All characters © their respective owners
Hoshi: I'm listening to this awesomely hilarious new song, "Merry Frickin' Christmas" by Frickin' A. Anyway, I am SO going to ask my creator to write a songfic with it!
This song is hilarious! You people should listen to it and who knows? You might even relate to it.
Hoshi: This chapter's not as "humorous" as the previous ones. This IS a humor/DRAMA, so there's a bunch of drama in this chapter.
So, Roy pilots a ship and the time comes for him to land, or rather, for him to CRASH land…
"BRAKE! Where's the flipping the brake?! I'm going to die!" And…
CRASH! SLAM! SKID…!
"It's a Christmas miracle…I'm alive…" Roy had turned pale and was breathing heavily while trying to find a way to shut off the airbag. Once he had, he needed to contemplate something. "If Marth doesn't kill me, this thing will… Show some mercy and kill me quick 'cause I know Marth won't…"
He walked over to the house, slipped on a banana peel, and slid his way crashing through the house waking up a little girl. He got up feeling sore and cursed quietly.
"I am NOT a quiet ninja…" He then noticed the little girl with short black hair and hazel eyes holding a teddy bear wearing her pajamas. She yawned a little and directed her attention back to a very shocked Roy.
"Are you a friend of Santa's?" She asked in a quiet voice. He nodded dumbly not noticing that she had gone to get some bandages. When she came back, she had wrapped it around his arm. "You took quite a fall. I hope you're okay, but I still don't know who you are…"
"Um…I-I'm the…Christmas Ninja. I shot Santa down with some fireworks and I'm supposed to help save Christmas since I almost ruined it." She smiled sympathetically.
"It's good to take responsibility for our own mistakes." She looked into his eyes and smiled more widely. "You seem pretty cool and very trustworthy. It's a pleasure to meet you." The boy general continued to stare in awe. Talk about your precocious kid!
"Likewise…" He handed her the gift and she continued to smile that amazing smile. "Merry Christmas…" and he left still very speechless. "So people like her actually exist…" He got back into his ship, but paused to see the girl through the second-story window opening up the gift. Inside it was a bottle that the girl gave to a sick lady who looked to be her mother. He smiled before starting the ship.
She really must've been good all her life, eh?
And a Christmas tragedy had started…
"Hello Roy." He looked around briefly wondering where the hell that voice came from. He looked at a monitor that revealed a creepy monstrous face. "I am the queen of Viruses. When that foolish girl had given her mother that medicine, I had to escape somewhere else. So thanks to you, I was driven out of my home! Now let's go for a ride, shall we?"
The ship had launched itself into the air slamming Roy against the ceiling. He cried out in pain when the ship had jerked its way towards a skyscraper and knocked him against a metallic wall.
"I'm going to enjoy watching you suffer, kid…"
The second Christmas tragedy was about to hit the Samuses…
"Alright, let's go to the next house now." Then Samus's starship had been struck by a laser beam from a considerably strong cannon. "What the hell?!" She turned to her unarmored counterpart. "You alright?" Zero Suit nodded.
"Who the hell just blasted us?!" The monitor had suddenly flickered on revealing Dark Samus herself…and Dark Zero Suit… "You…"
"And just what are you doing in our quadrant, Sammie?"
"We're on a mission, so back the hell off!" Their ship had been shot in the hull this time.
"'Fraid I can't do that, Sammie. It's just a little thing called, PAY and BACK."
"Ready for the next one?" Fox asked his co-pilot when all of sudden…the third Christmas tragedy wanted to start…and the arwing was shot by a laser beam. "What the…?" He looked onto the monitor and took on an expression of annoyance and horror. "Damn, it's them!"
"You don't mean…!" The arwing was shot again. "Why? Why this night of all nights?!" He tried to find their laser weapon thing to fight back when the ship was shot again and the monitor flickered on. A bunch of teeny-tiny multi-colored game-and-watch things were squeaking angrily. The arwing was shot yet again.
"Falco." Fox was asking the bird that was still frantically searching for their weapon.
"Hmm…? Look, DK! It's Meta Knight and Kirby!" Diddy turned on the monitor and waved hello to his fellow fighters. Then…the fourth Christmas tragedy… "WATCH OUT!" The ships had collided into each other. Then a sinister grotesque face had flickered onto the screen of both ships.
"I have taken control of both of your ships and my dear older sister, the queen of Viruses is having some fun with your friend. Anyway, don't bother trying anything because you're all going to die eventually." It cackled like a psychopath while Meta Knight tried to fry her out of the system.
"You're the one who's going to die, you crazy…!"
"META KNI--!" Meta Knight turned around to see Kirby get shoved into an escape pod and shot out of the Halberd.
"Kirby!" He turned back to the monitor which still had the ugly face on it that was smiling its vile smile. "You won't get away with this!" The two ships had collided once more.
"On the contrary, I already have!"
"DK!" Meta Knight looked out the window to see Diddy in the same predicament as Kirby.
Ike looked up into the night sky and saw a few familiar spaceships exploding and falling. He was a little concerned, but he had to ignore it because Zelda signaled for him to pay attention.
"A moment of silence…" Santa had said while Peach, Zelda, and Ike remained silent. "Okay, how 'bout those cookies now?" Peach then realized something.
"I left the stove on!" She ran to the kitchen trying not to trip on her dress with Zelda and Santa in tow. Ike looked on wondering what to do. It was so disrespectful to do this to the dead… He left some flowers on the grave before bowing his head and then walking away when something bright had burst out of it and knocked him against a tree.
"Ow…" he shook off the pain and saw the presumably "dead" fairy dusting herself off before picking up the flowers he left.
