This is a Christmas Gift for my Another Form of Avian Bird Flu readers. I hope you enjoy reading this little oneshot parody as much as I enjoyed thinking it up. I thought it up in the shower....Some people sing, I write fanfiction....
Affie's right, I need to see a shrink....
Dis of Claimer-ness: I do not own Maximum Ride, Twilight, etc. You get the picture.
I am Now Claiming: All OCs are mine. I am also mine. I belong to myself.
The Story of Justin
Once upon a time, there was a human-avian hybrid named Justin. Justin was a strange-looking hybrid. He had one white wing and one black wing. He also had black hair with natural blonde streaks in it. He was a sight.
He also had no idea who his real parents were. He had been adopted as a baby by Rosalie and Emmett, because Rosalie wanted a baby really badly and Emmett thought adopting a bird-kid would make her stop bitching and being jealous of Bella. Well, it helped with the jealous thing a bit, but some things just require miracles....
Anyway, Justin was very curious about who his real parents were, so, one day, he asked his parents about where he came from.
"Well," said Emmett. "We got you out of the Maximum Ride Fanfiction Section."
"The Maximum Ride Fanfiction Section?" asked Justin.
"Yes." answered Rosalie. "See, we live in the Twilight section, and you came from the Maximum Ride section. You have to have special powers to cross from one section to another, and we had to ask someone with these powers to help us adopt you.
"Who are those people?"
"Well, they're either Original Characters, or OCs, or they're the really powerful Writers."
"I want to meet my birth parents." Justin said.
"I have an idea." said Emmett. "You must go with the two most adventurous OCs ever written; The Hobbit Named Spiffy and Pooky the Penguin."
"Where can I find them?" Justin asked.
"Here, have the keys to the jeep." said Emmett, throwing Justin the keys. "Use it to drive to the middle of the forest where they live in a small wigwam."
So, Justin said goodbye to his vampire parents and drove the jeep deep into the middle of the forest. He soon saw the small wigwam, where a hobbit and a penguin sat around a fire outside. When they saw the jeep, the two stood up warily.
Justin jumped out of the jeep. "Hi, I'm Justin, and my parents Emmett and Rosalie told me that you could help me get to the Maximum Ride Fanfiction Section so that I can find my parents."
"Oh, good! An adventure!" Spiffy said, jumping to his feet. "Hey, Pooky, it's like the good old days in Canadia!"
"Jolly good!" Answered Pooky, who had, for some reason, temporarily developed a British accent. "Let's go!"
So the three packed some travel bags and jumped in the jeep.
"First, we must drive to the edge of the forest." Announced Spiffy. "There, we will find the Writer who goes by the name of St. Fang. She will open a portal into the Maximum Ride Section."
They drove through the night to the edge of the forest, where they found a small hut. Outside the hut stood a woman dressed in a long cloak with a hood so you couldn't see her face. She was doing some kind of dance.
"What is she doing?" asked Justin.
"She's doing her ceremonial Cha Cha Slide dance." Answered Pooky.
"Hail, St. Fang of Boredom!" Spiffy yelled.
"Oh, hey, Spif." St. Fang answered. "So, taking Justin to the Maximum Ride Fanfiction Section, huh?"
"How did you know?" Justin asked.
"I'm a Writer, young Justin. I know everything. At least about my own fanfictions." Answered St. Fang.
"Hey, what's with the cloak and hood ensemble?" asked Spiffy.
"Oh, that's so I don't have to describe what I look like to the readers. Not only a protection of privacy, but I'm not really in the descriptive mood today."
"What is she talking about?" Justin whispered to Pooky.
"She's a Writer, how should I know?" Pooky whispered back.
"So," Said St. Fang. "I shall send you to the Maximum Ride Fanfiction Section...for a price."
Spiffy bowed. "What is your price, oh great Writer?"
St. Fang grinned. "Embry Call's phone number."
"Ummmm...I know it." Said Justin. He wrote it down on a piece of paper. "Here you go."
She snatched the paper away from him. "Squee!!!" She danced around. "Ok, I shall now open the portal into the Maximum Ride Fanfiction Section!"
She waved her hand in circles a couple of times and a great, big, swirly portal-thingy opened.
"Here you go, boys!" She said, excitedly. "Ok, I've got to go call Embry, so you guys just head on your way!" She pushed the three through the portal.
On the other side was another forest. Justin sighed.
"Now I'm here, but I don't know where to start looking! How will I ever find my parents?"
"Well....." Spiffy started. "Pooky and I kind of know where your parents live..."
"We can take you to them!" Pooky added.
"Sweet!" Justin said, high-fiving them both.
"Follow me!" Spiffy yelled, walking forward. "We're off the see the parents, the wonderful parents of Justin..."
After some time walking, they came upon a little house in the woods.
"Here's where your parents live!" Said Pooky.
Justin walked up to the little house and knocked on the door. A few minutes later, a woman answered.
"Hello, I'm Dr. Martinez. Can I help you with anything?"
"Yes." Said Justin. "My name is Justin and I'm looking for my parents."
"And we're here, too!" Spiffy and Pooky said together.
"Oh, come in!" Dr. Martinez said. She led them to the kitchen. "Here, sit and have some cookies."
The three began pigging out on cookies as Dr. Martinez went off to do whatever it is Dr. Martinez does. After a little while, a tall, blonde, blind kid with wings walked in.
"Hey, who's in here?" the blind boy asked.
"Spiffy." Said Spiffy.
"Pooky." Said Pooky.
"My name's Justin." Said Justin. "And I'm looking for my parents."
"Justin!!!!" The boy yelled. Suddenly, he burst into tears and hugged Justin. "Oh my Gosh, Justin!"
"Ummmm....huh?" Justin asked.
