A/N: I'm sorry, Sunny. But I already told you how I feel about this.
Anyone who saw them would have thought he really was a marine returning home. But in all reality, anyone who did see them would be scarred for life. They acted as if they hadn't seen each other in years, let alone just a couple of days at a time.
Theodore Marvin DiBiase, Jr., was feeling especially festive one winter morning. He threw on a Santa hat for the hell of it as he sat on his recliner in the front room, watching himself and his tag team partner, Cody Rhodes, win gold for the first time at Night of Champions…
"God, Ted, how many times are you going to watch this? Don't you have it memorized? It's not like you did much, anyways," his girlfriend, Sunny, ranted. She stood in the doorway connecting the front room and kitchen of their home, angrily tapping her foot.
"Last time I checked, Sunny, you used to watch this stuff with me. In fact, you were the one who wanted to watch it over and over and over and over and—"
"I get it, Ted! But really, that was only to feed your ego now. I don't have to do that anymore."
"My ego doesn't need to be fed. It's big enough on its own," Ted smirked. He had just put the Million Dollar Dream on Bob Holly, and it made him feel warm and fuzzy inside.
"Got that right…" Sunny muttered under her breath, knowing that Ted was too absorbed in himself to listen to her.
"Come here, little lady," Ted said once the match was over, patting his lap for Sunny to sit on.
"I am not sitting on your lap," Sunny clarified, crossing her arms.
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm not."
"Last time I checked, Sunny, you were the one who couldn't keep her hands off of me once I got done filming my direct to DVD movie…"
"You know why it's direct to DVD, Ted?" Sunny asked, gently sitting on her boyfriend's lap.
"So it can break all DVD sale records?"
"No, because it's going to be so much worse than Cena's that they don't want to cry over how little money it pulls in."
Ted frowned. "You know I kissed another girl in that movie, right?"
"Yeah, well I only left my high school sweetheart for your ass," Sunny grumbled, rolling her eyes.
"Anyways! On to business." Ted cleared his throat and spoke in a very creepy version of Santa Clause's voice, or at least what he thought it would sound like. "What do you want for Christmas, little girl?"
"You have got to be kidding me," Sunny said, trying to get up, but Ted refrained her from moving.
"And you're not going anywhere until you tell me what you want for Christmas."
"I want you to shut the hell up and help me clean before my family gets here."
"Fine," Ted said, crossing his arms and whining like a three year old. "My turn!"
"What are you talking about?" Sunny asked, but she found out right away. Ted pushed her off of his lap, and she fell on the carpet. He stood up and picked her up, placing her on the chair. He took the Santa hat off of his head and placed it on hers. "What are you doing, Ted?"
Instead of answering, Ted sat on her lap.
"Ted! You're squishing me!" Sunny laughed, but Ted stayed put.
"Fine. What do you want for Christmas?"
Ted's face lit up like a child who had just gotten a puppy for Christmas. "I want a pony, and Chris Jericho, and the World Tag Team Championship, and for Cody to shave his chest, and for Manu to stop stealing my spotlight, and tattoos like Randy, and hair like Edge, and a lime green iPod nano, and…and…Sunny! Wake up!"
Sunny had pretended to fall asleep, or die (Ted wouldn't have known the difference), so Ted would get off of her.
"What?" she said, looking up at her boyfriend.
"Didn't you hear a word I just said?" Ted asked, looking at her with puppy dog eyes.
"Yeah. You said you wanted Chris Jericho for Christmas. And something about wanting Cody and Manu. I knew you were gay. I can't believe this. I left my high school sweetheart for you, and you turn out to be gay?"
"If I was gay, would I do this?" Ted wondered, leaning down to kiss his girlfriend, but she pushed him away.
"Here, I have something that you might enjoy a little better," Sunny said.
"You have to get off of me, jerkface."
"You've never said that before…"
"Yeah, and I'm sure it won't be the last." Sunny walked into the kitchen and came back with a magazine in her hand. "Here, open to page 32."
Ted took the magazine and opened it to the right page. "Oh my god! It's me! In a magazine! This is the best present ever! I'm in a freaking magazine!"
"You're on television every week and you are filming a movie. Yet, you are more excited to be in a freaking magazine?"
"This is the best magazine ever. Look at how built I look. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm putting this in my room."
"Do not go in there!" Sunny begged as Ted ran up the stairs, but he was much faster than her.
No, he wasn't talking about their bedroom. "His" room was the room he demanded that he have upstairs, dedicated to himself. Everything in that room was something that reminded himself how awesome he was.
Sunny hated that room. If there was something in that room that could take care of his physical needs, he would never leave.
"Ted, get out of there."
"Ted, I'm not asking you again…"
"You never asked. You just told me. Well, I have news for you, missy! I won't do what you tell me!"
"Fine, then I won't do what makes you happy," Sunny shrugged. She entered their bedroom and shut the door.
"No! Wait!" Ted pleaded, practically running from the room and banging on the bedroom door. "Let me in!"
"But I asked nicely…"
Sunny opened the door, but only just a little. She poked her head out and quoted her boyfriend. "You never asked. You just told me. Well, I have news for you, mister. I won't do what you tell me." She smiled at Ted and closed the door.
Ted frowned. "Well, this is a first."