Was that supposed to discourage or encourage people to drink?"
"I'm afraid it did both. Wait for me, Haruka-chan!"
Mai shook her head, inviting the rest of the guests inside. "Welcome to the party. If you're hungry, there's gingerbread cookies, candy canes and pot pie.
Shiho decided to take Mai's advice and sat in the corner, about to feast on her pastry.
"Nyaa?" Mikoto said, seeing Shiho's treat.
"No, Mikoto. This is my pot pie."
"No, Mikoto! This is my pot pie!"
"No, Mikoto! That's a bad Mikoto!"
Tate, from the corner, scolded his guest. "Shiho, be nice and stop referencing adult cartoons!"
As Mai counted the number of guests, she also noticed something quite depressing. No one had touched the latkes, nor did they go by the Kwanzaa section. Meanwhile, the Christmas section was getting all the attention and everyone seemed to crowd there.
"Um...does anyone want to play with the dreidel? It's quite fun actually."
But sadly, no one came. She quietly sat inbetween the Hanukkah and Kwanzaa section, spinning the lone dreidal.
However, another knock came on the door. As Mai sighed, Mikoto went to the door and answered it eagerly.
Mikoto peeked through the eyehole. "Mai! It's Santa! It's Santa!"
"Huh?" The girl must have gone deaf.
"It's Santa Claus! He's at the door!" With this the room felt oddly abuzz and started to get crowded with people. They went and flooded the entrence leading outside of Mai's apartment.
Mikoto opened the door to find, surely enough, a white haired, blue eyed Santa. This Santa also happened to be 5'1.
"Ho, ho, ho! Merry Chrismukkah/Kwanzaa!" The short Santa said through his thick whiskers.
"Wait a minute." Mai responded. "You're not Santa. You're Nagi in a Santa suit and fake beard."
"No, I'm not." The so-called Santa replied.
"Yes, you are!"
"No, I'm not."
Natsuki, seeing through the trick, decided to test him. "If you're Santa, where's your belly that shakes like a bowl of jelly?"
"I'm magic. I gave myself liposuction."
Tate came with questions too. "If you're Santa, why are you so short?"
"If you're Santa-"
"Look, do you want your presents or not? Because I have to give presents to those kids in Area 11, and if you're not going to cooperate..."
Mai shook her head. "No, we'll be good!"
"Good!" The short Santa said as he paraded around the apartment. Joyfully, he reached into his holiday red sack and felt something. "Oh! I sense a big present here! I think it has to be for...a Yukino Kikukawa!"
"Me?" Yukino replied as she stepped forward.
"For you, I have a...potted plant!" The Santa lifted the pot holding a rather dead, rather black plant and gave it to Yukino. "Don't worry, it just needs some sunlight."
Natsuki leaned forward, intriged by the situation. "What have you got for me?"
He reached into his crimson sack once more and felt something interesting. "Oh! I think it's Duran!"
The blue haired girl shot up and sat by his side. "Duran? You got me Duran?"
"That's right!" The Santa then planted a CD onto Natsuki's eager hands. "Duran Duran! One of many songs you'll find on this self titled CD!"
"Well, that was cheap." The blue haired girl grumbled as she went off to the other direction.
The Santa then approached Shiho. "And what do you want, little girl?"
Shiho thought long and hard. She put more consideration into this gift than she had when she complied a list of Wii games she needed. "I wish...I wish I wasn't so hated by the fandom and got a bigger rating in the popularity polls!"
The jolly Santa bellowed. "Deal. You're now a comic relief character and you'll get this spiral toy!"
"Wait. Can't I be a serious character and have a bigger popularity poll?"
"I'm Santa, not Jesus. Now, what's your wish young man?"
Tate hesitated for a moment, unsure what to exactly wish for. "Umm...I dunno. To hit puberty faster?"
"How about a new voice actor?"
The Santa nodded his head. "You got it! We'll fire your old voice actor and give you a fresh one!"
"Wait, that's not really necessary..." Tate shut his mouth, realizing how it quickly changed into a bass voice.
"Oh, Mikoto...Have I got something for you!"
"Presents!" The catgirl screamed. "Presents! Presents! Presents!"
"It's your very own...Ultima Weapon!"
