disclaimer: ha! like i own buffy

a/n: well its been a while since i posted anything but this has been lurking in my mind for a while and i've decided to actually do something with it. depending on the response this gets i might turn it in to a longer story. please enjoy and let me know what you think.

The room around her was black. She couldn't see anything at all; she could hear her heart pounding as she whirled around trying to find some source of light, something to indicate where she was. And then it changed, the room around her was illuminated by a dull light and she wasn't alone anymore. He was there, half dead, chained to a wall, cut bleeding and bruised almost beyond recognition. But she would know that hair and those cheek bones anywhere.

'Spike?' she gasped, moving forward slowly.

He didn't make a sound, not a move to suggest that he had heard her and she couldn't help the horror she felt at seeing him like this. He was her enemy, sure, but they always fought like equals. The Spike she knew would never do this to someone, not even her. He liked the fight, not the torture, that was Angelus' thing. She would never do something like this to him no matter how much he pissed her off and got under her skin. She crouched in front of his broken form and reached out a hand to touch him. His eyes flew open and Buffy screamed.

Buffy shot up in bed, breathing hard and trying not to throw up. The dream was still all to clear in her mind and her heart was hammering in her chest. She felt sick, who would do something like that? His eyes, god his eyes, they were what had her really scared, his normal blue eyes that shone with life and seemingly perpetual amusement and anger when looking at her, had looked so dead and lifeless. She shivered, suddenly unable to get warm even though it was the middle of summer. There was no way she would be getting anymore sleep tonight.


She was back in the darkness again. Once more she struggled to see where she was and then he was there. Chained to the wall and covered in even more bruises than he had been the last time. His eyes were closed but this time she knew he was awake, the unsteady rise and fall of his chest and the hacking sound his breathing made enough to clue her in.

'Spike?' she whispered, moving closer until she was crouching in front of him.

He opened his eyes to look at her and she saw a flicker of life behind his eyes.

'Slayer,' he whimpered. 'Help me.'

'I don't know how,' she whispered, not noticing the tears rolling down her cheeks.

'It hurts,' he choked out and blood started to leak out the corner of his mouth.

'I know,' she cried softly.

Buffy reached out to cup his cheek and he leaned in to her touch. He looked so broken that even the fact that he was her enemy couldn't change how sorry she felt for him, it didn't even factor in. All she saw was his fear and his pain and that pulled at something deep inside of her. She may be the slayer and he might be a vampire, the vampire in fact, famous for killing slayers but right in that moment he was a man. Just a man, who was scared for his life, chained up and being tortured.

Then his eyes went wide with fear and his eyes shone with tears. He tried to reach for her but the chains wouldn't let him.

'Don't leave me, please don't leave me.'

'Spike, what?'

'Buffy!' he cried and then he was gone, ripped from her dream by whomever or whatever had done this to him.


The dreams continued for days and then weeks. They weren't always the same, sometimes they had hours together and she would do her best to help him, to get answers. Sometimes they had just minutes before he was torn from her. When he was more lucid they talked, she told him about her days of boredom and her nights of patrolling and Bronzing with her friends. She told him about her mother and Giles and everything about being the slayer and her life. He told her what he could about his, sometimes she didn't like what she heard, and other times she smiled and begged for more. Each time she asked him more about what happened and he told her what he could.

'It was Dru,' he whispered. 'Said I taste like ashes, kept cheatin' on me, said my head was full of you. She was right o' course,' he laughed bitterly and then choked. 'I was angry with her, got so drunk I couldn't stand and that's when they got me.'

'Who got you? Spike, who did this to you?'

'Was talking about you,' he coughed. 'Saying how you'd ruined me, taken away my dark princess, taken away everything. I was in this pub and one of them wankers overheard me talking about killing you, gloating bout all the things I would do to you. Was so stupid, never could have done it, you know, slayer of slayers had fallen for a slayer.'

Buffy laughed through her tears. 'Who did this Spike? Who overheard you?'

She wasn't even a little angry about his boasts about killing her, how he blamed her for everything; she just snuggled closer into his side and winced when he winced.

