AN: When you read this, it works best if you imagine Peter Facinelli and Robert Pattinson in your head.
Warning: Contains slash (guy love) and smut. If you don't like it, don't read it. Pointless flames will be welcomed because it's all reviews to me, and the more the merrier!
Not A Monster, My Love
What's that coming over the hill, is it a monster? – Monster (The Automatic)
Carlisle walked quietly into the room, holding a hand out to stop the door from making a sound as it closed. Gently he placed the clipboard onto the table and tucked his pen into his pocket. He tilted his head slightly as he watched Edward staring out of the window. Beside him, a machine bleeped into the silence, rhythmically and steadily.
Carlisle walked behind Edward to stand by the bed and peered down at Bella's limp body. Her face was peaceful and relaxed, her pale face blending into the sheets. Pressing a few buttons on the keypad next to him, Carlisle walked up to Edward and stood next to him. Silently he placed a light hand onto Edward's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. He comfortingly pulled Edward's body into his own in a sideways hug.
Sighing, Edward leaned into Carlisle's body and closed his eyes. Carlisle said nothing as Edward's body shook with suppressed emotions.
"She'll be okay Edward, she'll be okay."
Edward nodded mutely and pressed his head into Carlisle's shoulder. Carlisle leaned down and placed a kiss onto Edward's forehead.
They stood here for a long while, neither of them saying anything but merely taking comfort in each other's presence.
Edward's room was a mess, CD's cluttered the floor and strewn clothes filled in the gaps. Carlisle surveyed the damage silently, his face impassive. Edward lay on the couch staring at the ceiling but he made no move to acknowledge Carlisle's presence.
"It's been a month Edward; you should clean this room up. Move on."
Edward's jaw tensed at Carlisle's words but he didn't say anything. Slowly Carlisle picked himself up off the doorjamb and went to sit down next to Edward. He patted him gently on the chest, rubbing small circles to soothe him. Edward shifted sideways until he was on the other side of the expansive couch. It was obviously an invitation to his sire, so Carlisle twisted and lay himself down next to Edward. Edward didn't say anything but Carlisle knew him well. He didn't need powers to feel the tension rolling off him, along with the anguish and loneliness.
Finally, Edward whispered into the dark, his voice full of despair and self-loathing.
"I'm a monster."
"You're not a monster, Edward."
"I am. That's why she's dead. Because of me, because of what I did to her."
"No, you aren't to blame. You couldn't have done anything more than what you did."
"But it is my fault. If she had never met me, then this would've never have happened. She'd still be alive. And now all I can think is that she hates me for taking her life."
"Edward, she loved you. But it wasn't her moment, this wasn't her place. You were powerless to stop what happened. And maybe it was just her time to go."
Edward shook his head mutely, his expression strained.
"Why Carlisle? Why her?"
"I can't say Edward, I can't say why it had to be her but it's happened. What more can we do?"
"You said she was going to be okay. You said she-" Edward's voice broke and he clenched his teeth to silence himself, afraid of what might happen if he went on.
"I know. I thought she would be, I thought- I don't know, but I was wrong and I'm sorry Edward, I'm so sorry."
Edward turned away to stare out of the window. It was dark now and the night was all but black. The light in the room caused the window to reflect what was happening inside. Carlisle could easily see the expression on Edward's face, and it hurt to see it. Tentatively, wary about Edward's state of mind, he reached out and laced his fingers into Edward's. Edward didn't react but Carlisle could feel the slight squeeze his hand gave in return. Slowly Edward's eyes slipped shut and his mouth opened slightly in a silent sigh. Tenderly, Carlisle traced circles into the back of Edward's hand with his thumb and he watched as Edward's face slowly relaxed.
For a long while Carlisle had been alone in this world. His nightmares haunted him and he spent his days painfully, each day a replication of the one before. But Edward changed everything for him. Suddenly there was someone else beside him. Someone else to keep him company, to share his experiences and hold him up when it all became too hard to bear. And for many years, until Rosalie was turned, it had just been them. In that time a close bond had been formed and to this day it remained.
