Depression State



It Hurts.




The more days that passes the more her heart hurts. She already admitted to herself that she loves him, though she wasn't too proud of it. All she wanted to do was deny the fact that she did. She wanted to forget about Shiki and his stupid face! But it was nearly impossible since they shared the same room. She ignored his questions and his small talk. She would just ignore him when he walks pass her or near her. She wonders if he even has a clue that she was trying to avoid him. He didn't. He didn't care either way.



Forget that. She doesn't need any more temptation, and being on top of him would just break her. She would love to be all over him, but pushing her to the ledge isn't a good way to start a normal hatred against him. She would have to admit that her sexual thoughts would drive her crazy. She would just love to dig her black manicured nails into his soft, creamy skin. Her white, sharp fangs piercing his neck made her sweat when she dreamed of it.


She decided the only way to ever stop ignoring him is to begin to hate him…again. She thought of so many ways to begin that plan. But…everything that she thought of just made her realize that he can pull it off. Like his hair color; she hated dark colored hair, but he just made his chestnut hair look oh so cute with his silver eyes that it made him look irresistible.

Or the way his quietness got to her in the best way intended. He looked so beautiful reading his book on the pearl couch that was in thier living room. His eyes would shine and move from left to right as he turned a page.

Hating him is super hard.

The only way she could actually not pay attention to him was in class. She would try and sometimes achieve to pay attention to her sensei- who is a jerk that needs manners- and copy notes from the board.

But there was that time!

That time he whispered her name. HER NAME. It was so cute that she had to turn around, though her face was written all over with annoyance. He had this blank face and the corner of his mouth downward. Then he whispered 'pocky.' Her eye twitched but she slipped him one. He started to chew on it and his stomach started to get filled by each bite. He half smiled at her as a token of thanks. He would never really smile at her. He would never smile, period.


That word is poison to anyone's lips. With each drink of that disgusting vial the person would do and speak utterly despicable things. Then the person would drown in their own misfortune and die of lonliness. Their hearts would break leaving themselves in an empty trance of a world of hurt. Rima haven't gone that far into jealousy. She knew that people who were jealous to the max would live unhappy. She didn't want that to happen, but it's hard when someone gives something to her man, noneoftheless touches him.

"Oh, Shiki-senpai! Please! Accept our gifts!"


"Shiki, you should really be grateful for having a fan club. Don't waste it!"

"Aido, Shiki doesn't have to accept the gifts. You only do that because you… just…do."

Then a dramatic fan girl kneels down, hands on the floor, and begins to cry. "OH, SHIKI! I made this hand-made gift for you and you don't even want to accept it. I always dreamed of you accepting this gift and then being happy about it. I just wish-"



Without any more words spoken from Shiki's mouth, he grabs the girl's present and begins to walk away.

Before he completely walked away the girl has such determination to touch him that she jumped and cuddled him. Of course it wasn't for long- more like a second- but still; a second was long enough.

Rima was more than pissed. You could feel a raging aura around her and well, Ruka just glided away from her, scared of being hurt in the process.

Ramble ramble.

Her diary got a full ten pages about it. Who ever thought that little happening could cause ten pages? Her diary surely didn't. And then, she decided she never want to have that feeling again. Even though Shiki threw away her present afterwards, but he accepted it so she wouldn't cry anymore. That's what caused her pain. Also another reason to hate Shiki.


There was a point that depression settled in her head that she would eat to comfort her. But instead, it got out of hand. She would eat too much that there was a point Ruka has locked the fridge from her. So, instead of eating food, she would sneak out and drink from normal human beings. Kaname had a long talk with her with some occasion glaring. He was so disappointed and furious with her he didn't know what to do. Ichijo protected her and explained to the pure blood that she didn't mean it. Her eyes were emotionless. Almost as if her life was gone. The humans weren't killed, fortunately. She got punished. At that moment he would of destroyed her for doing what she did, but she was protected. So, all she did was felt pain as his hands encircled around her neck. She couldn't breathe. She struggled to get free, but she deserved it. She went to her dorm feeling faint. Shiki looked at her with desperation his eyes. Hers yelled back to leave her alone.

So much pain.

She just wanted everything to stop. To be put to an end. But love can do so much to one person that it started to eat her heart out. Being in a dark corner all alone wasn't the best way to solve it. Her hand was just below her hairline, supporting her bangs from touching her forehead while the other hand was lying on her cheek, her fingers pulling harshly at the ends on her eyes.


How can money solve the problem of love? It can't. But it can surely distract one self. Gambling in places she shouldn't be in. Going around town trying to find some loose change on the floor while holding a pink umbrella on top of herself to shade her from the blazing sun. Threatening people to give her money unless they really wanted to be in pain. That was her second time in Kaname's office. She didn't want to be punished and she certainly didn't want her heart to hurt anymore, but that stupid Shiki caused her problems! Suffering so much from not sleeping and just sitting in a corner cause her beloved one to worry about her. One time she even slipped from being sleep depried that she unconsciously hit her eye with the edge of her bed.

A purple eye with orange hair; how beautiful.


