I stood in front of the bathroom mirror in the two-story home I shared with my father, giving myself a pep talk. This day had been a long time coming, but for some reason I had been putting it off. It wasn't that I was afraid per say, but more that he and I had to have so much distance between each other for safety reasons that we didn't really know each other properly. Of course I knew him, but it was just the outside shell of him that I knew, not the real depths that resided within him. And today, I was going to give it a go and try and build some sort of foundation with him, starting with me making peace with him about my birthday party. To my great satisfaction and annoyance, today was the day as both Alice and Edward were gone hunting for the weekend. I was going to do this...Oh dear god what the hell was I doing?
I looked in the mirror one final time before blowing out a sigh and giving up on my hair. It was impeccably straight, due to my new super heavy duty blow drier Alice had forced upon me, but I just wasn't sure that was the look I was going for. What exactly was the look to aim for when saying to your boyfriend's brother and best friend's husband "No seriously man, it's totally fine that you tried to kill me...but don't try it again 'k?" or something like that?
I finally resigned myself to what I was going to do and walked out of the house, grabbing my keys as I went. I drove across the bridge and turned at the path that led to the house. Looking just once more into the rearview, I gave up for good. This was not about what I looked like; this was about who I was on the inside, and who Jasper was for that matter.
Grabbing my bag I got out of the car, turning to walk into the house. However I was surprised and pleased to find Jasper sitting on the porch swing outside. Hopefully this would make what I was about to do that much easier.
Walking slowly up the steps to the house I stopped just next to the swing and looked at Jasper with a pleasant smile.
"Hello Jasper" I said just a tad shyly. I may be trying to connect with him but that didn't make him any less intimidating. This was a vampire soldier who was the newest vegetarian to the Cullen clan and part of my future family. I hoped that this conversation was going to go well but I was still nervous.
"Hi Bella" Jasper said smiling, "are you ok?" He asked, sensing my inner turmoil and sending waves of calm my way, to my immense gratitude. His empathy powers really were useful.
"Actually, I was kind of hoping to talk to you" I said in explanation, "May I sit, or would you rather not do this now?"
"No no, go ahead" Scooting over to the edge of the swing, he looked at me expectantly but seemingly unsurprised.
"It's about my birthday party...." Again, his face showed no surprise. He had probably been expecting this for a while.
"Bella, I know exactly what you're going to say and you have to know I take full responsibility for my utter stupidity and my inability to control myself. You need to know how sorry I am. I-" He broke off there, tearing his gaze from its previous resting point on the floor and looking at me as he felt my shock and outrage.
"Bella, please-please. I know this is all my fault-"
"Jasper, you idiot!" I yelled. Then stopped short, realizing what I had said. I barely spoke to the man and yet here I was screaming at him. But then again, this was a side of Jasper I has never seen. He was a tough soldier man, and yet here he was, practically on his knees, begging for my forgiveness, when he was not in the wrong at all. He was blaming himself for absolutely no reason. He was not at fault here!
At my words, his face finally showed the shock that we shared but still I went on.
"Jasper! You are NOT in any way at fault here. It is nobody's fault. I gave myself a paper cut and you, being what you are responded to the smell of my blood. Jasper, you are a vampire and so is the rest of your family, stuff like this is to be expected when I orientate myself around you guys. I don't blame you in the least, you have to know that," Now it was me who was practically begging. I so desperately wanted him to understand, I didn't hold him accountable for the accident, it was just something that happened. Still, to my immense frustration, Jasper stared at the ground with an expression that positively screamed self-loathing.
"Jasper," I said firmly, almost growling in annoyance "you are an empathy for God's sake! Do you feel even an ounce of blame coming from me? Honestly, tell me right now, what emotions do you feel coming from me?" I asked him in a desperate attempt to get him to recognize my truthfulness. All I wanted at that moment was for him to look at me and honestly believe me.
"JASPER! Look at me and answer me please!" He looked up at me slowly but closed his eyes. I chose to believe that it was only so he could concentrate better but it was probably only so he could hide the shame in his eyes from me.
"What are you feeling from me now?"
"I'm feeling...pissy-ness and some...I dunno, it's like a mixture between forgiveness and sympathy and then there's some nervousness and then some, wait.... Seriously?" He looked up at me in wonder, snapping his eyes open,
"What seriously? What do you feel?" I asked anxiously. I really didn't want him to get the wrong idea about what I thought about him from some unrelated emotion.
"Brotherly love?" He asked in incredulity
"Yeah Jasper. You're going to be my brother in a few weeks, why would I not love you?"
"Well, it's just that since we haven't spent all that much time together in you know...a positive way, I didn't think you'd really feel much of anything good towards me" He said, sheepishly.
"What? Oh dear god, what is wrong with you?" I said gently, cautiously scooting over a bit to sit closer to him. "I like you a lot Jasper, we haven't spent a lot of time together and I know that's for my own safety, but I can see you are a nice guy, Jazz" Using his nickname, I smiled at him trying desperately to show him I was telling the truth. He looked up into my eyes and smiled at me and somehow I felt that with these past words, we were creating some kind of brother-sister bond.
"So," I said, slightly pissed at myself for breaking the silence, "Do you believe me now when I say I don't blame you in the least?" I asked hopefully, staring at me critically for a moment, he let his expression relax, and with a smile he simply said
"Great!" I exclaimed, jumping up from my seat and bending over to give him a hug, only to stop short. He chuckled at me slightly before standing next to me and hugging me instead.
"You'll be one of us soon enough so I wont have to work so hard, but I'll try my hardest to be closer to you and control myself. I really like you Bella and I'm glad you're marrying my brother" He said releasing me from his hug. Holding me at arms length he looked me up and down, finally resting his eyes upon my face he smiled.
"You really are good for him you know"
"Thanks Jazz, I'm really glad we talked. I really do want to be friends with you" I said to him
"And I you, Bella"
We stood in silence, looking at each other for a moment, until-
"BELLA!!!!" I Heard a great roar and loud thumping that sounded like...running? Suddenly I saw Emmett charging for me, only to pick me up, spin me round and hold me to his chest,
"When did you get here? I really wanted to talk to you about the wedding...Actually, it's more the wedding NIGHT I wanted to speak to you about" Grinning cheekily, Emmett tightened his grip on me and proceeded into the house and leaving Jasper in his wake.
Beginning the torture he was set to inflict upon me, he opened with
"Ok, Bella now, when a man and a woman love each other very much or are really REALLY Drunk..."
Oh God almighty...Jasper was definitely going to be the favourite brother.
* Ok, this was just a random little piece I was compelled to do. I've felt the urge to do a Bella/Jasper brother/sister fluffy bit for a while now but I've just never had the energy. My muse is the most random thing ever and attacks me at all hours of the day and night. Right now, I've just finished this piece and its 2:18, which goes to show exactly how random these things are. I really felt like this needed to be written and I know other people have done it before but I felt like doing it my way, and of course if I'm going to have a fic about brotherly love, then it would be blasphemy to exclude Emmett. LOL. Anyways, reviews are lovely welcome things and if they're filled with constructive criticism then bring 'em on, however if they're filled with flames, then I shall be compelled to put them in a blender and feed them to my cat, who will eat anything!
Much Luv to all
Unfinished Perfection *