Sometimes Carlisle felt as if he was closer to Edward than he was even to Esme. Only Edward could truly understand the despair and pain he had suffered all those years ago. Before Bella, when Edward had been alone, Carlisle had been the only one who could really make him relax. Edward was naturally quite introvert and closed, but when it was just him and Carlisle, those barriers fell and he could be open with him knowing that Carlisle would always be there for him.
Without them knowing, the two vampires had shifted closer to each other, responding to their subconscious desire to be touching. When Edward opened his eyes again he was pressed flush against the side of Carlisle's body and it was an easy movement for him to tilt his head and lay it on the older vampire's shoulder. Carlisle too leaned in and placed his head on top of Edward's until Edward's face was buried in the crook of Carlisle's neck and Carlisle was nuzzling Edward's soft hair.
Their breathing was soft and almost non-existent but years upon years of trying to appear human meant that even when alone they continued the habit. Edward's breath tickled Carlisle's neck and swept down under his shirt along the planes of his chest. Above him, Carlisle continued to inhale the smell of Edwards's hair and his unique scent.
They'd both missed this kind of intimacy they used to have when it was just them. It seemed as if once their coven had expanded, they'd drifted further apart. Carlisle had found Esme and Edward was left alone. It had been a while since they had been presented with the opportunity to just be together and to appreciate each other's presence.
As the seconds ticked by, for the first time Carlisle felt pressured by them. He had never had any need for time, it never affected him and he didn't bother with it. Why should he if he could live forever? But now though, it felt as if he didn't have long. Like he should do something before the moment passed and the opportunity lost.
He could feel Edward's body relax as he hugged him tighter to himself. He slipped his right arm under Edward's back and tightened it around his waist. He let his other arm drape across Edward's chest as he twisted further to bring them closer together. Despite the coldness of their bodies, the room felt uncomfortably hot and constricting.
Years of being together had brought them to an understanding. Edward rarely ever read his mind, had purposefully stepped away from it and pushed the thoughts away. Before when his thoughts had been unholy, Carlisle had appreciated it and the privacy it brought. But now though, he wished Edward would just read his mind and understand what he was thinking. Because it was an awful lot harder to say it out loud.
He could see though that Edward understood. The way he held himself, the way he looked. He too understood that things had changed between them.
It could have easily ended badly. There was no way for Carlisle to surely know that Edward felt the same way, apart from years of companionship and friendship. If it had turned out the other way, it could have destroyed the family. Or at least create some serious damage. But for once Carlisle didn't care. He'd spent his whole life being careful and cautious. For once he wanted to spontaneous and reckless. To throw caution to the wind and just take a chance. To live life on the edge. Because he didn't want to refuse it anymore, he didn't want to ignore it and deny it over and over again until it chipped away at him, wearing him down. He was tired and deep down, he was needy.
Edward tilted his face upwards as Carlisle looked down. Their eyes met in the darkness and the connection made undeniable. Love burned brightly in both of their eyes as they stared desperately at each other. They leaned even closer together until their chests pressed against each other, Carlisle's arms circling Edward protectively. Slowly, they moved to meet each other, their mouths parting slightly. They never lost eye contact as their lips met and they kissed tenderly. They were pressed so tightly together they were almost one person, their hands roaming as they continued to kiss.
They were gentle and tender at first. Sparks flew between them and they knew without a doubt that it was the right thing to do. It became more passionate though as Carlisle deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping into Edward's mouth. Carlisle hand gripped Edward's hair tightly, entangling his fingers in the strands, pulling his head further into him. His other hand drifted under Edward's shirt, and slipped up his back, the skin-on-skin contact causing them both to shiver. Edward's hand slid up Carlisle's chest, running over the muscles and smooth skin, his other gripped tightly onto the waistband of Carlisle's trousers.
It wasn't long until they were kissing furiously and passionately, their lips clashing together leaving imaginary bruises. Their hips grinded together as their bodies reacted to the feelings and emotions generated by their activities. Long years of denying what they wanted only heightened the sensation. Edward moaned as Carlisle bit his lip and licked at the wound. Carlisle pushed forwards, laying Edward on his back and pinned him down with his body as he lay directly on top of him. This position gave Carlisle a lot more power and he pressed into Edward eliciting more moans from him.
