A Very Snape Christmas
By Ange de Socrates
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns it all. I'm just borrowing the characters and making absolutely no money off this. Yup, no gain whatsoever except the sick, twisted pleasure that comes from manipulating someone else's creations into the deluded figures of my imagination.
"Pretty pretty pleeeeease with a newt's eye on top?"
"You're being a child."
"You're being a curmudgeon."
Severus glared at Hermione. Hermione glared at Severus.
"The resin that is secreted from pine needles is extremely unstable when mingled with many of the incredibly costly and rare ingredients in my lab that are not worth compromising over a silly Muggle holiday tradition."
Hermione pouted. "It's our first Christmas together and you won't even let me have one little tree. It's just a tree!"
"Precisely." Severus narrowed his eyes. "It's just a tree."
"You're twisting my words."
"You're on my last nerve."
"Ugh!" Hermione threw her hands up, frustrated at her husband's obstinacy. "You are absolutely impossible, did you know that?"
Severus smirked. "I've been told one or two thousand times."
Hermione frowned, deciding on a different strategy. "Fine. We'll just have a plain old house and a plain old Christmas and a plain old marriage."
Severus shrugged. "If you wish."
"I want a fucking tree!"
The wizard was stunned. Good. That was the intended effect.
"I have agreed to everything you want!" Hermione fumed. "I agreed to this enormous house even though it's much more than we need. I agreed to the entire basement, which could have been partly for me for studying, being converted into your lab. I agreed to act out that ridiculous schoolgirl fantasy on our honeymoon!"
Severus gaped at her. "Well, for Merlin's sake, woman, don't hold back. Tell me how you really feel."
Hermione sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. "I want a tree."
Severus echoed her sigh. "Please. Just give me one good reason why I should risk spoiling half of the rarest potions ingredients the wizarding world has to offer for some inane Muggle sentiment."
The witch thought for a moment, and Severus was almost afraid she was going to keep yelling at him or simply walk out. But then she spoke.
"Have you ever fucked under a Christmas tree?"
Two hours later, Hermione had a Christmas tree in her family room and Severus had an obnoxious, satisfied smile on his face.
"So what do Muggles usually get for Easter?" he pondered, stroking Hermione's hair as they lay naked on the velvet skirt of the Christmas tree.
"Baskets of eggs and chocolate bunnies." Hermione giggled. "I suppose if you let me have Easter baskets, I'll let you dress me as a Playboy bunny."
Severus frowned. "A what?"
Hermione rolled over and took her Mac off the hearth. She flipped it open, typed an address, and turned the screen toward Severus. His eyes went wide with anticipation.
"Dammit," he grouched.
Hermione laughed and stowed her laptop away, rolling back on top of Severus. "Well, I wasn't quite finished enjoying Christmas yet…"
Severus licked his lips and caressed Hermione's smooth waist. "I have to say – I have a very profound new appreciation for silly Muggle traditions…"
A/N: Happy ho ho holidays readers! I figured I should write a little something to let you know I'm still... you know, writing.
No worries, I'm still working hard on AYTR whenever I can as well as the little ficlet I've been talking about on my LiveJournal page. But life kind of got in the way of my writing…
Hope you all have a very happy holiday season and the most joyous of new years! A tip for ladies – there's a "silly Muggle tradition" which says that if you wear red underwear on New Year's Eve, you'll find love in the coming year. I'm thinking I'll test out that theory next Wednesday!