Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, NOR am I Clement Moore. This is just silliness resulting from a goofy text sent by a friend, and my almost 8 yr old son and I running with it. And yes, I'm sure someone has already parodied this poem for the Potterverse, but... we hope you enjoy ours.


'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the school

Not a creature was stirring. Not even a ghoul.

The stockings were hung in the Great Hall with care

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The students were nestled all snug in their beds

While visions of chocolate frogs danced in their heads.

McGonagall in her kerchief and Dumbledore in his cap

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.

When out on the grounds there arose such a clatter

Harry sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.

Was Malfoy, past curfew, out causing some trouble?

Was Grawp pulling on trees and bending them double?

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow

Gave a luster of midday to the Whomping Willow.

He saw a tall, slender figure, all dressed in black

Behind him, eight followers moved in a pack.

With those narrow red eyes and a snake 'round his neck

Harry knew it was definitely not good St. Nick.

More rapid than thestrals, his Death Eaters they came

And he hissed and shouted and called them by name:

"Now Dolohov! Now Bellatrix! Now Crabbe and Goy-

Le! On Nott! On Macnair! On Avery and Malfoy!

To the top of the tower! To the top of the school!

Find me that white-haired old bumbling fool!"

As Droobles wrappers before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky,

So up to the Astronomy tower the Death Eaters they flew

With evil Lord Voldemort, and Nagini, too.

Harry didn't wake Ron or even Hermione

Wanting to protect them from his sworn enemy.

But his scar how it hurt him! How searing the pain!

And his screams woke up Ron, who insisted again

That Dumbledore's Army should all be awakened

Before any impulsive actions were taken.

In Gryffindor Tower they planned their defense

Knowing that soon a battle would commence.

The D.A. waited under the tower's closed hatch

And fell deathly silent when they heard it unlatch.

Down the stairs came the Dark Lord, all dressed in black

And Harry, our hero, signaled the surprise attack.

They Stunned Voldemort and all his Death Eaters.

Fred and George drew their bats and said, "We love being Beaters!"

"No," Hermione cried. "Use your wands! Cast Incarcerous!

They must stand trial and be brought to justice."

So they tied them all up, and Ron muttered, "Blimey!

This git's not just ugly – he's actually slimy!"

"What now," asked Colin, "since we've got them ensnared?"

"I'll go and fetch Dumbledore," Neville declared.

But before he could move, "What's that?" they all chorused –

For they heard bells coming from the Forbidden Forest.

They rushed up to the rooftop and saw St. Nick's sleigh

"Clear the roof," the man called. "It's a very short runway!"

They landed quite neatly and St. Nicholas dismounted.

"What's happened?" he asked. And so they recounted

The tale of their victory over the intruders.

"Ho ho," he laughed. "You'd think a Dark Lord would be shrewder

Than to get caught so easily by a bunch of young students.

Too much eggnog, perhaps, fueled his overconfidence."

He looked at them fondly until Seamus started giggling.

"His belly's bigger than Slughorn's! Look how it's jiggling!"

"No pogo stick for you," growled the man in red.

"You've done some good work here, but now get back to bed."

"I thought you'd be jollier," Ron said, mystified.

"Yeah, cut him some slack," Dean Thomas cried.

"Oh all right," St. Nick grumbled. "Now how can I thank you

For saving Hogwarts from You Know Who?

I'll grant you each one wish on this Christmas Night.

Who wants to go first? What can I provide?"

"House-elf freedom," cried Hermione. "A broomstick," yelled Ron.

Fred and George said, "People to try out our latest inventions on."

"A Christmas Cactus," said Neville. "I've always loved those."

"I want Harry," Ginny whispered, "as everyone knows."

"A big box of tissues," sniffled Cho Chang.

Parvati asked for a dress designed by Vera Wang.

Dean asked for an easel, Lavender for no-smear lipstick.

They all got their wishes – including Seamus's pogo stick.

"And what about you?" St. Nick asked Harry Potter.

All eyes turned to the hero to see what he would utter.

"I want Voldemort to be loving and kind."

"Done," said the fat man, "Now, help me find

That big snake he travels with – Nagini's her name."

Harry called her in Parseltongue, and she came.

St. Nicholas transformed her into a kitten.

"There," he said, satisfied. "That only seems fitting."

"What about all the Death Eaters? Can they be saved?"

It was Hermione of course. "Can you make them behave?"

"Hold on there," said Lavender. "She's gotten her wish.

Can we all get two, now?" But then they all heard the swish

Of robes from behind them, and so they turned 'round

To find Dumbledore looking at Lavender with a frown.

He said, "We must keep this fair, St. Nick, my dear friend,

Else into chaos our school will descend.

I shall make the last wish – that Death Eaters see the light

And from now on fight for love and truth, and what's right."

"An excellent wish, Sir," came Snape's silky voice.

"You've saved us all from Draco's terrible choice."

Together they freed them, Snape and old Dumbledore

Let loose all the captives. "They'll trouble us no more,"

Said the Headmaster. His assessment appeared to be valid.

Said MacNair to Malfoy, "Shall we go out for a salad?"

"Let's do," said the blond former Eater of Death.

"I'll bring Narcissa, and you bring along Beth."

They left arm in arm, chatting about knitting

While Voldemort cuddled and sang to his kitten.

The other former Death Eaters compared forearms – now unblemished!

And St. Nicholas said, "Well, my work here is finished."

He sprang to his sleigh, his whistle gave the reindeer a jolt

And away they all flew like a new Firebolt.

And Harry heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!"


A/N: It's been a long time since I posted anything. But look! I'm still here. I'll post another story soon - have some ideas that are tickling my brain.

Merry Christmas! xoxoxo, -IJDTW