Her life was in despair. She was always sad from the beginning of admitting she loved him. He tried to comfort her, to get her to talk, but she would scream and push him away from her. She would always tell him that he wouldn't understand what pain she was in. He would drop it and just leave her alone. Some points she would be too lazy to go to class. She would just stay in her dorm and coward under her covers or just go to her normal depressing corner. Her third time in his office.

Three strikes you're out.

Bruises on her arms and shoulders were visible. No one asked how she got it. She was scared of going to Kaname's office again. She didn't need any more pain than usual.


At one point she tried to fake being happy. Her classmates were confused at her sudden change of mood. Aido would try to get her to talk and admit her problems. She would just reply, 'I'm fine.' Everyone knew she wasn't. She would fake that she ate. Her stomach would growl of starvation and her heart would cry and break of not letting go. She wouldn't tell anyone what was wrong and for a while people called her fake. She hated being called that but it was none of their business. She didn't care either way. Why would she? She faked that she didn't love Shiki. She would ignore and treat him coldly. She faked to her parents that she was alright. She continued to fake life.


All she wanted was home now. She didn't want to stay at the moon dormitory anymore. Coming there caused her so many problems that she figured if she went back to the place she left from, she would be okay. So, she tried it. She went home for a little bit but suffered even more. Now she could never see his face. And that made her crazier than ever. Then, she went back. Back to the place that made her heart get rejected.


She hated herself. Hated her emotions. She never ever felt like this. Now she felt like murder…over some guy. She started to hate everything even what she loved before. Her frustration got the best of her. She spoke rudely to everyone and to Shiki himself. They both got in a fight with each other. He would pin her on her bed and he would be on top. He would try to get her to listen to him but her kicks sent him flying across the room. Others could here what was going on but didn't help to stop it. They just stood outside of their doors in their nightgowns and silk PJs and just listen. The fight would stop and next thing you know, Shiki left the room with anger written all over his face. Rima would begin to hate herself even more and then tears would sting the corners of her eyes. She wished she could cause pain to someone else. More pain then she was experiencing at the moment.

Two mirrors break in half. One side shows happiness the other…


She envied Ichijo at a certain point. Silly, yes, but he was the closest thing to Shiki. She wanted to take him away from Ichijo but she snapped. Her envy state didn't last long. She would laugh at herself and that was the only time she didn't feel sad, hatred, or envy. She actually smiled, but of course, smiling doesn't get rid of all your problems like erasing a drawing does. It takes time to heal and with time she started feeling a bit better.

Ring ring ring.

"I'm better. I promise. I really am."

"If you ever have a problem, Rima, I'm here."

"Thanks, Ichijo, but I don't have any problems."

Step by step by step. Her life was going into another world. Turn by turn by turn. Her heart would jump into her own world. Burn by burn by burn. All she did was dream. Run by walk by stop. She woke up and started to flee.


She started to gain way more confidence in herself. But her pride went up too high. She started being rude to people but by making them feel little. "Please, anyone can do that. I can make that way better with no eyes." Tch. Girl, you can't do better with four eyes. "Wow. That cake did not deserve an award." You'll probably burn the kitchen before you can insert the cake mix into the oven. "I'm super pretty that any guy would be lucky to have me." So, why hasn't Shiki want you yet?


She would apologize to everyone and they would forgive her. They knew something was wrong with her, but they didn't know what.


Seven Deadly Sins. Tears and torment. "A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, a false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren." She would whisper that to herself the night she figured it happened to her.

She loved the deadly sins, but she never wanted to experience it. She loved the heavenly virtues, and she did want to experience it.

She needed comfort. More than anything.

"Hey, Rima!"


"I see that you're back to your normal self! I'm glad!"

It was true. After days of recovering from her deadly sins she realized she shouldn't act that way at all, especially over a boy.

"Um, uh, um… Rima-senpai…?"

She turned around to see a small looking boy. His face couldn't be seen since he bowed down.


Fan boy. How typical.


An outstretched hand was held before her, which carried a box of chocolates. Her hand was stretching towards his hand to accept his gift, but an arm intercepted.

"Did I interrupt?"

The fan boy was about to question him for doing what he did, but the fire in Shiki's eyes mentally shut up the kid making him run in fear.

"Tch. Fans can be so annoying, don't you agree?"


"They just bother-"

"No. Why did you interrupt? I was going to accept his gift."

"I'll get you a box of pocky."

Instant answer.


And Shiki grabbed her hand motioning for her to walk to class. And though she was her self meaning she was able to smile, when he touched her hand she felt her heart lighten up. She felt like it was floating in the air and it was going to jump out of her chest.

And just for a moment, she actually thought that Shiki had felt jealousy.

I Feel So Light Hearted.



Till Next Time.

Woah. How long has it been since I written a chapter for this story? Well, to explain myself, I've been busy. I was really busy with school, my social life, and being grounded. xD

Well, at least I got back to you with this new chapter. I got a review that said I should make Shiki jealous. So, I started to write my story as him being jealous and Rima was going to do all she can do to make him stay that way.

But then I got thinking: how boring and typical. So, I decided to do the seven deadly sins in this. I somehow started writing jealousy and got to lust and then wrath and gluttony. So, bingo! I deleted my first draft and then started doing my second draft, which turned out to be this!

I hope you like it. Review, please?