"Wow!" Mikoto said, holding her giant sword. "8 slots for Materia and an attack power of 100! Thanks, Santa!"
"No problem. And what do you want, little girl?"
Nao gave her usual holiday cheer. "Piss off."
"Granted!" He said as he walked away.
Nao looked up, only to see that Santa had walked far away. "Hey. Hey! I...didn't mean that! Don't you have a present for me?"
Shizuru giggled as the Santa approached her. "What would you like me to get you?"
The student body president, rather than vocalizing her request, leaned in and whispered her gift into his ear.
"You got it!" He said as she snapped his fingers. "Now, I have one more present to give. What would you like, Mai Hime?"
Mai took her gift into consideration. "If I asked you to stop using that pun, would that count as my gift?"
"Yes. Yes it would."
Mai, though tempted by the offer, decided it was best not to pick that particular gift. "Okay. I wish some people who celebrated Hanukkah and Kwanzaa would arrive."
"Deal." The short Santa quickly went outside the room and grabbed two men wrapped and gagged with holiday ribbons. "Here's a man who celebrates Hanukkah, and here's a man who celebrates Kwanzaa!"
"Umm...don't you think you should untie them?" Mai said, seeing the two men struggle.
"Nope. You have to open your gifts yourself. Well, I'm off to spread more Christmas joy!"
"Wait!" Chie said, next to Aoi and Haruka. "Don't we get presents, too?"
"Nope. Main characters only."
Aoi stood flustered by the situation. "Hey, then how did Tate get a present? He's a love interest, at best!"
Haruka, was dealing with the news in her own holiday spirit. "Stupid, short, moronic, foolish, coal-giving, bubuzuke Santa!"
"Bye!" The Santa said, slamming the door behind him.
"Well," said Mai. "I guess we got our own presents. I...better unwrap my two presents..." Quickly she pulled away the wrapping before either man could choke.
"That had to be the worst Santa ever. How is anybody going to take me seriously with my new voice?" Tate responded.
"You could always change your name, Onii-chan." Shiho said as she began to spin her new toy around several times.
"Haruka-chan," Yukino said in her usual whisper. "Since you don't have a gift, you could always take my gift." Yukino replied as she handed Haruka a small gift, wrapped in red paper.
The Executive officer gasped. "A brand new, revised edition the school board regulations! How did you know what I wanted?"
Yukino gave a small smile. "Just a hunch."
"Chie, here's my gift to you." Aoi said, giving her a rather tiny package.
"Oh! A new cellphone with unlimited texting for a whole month. You shouldn't have!"
Aoi laughed and rubbed the back of her head. "Oh, it's nothing!"
Chie, however, looked dead serious. "No, really, you shouldn't have. All I got for you was a gift card."
Mai, unwrapping her new guests, gave a speech. "Well, I guess we learned that the holidays aren't about gifts, because too much emphasis on gifts will usually leave you disappointed. Well, except in Mikoto's case."
"I think Mai is right!" Mikoto cheered. "But I want to play with my new sword too."
"That reminds me..." Nao said from the corner. "What did Fujino ask for anyway?"
"Hey, Shizuru." Natsuki's movements became heavy and her words became slurred. "Did I ever tell you how good you look in that hat?"
"Natsuki?" Mai asked, seeing the biker girl act very...friendly.
"Shizuru, did I ever tell you that you...you are the most awesome person ever?"
"Ara, ara." The student body president responded. "It seems that Natsuki is in no condition to talk. I better take her home. Goodbye, everybody!"
"Goodbye!" Everybody said, seeing the two women leave.
"C'mon, Shizuru. Give me a kiss."
"Huh." Mai said to herself. "I guess that she did get what she wanted after all."
"From all of us here," Mai said.
"We wish you holiday cheer." Mikoto responded.
"We wish you great yuletide joy," Chie said.
"And hope you get some new toys." Aoi commented.
"Be as good and as breast as you can," Haruka said.
"It's 'be as good as best', Haruka-chan," Yukino corrected.
"So whether you're Jewish, Christian or Black." Tate bellowed.
"We wish you Happy Holidays, and hope you wish it right back." Shiho said, playing with her new spiral toy.
"From all the joy and holiday cheer." Nao shrugged.
"Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year!"
(A/N: Joy to the world, Bitches! Have a good night!)