Man this stuff is so boring and pointless. Do I really need ta know all this junk? What good is it going ta do me later in life? Sure, the teachers all say we need ta know math and history and all the other mumbo-jumbo, but I've never seen anyone older than me depend on that. Even the most sensible adult I know, Kasumi Tendo, doesn't use this stuff as far as I know. But my tomboy fiancee here is making me work on this stuff and well, she can send me flying if she wanted to. Which she has done before more times than I care ta count.
Ya must know me, everyone does. I'm Ranma Saotome, the Wild Horse, world's greatest martial artist. I've beaten everyone that's dared ta face me in combat. I've endured some of the harshest training imaginable, including learning the horrible, horrible Neko-ken technique. Ya don't know hell until you've been thru that, no matter what Ryoga Hibiki claims. I've faced people that you could only meet in your dreams or the unluckiest day in your life. People like Saffron of the Phoenix, Herb of the Musk, Cologne of the Joketsuzoku, Pantyhose Taro, and possibly the worst one of all, Happosai. The only good thing about all these is that they've made me stronger.
But the chaos of it all is just too much. Seriously, does some kind of kami have a vendetta against me? Who did I piss off in a past life ta deserve all this crap? Don't think this is just a common teenager's cynical attitude. Most people who know me wouldn't describe me as cynical. Perverted, freaky, foul, ta name a few of the many insults, but never cynical. Virtually everyone I know is likely ta insult me. To be honest, the only ones I can think of who don't regularly insult me are Kasumi, Doc Tofu, Mom, Shampoo, Ukyo, and maybe Mr. Tendo. But that last one isn't guaranteed and Shampoo and Ukyo don't because they think they love me.
You're probably wondering just what kinda chaos I'm talking about. I wish it were the type normal for a seventeen year-old. But nothing's that easy for me. First, I have a curse, a real actual curse. I turn into a well-developed redheaded girl whenever I get hit with cold water. Hot water makes me a guy again, but only till the next time cold water finds me. And it finds me a lot. I swear part of the curse is being a magnet for water ya don't wanna attract. Hot water is only drawn ta me those rare times when I don't wanna be a guy.
And that's only the first part of the chaos. My idiot father has gotten me engaged ta three women all ta fill his own stomach. People are out ta kill me or marry me on a regular basis, and the Kuno siblings are out ta do both because they can't see a damn thing about the curse. Nabiki Tendo uses me at every chance ta fill her wallet, and believe me, she's very good at that. For the longest time I had ta hide from my mother because of a seppuku agreement pop and her made when I was a baby. Luckily she's not enforcing it now, but it's still affecting our relationship. If the first impression your mom gave you was "Live as I expect you ta live or you won't live anymore", you'd have a hard time connecting with her too. And ta top it all off, several girls force themselves into my life for whatever they want however they want it whenever they want it and I'm supposed ta accept it all.
Ah yeah, girls and me. That is easily the single biggest part in the chaos of my life. I have three fiancees, none by choice, and none can leave me alone long enough for me ta make up my mind on how to deal with everything. Every time I try ta figure out a solution ta this mess, more is added ta it and I don't know what ta do anymore. It would be easier if one girl didn't try ta control me and another didn't try ta hospitalize me. That doesn't help any of their cases.
Where ta start on that issue? Why not with the first girl on the fiancee list, who just so happens ta be sitting right here next ta me? Akane Tendo, tomboyish, violent, macho, thick-waisted Akane. She's the most aggressive girl I know, and yet she's the one that made the best first impression. She wanted ta be my friend right away, something no one else ever did, not even Ucchan. Then she found out I'm a guy in one of the worst possible ways and things took a very rocky start, to put it mildly. Our parent's are always trying ta push us together right away and that doesn't help. Neither does her horrible, horrible cooking or her jumping ta conclusions or her bashing me for some stupid reason.
Next on the list is Shampoo of the Joketsuzoku. Bimboish, pretty, tough, catty in more than one way, manipulative, that's Shampoo. First she was out ta kill me because she lost a fight ta me back in China, that's why me and pop had to leave instead of going back ta Jusenkyo ta fix our curses, and now she's out ta marry me for the same reason. It's because of some stone age law that applies ta non-amazons who fight amazons. Women who win are killed while men are forced ta be husbands. Because of her curse ta be a c-c-cat and my phobia, she can't make me go back ta China so easily so she's tried several times ta control or trick me. It's a good thing she's not very lucky with that sorta thing.