"You decide to take a nap for a couple of years or so and someone tries to bury you!" she huffed crossly before glancing at Ike and smiling. "Thanks for the flowers. No one's ever left me these before when they thought I was dead…so as a thank-you, I'd like to grant you one Christmas wish."
"Can I wish that people would stop thinking I'm gay?" She thought about it for a moment before shaking her head.
"Sorry, I can't help you with your questionable sexuality…" He swore in his heavy disappointment, but realized that there was something more important than a problem that could be solved if he just ignored people.
"Can I wish that Christmas was saved?" She beamed and nodded.
"You're a good kid. Consider that wish granted!" He looked at her and appeared to be saying, "I am NOT a kid." She laughed and used her all-powerful Christmas spirit powers to save Christmas. What? She's a fairy that's the physical embodiment of the Christmas spirit!
"Mr. Game and Watch! Are you okay?!" Peach was concerned over the 2-D man that was slightly charred up wearing a somewhat askew firefighter's hat. "I'm sorry I was so careless about the cookies!"
"It's okay. Nobody was hurt and it's not your fault. We all forget things sometimes…" he beeped consolingly and she smiled. Zelda was looking for some burn ointment while Santa grieved over ruined cookies.
Damn… It hurts like hell… I don't think I can hold on any longer… That psychopath virus lady was cackling like a maniac again… I curled up into a ball trying to forget the pain and braced for impact…
Damn crazy psychopaths…! I was okay because my armor took most of the damage, but I'm not sure if Zero Suit can hold on any longer.
"Bye, Sammie!" My starship was shot again! I had no more control…
"Brace for impact! We're going down!"
Who knew those crazy mites would come back, pilot the abandoned ship we found them on, and exact their revenge upon us? It would be funny if we WEREN'T CLOSE TO DYING!!
"Fox, we're going down!" Falco yelled that, but he was still fighting back with the laser he eventually found. At least if we're going down, we're taking those hell-raisers with us.
This is bad. This is really bad! Diddy's not on the ship. He's going to be in danger! Kirby wasn't on Halberd either. The ships are colliding into each other because of some evil virus lady. She's laughing again.
"DK!" I looked at the monitor. Meta Knight was still trying to kill the virus. "We're falling out of the sky! Brace for impact!"
Please be okay, Diddy…
Please let everyone be safe…
Santa's back-up team, AKA Roy, Samus, Zero Suit, Fox, Falco, DK, Diddy, Meta Knight, and Kirby, had simultaneously opened up their eyes to find that they were all back home, not about to die, and there wasn't a scratch on them.
"What…just happened?" Zero Suit broke the ice. Santa walked in also fully healed.
"I'm proud to declare that you've all learned the true meaning of Christmas."
"Shoot someone down and you take responsibility for it?" Roy suggested.
"Dark Samus is an evil psychopath?" Samus brought up.
"Dark Zero Suit dresses like a whore even on Christmas Eve?" Zero Suit…pointed out…
"Mites can pilot a ship?" Fox suggested.
"Mites are crazy and evil?" Falco brought up.
"Viruses are deranged?" Diddy pointed out.
"Keep a better eye on your students?" Meta Knight suggested.
"Kids don't leave cookies for you anymore!" Kirby freaked out. Santa mentally smacked himself after his brief concern that kids don't leave cookies for him anymore. What's wrong with these people?
"No. Just…no. Who cares anyway? It would just end up cheesy. Now, go thank your friend for wishing that you were okay." He pointed to Ike who just waved. Then the fairy appeared.
"And I granted that wish… By the way," she turned to Santa and fumed, "WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA BURYING ME LIKE THAT?!" she flailed her arms crazily while Ike rolled his eyes. Someone needed anger management…
"It's a good thing you guys found those viruses." Dr. Mario waved over to them. "I've been trying to hunt these vicious things for a while now. They won't be hurting anyone anymore for a long time."
"But what about the gifts and stuff?" Diddy questioned. The fairy stopped being spazzy and began her short and sweet explanation.
"I'm the physical embodiment of the Christmas Spirit and when this kid," she pointed to Ike who still wore that look that said, "I am NOT a kid.", "made his wish to save this great holiday; the presents were delivered and everyone came home safe." Samus was already in close proximity of Ike.
"…Thanks…" he grinned slightly.
"You're welcome, Sammie." She hit him considerably playfully even though in reality it hurt pretty badly since she was wearing armor.
"Don't call me that…" Zero Suit was humming a certain song that made her armored counterpart blush behind her helmet.
"Speaking of certain couples…" Fox had brought up and most everyone was looking at Roy who was still pretty clueless.
"Ike! Untie me!" Roy was glaring up at the taller guy from the chair he was tied to.
"No." Ike was leaning against a wall waiting for the second phase. And in comes Samus with Sheik right on cue.
"Wait…what's going on here?" Samus pushed her over to Roy while Ike hung the mistletoe in between the two stubborn teenagers and the two older people left quickly locking the door behind them.
"Hey! You forgot to untie me!" But that was the least of his problems… He was alone; with a girl he liked; under the mistletoe; locked in; and he was tied to a chair. "This is so awkward…" Sheik stared at the helpless guy sympathetically.
He was still in that Santa hat with those snug Christmas Ninja clothes on…
"Sorry…" How could she not take advantage of this? Now her face was mere inches away from his as she gradually closed that gap in a kiss. With their masks still on, yes. Who cares if they aren't actually touching? A kiss is a kiss!
And you know you can't have Christmas without the mistletoe kiss!
Hoshi: Merry Christmas, people! Yes, I know this sucks. Give me a break!