Pulling his hands out from under him, he pushed himself slightly upwards onto his knees so that he straddled Edward across his groin. Smirking lightly as he felt Edward's erection through his slacks, he swiftly pulled Edward's shirt upwards and off him, throwing it away haphazardly. He took a moment to appreciate Edward's toned muscled and pale, defined chest before Edward pulled him down again with his tie.
Their lips crashed into each other again, more determined and desperate than before, now that they had accepted what they wanted. Carlisle allowed his hands to roam Edward's chest, occasionally tweaking at his nipples which never failed to draw a hiss of delight from the body beneath him. Edward pulled at Carlisle tie and quickly loosened it, throwing it over his shoulder once he had pulled it off. Pressing against his chest, Edward pushed him up again and Carlisle lifted his arms to allow Edward to pull his shirt off which soon joined his tie over in the corner.
Their bare chest rubbed against each other and Carlisle pulled away from Edward's mouth to place a string of gentle nips down his neck and collarbone. Without warning, he bit down on Edward's shoulder causing him to jerk with surprise. He sucked on the wound but pulled away quickly so that he could continue exploring Edward's chest with his mouth. Edward arched into him and curled a leg around his body to pull him closer. One of his hands gripped Carlisle's hair, going against the natural direction of his blonde locks. His other hand slipped down between them and he quickly eased it under Carlisle's belt and into his trousers. Carlisle groaned loudly as he felt Edward grip him tightly under his underwear.
Carlisle gripped Edward's hair at the top of his head, just above his forehead and pushed his head backwards, baring Edward's neck to him. He bent down and alternatively sucked and bit at it while at the same time his other hand reached down and unbuckled Edward's belt, pulling it off and unzipping his jeans. He reciprocating Edward's motions and embraced the growing smugness within him as Edward writhed under him.
Sliding down Edward's body, Carlisle sucked Edward's nipple making Edward hiss in delight and grip his blonde hair tightly. Running his hands along the length of Edward's chest, Carlisle pushed his jeans and boxers down in a quick swift motion. Edward groaned as his straining erection was freed, hitting the cold air. Kicking his feet out, Edward threw his remaining clothes across the room where they hit the wall and slid down to rest at the bottom.
Edward cried out into the night as Carlisle grinded the material of his trousers into his crotch whilst biting down hard on his left nipple and twisting and jerking at his other. With an animalistic growl, Edward flipped Carlisle onto his back and attacked his mouth. As they continued to devour each other, Edward reached down and ripped Carlisle's belt off him, not even attempting to just take it off. Carlisle arched off the couch to allow Edward to remove his trousers and underwear and the wood creaked as they slammed into each other again, fully naked now.
For a moment they wrestled for dominance, biting and nipping at each other as they struggled to get one over each other. Carlisle won eventually; even with Edward's powers he couldn't beat his sire. With a growl, Edward was slammed back into his couch with a crash, and Carlisle pinned his arms down above his head. Leaning back slightly, Carlisle watched as he rubbed his own erection against Edward's. His pained moans were music to his ears.
Lying down again, Carlisle shifted Edward's arms until he was holding them with only one hand. He let the other slide under Edward, and ran it down his spine until it reached his entrance. With a growl he bit into Edward's neck, letting his teeth sink into the flesh. Slowly, agonisingly, he slipped a finger into Edward, pushing in harder when he heard Edward moan loudly, his back arching and twisting. Edward tilted his head back giving Carlisle better access. Sucking lightly on the wound, Carlisle bit down again and Edward writhed against him.
Their minds were hazy and unclear as the biting caused a rush of hormones to flood their system, the only way to cause such a reaction in a vampire. Carlisle's venom burned Edward as it spread through his system like wildfire, blazing a trail that left him hypersensitive and on-edge.
Carlisle took this opportunity to slip another finger in and in quick succession, a third. Edward lifted himself up and then dropped himself back onto Carlisle's fingers with a guttural moan. Carlisle tightened his hold on Edward's struggling arms as he pumped in and out of him. With a growl he pulled himself away and Edward's eyes flew open, groaning at the loss of contact.