"Justin! I am your mother...errr...father...err...parental unit!"
"My....what?" Justin asked, confused.
"I was pregnant with you, but your father, Fang, wouldn't pay child support, so I had to put you up for adoption!!!" Iggy cried. "I missed you sooo much!"
"Oh My Carlisle! So you're my mother...errrr, yeah, parental unit thing..."
"Yes!" Said Iggy. "I....wait. Oh my Carlisle?"
"That's what we say over in the Twilight Fanfiction Section where I live." Justin said.
Suddenly, a dark-haired boy with black wings walked in. He looked at the scene in front of him. "What's going on...?"
"Fang!" Screamed Iggy, making everyone cover their ears. "It's Justin! He's returned!!!!"
Fang rolled his eyes. "Not this again..." He walked off.
"Deadbeat dad!" Iggy yelled after him. He turned back to Justin. "Ignore him. Hey, you can stay for Christmas!!"
So Justin, along with Spiffy and Pooky stayed for the Christmas festivities. Justin was standing next to the Christmas Tree, when he saw a beautiful girl walk into the room. He knew from the moment he saw her he was in love with her. He ran over to talk to her.
"Hey, my name's Justin. What's your name?"
"My name's Nudge! Hey, you're Justin! You're Iggy and Fang's illegitimate child! Isn't that weird? 'Cause they're, like, two guys, ya know? And Fang was never, like, with Iggy! I don't get it. You know what else I don't get? Popcorn strings on Christmas trees. I mean, that's supposed to be food! And cookies, too! I just want to eat them, not look at them! Dr. Martinez makes good cookies, doesn't she? Have you had her chocolate chip ones? They're the best! I want to learn to bake cookies. Iggy bakes really good cookies! Actually, he cooks really good anything, which is, like, weird, in a way, 'cause he's blind and all. He really likes to cook, though. He hates Campbell's soup, too. He thinks soup should be made from scratch. He, like, has Gazzy read him soup labels, then complains about what's in the soup! He's sooo weird sometimes! Fang can be weird, too, when he wants. He was sick once, and he, like, started talking about mother-in-owls and stuff and he, like-"
Justin just listened to Nudge talk for about an hour. He didn't like to talk a lot, so he didn't mind her doing all the talking. As soon as Nudge took a breath, Justin took her hand.
"Hey, Nudge, I think I've just randomly fallen in love with you. It's like I've imprinted on you or something, which is weird, 'cause I thought only Quileute wolves did that."
"What's imprinting?" Nudge asked.
"It's how the Quileute wolves find a mate. Not the point. Anyway, I love you. Let's get married!"
"Don't you think this is kind of random?"
Suddenly, St. Fang appeared, again in her cloak-and-hood outfit, but this time, with Embry tied up with duct-tape with her.
"Of course it's random!" She said. "It's a parody! It doesn't make sense! Heck, I'm gonna make Embry impulsively imprint on me! Squee!" She disappeared.
Nudge just shrugged. "Ok, let's get married!"
So, the two snuck out of the house with Spiffy and Pooky and ran off to Vegas. After the wedding, they had a lovely honeymoon back in the Twilight Fanfiction Section on Esme's Island.
10 years later, the two had three wonderful children; FizzPatrick, Figgy, and Towanda. They also became vampires. Why? Well, they are in the Twilight Section….
When Towanda was 20, she met up with Angel and the two joined the Volturi together because Aro offered them eternal life, ultimate power, and a lifetime membership at a local country club.
Spiffy married the Dwarf Limli and had a child named Spimli. That is another story…
Pooky moved to Uranus to be with the purple penguin cousins.
St. Fang used her powers as a Writer to make Embry impulsively imprint on her. He hasn't been heard from since.
Of course, neither has Fang. He hasn't been heard from since St. Fang showed up at their house. Max is quite distraught.
Iggy still visits Justin and Nudge on a weekly basis. It has not yet been discovered how exactly he and Fang, well, produced Justin…
And they Lived Happily Ever After…
Dr. Martinez woke with a start. She got up, got a glass of water, and went back to bed, shaking her head.
"If chocolate chip cookies give me dreams like this, I'm not eating them before bed anymore." She thought.
As she went back to sleep, a faint laughing could be heard from outside. And if one looked out the window, they could see a girl dressed in a cloak and hood, holding tightly onto the arms of a large Quileute boy and a dark-haired bird-kid. But they'd have to look quick, for she disappeared with the wind…
Me: Merry Christmas!! Feliz Navidad! Happy Hanukkah!! Happy Kwanza!! Happy Yule!!! Happy……Whatever else is celebrated around this time!!! Fang, you gonna wish them a happy….something?
Me: -holds up tutu, threateningly- What, Fang??
Fang: Oh, uhh…I mean, Merry Christmas and all that junk.
Me: That's better….Embry?
Embry: -Is tied and duct-taped to chair-
Me: Oh, well, Embry means to say Merry Christmas! Fang, would you like to add anything else?
Fang: Oh, and a Happy New Year, too. Sure.
Me: That's not what I mean…..
Me: Tell them you're going to be a good dad this Christmas and pay the damn child support!!
Fang: No! There is no Justin!!
Me: -gasps- Fang! How could you say that? Didn't you just read this story?
Fang: It's a parody. He doesn't exist.
Me: Fang! You cannot deny your own child!
Fang: Yeah, I can, 'cause he doesn't exist!
Me: Fang's in denial!!
Fang: I am not!!!
Me: Well, while I beat the child support out of Fang (any who would like to help, please, grab a weapon and join in!), you guys can R&R!
And, of course, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Yule, etc.
And a Happy New Year!
Embry: -still tied to chair- -whimpers-
Me: See? I take good care of him, too!