'It was-'

And he was gone.


She couldn't remember when she stopped thinking of them as just dreams; they were too real for that. They had the same quality about them as slayer dreams and it didn't help that she had asked Giles about some of the things Spike had told her. No, she knew these weren't ordinary dreams, somehow Spike was reaching out to her in her dreams or someone was making it possible for him to contact her. Either way, it wasn't long before her friends noticed her drawn and tired expression, the worry she couldn't hide. They thought she was missing Angel, that she was just suffering the after affects of losing the love of her life. And she didn't bother to correct them, didn't tell anyone what she was going through every night.

Until one night she found herself truly alone in the darkness. She couldn't keep it to herself anymore, her attempts to find Spike hadn't gotten her anywhere and she knew she had to tell someone. After the third night alone in the darkness she couldn't fight it any more so she told the one person who might actually care that someone had captured and was torturing Spike. She told her mother.

'Mom, I need to talk to you about something.'

Joyce wasn't blind, she could see the changes her daughter was undergoing and was glad she had finally decided to talk about it.

'Why don't we go into the kitchen and I'll make us some cocoa.'

Buffy burst into tears and a surprised Joyce wrapped her in her arms and guided her instead to the couch in the living room.

'What's wrong honey?'

'Its Spike,' Buffy whispered through her tears.

Joyce understood her daughter's reaction at the mention of cocoa. Spike did love her cocoa, especially with those little marshmallows.

'What about Spike?'

'I've been having these dreams…'


She was back in the darkness. And she was alone again. She sank to her knees and cried. She didn't know what to do, she didn't know how to find him, she didn't even know where to look. She knew he was no longer in South America, she had found out that much but even with her mothers help she still couldn't find him.

And then he was there. He was unchained, unconscious, and so near dust she was afraid to touch him. That was when she knew, she wouldn't be speaking to Spike again, not in the dreams, not unless she could find him and save him. She was reaching for him when his body faded away. That wasn't how it normally happened, normally he was there and then he was gone in a blink.

She doubled over, her sobs echoing through the darkness. She had lost her Spike.

'The sunshine cries for our William.'

Buffy's head shot up and she gasped and tumbled backward. She wasn't alone anymore, Drusilla was in her dreams.

'He's covered in you, pretty sunshine, all he thinks,' Dru brought a hand to her head. 'All he feels,' she put that same hand to her chest, right over her dead heart. 'Our William was always meant for more. William the Bloody, the heart of a poet and the mind of a warrior.'

Despite the weirdness of Dru invading her dreams and talking about Spike, Buffy couldn't help marveling at how lucid and sane Drusilla sounded. Drusilla held out a hand and after some hesitation Buffy took it and let Dru pull her to her feet.

'Save our William, slayer. He belongs in the light.'

'I don't know how,' Buffy whispered. 'I don't know where he is.'

'London, sunshine, your Council has him.'

Buffy's heart skipped a beat and she felt the anger rise in her. Dru smiled an eerie smile and leant forward to whisper in Buffy's ear.

'Sunshine needs her darkness, slayer. Go save our Spike.'


She wasn't sure how she managed it, how she did it so quickly. Maybe someone up there really was looking out for Spike. She had a bag packed and was on a plane before her mother woke for work. She left nothing but a note with three simple words.

I found him.


Joyce found the note and sighed in relief, finally her daughter was going to help Spike. She covered for Buffy with her friends, simply telling them Buffy had gone to visit her aunt and would be home in time for the new semester. After a while, after they received nothing from Buffy so much as a phone call or a letter, they started to question her story but they couldn't exactly do anything or say anything. After all she was Buffy's mother, if she said Buffy was visiting an aunt, she was visiting an aunt. And then it was the week before school was due to start and Buffy came home.

Joyce opened the door and found Buffy, rain soaked and sobbing like her world had ended. She collapsed into her mothers arms and sobbed until she had no more tears to cry. One thing was clear to Joyce from her baby's tears, Spike was no more.