Carlisle released his hold on Edward and covered his body with his own as he positioned himself at Edward's entrance. Edward's desperate eyes connected with his and they met in a frantic kiss as Carlisle thrust deeply into him. Edward arched right off the bed and screamed in pleasure as Carlisle buried himself in him. The feeling of being filled overcame him and he gasped at both the pain and pleasure that the penetration brought. Carlisle's arm snaked under Edward to grip him tightly by the shoulder and his other arm clutched at Edward's hip. Edward's strong hold around Carlisle's waist kept him in place as he began to thrust in again, pushing in brutally and harshly. Edward yanked Carlisle's head back sharply as he moved and he bit him on the Adam's apple.
Carlisle used his hold on Edward to pull and push himself into him more powerfully as Edward thrashed around under him. The room was filled with the sounds of moans and grunts as they kept up a furious pace, their vampire stamina and strength allowing them to last for longer. Carlisle growled deeply in his throat as he felt his stomach tighten and the burning in it intensify. A similar response in Edward told him that he was enjoying what he was doing to him. As heat rushed through them, Carlisle thrust in harder than ever, both close to their limits.
Carlisle reached down and gripped Edward tightly around the base of his penis. Matching the rhythm of his own thrusts he pumped Edward furiously, eager to bring him to his climax at the same time. With a cry Carlisle came hard and he was soon followed by Edward who cramped around him tightly in his orgasm. He thrust in a few more times before collapsing heavily onto Edward and burying his head into his hair. Exhausted now, they both lay there unmoving, their bodies still wrapped together tightly.
Shifting slightly, Carlisle closed his eyes and leant his forehead against Edward's, still lying on top of the younger vampire. He opened his eyes and they met Edward's, softly their noses rubbed together and their lips rested against each other's. Carlisle smiled and tenderly brushed the hair out of Edward's eyes, cupping his face in his palm. Edward wrapped his arms around him and Carlisle let his other hand rest just above Edward's hip.
"See," he whispered, "you're not a monster."
Edward said nothing, but Carlisle could read his emotions clearly in his eyes as they stared up at him. They waited like that, softly kissing ever so often, as the night drew back and the sun bathed the land in its glow. Looking at each other they could feel the happiness and love that they now swam in. Nothing could ruin this moment for them and Carlisle was eternally grateful that they had the house to themselves.
Alice and Jasper had headed off to Alaska to see the Denali clan again. It had been a spontaneous visit, and Jasper had been thoroughly confused by it. But of course he could never refuse Alice and so he was hauled off in her Porsche to make the trip. On hindsight though, Carlisle presumed that Alice had seen that something like this was going to happen and so had given them their privacy. She was probably also the reason why Rosalie and Emmett had also decided to leave for Europe suddenly, even though they had planned the trip for much later in the year.
And Esme, Alice must have told her as well. That's why she had given him those curious, inquiring looks. But there was also knowing and understanding in her eyes. As if she accepted that there were more than just platonic feelings between him and Edward. It helped eased his mind to know that Esme wouldn't be hurt by this. He couldn't tell where this was going to go, whether it was going anywhere, but he didn't want Esme to suffer either way. She had been good to him and he still loved her regardless.
But he understood it now. It had always been Edward for him, and Esme just didn't make him feel the same way. There was so much more between him and Edward, so much that Esme couldn't hope to replicate. Whatever had happened in the intervening years, he knew that he loved Edward. That he had always loved Edward, perhaps more than he should have. But it was too late now. It couldn't be changed and it was beyond him to resist what he wanted so badly.
Because he knew that he loved Edward with all his being.
That he could never refuse him again.
That they would spend the rest of eternity together, loving each other as they always knew they did.
AN: Yay!!! Finally I wrote it. I thought of this in a fit of inspiration and I kindda got carried away *sheepish look*. But it was a good 'carried away'. So that's okay.
Please, please review and tell me what you thought. I've got the start of another Carlisle/Edward story planned so if there's anything you're looking for tell me!