Finally there's Ukyo Kuonji, a.k.a. Ucchan. She's tomboyish, cute, friendly, creative, talented, and temperamental in her own way. She was my first real friend back when we were six, of course I thought she was a boy back then and for the next decade. Even now part of me still has a hard time thinking of her as a girl. She's more like "one of the guys" as people would say. She sure talks and dresses like one. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware she's a girl, but I can't really connect ta her like one.
People expect me ta marry one of the three and do it soon. I hear Nabiki has a pool running on this with almost all the school in it. I almost did get married not too long ago ta Akane. We just got back from China because of a mess involving the Phoenix and Jusendo, Akane actually died in my arms only ta come back to life, and once we got home our parents tried ta force us into a wedding. It was the closest they'd ever come ta succeeding and we almost went thru with it, until it literally blew up in our faces. I was really pissed at the people involved in ruining the event, and I'm letting them know it lately.
Why was I so angry? It wasn't that I was upset the wedding didn't actually happen. It was because I had finally realized just which of the three girls I cared about. As Akane laid there, dead in my arms at Jusendo, I had never been so sad before. She came all the way ta China ta help me, almost drowned at Jusenkyo, and lost her life because of Saffron, who lost his life ta me for a time. As a phoenix he doesn't stay dead long. But Akane really did die, and then I realized that I loved her. I screamed that in my mind as I clutched her ta me, and she... she actually came back ta life. I don't know how and honestly I don't care. Once I saw her beautiful eyes and smile again, her face so fulla life again, I knew that wasn't a spur-of-the-moment thought. I love Akane Tendo.
Then things had ta go wrong when we showed up back in Nerima. First our parents just had ta have their own way and get us hitched so soon. Just what the hell is their hurry? Why can't it wait till we're at least graduated? Then Akane says she heard me say I love her, even thought I didn't say it out loud, and when I tried ta ask how she heard me she thought I was denying the whole thing. And then everyone who was invited ta the ceremony, thanks ta Nabiki, practically destroyed the place. So the wedding was cancelled and postponed until I can better settle the situation with the others.
That shouldn't be too hard. I've already told the amazons that as long as they drug me like a lab rat regularly I want nothing ta do with them. It doesn't matter if Shampoo is pretty and flirtatious, and willing ta let me know she's a natural purple if ya know what I mean. And I told Ukyo, much more gently, that I saw her as a friend and maybe like a sister, but not really someone I could see myself marrying now. She didn't take that too well. I'm just glad I heal well. I didn't bother saying a word ta the Kuno's since they're insane and no matter what Kodachi believes, she's not even an option as far as I'm concerned.
I haven't really been able ta say much ta Akane on the subject of our relationship. History shows that's not a subject I can safely bring up. But I have been nicer ta her and more mindful of what I say, and I'm relieved she hasn't been so punch-happy or mallet-happy either. I wanna know about her hearing me saying I love her, but I can't think of the best way ta approach that without triggering her habit ta misjudge me at bad times. Sure, she can be a real pain, literally and figuratively, but she's nice when she wants ta be and cute when she smiles. She's also made a bigger impression on my life than anyone else. Even I'm not entirely sure exactly how, when, or why I fell for her, but I did and I admit I want things ta work between us. Maybe even... marry her someday. Not now, someday.
I glance ta the side for a bit ta notice Akane. She seems ta be taking a moment ta think something over. Her birthday is coming up soon; she'll be turning 18. I plan ta get her alone for a moment and carefully bring up the subject we've carefully avoided and explain ta her just what I couldn't at the failed wedding. What comes next depends on her. If she doesn't love me back, then I'll cancel the engagement and maybe move outta the Tendo house. I don't think I could keep living here if that happened. But if she does love me back, then I think we can actually start ta date and stuff like that. Maybe work our way ta strengthening the engagement. I'm not getting hopeful since I'm not the luckiest guy in Nerima. But a guy can dream.
I guess all I can really do is wait and hope my life doesn't get any more wild. I deserve a break.
AN: Here it is. The last monologue in my little series and the longest of them all. Ranma required a lot of time and thought to get inside his head since he's the main character and so many people have their own interpretation of him and how he sees things. And apparently readers are especially particular over his speech patterns. It was very tough to write how he might see the fiancees while ignoring my own POVs on them. I like Akane, then Ukyo, then Shampoo and don't care for Kodachi at all. To quote MZephyr, Akane is the one true fiancee, and at the end of the series I feel Ranma believes that too.
Now that I've finished this little series of monologues, I'm thinking of creating a fic with all of them together, with a new chapter thrown in. This way it would be easier for me to do a sequel and easier for people to read them all at once. I won't delete these one-shots if I do, and the collected set will have some small changes in them. Let me know if this is a good idea or if I should leave things as they are now.