Merry Christmas, or whatever holiday it is that you celebrate!

There should be another Christmas special due up tomorrow, key word: SHOULD. Why might it not be? It's not even done yet. It would have been finished by now, if I hadn't come across an obstacle that goes a little like, "HOLY SHIT!! I GOT RESIDENT EVIL: DEGENERATION!!" This "poem" here wasn't even finished until about five minutes ago for the same reason (as well as for the reason that I got stuck on it a few times). If I don't get it finished in time for Christmas, then I guess I'll just submit it late.

Blackout and Barricade are playing Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles, in case you were wondering.

And now I present to you, the most craptastic parody of Twas the Night Before Christmas that you will ever read.


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

"Go to sleep, mouse," Blackout said softly. Scorponok chirped and obediently crawled back onto the mound of pillows and blankets in the corner.

Barricade and Blackout were playing the Wii with care. "Careful, Blackout!" said Barricade. "There's a zombie over there!"

Frenzy was safely nestled all snug in his bed, while deviously evil thoughts ran through his little head.

"He's giggling in his sleep again… Why do I feel so uneasy?" Barricade asked.

"Maybe it has something to do with that map of Portugal we found in his room earlier," Blackout suggested.

When out in the other room there arose such a clatter, Barricade and Blackout exchanged nervous glances and arose to see what was the matter. Away to the doorway they flew like a flash. Blackout bumped into Barricade and nearly knocked him on his ass.

"Watch where you're going!" Barricade snapped.

"Sorry," Blackout apologized.

Bonecrusher and Brawl were beating each other senseless on the floor, while Swindle took advantage of the situation and sold tickets to the fight at the door.

"Ooh! I'll take one!" Blackout said.

"Yeah, why not?" Barricade shrugged.

When suddenly out from the hallway, whom should appear? But an angry, overtired mech, who even in Bonecrusher could instill fear.

They remained where they were, while from the room the smarter mechs had rapidly gone, and looked up to see none other than Lord Megatron. Angrier than beavers he was when he came, he scolded everyone who happened to be in the room by their name.

"Now, Blackout! Now, Barricade! Now the green one which the angry one's trying to dismember! Now, Hook! Now, Rumble! Now the one whose name I cannot remember!"

"It's Starscream…"

"For the last time, I'm Bonecrusher, not Hook!"

"Whatever. Just get out of the room and shut up! I can hear you fighting down the hall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As rapidly as cheetahs on a racetrack, away they did fly. Those who had wings even took to the sky. So back to the living room, the Decepticons they flew, back to the half-asleep Scorponok, and the Wiimote too.

The other Decepticons gathered, frightened, at the farthest reaches of the room, as Brawl's cannons exploded nosily with a BOOM! Bonecrusher jumped on him before he had the chance to turn around, Barricade and Blackout watched amused while they punched each other on the ground.

"What does any of this have to do with Christmas anyway?" Blackout asked.

"Shh!" Barricade replied.

Bonecrusher was splattered in fuel from his head to his foot, while Brawl's cannons left the room covered in ashes and soot. Somehow Bonecrusher managed to jump up on Brawl's back, the loud noise they were making nearly gave poor Frenzy a spark attack.

"Okay, that's it!" Starscream snapped, causing their fighting to slow. "If you want to beat each other senseless, go do it outside in the snow! You're causing so much damage, and I'm not gonna put up with it this time! Sweet Primus, why the hell am I speaking in rhyme?!"

So then grumbling, they both went outside. Everyone avoided them, knowing that had they not, they would have died. Having nothing better to do, Barricade and Blackout decided to watch out by the tree. "Can you hurry and kill each other?" Barricade asked. "I really gotta pee!"

And then suddenly, Brawl screamed and ran to save himself, as Bonecrusher threatened to hit him with Skywarp's pet ceramic elf.

"It's a garden gnome!" Skywarp corrected.

Bonecrusher caught up with him quickly and smacked him across the head. Meanwhile, Blackout and Barricade were watching calmly as they shared a bowl of cheese spread.

"You know what? I don't gotta pee anymore!" Barricade said. Blackout scooted away from him.

Optimus Prime walked by, and he spoke not a word as he watched Bonecrusher hit Brawl a second time, and then a third. He walked faster and tried to ignore them as he looked back at Bumblebee. "Primus…" he said, "They both need therapy."

When finally their fighting had come to a stop, Bonecrusher was the one who had come out on top.

"Banana, either reword that, or make your sister stop laughing…" Bonecrusher growled.

Standing in the doorway, out looked Lord Megatron. "Merry Christmas to all!" he called. "Now get the hell up off my lawn!"